The following are scriptures and quotes we believe you’ll find helpful for living biblically in your marriage. We pray they will minister to your heart and inspire how you interact in your marriage.
Please Prayerfully Read:
• “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8)
• Love flows through a marriage that lives up to mutual responsibility. “Love is not self seeking; it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )
• Foundation Verse for Marriage: “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10:24) Ask yourself: “How can I encourage him or her?”
• A true demonstration of love: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other.” (1 John 3:16)
• It says in 1 Corinthians 13:7 that love “always protects.” That doesn’t mean love enables, covers over, or makes secret those things that should be brought to the light. But it is being prayerfully careful of when, where, and with whom we share personal details of our married life. To truly love our spouse is to show respect for their feelings. It is not about doing or saying anything that “cuts them down.” By doing so, we show that we don’t value them.
It also tells us in 1 Corinthians 13, “Love is kind.” It “is not self-seeking.” So by embarrassing our spouse, we dishonor not only him or her, but we also dishonor God’s Word. Even if our spouse dishonors us, we aren’t given the permission to retaliate in return. (Cindy Wright)
Additional Scriptures:
• In reading Luke 19:41-44, these verses can also apply to the enormous sadness Christ must feel as He sees “war” rage within marriages. It says, “As Jesus approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, ‘If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace —but it’s hidden from your eyes. The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you didn’t recognize the time of God’s coming to you.'”
The “enemies” that are described within these verses can be compared to the things we allow to come between us as a couple so we’re no longer living in loving covenant with our spouses. Not only will we be brought down —but also, and most tragically —so will our children.
As Oswald Chambers said, “If I allow any turning away from God in my private life, everyone around me suffers.” All of this is because we don’t recognize Christ’s redemptive ministry. It’s open to all that embrace Him as Savior, AND as Lord, as the foundation upon which our marriages must be built and maintained. It’s enough to make all of heaven weep! (Cindy Wright)
Keep in Mind:
• The apostle Paul said, “In all things, I have learned to be content.” That same statement can be applied to marriage. In 1 Corinthians, we see how Paul addressed many difficult relationship questions. The over-all answer that he seems to give is to “Be content in the situation where God has placed you. If you’re married, don’t seek to be single. If you’re single, don’t seek to be married.
Live God’s way, one day at a time, and he will show you what to do. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. One isn’t morally better than the other, and both are valuable to accomplishing God’s purposes. It’s important for us, therefore, to accept our present situation.” (Explanation from “The New Life Application Bible” of 1 Corinthians 7:3-11)
• Don’t isolate yourself, “Let us encourage one another —and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25)
• Apply Hebrews 10:24 that says, “As far as it be within you be at peace with all men.”
• Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
Keep in Mind:
• As you weather those marital storms, that we’re warned in 1 Corinthians 7:27-28, that “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.”
• In Ephesians 4:15 Paul challenged Christians to live a life of “speaking the truth in love.” Our tendency is to do well on 50% of that verse. Some of us have mastered “speaking the truth.” We’re quick to point out anything that we see or perceive in our spouse and are willing to use any method (attacking, judging, etc.) to drive the point home. Others of us are stuck at the “in love” part of confrontation. We’ve come to believe in complete acceptance and tolerance of any behavior.
Often we become paralyzed with a fear of hurting someone’s feelings and withdraw into passivity and silence. Speaking the truth in love combines both of these concepts to allow us to confront sinful behavior without compromise, yet with absolute care and respect for the individual, saying things in a way that the person can accept. When a couple takes the stance of living out Paul’s challenge of “speaking the truth in love” to each other, the old models of judging and passivity must disappear. (Jeff and Lora Helton)
Please Know:
• The principles for living written in the Bible are the principles for loving in our marriages. (Cindy Wright)
• Be a difference maker. Give to your spouse, the grace that you would want from him and that you want the Lord to give you. Keep in mind these words, “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8)
Pay head to the words written in Isaiah 1:17, “Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!” 1 John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”
• Guard yourself in your spirit, and don’t break faith. (Malachi 2:16)
Mutual Commitment of Submission Among Equals
• Prayerfully read the following based on 1 Corinthians 11:3: “I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” The commentary for the New Life Application Bible states: “Submission is a key element in the smooth functioning of any business, government, or family. God ordained submission in certain relationships to prevent chaos. It’s essential to understand that submission is not surrender, withdrawal, or apathy. It doesn’t mean inferiority, because God created all people in his image and because all have equal value. Submission is mutual commitment and cooperation.
