Christian psychiatrist Paul D. Meier says there are “only three choices for a person who is involved in an unhappy marriage. (1) get a divorce —the greatest cop-out and by far the most immature choice; (2) tough out the marriage without working to improve it —another immature decision but not quite as irresponsible as divorce; and (3) maturely face up to personal hang-ups and choose to build an intimate marriage out of the existing one —the only really mature choice to make.” But if your spouse isn’t helping in your marriage, how is it possible to save your marriage alone?
In your case, the moment of truth has come. Your partner probably has already ruled out the second option and chosen the first without even considering the third. The question is, “What will you do?” Surrender to the pressures of the world’s way of thinking and the emotions of the moment? Or will you make a choice based on confidence in the eternal truths of Scripture?
Choices
The stakes are higher than one may realize at the time. One choice clearly leads to the bitterness and defeat of divorce as well as lost opportunities for blessing. “Divorce is more painful than death,” a woman told me. “The reason is because it’s never really over.”
Dr Meier says that when couples run away from their problems by divorcing and remarrying, “then there are four miserable people instead of just two…. Why spread misery?” he asks. “Bad marriages are contagious! Numerous psychiatric marriage partners get divorced. No matter how good their intentions may be they nearly always remarry into the very same type of neurotic relationship they had before.”
When you choose the pathway of irrevocable commitment to your mate and your marriage —regardless of how troubled your relationship may seem —you will find that choice leading you into a place of agape love and peace and personal growth. These are just some of the rewards, for the chances are very good that you will also be able to enjoy the blessings that God has wanted to bestow on your marriage from the beginning.
Meeting marriage problems in a biblical manner
I am not suggesting that the healing of a marriage is an easy process when one partner resists it. But are any easy choices open to you, after all? Torn relationships involve pain, whatever you do about them. As Peter points out in his first letter, it is far better to suffer (if suffer you must) for doing right, than for doing wrong. He makes it clear that God’s favor and blessing shine on the one who patiently suffers, if necessary, in order to do His will. Meeting your marriage problems in a biblical manner is productive rather than pointless, and whatever hurts your encounter will be less damaging than the long-term effects of divorce would be.
“The very word divorce should be cut out of the vocabulary of a couple when they marry,” said a woman with a restored marriage. “God’s way is so much better for anyone who is willing to give it a try.”
Another woman, considering the turbulent events of the past year that had driven her to grow emotionally and spiritually while she “loved her husband back” to their marriage, said, “It’s been all gain for me. I’m a different person now. The process was humbling, but it was worth it!”
A man said, “During the time when I was trying to win my wife’s love and hold our family together, sometimes I got so tired of rejection that I didn’t feel anything except a determination to do what the Bible said and leave the results with God. The only thing I was sure of was that somehow God would work it out for my good because He promised that in His Word. I never imagined the love affair He has actually given us. He really does do more than we can ask or think!”
Clarify your thoughts, stabilize your emotions, and learn
While these comments from the far side of the problem are encouraging, I understand that the feelings you may be experiencing right now are less than pleasant. Many others have been where you are now. They can empathize with what you are going through: shock, hurt, rejection, emotional confusion, temptation to bitterness. And of course, there are pressures from all sides that sometimes make you want to give up.
My heartfelt goal is to help you clarify your thoughts, and stabilize your emotions. Plus, it is to help you learn to behave in a consistent, purposeful way that will save your marriage and bring a new dimension of love into your relationship.
So, if you are willing to make a commitment to your marriage based on the eternal principles and promises of the Word of God, you can take heart and let hope grow in promises of the Word of God, you can take heart and let hope grow in proportion to your commitment. Contrary to what the world believes, one person can save a marriage. In fact, most of the people I counsel belong in this category. Even when both come to see me, one is usually dragging the other along, in a manner of speaking, and only one really cares about the outcome in most cases.
Are you feeling all is without hope?
Marriage counselor Anne Kristin Carroll says, “If you think there’s no hope because you are the only one in your relationship who cares enough to try to save your marriage, you are wrong!” She adds, “In my experience most torn marriages are brought to new life by the efforts of only one party.” This has also been my experience. I have seen numerous marriages saved when only one partner applied biblical principles in a whole hearted commitment to the mate and the marriage.
