Christian psychiatrist Paul D. Meier says there are “only three choices for a person who is involved in an unhappy marriage. (1) get a divorce —the greatest cop-out and by far the most immature choice; (2) tough out the marriage without working to improve it —another immature decision but not quite as irresponsible as divorce; and (3) maturely face up to personal hang-ups and choose to build an intimate marriage out of the existing one —the only really mature choice to make.” But if your spouse isn’t helping in your marriage, how is it possible to save your marriage alone?
In your case, the moment of truth has come. Your partner probably has already ruled out the second option and chosen the first without even considering the third. The question is, “What will you do?” Surrender to the pressures of the world’s way of thinking and the emotions of the moment? Or will you make a choice based on confidence in the eternal truths of Scripture?
Choices
The stakes are higher than one may realize at the time. One choice clearly leads to the bitterness and defeat of divorce as well as lost opportunities for blessing. “Divorce is more painful than death,” a woman told me. “The reason is because it’s never really over.”
Dr Meier says that when couples run away from their problems by divorcing and remarrying, “then there are four miserable people instead of just two…. Why spread misery?” he asks. “Bad marriages are contagious! Numerous psychiatric marriage partners get divorced. No matter how good their intentions may be they nearly always remarry into the very same type of neurotic relationship they had before.”
When you choose the pathway of irrevocable commitment to your mate and your marriage —regardless of how troubled your relationship may seem —you will find that choice leading you into a place of agape love and peace and personal growth. These are just some of the rewards, for the chances are very good that you will also be able to enjoy the blessings that God has wanted to bestow on your marriage from the beginning.
Meeting marriage problems in a biblical manner
I am not suggesting that the healing of a marriage is an easy process when one partner resists it. But are any easy choices open to you, after all? Torn relationships involve pain, whatever you do about them. As Peter points out in his first letter, it is far better to suffer (if suffer you must) for doing right, than for doing wrong. He makes it clear that God’s favor and blessing shine on the one who patiently suffers, if necessary, in order to do His will. Meeting your marriage problems in a biblical manner is productive rather than pointless, and whatever hurts your encounter will be less damaging than the long-term effects of divorce would be.
“The very word divorce should be cut out of the vocabulary of a couple when they marry,” said a woman with a restored marriage. “God’s way is so much better for anyone who is willing to give it a try.”
Another woman, considering the turbulent events of the past year that had driven her to grow emotionally and spiritually while she “loved her husband back” to their marriage, said, “It’s been all gain for me. I’m a different person now. The process was humbling, but it was worth it!”
A man said, “During the time when I was trying to win my wife’s love and hold our family together, sometimes I got so tired of rejection that I didn’t feel anything except a determination to do what the Bible said and leave the results with God. The only thing I was sure of was that somehow God would work it out for my good because He promised that in His Word. I never imagined the love affair He has actually given us. He really does do more than we can ask or think!”
Clarify your thoughts, stabilize your emotions, and learn
While these comments from the far side of the problem are encouraging, I understand that the feelings you may be experiencing right now are less than pleasant. Many others have been where you are now. They can empathize with what you are going through: shock, hurt, rejection, emotional confusion, temptation to bitterness. And of course, there are pressures from all sides that sometimes make you want to give up.
My heartfelt goal is to help you clarify your thoughts, and stabilize your emotions. Plus, it is to help you learn to behave in a consistent, purposeful way that will save your marriage and bring a new dimension of love into your relationship.
So, if you are willing to make a commitment to your marriage based on the eternal principles and promises of the Word of God, you can take heart and let hope grow in promises of the Word of God, you can take heart and let hope grow in proportion to your commitment. Contrary to what the world believes, one person can save a marriage. In fact, most of the people I counsel belong in this category. Even when both come to see me, one is usually dragging the other along, in a manner of speaking, and only one really cares about the outcome in most cases.
Are you feeling all is without hope?