“Thus God calls for submission among equals. He didn’t make the man superior. He made a way for the man and woman to work together. Jesus Christ, although equal with God the Father, submitted to him to carry out the plan for salvation. Likewise, although equal to man under God, the wife should submit to her husband for the sake of their marriage and family. Submission between equals is submission by choice, not by force. We serve God in these relationships by willingly submitting to others in our church, to our spouses, and to our government leaders.”
In Relationship:
• We are told in Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, but holy and blameless.
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church —for we are members of His body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery —but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
The commentary for the New Life Application Bible explains these scriptures in Ephesians 5:25-33: “Paul devotes twice as many words to telling husbands to love their wives as to telling wives to submit to their husbands. How should a man love his wife? (1) He should be willing to sacrifice everything for her. (2) He should make her well-being of primary importance. (3) He should care for her as he cares for his own body. No wife needs to fear submitting to a man who treats her in this way.
To Go With This, Prayerfully Consider:
“The union of husband and wife merges two persons in such a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other. Oneness in marriage doesn’t mean losing your personality in the personality of the other. Instead, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate his or her needs, helping the other person become all he or she can be. The creation story tells of God’s plan that husband and wife should be one (Genesis 2:24), and Jesus also referred to this plan. (Matthew 19:4-6) (Commentary explanation for Ephesians 5:31-33)
• A very important principle for men to take to heart: “Speaking the truth in love we will in all things grow up into Him who is the head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:15-16)
Coping Situations
• When you’re living in a “coping situation” in your marriage, you need to make sure that you put activities and “helps” into your life that will enable you to build up your energy back up. Living in a “coping situation” can drastically drain you emotionally, physically and spiritually. Therefore, if you deplete your reserve energy without restoring at least part of it back from time to time, you’ll find yourself in a crisis situation eventually.
The Bible tells us that we can “do all things through Him who strengthens us” (Philippians 4:13). But we have to make sure that we don’t neglect to plug into the source of energy so we can do all things.
• Let me ask you, “Are you prayerfully and carefully treating your spouse with the love, honor and respect that God would have you? Are you showing the love of Christ to your spouse?” If not, you may want to pray Psalm 51 with a sincere heart and ask the Lord to show you how to love, honor, and cherish your spouse as you promised in your wedding vows.
• “Fight truth decay —study the Bible daily.”
NEW TESTAMENT MANDATE
This is a review of some of the “one another” verses:
• Be devoted and give preference to one another. (Romans 12:10)
• Accept one another. (Romans 15:7)
• Care for one another. (1 Corinthians 12:25)
• Carry each other’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2)
• Forgive one another. (Ephesians 4:32)
• Encourage, build up one another. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
• Spur one another on to love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:24)
• Confess your sins to one another. (James 5:16)
• Pray for one another. (James 5:16)
In Life and Marriage, Remember:
• We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them.” (2 Corinthians 5:20 -The Message)
• Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. (Ephesians 5:1-2, The Message)
Be on the Alert:
• Beware of these statements, “He is” -or- “she is” -or- “I am” a private person.” PRIVACY CAN EASILY LEAD TO BEHAVIOR THAT GIVES INTO DARKNESS. (See: Proverbs 4:19; 2 Samuel 22:29; Psalm 112:4; Matthew 6:23; and Luke 11:34-36. Also read: John 3:19-21; Romans 1:21; 2 Corinthians 4:6; 2 Corinthians 6:14; Ephesians 4:17-18 and Ephesians 5:8-14. In addition, read: 1 Peter 2:9; 1 John 1:5-7; 1 John 2:9-11). Privacy can easily lead into secrecy. And secrecy leads to all kinds of trouble because it’s not exposed to “the light.”
When we give the vow to enter into a marital relationship, we give up the right to secrecy. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. (To better understand the difference please read the article, Privacy Vs Secrecy in Marriage.) Be careful of the statement, “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” because often it will.
In Marriage:
• God wants to take the “two of us and make us one.” The enemy of our faith wants to take the “oneness of us” and make us into two. The goal is to lead us to the place of “creeping separateness.”