Some marriages have not been saved. Usually this is because the individual is convinced that nothing will change the partner, and he or she simply gives up.
Occasionally, the partner desiring a divorce has developed a strong emotional attachment to another person. This infatuation often ends while the divorce is being delayed. Eventually the unfaithful partner thanks the committed mate for standing fast and preserving the marriage.
In a relatively few cases, one partner develops bitterness toward the other. He or she is actually encouraged to feel this hostility by parents and sometimes, church members. That causes the efforts at reconciliation to be unavailing.
But in the majority of cases, the outcome depends upon the committed partner’s ability to behave consistently in accord with biblical principles. So, in a very literal sense, it is all up to you. You need not expect your partner to do anything constructive about the marriage if he or she wants out.
Clarifying Your Thoughts
When the Bible says, “Gird up the loins of your mind“ (1 Peter 1:13), it means to get your mental powers in a state of alertness for proper action. You must do this without delay. Often the Lord will provide the opportunity for some uninterrupted Bible study and prayerful consideration of God’s plan for your situation. You may also learn some important things about yourself during this time.
When one husband moved out, his parents lovingly helped the wife by keeping the children several weeks. This gave her the opportunity to be better prepared mentally and spiritually for the challenges ahead.
Scriptures Needed
One young wife was ready to dissolve her marriage until a friend in her garden club led her to the Lord. “I only knew two Scriptures at the beginning,” the wife said. “But they were exactly what I needed. ‘God is not a man, that he should lie‘ (Numbers 23:19) and ‘With God nothing shall be impossible‘ (Luke 1:37).
“With those truths as a foundation I began to study the Bible, desperately trying to dig out God’s purpose for marriage and all that He had to say about it. I saw that if I were to obey Him, then I would have to become committed to my marriage and my husband. That’s true even though he was involved with another woman and we were on the verge of divorce.
“Coming to this decision didn’t make things any easier emotionally at first. But what it did was show me a clear path of action. The situation actually became less complicated because there was no more confusion about what to do! I refused to sign the divorce papers. I had gathered evidence identifying the other woman and proving my husband’s unfaithfulness. Destroying it all was important because I didn’t need it anymore.”
Teaching right and wrong
A University of Chicago professor described this generation’s dilemma with the now familiar quotation. “We lack the language to teach what is right and wrong.” But Bible-believing Christian caught in an emotionally fraught situation do not have that problem. The language of God concerning divorce is plain enough for any reader. For example:
For the Lord, the God of Israel says: I hate divorce and marital separation, and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate] (Malachi 2:16 AMP).
He replied, ‘Have you never read that He Who made them from the beginning made them male and female’. And said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united firmly (joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder’ (separate) (Matthew 19:4-6 AMP).
Clarity
As you try to gain clarity of thought concerning your marital situation viewed in light of the teaching of Scripture, I suggest that you read the first five chapters of the book, Love Life for Every Married Couple. Search the Scriptures that have to do with marriage. The following is the eternal principle that undergirds the biblical counsel we offer. It is God’s will for every married couple to love each other with an absorbing spiritual, emotional, and physical attraction. It is one that should grow throughout their lifetime together.
The picture of Christ and His church
It should be crystal clear that God intends for you and your mate to picture the love-bond of Christ and His church. You must beware of substitutes who sometimes find their way into the vacuum of a troubled relationship. Obviously, infidelity and divorce are paths that move away from God’s plan and blessing. But when you pour yourself into restoring love to your marriage, the force of His will is at work with you.
It is important to fill your mind with positive biblical input. I’m talking of biblical counseling, preaching, and teaching. You also need good books, Bible-study resources; and friends who will affirm you in your commitment to your marriage. You need to take in truth from those who are as committed to the permanence of marriage as the Bible is. And don’t listen to anyone else! Develop tunnel vision in this area as Proverbs 4:25-27 commands:
Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil (NASB).
You need to maintain this total mental commitment to the truth. If you aren’t committed to honoring God’s truth you will be swamped by waves of human opinion and bad advice. Sometimes they come from seemingly religious people.