Marriage counselor Anne Kristin Carroll says, “If you think there’s no hope because you are the only one in your relationship who cares enough to try to save your marriage, you are wrong!” She adds, “In my experience most torn marriages are brought to new life by the efforts of only one party.” This has also been my experience. I have seen numerous marriages saved when only one partner applied biblical principles in a whole hearted commitment to the mate and the marriage.
Some marriages have not been saved. Usually this is because the individual is convinced that nothing will change the partner, and he or she simply gives up.
Occasionally, the partner desiring a divorce has developed a strong emotional attachment to another person. This infatuation often ends while the divorce is being delayed. Eventually the unfaithful partner thanks the committed mate for standing fast and preserving the marriage.
In a relatively few cases, one partner develops bitterness toward the other. He or she is actually encouraged to feel this hostility by parents and sometimes, church members. That causes the efforts at reconciliation to be unavailing.
But in the majority of cases, the outcome depends upon the committed partner’s ability to behave consistently in accord with biblical principles. So, in a very literal sense, it is all up to you. You need not expect your partner to do anything constructive about the marriage if he or she wants out.
Clarifying Your Thoughts
When the Bible says, “Gird up the loins of your mind“ (1 Peter 1:13), it means to get your mental powers in a state of alertness for proper action. You must do this without delay. Often the Lord will provide the opportunity for some uninterrupted Bible study and prayerful consideration of God’s plan for your situation. You may also learn some important things about yourself during this time.
When one husband moved out, his parents lovingly helped the wife by keeping the children several weeks. This gave her the opportunity to be better prepared mentally and spiritually for the challenges ahead.
Scriptures Needed
One young wife was ready to dissolve her marriage until a friend in her garden club led her to the Lord. “I only knew two Scriptures at the beginning,” the wife said. “But they were exactly what I needed. ‘God is not a man, that he should lie‘ (Numbers 23:19) and ‘With God nothing shall be impossible‘ (Luke 1:37).
“With those truths as a foundation I began to study the Bible, desperately trying to dig out God’s purpose for marriage and all that He had to say about it. I saw that if I were to obey Him, then I would have to become committed to my marriage and my husband. That’s true even though he was involved with another woman and we were on the verge of divorce.
“Coming to this decision didn’t make things any easier emotionally at first. But what it did was show me a clear path of action. The situation actually became less complicated because there was no more confusion about what to do! I refused to sign the divorce papers. I had gathered evidence identifying the other woman and proving my husband’s unfaithfulness. Destroying it all was important because I didn’t need it anymore.”
Teaching right and wrong
A University of Chicago professor described this generation’s dilemma with the now familiar quotation. “We lack the language to teach what is right and wrong.” But Bible-believing Christian caught in an emotionally fraught situation do not have that problem. The language of God concerning divorce is plain enough for any reader. For example:
For the Lord, the God of Israel says: I hate divorce and marital separation, and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate] (Malachi 2:16 AMP).
He replied, ‘Have you never read that He Who made them from the beginning made them male and female’. And said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united firmly (joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder’ (separate) (Matthew 19:4-6 AMP).
Clarity
As you try to gain clarity of thought concerning your marital situation viewed in light of the teaching of Scripture, I suggest that you read the first five chapters of the book, Love Life for Every Married Couple. Search the Scriptures that have to do with marriage. The following is the eternal principle that undergirds the biblical counsel we offer. It is God’s will for every married couple to love each other with an absorbing spiritual, emotional, and physical attraction. It is one that should grow throughout their lifetime together.
The picture of Christ and His church
It should be crystal clear that God intends for you and your mate to picture the love-bond of Christ and His church. You must beware of substitutes who sometimes find their way into the vacuum of a troubled relationship. Obviously, infidelity and divorce are paths that move away from God’s plan and blessing. But when you pour yourself into restoring love to your marriage, the force of His will is at work with you.
It is important to fill your mind with positive biblical input. I’m talking of biblical counseling, preaching, and teaching. You also need good books, Bible-study resources; and friends who will affirm you in your commitment to your marriage. You need to take in truth from those who are as committed to the permanence of marriage as the Bible is. And don’t listen to anyone else! Develop tunnel vision in this area as Proverbs 4:25-27 commands:
Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil (NASB).