“The killer of love is creeping separateness. It’s taking love for granted, especially after marriage. It’s ceasing to do things together —finding separate interests. Additionally, it’s ‘we’ turning into ‘I.’ …The failure of love might seem to be caused by hate or boredom or unfaithfulness with a lover. But those were results. First came the creeping separateness: the failure behind the failure.” (Sheldon Vanauken)
• As you read Matthew 5:31-32 you can see that “Jesus is trying to move us from easy divorce to a deeper commitment to marriage.” (Dr. Roger Barrier)
The Influence of Others
• Make it a priority to be involved with other couples on a regular basis, in order to support and be accountable to one another in your marriage relationships. Church small groups and Sunday schools are ideal. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Alistair Begg)
• The surprising result of being honest about your fears and insecurities is that people may actually be more drawn to you (Dr. Todd Linaman) “The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit.” (Proverbs 14:8)
• The enemy of our faith tries to divide us because he knows that “united we stand, divided we fall.” He fans the flames of rivalry and pride. How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1)
• What are you feeding in your marriage? Do you spend your time focusing on the negative or on the positive aspects of your spouse? The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8-9: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable —if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me —put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
Unity in Marriage
• Prayer for marriages: “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”(John 17:23) This is also an example of how God wants us to function. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are separate individuals within the Godhead, yet they are one in purpose. In marriage the husband and wife are different individuals and yet they are to be one in purpose. (Cindy Wright)
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes (author unknown). “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” (Proverbs 29:11)
• Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. (Romans 14:19)
• The lips of the righteous knows what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. (Proverbs 10:32)
• An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. (Proverbs 24:26)
• Jesus said, “I came that they might have life and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) When applying this message to marriage, it’s not that those who don’t have a personal relationship with Christ can’t have a good marriage. They can. We’ve seen this to be true. But to have a full, rich, abundant married life together, Christ is the key. Marriage is all about the love of God displayed through ordinary people. (Cindy Wright)
Listen and Be Wise
• “There are two hindrances to good communication that must be overcome. There’s the bad habit of lazy listening and hasty speaking.” (John Lavendar) (Goes with James 1:19)
• Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance. (Proverbs 1:5)
• The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)
• The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. (Proverbs 15:14)
• He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. (Proverbs 15:31)
• He who answers before listening —that is his folly and his shame. (Proverbs 18:13)
• The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out. (Proverbs 18:15)
• Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. (Proverbs 19:20)
• Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge. (Proverbs 23:12)
• Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)
Be Aware of What You Say and How You Say It
• A quiet and gentle spirit disarms men. (Dr Charles Swindoll) This is in reference to the scripture that says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. It should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:1-2 and 1 Peter 3:4)
• Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean. “Speaking the truth in love, may [we] grow up in all things into Him who is the head —CHRIST.” (Ephesians 4:15)
• A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. (Proverbs 16:23)
• The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. (Proverbs 10:29)
• Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)
• A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. (Proverbs 17:27)
• A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions. (Proverbs 18:2)
• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Philippians 4:29)
Make Sure You:
• Put away perversity from your mouth keep corrupt talk far from your lips. (Proverbs 4:24)
• He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. (Proverbs 13:3)
• My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. All of the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. (Proverbs 8:7-8)
• The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)
• A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (Proverbs 29:11)
• Love is not rude; it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5)
Biting Anger
• If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Galatians 5:15)
• In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. (1 Peter 2:11)
• Remind the people to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men. (Titus 3:2)
• Think of your marriage as sacred ground. It’s a union God has sanctioned, not just because you were determined to come together but also for God’s purpose. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
• Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3)
• The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:2, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”
As God Commands:
• Serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Galatians 5:13-14)
• Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (1 Corinthians 10:24)
• Everything is permissible —but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible —but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (1 Corinthians 10:23-24)
• Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Galatians 6:9-10)
• But wisdom is proved right by her actions. (Matthew 11:19)
• But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment, for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matthew 12:37)
• My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this —that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. (John 15:12-14)
• Love is both an intention and an action. “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)
If you have additional scriptures and/or tips to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Spiritual Matters
(US) I absolutely love this site! I’ve book marked it and can’t wait to share it with my friends and family.
(US) This is a great library of biblically based teachings on love. Many marriages will be blessed through this site. Keep doing God’s will!
(UGANDA) Wow… This is SO AMAZING! Thanx a lot… there’s a lot of wisdom in all of it.
(SIERRA LEONE) May 26th makes me 1 year in marriage and that very day my husband left the house without goodbye till date with me being 3 month pregnant.