Bad advice
One young man came to me confused. He had been told to do nothing to win back his wife. He had been told to instead concentrate on his vertical relationship with God. I said to him, “This is true, but you can please God only when you are doing what the Bible says you are to do. You must be right in line with God’s Word. We have no other direction for this life. When we are in total accord with the Word, then we can relax and God has the freedom to work with us. He always works with us on the basis of the information that we have from His Word. So the more you know of the Word of God concerning marriage and His abhorrence of divorce, the more equipped you will be to let God do His full work in your life.”
“I had to take a stand on this matter of outside influence,” a wife told me. “Everyone has been anxious to give me advice about my marriage. I refuse to discuss it with people who hold an unbiblical viewpoint, or people who try to turn me against my husband. Also, I won’t discuss it with people who make me feel sorry for myself and encourage weakness in me. I can’t afford to be around worldly friends anymore. They tear me down, and tear my husband down. They are so misguided, even if they mean well. I want to be with people who will stand with me and support me when I might falter.”
A settled mind brings clarification
Your thoughts are clarified when your mind is settled. When your commitment made, you will find that you no longer lie at the mercy of outside events. You also no longer react to every new circumstance with fresh pain and bewilderment. Instead, your viewpoint becomes, “This is what I am going to do, no matter what, because it is God’s way to do it. I can count on His wisdom, and I can trust Him with the results of actions based on His Word.”
One woman told me, “I’m not standing by my marriage anymore on the basis of what the outcome will be.” “People urge me to dump my husband, and to give up on him because he’s made my life miserable. They tell me I deserve someone better, that I wouldn’t have any trouble finding someone else to love me.
Work to Save Your Marriage Alone
My answer is that marriage is sacred; marriage is permanent; I am committed by my marriage vows; I am one flesh with my husband; and then I really shock them! I tell them that even if there is no happy ending for our marriage, I will not regret the stand I have taken. This is the right decision and I followed the only course possible for me. I will have done all that I could.
“But my trust is not in what I am doing,” she added. “It is in God and His Word. He has a perfect, loving plan for my life, and He’s wise enough and powerful enough to carry it out, if I cooperate by following His counsel. So I’m going to keep on obeying Him in my marriage and I’ll leave the results with Him. I am at peace with that.”
[Marriage Missions editors’ note:
The authors, Dr Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins go on from this point to include a lot more advice. For many different reasons, including honoring their copyright privileges, we need to shorten this article. Plus we think you need to obtain the book yourself because of the additional advice you’ll benefit from reading. But we do want to end this article with some practical advice.]
Counsel that gave courage
A happy wife wrote me a note of thanks for my counsel. She said it gave her the courage to stick with her marriage. She said, “One little thing you said to me meant so much. You said, ‘So what if your husband doesn’t tell you he loves you right now!” I knew you were right. I really wasn’t that important.“ She found that putting up with rejection was worth it in the long run in order to have a revitalized marriage.
I have talked with many women who tell me that when they do not feel their husband’s love, the Lord has a way of loving them that is almost tangible. “Like being in the sunshine, just feeling the warmth of His love,” several wives agreed.
A young wife carried that a step further in her own trying situation. She said that it was often difficult to go out with her husband. She knew that he would not treat her the way she longed to be treated. So she developed the habit of thinking of the Lord Jesus as her friend and escort of the evening. “It helped me tremendously,“ she said. “I behaved my best for Him, and was constantly aware of His steadying presence with me!”
In summary:
You need to give love to your mate biblically, emotionally, and physically whether you receive a response or not. This is altogether possible through agape love. One wife, whose husband was involved with another woman, said, “I tried to show him that my love for him did not depend on how he treated me. I still showed him physical affection. I sent him cards with appropriate messages that expressed my caring while we were apart. And, do you know, when we reconciled, I found that he had saved every one of them!”
I talked to some wives who had experienced saving their marriages. I asked them to give their list of do’s and don’ts for a wife trying to save her marriage.
Here are their suggestions:
• There can be no growth in your relationship if there is doubt as to your commitment to your marriage. Make your commitment!
– Trust the Lord to meet your emotional needs. He won’t let you down!
• Live one day at a time.
– Don’t try to do it on your own. The Lord is with you!
• Never turn your children against their father. Forgive!
– Don’t ask family or friends to take sides against your spouse.
• Don’t discuss your intimate marriage problems. Don’t give fuel to gossip. Confide in the Lord, your counselor, and perhaps a close Christian friend whom you can trust.