You need to maintain this total mental commitment to the truth. If you aren’t committed to honoring God’s truth you will be swamped by waves of human opinion and bad advice. Sometimes they come from seemingly religious people.
Bad advice
One young man came to me confused. He had been told to do nothing to win back his wife. He had been told to instead concentrate on his vertical relationship with God. I said to him, “This is true, but you can please God only when you are doing what the Bible says you are to do. You must be right in line with God’s Word. We have no other direction for this life. When we are in total accord with the Word, then we can relax and God has the freedom to work with us. He always works with us on the basis of the information that we have from His Word. So the more you know of the Word of God concerning marriage and His abhorrence of divorce, the more equipped you will be to let God do His full work in your life.”
“I had to take a stand on this matter of outside influence,” a wife told me. “Everyone has been anxious to give me advice about my marriage. I refuse to discuss it with people who hold an unbiblical viewpoint, or people who try to turn me against my husband. Also, I won’t discuss it with people who make me feel sorry for myself and encourage weakness in me. I can’t afford to be around worldly friends anymore. They tear me down, and tear my husband down. They are so misguided, even if they mean well. I want to be with people who will stand with me and support me when I might falter.”
A settled mind brings clarification
Your thoughts are clarified when your mind is settled. When your commitment made, you will find that you no longer lie at the mercy of outside events. You also no longer react to every new circumstance with fresh pain and bewilderment. Instead, your viewpoint becomes, “This is what I am going to do, no matter what, because it is God’s way to do it. I can count on His wisdom, and I can trust Him with the results of actions based on His Word.”
One woman told me, “I’m not standing by my marriage anymore on the basis of what the outcome will be.” “People urge me to dump my husband, and to give up on him because he’s made my life miserable. They tell me I deserve someone better, that I wouldn’t have any trouble finding someone else to love me.
Work to Save Your Marriage Alone
My answer is that marriage is sacred; marriage is permanent; I am committed by my marriage vows; I am one flesh with my husband; and then I really shock them! I tell them that even if there is no happy ending for our marriage, I will not regret the stand I have taken. This is the right decision and I followed the only course possible for me. I will have done all that I could.
“But my trust is not in what I am doing,” she added. “It is in God and His Word. He has a perfect, loving plan for my life, and He’s wise enough and powerful enough to carry it out, if I cooperate by following His counsel. So I’m going to keep on obeying Him in my marriage and I’ll leave the results with Him. I am at peace with that.”
[Marriage Missions editors’ note:
The authors, Dr Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins go on from this point to include a lot more advice. For many different reasons, including honoring their copyright privileges, we need to shorten this article. Plus we think you need to obtain the book yourself because of the additional advice you’ll benefit from reading. But we do want to end this article with some practical advice.]
Counsel that gave courage
A happy wife wrote me a note of thanks for my counsel. She said it gave her the courage to stick with her marriage. She said, “One little thing you said to me meant so much. You said, ‘So what if your husband doesn’t tell you he loves you right now!” I knew you were right. I really wasn’t that important.“ She found that putting up with rejection was worth it in the long run in order to have a revitalized marriage.
I have talked with many women who tell me that when they do not feel their husband’s love, the Lord has a way of loving them that is almost tangible. “Like being in the sunshine, just feeling the warmth of His love,” several wives agreed.
A young wife carried that a step further in her own trying situation. She said that it was often difficult to go out with her husband. She knew that he would not treat her the way she longed to be treated. So she developed the habit of thinking of the Lord Jesus as her friend and escort of the evening. “It helped me tremendously,“ she said. “I behaved my best for Him, and was constantly aware of His steadying presence with me!”
In summary:
You need to give love to your mate biblically, emotionally, and physically whether you receive a response or not. This is altogether possible through agape love. One wife, whose husband was involved with another woman, said, “I tried to show him that my love for him did not depend on how he treated me. I still showed him physical affection. I sent him cards with appropriate messages that expressed my caring while we were apart. And, do you know, when we reconciled, I found that he had saved every one of them!”