(U.S.A.) My Dear, I am so sorry for what your husband has done. We know that he could not really comprehend the depth of the sin and pain he has caused you by leaving you and the baby. I am sorry that he has done this to you! I am praying that God will show you how HE is your husband, your maker, your strong tower. And I pray that He will also send laborers to your husband who left you, so that he will realize the error of his ways and truly come to Christ. Keep praying! Keep looking up to God! Keep praising Him for working ALL things together for your good, because HE LOVES YOU and you are called according to His purposes! Blessings to you, Love, Lisa
(USA) God loves you and he won’t leave you.
(UGANDA) Love covers all sins! Even when he left without saying bye bye, you can still do something to change the situation. Pray for his good and try to research for his where abouts. With Love, nothing can fail. Just do everything with a good motive and God will show you his faithfullness. You can decide to call him and assure him of your love toward him. Tell him, I love you sooooooooo much despite, his action.
I, for one, have been there and I have been a fascinating woman to him and this has really worked for me. You should take the first step to reviving the first love. With God all things are possible.
(EUROPE) Very beautiful Lisa… Like Lisa said, keep looking for God for without Him we are nothing.
(AMERICA) That is a blessing… My husband also left in August after 18 years of marriage. God has sent laborers and he is attending church… We are at different churches because I was in disobedience by leaving the church we both attended and going to another… God’s word says for the wife to not separate from her husband. I did not know that… So the enemy has crept in but his weapons won’t prosper. I am receiving counsel to help restore marriage from my husband’s pastor. I pray that my family will be united in fellowship with Christ again.
(US) I will be praying. Know that you’re not alone. My husband and I were married only two months before he walked out on me. He was a Christian man. My situation may not be completely like yours but I understand the feeling of abandonment. Know that with God all things are possible and he can redeem it all. God created marriage and knows how to fix it and make it work if you submit to God’s will for your marriage and his promises. It’s all in his word. Know that you’re not alone. Many others are going through some of the same situation.
(UNITED STAES) I’ve been married now for almost 7 yrs. Throughout my marriage I never felt loved. We’ve been seperated now for three months. A couple of weeks ago my husband asked me over to talk. He said that he had filed. We are a Christian family. I said let’s seek counseling; let’s separate for a while, but let’s shame the devil & cancel the divorce. He said no, he’s at peace without me.
I asked him if he ever loved me. He said he can’t give what he never had. We both grow up with no parental love. That didn’t stop me from falling head over heals in love with him. So I told him that he had deceived me all these yrs when he told me he loves me. While finance are delaying the process I decided to fast and I know whatever the outcome, God will prepare me & strenghten me to go through it.
Marlene, ask your husband to do just ONE thing with you before he finalizes the divorce – and that is to go to a Retrouvaille Weekend. They have a phenomenal success rate of getting people to stop their divorce and restore the marriage.
You need to go to their website and see when they have one scheduled near you. They are all over the world. The web site is http://www.retrouvaille.org. We’ll be praying he’ll agree and believe God for. Miracle. — Steve Wright
(USA) Dear Esther, I am sorry about what happened with you. I hope, you do much better in this year 2011. Let me share you about my marriage. Perhaps, it will give you some new direction. I have been married for 20 years and my husband went away last year without saying good bye and has an affair with other women. The children were sad and we are in emotional imbalance.
One thing I can share with you that Christ is a living God. He never leave us alone and He promises to watch over His children even in the middle of very difficult situations.
I continued pray for my husband and let God teaches him. He came back and God really showed to me His almighty power. I still in difficult journey with my family. My husband is not only hurt my feeling but also my need and right as his wife. I have been living as his wife in the paper not in his heart. He avoids many different ways to isolate me in body and soul.
Well… again, we have this Living God who provides every need of our body and soul. He rescues me and found my peace in Him. Yes, it is very sad. It may drive us crazy specially the person that we trust and commit to live together, broken that dream. In this kind of complex situation, only Christ can give us a perfect answer. So we have to stop look at our pains but make the best day to honor Christ with His blessings to us. Hope, you find your peace in Him. The child who is with you – the best gift from Heaven. Christ knows the end of our journey therefore hang on Him every second, minute, hour, of your life.
If Christ helps me until this second and can over come my pains and sorrows. He will do the same to you. Put everything in the Christ point of view, not us.
I thank God for the journey I go through so I can give other comfort and be God witness. Take care and may God always watch over you and your child. Pat.