– Choose your biblical counselor wisely. Never discuss your problems with a friend of the opposite sex.
• Spend as much time in the Word of God as possible.
– Also –
– Concentrate on redeeming the mistakes you made. Ask God to show you how to change, rather than concentrating on your partner’s failures.
• Do all in your power to delay or prevent divorce. If you consult a lawyer, make it clear to the lawyer that it’s only for your financial protection and for your children. Find a Christian lawyer who will help you preserve your marriage.
– Spend your time with people who will encourage you in spiritual growth.
• Do not overcompensate with your children. They need your love and stability; but they still need discipline. It will be hard to build a new love relationship with your husband if the children are out of control.
– Don’t expect your spouse to change overnight.
• Hope all things, believe all things, and endure all things.
This article comes from the book Love Life for Every Married Couple
Filed under: Save My Marriage
I am in need of prayers and guidance. My high school sweetheart (together 11 years, married 4) is saying he is not happy and doesn’t want to attempt to get us help or work things out. I know we can fix any issues that are going on. I want to be with him as much as I did the day I said I would date him. He is the love of my life and the father to our three beautiful kids. I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do. I cannot imagine going through life without my best friend by my side.
I’m so very sorry Samantha, that you find yourself, and your 3 children find themselves in this place in your marriage. It’s truly heartbreaking. How I wish I had advice, that once you follow it, you are 100 per cent guaranteed that your husband would open his eyes and realize that he can be “happy” once again in your marriage if he and you work on it together. I pray that God opens his eyes and hope that he responds to the ways that the Lord will whisper in his spirit to reconsider the hurtful path he is taking.
All I can advise you to do is to go into the “Save My Marriage” topic and read what you feel impressed to read, applying and learning what you can. You may also want to reread this article again, because it has good advice too. I hope at least some of this will help. I pray for you and for your precious children… and I pray for your husband. He truly needs to come back to his senses and stop chasing dreams when he has the potential for making this marriage the “dream” relationship again –much to the happiness and security of your children. They will miss out on so much when his attention is less and less directed towards them, in pursuit of happiness outside of your home and your love together.
Thank you! I am trying with all I have to help me see I’m still that same girl he fell for 11 years ago! Looking to God to guide me and my family. I’m praying hard for things to change.
Hi Samantha, I would love to hear if there has been any progress with saving your marriage. I’m looking for any hope in mine.
Hi, My husband is bent on divorcing me. He is a Christian but cannot see how the Lord can do all things and he can certainly save our marriage and make it what we have always desired. Can we pray for a change of heart for a transformation to take place -let the holy spirit have a way in him today? He wants to meet and talk and I know it will be to say it’s over -again. But the Lord has given me the hope and burden to save our marriage. Please pray that my husband will see the Lord and he will see the right way. That marriage is forever, and that it is worth it.
The advice given in this article is very informative. But I would like to know if the authors have been in these situations themselves. Has either of them ever unfaithful to each other? Have they experience verbal, emotional, financial or even physical abuse?
My husband used to be verbally abusive to me and to a lesser extent my children. Every time I forgive him, things would be ok for a while then the cycle started again.
Things are much improved now. It’s not that bad again. But something inside of me seems to have died towards him. I go through the motions hoping that I would feel some sort of love for him. But then he says or does something and the pain comes rushing back. I have never been unfaithful to my husband and don’t plan to be. I’m just tired. I feel as if I’m doing all the work to save this marriage and I feel like I can’t do it anymore.
MY husband verbally abuses me and financial controls me also. It is a cycle. We are apart now. I will let God fix this one. I can’t go through this like this for the next 30 years. Abuse is disgusting.
I am at my wits end. This is my second marriage and am trying to save it. My husband was the model man when we first got together; affection, floors and such. We have now been together for 4 years and married three. Everything began falling apart not long after we were married. He was raised the old way: woman are to cook and clean and men are to work outside, yet he just started acting this way a couple years ago. We live on the family farm and he has a day job also. He works day job then on the farm. He also pulls tractors and when not doing all this is usually watching tv or sleeping.
I know he isn’t unfaithful, nor do I plan to be but I’m just not real sure where I fit in anymore besides to sleep with, cook and clean. When I try talking about our problems he states nothing is wrong and we’re fine…although he sleeps on the couch by my choice nor do we have sex, also my idea. I feel he doesn’t want me as whole and he doesn’t need that either. He does occassionally want to take me out to eat but it’s a buffet and then straight home. I still am in love with my husband and don’t know what to do. Please help.