I talked to some wives who had experienced saving their marriages. I asked them to give their list of do’s and don’ts for a wife trying to save her marriage.
Here are their suggestions:
• There can be no growth in your relationship if there is doubt as to your commitment to your marriage. Make your commitment!
– Trust the Lord to meet your emotional needs. He won’t let you down!
• Live one day at a time.
– Don’t try to do it on your own. The Lord is with you!
• Never turn your children against their father. Forgive!
– Don’t ask family or friends to take sides against your spouse.
• Don’t discuss your intimate marriage problems. Don’t give fuel to gossip. Confide in the Lord, your counselor, and perhaps a close Christian friend whom you can trust.
– Choose your biblical counselor wisely. Never discuss your problems with a friend of the opposite sex.
• Spend as much time in the Word of God as possible.
– Also –
– Concentrate on redeeming the mistakes you made. Ask God to show you how to change, rather than concentrating on your partner’s failures.
• Do all in your power to delay or prevent divorce. If you consult a lawyer, make it clear to the lawyer that it’s only for your financial protection and for your children. Find a Christian lawyer who will help you preserve your marriage.
– Spend your time with people who will encourage you in spiritual growth.
• Do not overcompensate with your children. They need your love and stability; but they still need discipline. It will be hard to build a new love relationship with your husband if the children are out of control.
– Don’t expect your spouse to change overnight.
• Hope all things, believe all things, and endure all things.
This article comes from the book Love Life for Every Married Couple
Filed under: Save My Marriage
Thank you … Whoever wrote this.. May God continue to give you wisdom and understanding. I’ve been with my wife ten years and I have suffered. Counseling, spiritual and psychological … I felt like giving up … I love my wife and my kids but it always seemed like we couldn’t get it right.. But to “endure” like the scripture says. It gave me hope. Thanks again.
This is such a wonderful article… Very helpful to me as I go through the journey. I have not been able to find a Godly guidance counselor as everyone I spoke with wanted to give me fleshy talk. They started off as “pray for your husband as he is lost”, then as time went on I received “you need to think about yourself and your son, he isn’t going to change, he doesn’t love you, he is already gone although he is still in the house” the list goes on and on… But the love for my husband pushed me closer to the Lord and He continued to condition my heart and I couldn’t give up on my husband… But, as the days go on, I find myself giving up because the road is getting to hard for me to bare. But I realized God is good and he has a plan; I don’t give up.
My husband up and left one day while I was at work and I haven’t heard from him since. Over the last 6 months we have gone through constant struggle. We both changed jobs and the job he took has taken him away from the home with travel. We are losing our home due to foreclosure from a decrease in income. His mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She passed away in Feb. One week from that day my husband started talking about separating and at the end of the conversation he told me to forget that it ever happened and we would talk about it when he came home.
Well when that occurred I talked apologizing for all of my wrong doings and promising to work on things. Over the next 2 1/2 weeks I truly worked on the things that I said that I would and last Wed came home to him moving out. We have no children together however we have children from our first marriage. I have only talked to him one time since and he has already obtained him a new place to stay.
This is the second time that this happened except the first time I asked him to leave. When that happened I fought through, prayed, and we came together once more. I love my husband and I want my marriage. I went to church yesterday and recommitted myself to the Lord and I have been reading and praying since he left for my marriage and for the Lord to work on us both while he is not in the home or talking to me. I just don’t know what the next step is?
You asked to keep things positive and I couldn’t agree more… So please note although I’m requesting prayer for a very stressful situation, and I have done marriage counseling over many years, and it’s the worse I’ve ever seen. Sadly enough it’s my own marriage. I know that God is capable of doing all things. I’m grateful for your site because it’s important for all of us to be encouraged and not to feel like we’re standing alone. My wife has both a cancerous tumor and demonic influences, neither of which I’m sure was her conscience desire. But the wickedness coming out of it is just as hurtful.