(USA) Hi Esther, Thanks for opening up and sharing that painful information with all of us. My heart goes out to you and your situation. I hope that you have some friends and relatives who can help you in your pregnancy. Despite your pain, a child is a wonderful thing. I don’t know if you husband plans on returning to your marriage or not (only time will tell) but I do know that if he doesn’t, your child will end up becoming your best friend. They are truly a blessing from the Lord. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Here are some websites I thought you might like to visit to read up on facts about babies, labor, etc. (and it might take your mind off of your broken marriage):
http://www.babycenter.com (they have message boards and pictures of each week during pregnancy – I visited this site a LOT during my first pregnancy)
http://www.llli.org/ – La Leche League – information on breastfeeding
http://www.spinningbabies.com – information on good positioning during pregnancy for a better labor
http://christian.birthingnaturally.net/
Hope this helps! With love and prayers.
(UNITED STATES) This is a helpful website and I have enjoyed reading it.
(US) I THANK THE LORD TRULY FOR THIS WEB SITE. I PRAY IT’S PASSED ON TO SANCTIFY AS MANY MARRIED COUPLES AS POSSIBLE. THESE ARE SOME OF THE WEAPONS WE AS MARRIED SAINTS NEED BEFORE WE SLIP UP OR THE LAXNESS COMES INTO OUR MARRIAGES. PRAISE GOD! THIS WILL HELP A LOT OF MARRIAGES AND I THANK THE LORD ESPECIALLY FOR IT.
(USA) My husband and I have been married five years and had our third child six weeks ago. My husband is pulling away from us more and more each day. He shows very little interest in playing with children now, or even speaking to me some days. When trying to discuss this with him I’m told I’m emotional or hormonal. He refuses to listen to me and shuts me down or leaves. I’ve prayed and tried to have faith. Why would God allow us to have these three beautiful children to not be raised in a family with two loving parents as my husband and i both were?
I pray for myself, to be the best mother I can be and to be the best wife I can to him at this time. I’ve prayed for him. I’m not perfect but he’s not living right and I wish his eyes could be opened. He is separating himself from me, time that used to be spent with just us, or with family, is now being occupied by other activities, anything he can find to get away from home. Prayer would be appreciated. My parents have been married over 40 years, and are still in love. I grew up seeing that and I want my children to see that in us also. Please pray for us.
(USA) Hello Rami
I believe that even though you are having a storm right now, this should be a time to ask God what and what to do. Don’t try to figure this out, because the enemy plays with our mind and you may come up with the wrong conclusion. I would also stop trying to get him to read or even pray with you. We are to win our husbands with our actions not our words! Our life style is not the adorning, but rather him seeing Christ in you and through you. So take your eyes off of your pain and remember God is faithful, who will not give you or us more than we can handle. Pray over your children so they too can see the miraclous God that you serve and have faith in. God will keep you in perfect peace,when you eyes are stayed on him.
(USA) I would like to know if anyone can tell me how to cope with my husband being released from prison and 2 months later moves in with another woman. He says that there wasn’t any communication prior to his release, but I beg to differ. Please give some insight on how to cope with this and stay in the love of GOD.
(INDIA) Pray until you get the answer, but obey what the word of God says. I wil pray, surely for you.
(AUSTRALIA) Hello, I feel and share your pain. My husband went to jail only 2 months after marriage while I was only one week from giving birth to our second child. I was in love with my husband for 10 years before we got together. He went to jail for eight years and the whole entire eight years I stayed faithful to him. I showed him nothing but love, even when he showed me distrust and anger.
My husband was released from jail only 9 months ago and has now left me. I am aware that he has contacted love from 20 years earlier yet he does not know I am aware of this. He wants nothing to do with me whatsoever and he too is a Christian man. I pray so strongly that he does not be sexually unfaithful to me, however he is unfaithful to me in every other way possible. He is using illicit drugs and blaming me for his behaviour. I have never touched a drug. I can not understand his actions. He has accused me of being sexually unfaithful and a liar when I never, ever lie to him and I am one of the most faithful women alive. I believe strongly in God and his faithfulness and I am completely broken.