2016, This year has been off to an uneasy start. Just this week, my husband tells me he wants a divorce because “we’re just not working” & that he loves me, but is not “in love” with me. We’ve been together for 14 years this year and have been married for 9 years this past December. We have 3 amazing children (6, 9 & 13) & they have no clue that their father left our home a couple days ago. The only time they really see there father is during dinner and on weekends when nobody has work and school. This is heartbreaking for me to see them thinking their home is still stable when we’re actually falling apart.
There’s no other person in the picture, I pray, but he and I have been battling this hurt & unhappiness between one another for years now. He said, he finally got the courage to tell me how he really feels and wants a divorce because we keep trying and then end up feeling unhappy again. We weren’t always unhappy, and I guess we really tried to work it out, for the sake of our kids. I love him so much, but he’s not on the same page as I am and claims he can’t be that man for me because he just doesnt feel that way. He’s tired of seeing me hurt and long for some emotional connection with him, but he said he just doesn’t love me anymore.
We bearly ever fight, almost not at all, so you can see there’s no passion in the relationship. I was more of a responsibility because we have children together and he tried so hard to stay for our family, because it’s the right thing to do by God, but his heart is just not with me and can’t keep lying to himself. Our anniversary wasn’t on the top of his list and we didn’t celebrate it at all. I know we had our problems and disagreements, but I didn’t expect this so suddenly and with ease for him to just leave me.
Of course, he loves his children with all that he is, but is it right for us to stay together unhappy just for them? I have mixed emotions of hurt, shock, feeling lost and a bit relieved. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense, but I do know that I don’t want this marriage to end. I honestly do not want my life that I dedicated to the man I love for 14 years to end. I tried to encourage & remind him with the word that God doesn’t approve of divorce, but he takes it as a way to force him to stay by using scripture against him. I asked about counseling, but he won’t agree to it because the love for me is non existing.
I know, it sounds cold and harsh, so how am I supposed to react when the man you love says he never really loved you to begin with, that you were just a responsibility? How do you save a marriage when the other clearly doesn’t love you? I know it’s a lie, because I’ve seen and felt his love. When I wanted to leave years ago, he held on to me and begged me to stay and work it out and we did, but later fell back to those feelings again. Now that I ask him to try, he still leaves me with no hope of recovery. He says, maybe… whatever God has planned, we just have to wait.
I’m trying my best to hold on to God’s promises & trusting in Him. I’ve been reading a lot lately and feel at peace when I do and I’m ok for most of the day. It’s only been a couple days since he left our home and it breaks my heart that our children have no clue. In fact, no one does. Everyone sees us as the couple who can make it through anything, so I know this will be a shock to all our family and friends, but my main concern is not them, it’s my marriage and my family. I miss him.
Please, what should I do or say? How do I encourage him without further pushing him away? My husband is a very head strong man, but a very good man. Please pray for us. I never comment on sites like this, but I wanted to hear some advice from fellow Christians who might have gone through similar situations as I. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and for your feedback. God bless!
I am praying for you two and that your husband will see what he has in you and believe that God can give him whatever he lacks in emotion.
Hey Grace, your situation sounds so similar to mine. Its scary :( But how are things now? Can you please give me an update? I’m praying for you and your husband.
It has only been a week for me and there is another woman. It’s so hard to stay strong but I know God can bring the dead bones back to life again. Praying for you.
Thank you very much this information. It will help me make my marriage work with God. I believe God is very powerful and can make anything happen. Please pray for my marriage.
I’ve been married for 13 months, but together for almost 4 years. My husband just told me he isn’t happy and is not in love with me. He is saved, knows the Lord but has drifted and joined a biker club (think Harley Davidson, the rough ones). Our marriage has become second to this club. He has been saying he has a place to move to and asking if I do. He has not said divorce. I asked him a week ago if he wanted to be divorced again (I am his 5th) and his reply was ‘I think I do’ after a long silence. We are still in the home. He acts like I don’t exist during the day, but gets in bed with me at night and cuddles. I am confused. I am trying hard to stand on Gods word, his promise.