What helps is the perspective and not to blame her but rather to love her anyway and to understand that her actions come form childhood hurts, evil spirits and an organic illness. She still deserves to be loved and prayed for and to be healed. And trust me when I say only God can place that kind of unconditional love into the heart, I know, because He Has done it for me All Glory to God… Here is my letter… Resurrection Sunday, March 27, 2016:
“He is risen. He is risen Indeed! All Glory, honor and praise to Our Lord Jesus Christ!” To Whom It May Concern: I am seeking your help in prayer and in whatever means Almighty God May lead you. I have never done this before – to seek help online or otherwise for my marriage and my walk with God. Perhaps it is about time I do so, for such a time as this. Today is the day I was baptized over 45 years ago. Last year on this date my wife and I met, having no idea we would be married within weeks. And today, although I thank God for all He has faithfully done in my life, my heart is heavy, for my beloved is not with me.
My family has deserted me. My many friends save but a couple, have utterly deserted me. I find myself embroiled in legal actions with the courts and other agencies who do not believe me nor my innocence. I lack the material resources to properly defend myself. The church I have faithfully served these past four years is nowhere to be seen. And the young pastor I have counseled and befriended says he doesn’t know me and is only concerned with his own reputation, not my homeless situation or broken marriage, after serving faithfully every day for the last 3 years.
I’m not complaining. I have chosen to serve God and Him alone, regardless of the cost, often going against the counsel of men, in order to obey the deep truths of God’s Holy Word. I have seen God’s greatness, provision and deliverance under extremely challenging conditions with my own eyes over the years. Yet, today, I doubt. My confidence is weak. Today I struggle. And I admit that only by the grace of God can I continue. Today I find myself merely doing what I know to do in the face of overwhelming adversity but with a thin thread of hope and faith that my marriage and the woman I love can be saved. I KNOW better than to “feel this way” but I confess I am tired and would like a couple of stronger brothers and/or sisters to stands by my side. What I wouldn’t give to see God’s angels standing along with me.
In the past few weeks since my wife has been gone, I’ve seen her online presence on facebook and numerous pinterest accounts, showing a deepening oppression and possession by demonic influence. One that gets worse each and every day. Where she is drawing further and further into perversion and ungodly sites. I’ve seen her at court with eyes that have a blank stare one moment and someone else staring at me through her eyes the next. I’ve seen her boldly lie in front of the three remaining Christian friends I have, and have suffered the indignities of the courts believing her lies with no evidence whatsoever and even going as far as to break the law themselves to persecute me.
Yes, she has a cancerous brain tumor and is on 14 different prescribed medicines, some with psychotropic effects. And yes, I knew she had spiritual problems, tattoos and even listening to heavy metal music at times but I saw these things lessening as I could feel the presence of God working with her. It wasn’t until her newest anti-depressant meds and the fear of having to see a psychiatric counselor and working on conservatorship papers did things blow up.
I thought her spiritual problems were a part of growing pains, and doctors telling her to live as she wanted since she was going to die anyway. And that they were mostly caused by the tumor and the huge amounts of meds she was taking. Now I clearly see that the spiritual turmoil preexisted her medical condition, which only serves as an excuse for her to defend her inappropriate actions and that her illness, although adding to her poor attitude and mental state, is not the cause of her wicked spiritual state.
My friends and other Christian counselors have advised me to leave her, to simply admit that I have made a mistake and to ask God for forgiveness in marrying her, believing that it was His will to do so. They say I need to understand that she cannot be saved; That no narcissistic sociopath can be saved. But I disagree! I say God can do all things though I may not know how He does it. I say that nothing is impossible for the God I know, the great creator of all things. And as much as I try to bring my mind into conformance with these well meaning people who ask me to deny that God brought her into my life as an answer to prayer, I cannot deny what I know to be the truth. I cannot deny the small still voice inside me that confirms that God asked me to marry her. I cannot blot out all the confirmations that could have only come by way of God, that have been left as pillars for me to see His mighty hand at work. It is only in my times of weakness and desperation to have people come to my side that I even attempt to deny the truth. But no more! My God can do ALL THINGS! Nothing is impossible for Him! And I believe, I KNOW, that prayer and the Word of God are powerful weapons in the spiritual war we fight and that in the right hands they work effectively against the powers of darkness.