Only through God and prayer have I had a night of sleep. I was attacking him via messages and he has replied that he is now a demon and he accepts that and he does not love me and wants me to stay away from him and get through my head that he no longer loves me and to mind my own business. I feel so hurt and full of pain and of course anger (until I prayed). I spent eight years waiting faithfully for him to have him do this to me. I truly believed he would treat me right and love me like a husband in God. I do not understand why he has truely left apart from he wants to live a single males life. I will also pray for you that your wounds have healed since you wrote your post. Without God I believe I would be dead right now.
(USA) Dear Len, My heart goes out to you. This must be such a confusing time for you as well as one that angers you so very deeply inside! You waited for your husband to be released and then he turns away from you to be with another woman. The unfairness of this is off the scale. I’m so sorry that you find yourself in this place in your life and marriage.
As far as “how to cope with this and stay in the love of GOD”, that will be no easy task. It will take determination and perseverance to look away from that which you cannot change, to that which you can.
Jesus said in the Bible, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
I can only imagine how “weary and burdened” you must feel over all that is happening. I pray that you will fall into the promises — which are the arms of Jesus, and learn from His “gentle and humble” heart, because that is where you will find the rest that you need. Yes, you also need to work through this situation, which will take strength and wisdom, but first go to Jesus and get the rest and help you need and crave.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
What you are going through is a time when your emotions and thoughts may play tricks on you. You can easily allow your anger because of these unfair and horrible circumstances to run you to a place where you do what you shouldn’t. Just be careful. “Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith…” (1 Peter 5:7-9a).
You may wonder why God would allow your husband to do such a thing (and may even blame Him for not stopping him), but I hope you know that God didn’t make your husband do such a deceptive thing. He obviously gave into the same type of dishonest reasoning, that he allowed himself to fall into previously (which landed him in prison in the first place). God didn’t put these thoughts into his head. But he also didn’t take away his freedom to make choices — even though the choices he made went against God’s ways.
Just as God allowed Adam and Eve to make wrong choices that led to awful consequences for many innocent people, and just as God allows you and me and everyone else to make choices that we shouldn’t, He allows your husband making choices as well. We live in a fallen world and innocent people get hurt as a result. If God grabbed our freedom to make choices (whether good or wrong ones) from us, we’d all be walking around like programmed robots. Heaven is where we will will be free from the consequences of people making wrong choices. But until then, we live here on planet Earth and we will suffer through it.
But the one thing we have going for us is that we have a God who “cares” for us. He will help us through the trials we go through as we lean upon Him and follow His ways. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee” (Isaiah 26:3).
I pray the Lord will speak peace and hope into you as you lean upon Him, and will help you to do what is right, despite the fact that your husband is doing what is wrong. I pray He will direct you to people that will comfort and help you rather than hurt you.
“May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance” (2 Thessalonians 3:5).
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit!” (Romans 15:13)
I’m going to write below something that was recently given to me that I pray will help you in some way.
You say: “It’s impossible.” GOD says: All things are possible. (Luke 18:27)
You say: “I’m too tired.” GOD says: I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: “No one loves me.” GOD says: I love you. (John 3:16, Romans 5:8, Ephesians 2:4-5)
You say: “I can’t go on.” GOD says: My grace is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9; Psalm 91:15)
You say: “I can’t figure things out.” GOD says: I will direct your steps. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: “I can’t do it.” GOD says: You can do all things. (Philippians 4:13)
You say: “I’m not able.” GOD says: I am able. (2 Corinthians 9:8)
You say: “It’s not worth it.” GOD says: It will be worth it. (Romans 8:28; Galatians 6:9)
You say: “I can’t forgive myself.” GOD says: I forgive you. (1 John 1:9; Romans 8:1)
You say: “I can’t manage.” GOD says: I will supply all your needs. (Philippians 4:19)
You say: “I’m afraid.” GOD says I have not given you a spirit of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7)
You say: “I’m worried and frustrated.” GOD says: Cast all your cares on ME. (1 Peter 5:7)
You say: “I’m not smart.” GOD says: I give you wisdom. (1 Corinthians 1:30; James 1:5)
You say: “I feel all alone.” GOD says: I will never leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)
I pray that when you feel especially weak and lonely and confused, that you will remember that God “is a very present help in a time of need.” He may not rescue you from every trial, but He will strengthen you, as you lean upon Him to make it through the ordeals you are suffering.