Hello Beth… 4 yrs ago my husband left church and also joined a motorcycle club. Since I am wheelchair bound I was left home a lot. He met his other woman at an event last Oct and has since then told me he loves her and is in love with her and only loves me as a friend. He wants to live the rest of his life with her. He moved in with her in Dec. and it just kills our 11 yr old daughter and me. But we, my daughter and I, are standing for my marriage and trying to do the best we can in this painful and horrible situation.
I am a 38 year old man with a vision from God to move my family from KS to CA to be the spiritual leader of my home. We’re currently in a volatile situation because there’s a lot of resistance from my wife to follow me. She has many good reasons not to feel at peace with the big move. We have 4 children who are suffering from our present situation. I know my depression and anger are valid concerns for her to not follow me but I know it’s what has to be done to save our marriage and family.
I’m unemployed and have been running from my financial debt for about 8 yrs. God revealed to me the person I once was in CA and how my support system was the key to the healthiest 9 yrs of my life. I’ve never been given the chance to lead my family because I didn’t want to take ownership of my problems. Now I have the strength to stand up and face them. Relocation is a must because that’s when my wife and I will have to rely on God and each other without the influence of in-laws over stepping their boundaries. When negativity and bad influences surround us and we aren’t truly living; instead we’re only existing.
Isn’t it time to make the move and take a step of Faith? I choose to go first to prepare our home and establish a job to make the transition easier for all of us. Some say we will just take our problems with us but my heart tells me it’s what surrounds us that’s making our marriage fall apart. When you have no where else to look but up and your heart is ready to receive God will speak and I believe in his promises. He is paving the way no matter what others choose to say. I will obey.
We have been married for 24 years. We have 2 beautiful, smart, amazing children. My husband lost his job on Dec 15, 2015. He moved out on Jan 6, 2016. I found out he had a child in between our 2 children after he lost his job because he owed child support. He never told me & when I confronted him, he just said, “I ____ up & I’ve been paying for it, taking care of it”. He told me he will file for divorce as soon as he has the money for it. I do not believe in divorce & have been praying to God to help us get through this…whatever His will. My husband also told me he has moved in with another woman & her kids. He keeps his distance from me. We only communicate about our children and the bills. Please pray for our family, that we may have peace & love & live God’s way.
I’m very sorry to hear about your suffering. I will pray for you. I’m going through something similar and I’m confused whether I should stay or get a divorce myself. But I believe God loves us and He always give us clarity and peace if we seek Him amidst the pain. Your situation is very painful. Hugs for and your children from a distance. Please stay faithful to God. I will be praying for you.
I am almost 2 years into my 2nd marriage. My first husband left me and my 2 children 10 years ago. I had felt God sent me my husband; we didn’t do it the right way. He moved in with me and we lived together about a year before we married. I regret that. I think I have so much pain from the first marriage that I haven’t dealt with that I have found myself resenting my husband for something that never involved him. My husband is 7 years younger than me, never been married, never had children. He came into a marriage with an already made family. With children about to hit their teenage years, the past 2 years have been very difficult.
Up until I found this article I didn’t know which way to go. I love my husband, and I am committing myself to my marriage. This will be very hard for me as I am very stubborn, very set in my ways. My heart is in the right place, I have a heart for God. I want to seek His guidance but every time I feel I am doing ok, my husband says things that push my buttons. I feel like I fall right off the wagon. I feel like giving up.
This article came at the right time. I’m not a patient person and this will be hard. The woman you spoke of helped me realize that this is not going to happen in my power but the power of Jesus Christ only. “But my trust is not in what I am doing,” she added. “It is in God and His Word. He has a perfect, loving plan for my life, and He’s wise enough and powerful enough to carry it out, if I cooperate by following His counsel. So I’m going to keep on obeying Him in my marriage and I’ll leave the results with Him. I am at peace with that.” I have to find peace that God has a perfect plan for my life, and I made a vow to my husband and I’m keeping it. I am hurting, I am scared, but God is able.