I’m sorry if I leave details out. I would be more than willing to provide them should that help. For the sake of brevity and in order to explain my prayer needs, Sol and I were married August. 7th and she left in a hysterical condition while eating lunch out on January. 22. There has been witchcraft in her family. There are unconfessed sins. There are generational sins. She came as an answer to prayer when I had finally surrendered the last area of my life to God and quit looking for a partner but asked Him to bring her to me in His time. I actually thought it was going to be one of two other people. It was not. It ended up being Sol and God had to work on my heart to overcome pre-conceived prejudices I had in place to accept her and to love her unconditionally. But, just as only He can do, and do so well, He had the Holy Spirit fill me with love… not once, not twice, but three times with that overflowing unconditional love that can only come from Almighty God.
I don’t know why this is happening. I don’t pretend to know why it is that God would choose to use me in this way for I’m such a poor vessel myself. I only know that He has and I will not deny Him full authority in my life. I DO BELIEVE THAT SHE AND I HAVE A MINISTRY AHEAD OF US, DESPITE HOW THIS ALL LOOKS TODAY. The only thing I’m sure of is that I should ask for help prayer in this matter. Would you please join me in doing that?
I ask for your prayers in three areas. First, I ask prayer for the restoration and healing of our marriage under the full authority of God. And ask for His divine intervention and a clear revelation as to what steps I must take. Next, I ask for my wife, Sol’s release from all demonic influences, covenants, and spiritual bondage. I ask that she be released from any and all satanic holds that she would completely surrender to the authority of God, bringing her rebellion of self will to an end, and come to accept God’s will for her life and to accept Jesus Christ as her Lord, not just her Savior. I ask for her deliverance and divine healing that she be restored to the full health in every way God intended her to have.And finally, I ask prayer for myself – that my faith be strengthened, that I be of good courage and patience, maintaining a purity and boldness before others and not shirk from my duty to God or my duty to Sol as my wife, regardless of her current disposition toward me. I ask for God’s favor in provision and deliverance from the false accusations brought against me and that God would continue to reveal the places I need correction in and to show me where to ask for forgiveness. May God abundantly bless you and your ministry as you continue to serve Him in His Will. Humbly In His Service, David
I have done many things wrong in my marriage many bad decisions and have hurt my wife. We are divorced and have a son together. I have tried to work it out but always our way. Never any form of counseling and never thru God. Yes we pray but it’s not God first. She has given up. I have something telling me not to. There has never been infidelity but trust has been broken in other ways. I love my wife. A piece of paper saying we are divorced doesn’t mean she isn’t my wife. I want to save us. We were happy once and I want that back.
My wife suffers from very bad depression as well as some personality disorders. I do love her, but it is hard sometimes when all the support comes from one side. I don’t want to divorce. I just don’t know sometimes how to be the strong one and to carry on. It has been going on for 4 years. I can only work for short times and must be home a lot because she gets panic attacks. On her good days she tells me not to use her illness as an excuse to be home, but as soon as I leave the house for longer that 2 or 3 hours she will start contacting me to come home. I feel so alone most of the time. We are both Christian, and have gone for counseling and even healing prayer and deliverance yet nothing worked. Please pray with us.
I have been searching articles to help me to stand and save my marriage and this is the best! Thank You, Holy Spirit, to led me to here. Praise the Lord to fight my battle, hallelujah!!
Please pray for me, my husband left on my birthday. I want to make it work. I’m asking God to help me become a better wife and so he will come home.
I pray in the name of Jesus that it works out for you. Stay strong and pray.
My husband left me on 04/13 because I do not trust him. I miss him so much but he does not seem to want to come home at all and has said that. It is killing me. I’m trying to stay positive but there are days I can’t get out of bed.
I have been there… I still pray he comes back… I pray God restores.
My husband wants out and had enough. He says I don’t treat him right. Please pray with me to be a good wife and to be led by the above article. He is now looking for a place to stay. At first I agreed to that but then when I read this article, I made the conclusion that I need to change and love no matter what, how do I do, as he does not feel the same way anymore.
