As we step out of the Christmas season, we are reflecting on all that has happened in our lives this past year, then looking forward into this New Year. We want to reach forward—to “press forward” (see: Philippians 3:13-14) to all that God has for us. It’s a great goal! We hope you will do this too. God is always pressing us forward. He never seems to be content in leaving us just as we are!
And we shouldn’t be either. We should be continually “straining forward to what lies ahead” —making the necessary changes, along the way. It’s an extremely important task—especially as this year comes to a close. As Drs Les and Leslie Parrott say:
“Knowing what you want out of the new year becomes clearer when you recap the year that has passed. Talk about this past year together, focusing on all notable elements of the year. What amazing things would you like to remember—and repeat, if possible? What didn’t work out? Also, what do you want to leave behind, and what do you want to bring with you into the new year? We can learn many lessons from previous years as we move forward. Discuss these details with your spouse; then share what you’ve learned.”
Reflecting, Then Looking Forward
It’s important as marriage partners to get onto the “same page” so to speak. So, to help us in this task (we’re participating in this too) we gathered some questions from several marriage experts that you can ask each other. We hope you will use them. However, when you (we) do this, make sure to:
“Plan some undistracted time—no screens, no kids, no chores, no TV—and answer these all-important questions. We pray it encourages you.” (Debi Walter)
You can do this in one “couple time” sitting, or you can talk these questions through to completion at several different times. (We’re dividing the list in half to work on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.) Do whatever works for you; just make sure you’re connecting, reflecting, and then looking forward into this next year together.
First, you’ll find questions posted below (written by Debi Walter of The Romantic Vineyard) to help you reflect over this past year. Decide who goes first; then take turns answering each question. You can even change up the questions a bit and add a few more. It’s perfectly fine to personalize these questions to meet your marital needs. Just make sure you give each other grace in this project (NO arguing). Be kind and enjoy the time!
Keep in mind that you’re both entitled to voicing your own opinion and telling each other of your own vantage point. Talk, listen, and work to try to understand each other as best you can.
Here goes:
“As you look back on this past year, ask yourself and your spouse the following:
• What are the major highlights of the year?
• What are your biggest victories? How about your biggest disappointments?
• What would you do differently if you had the chance?
• How has your marriage grown?
Also:
• What was your favorite date? Favorite dining experience? Favorite movie?
• What do you wish you could have done, but didn’t?
• What did I do this year that makes you smile every time you think of it?
And here’s a bonus question:
• What are you most grateful for this year?
After Reflecting, Looking Forward to this New Year
And now, looking forward to this New Year, ask yourself and your spouse the following:
Here’s a New Year Question from Nathan Johnson:
• What is the biggest thing you have seen Jesus do in your personal life this year?
These are questions posed by Dr. Ray Pritchard:
• What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?
• What habit would you most like to establish this year?
Also:
• Who do you most want to encourage this year?
• What is your most important financial goal this year; and what is the most important step you can take toward achieving it? (From the article, “31 Questions for the New Year”)
And then, here are some questions from: Don Whitney:
• In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?
• What is the single biggest time-waster in your life; and what will you do about it this year?
• In what area of your life do you most need growth, and what will you do about it this year? (From the article, “Ten Questions to Ask at the Start of a New Year”)
On a more personal level, here are some questions posed by relationship expert, Dennis Vetrano Jr:
• “Is there something I can do to give you some ‘me’ time?”
• “Do you feel appreciated?” (From the article, “5 questions to ask your spouse in the new year and why they will help”)
Here’s a question from: Rebecca Radicchi:
• How could we spend more time together? How could we be more present while together?
And here’s one that we often use with each other:
– How can I pray for you as your marriage partner?
And then lastly, as you’re reflecting and looking forward
Here’s something humorous and thought provoking to discuss. See if you agree:
“The degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan.” (Claire Cloninger)
“The challenge after the wedding ceremony is to help couples turn ‘I Do’ into ‘We Can.'” (Scott Stanley)
We hope you have enjoyed this time together. We are sure we will!
With the “old” year ending (with all its challenges) we pray that the upcoming year will be brighter for all of us in our marriages. May we lean toward “forgetting what lies behind” (except to learn from it) and turn our focus on “straining forward to what lies ahead.” May we never cease to “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” in every aspect of our lives—in the good times and in the more difficult ones. And may we continually work toward revealing the love of God within our marriages and everyday lives!
As you see in the New Year:
“May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you even further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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