Oh Tricia, I pray strength for you and tenacity to not give up, even when the enemy of our faith tries to tempt you to do so. I pray wisdom and insight and help for you as you work to build anew, a marriage that is better than ever. May it start with you, as the Holy Spirit leads you, and may your husband be inspired to eventually participate in investing in your marriage relationship too. “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ — to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
Hi, my name is Christine. On the 11th of January I found out my husband was living with another woman. We had separated and all along I assumed that he was living with friends. I am so heartbroken because he has been in and out of these two homes. We have 3 children who dote on their dad. I love him and things had not been well all along but for him to say he can’t make up his mind between a marriage of 13 years and someone he knew for 6 months is really upsetting.
The issues in our marriage boil down to the two major factors of respect and love. We neither had that for each other and all he does is blame me for it. Please keep me in your prayers. I’m so commited to saving this marriage; my only problem is trying to fight this battle in the flesh as to in the Spirit. My emotions just won’t keep still.
Hi Christine… so, so sorry for the painful place you find yourself in with your relationship with your husband. And to have 3 children involved makes it all the more heartbreaking! Please know I am praying for you and I’m sure others that see this posting will be too. Love and respect is SO important. It’s an issue that trips up many, many marriage relationships and can destroy them if somehow they aren’t able to eventually give it and keep giving it. I don’t know if you’ve ever read the book, Love & Respect
written by Emerson Eggerichs. We’ve heard him speak on this a number of times and it is eye opening –very impactful. We’ve attended his seminar many times and have read the book and it’s life-changing. I should say that it can be relationship changing. Please go onto Youtube and put “love and respect emerson eggerichs” and watch some of what is there, and then perhaps get the book to prayerfully read and glean through. I think you will find that God will help you with this as you lean into what He has to teach you so you can get off of this Crazy Cycle of treating each other the way you are.
But please don’t wait. The longer your husband has to be with this woman, the harder it will be for him to back away from her. He needs to see that he has more going for him in your and the children’s love and relationship than what he has with this woman he is cheating with. You and your family needs for both of you to rebuild your relationship in a solid way so love and respect is lived out. I pray you will do what you can on your part, as we trust God to do His part within your husband. Your husband has a free will –that is the variable. But often times when one person gets off the Crazy Cycle (Emerson will explain this) and works on their own issues, the other spouse will come to the place where they start to do theirs… kind of like a domino effect, an inspired force. I hope this happens and pray God will help you with this.
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ –to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11) …”May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
Hi Cindy, Thank you so much for the prayers. I will try to get the book but I will be listening to it on youtube. I am trusting God for a miracle. He will be seeing our pastor tomorrow. I am hoping that God will lead. He keeps saying that he needs to think; he is confused and feels for the other woman. It hurts because he compares me to her and I have told him I am not her. All his clothes are at her house. He has to drive 45 mins to get a change of clothes so are all his particulars. God will see me through!
My husband left again. He has a tendency to leave when we have a heated argument. He goes to our cabin and stays. This time he said he was ‘done’ with our marriage. I have depression problems and unfortunately when the depression hits, I sink into it. I should go to the doctor right away but do not think about it until there is an argument which leads to him leaving. I am so sorry I have disrespected him. I so want to stay married. What do I do now? What are the steps to getting back together? I pray he is not apathetic towards me. He has spoken with me on the phone and is still going to come to our house to do yard work etc. Does he just need time?
Hi, my husband and I have been married for 3 years and have a 2 year old. He went on deployment and comes home this weekend but has been asking for a divorce. I told him I haven’t given up on our marriage but he says he has. I’m going to fight for my marriage, I told him I would.
He seems a little confused and since I’ve never been my Mother-in-Law’s favorite person she is pushing for the divorce. I love my husband. He was unfaithful but I told him we can work through it. Some days he’s on board, other days he’s not. Once he comes back this weekend I still won’t see him for another month and a half but I refuse to give up no matter how hurt I am by his rejection.
I cry constantly and pray all day. I knew there were people out here like me. I take marriage very seriously and I am not going to lose my family.
Praying -and standing for my marriage of 30 years. I lost my way and took a back seat and was not there at times partnering with my wife. I was needy and self-absorbed. God has come into my life and with HIM leading me I have great hope and faith in our restoration.
I’m going through similar circumstance with my wife, as she wants out. She just wants to be single again I guess. A friend of mine suggested watching “War Room”. I found it at Redbox, but check Walmart as well. Be encouraged and remain prayerful.
Yes War Room is a powerful movie as it has a powerful message… Continue to ask God for guidance. Be Blessed!