I understand your situation as I am in the same one. My husband is only staying and tells me he will just suck it up and be miserable. He says I am not emotionally there for him and wants me to change. He has been texting inappropriately to someone else and he doesn’t see that this has been an issue. He wants out as well and tells me I need to change. How are you doing and what has been happening?
I got married in 2012 and my husband left me in 2013. Even in the first year it was horrible. I never enjoyed my marriage. What do I do? I still love him and need him. Kids always ask about him.
I believe you have the answer to you question. Find what makes you happy.
I have seen God’s mercy and grace work in my marriage. There were times when I had given up and chosen to walk away, but my husband remained committed and he continued to stand in prayer for the restoration of our marriage. Although we are still working through things at the moment, God has actually brought us back together from a place where all seemed hopeless.
If he could do it for us, He will surely do it for you! Do not give up on your spouse – continue to stand in prayer for your marriage and show agape love to your spouse even when it is hard.
Thank you SO much for these encouraging words. I’ve seen this happen over and over again that the marriage is saved by one spouse who is prevailing in prayer, staying faithful, and not giving up. Thank you for sharing this miracle with others who need one to hold onto. May God bless you and your husband as you both put your hands together into His.
I love my wife more than anything on this planet. I’ve told her many times I am willing to do whatever it takes to make us work. She says there is a deep love connection she does not feel, I’ve told her to let me help and try to make this connection. Please pray for us it is not looking good, I’ve been selfieshly praying everyday for myself instead of those who are suffering. Thank you
I will pray for you. Do things she used to love to try and bring back old memories. It’s the small things that make us realize. Also continue to pray all the time God is listening. Stay strong
My advise to you is have remember the love she had for you. Sometimes the emotional pain we inflict on our partner makes them forget the love they feel. But it doesn’t mean that the love is not there.
Please pray for my marriage. I believe in the power of prayer, and I know that God will answer if I pray with faith and believe in my heart. My wife of twenty-three years has left me due to my unfaithfulness, and I want her back more than anything in this world. I have owned up to my sin and have asked forgiveness from both her and God. I believe God has truly forgiven me, but she refuses. I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and I cry at least 8-10 times daily. My whole world has crumbled and it’s entirely my fault. I so badly want the opportunity to love her, respect her, and treat her as God wants me to, but she refuses to have anything to do with me. Please. please pray for me … for US … and for healing and reconciliation.
Michael I am in the same boat but with skittle less time. I will pray for you because I know the feelings you describe all too well.
I don’t know where things are in your marriage now, some months later from when you wrote, but merely apologizing for being unfaithful is never going to bring a person back. Even being deeply sorry for it is not enough. Being betrayed by a spouse is a horrible trauma. I do not think the unfaithful spouse has any idea of how deeply this hurts.
To expect a person to forgive you right away is akin to abuse. REAL forgiveness–as any Christian knows–is never cheap. How much did it cost God to forgive any person? A son on a cross? Then I wonder why so many Christians think forgiveness is an easy place to get to and a quick fix. It is neither.
Real forgiveness takes time. Real repentance takes proof. Over time. Your wife has no reason to trust you–yet. If you are serious about wanting your marriage, then you will do WHATEVER is required for your wife to truly know that you are being honest and that you are diligently working to rebuild what you betrayed. You will need to be transparent with her, willing to go to counseling (an important process), willing to have her see your phone (and not deleting its contents), willing for her to know where you are every moment of the day, and be cognizant of how tenuous her feeling of security is presently. Being betrayed makes a person a little crazy. It makes a person hyper vigilant and, sometimes for Christians, we tend to push our gut instincts away and tell ourselves to “just trust the Lord” but gut instincts are important to listen to. They help us know when something is off.
So allow your wife to have her feelings.
My husband left me a month ago due to arguing between me and his family on and off and because his family tried to get physical with me and I told him I wanted a divorce in the heat of the moment. I truly love my husband and want nothing more than a long happy life with him so please pray that we work everything out and I get my husband back!