You ask in your letter, how “to cope and stay in the love of GOD.” Beyond what I have written above, I encourage you to write out the action phrases laid out in the scripture passages found in Romans 13:9-14 and Ephesians 4:22-32. (If you don’t have a Bible immediately in front of you there are links to be able to read these verses provided for you as you click onto them.) Pray, write out the action phrases and then live them out with the strength and insight the Lord will give you. It won’t be easy. You have been severely hurt by your husband. Giving into the call for action towards revenge and trying to reason and rationalize everything in our own strength seems to be a natural tendency that most human beings would grab onto — especially given your circumstances.
But I encourage you to TRUST and GO WITH GOD, and He will “make your paths straight (as we’re told in Proverbs 3:5-6). If you do this, I believe you will be released from a prison that is trying to entrap your heart and actions and separate you from God. Put your focus on the Lord, and not on the injustice of what you are suffering through, trusting that God will guide you, and you will survive this in a victorious way.
I pray you will draw strength from Him whenever you are weak. “Even in the darkness light dawns for the upright” (Psalm 112:4a). May God help you and keep you!
(USA) I don’t know how I got to this site, but I know God has something to do with it. My biggest struggle is to learn how to love. I have been hurt for so long I don’t know how to give love. This whole reading I just did, explained everything. Thank you, thank you and thank you. May God bless you all. Sonia
(SOUTH AFRICA, JHB) Thank you so much, I needed to find a scripture to hold onto, as I am experiencing difficulty in my marriage. I have found it and I feel so much better. I am praying that the Holy Spirit intercedes in all the marriages so that we can be stronger in our faith and be enabled to live by the fruits of the Spirit. God bless, Zipho
(USA) Dear Cindy, thank you so much for your response to Len. It is extremely comforting as my husband and I are going through a very difficult time as well. I am overwhelmed with sadness, fear, hurt, anxiety, and panic. I am doing my best to trust in the Lord and that our marriage will end up stronger than ever and not dissolved. We have 3 beautiful children. I am committed to my family and my husband. I love him so much. We are currently in counseling. He is willing to attend a Christian marriage counselor for as long as it takes. He is willing to give it time. He says he is praying. But, he says he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. He says he loves me and cares for me, but doesn’t have feelings for me. I am just beside myself with despair. I pray and pray and pray for God to give me strength and guidance to get through this. I love the Bible verses you listed above. I plan to copy them and keep them with me to read at any moment they are needed.
Hi Tami, I pray the Lord rewards your trust and the effort you are making as Len’s wife and as the mother to those 3 precious children. They deserve the extra effort that you and Len put into rebuilding your marriage. The fact that he’s willing to go to a Christian marriage counselor “for as long as it takes” is encouraging. Please know that it’s not at all unusual for one partner or the other to lose “feelings” for the other. The dynamics of marriage make that easy to fall into if we aren’t continually finding ways to grow together, dream together, laugh together, and keep renewing our commitment to partner together in big and small ways. When “feelings” fail, put the effort it takes to re-ignite and feed the passion you once had –and even better yet, cause it to grow even hotter than before. That’s what my husband and I had to do. And now I love my husband… and I know he loves me as passionately as we ever could –40 years and counting!
I’m not sure if a marriage retreat such as “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” and/or “Love and Respect” would help you both grow closer together, but I can’t help but think that it wouldn’t hurt. Both are great fun and yet practical seminars. I encourage you to go into the “Marriage Enrichment” topic of this web site, and go into the “Links” part of it to seek them out. You might even think of going to one at a distant location, leaving your 3 children with a baby sitter. Make it a mini vacation for the two of you to reconnect without the hassles of everyday life surrounding you. It’s just a thought.
I pray a blessing over you and your husband. “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Romans 15:5-6) And may the perseverance you are both showing in working together on your marriage be an inspiration to your children at times when they need it, and especially if they ever get to the place where they want to give up on their marriages. May the lives you live inspire them to hang in there when times get rough, and may they be rewarded for their tenacity as I pray you are!
(USA) Cindy Wright, I want to thank you very much for your encouragement and may God Bless you. He is keeping me. He’s all that I do have to trust and rely on right now. I thank you for all of the scriptures as well, they are very helpful.
(USA) I’m glad to find a site where people are being real about their lives and their relationships. So, many marriages are in trouble, and a lot of times, women have no where to turn, or anyone they can trust to talk to. I really wish I would have had this when I went through the affairs and the outside babies with my husband of now twenty-eight years. It was these times that brought me closer to Christ and even though they were painful times, God used those times to show me exactly who he was and his love for me. So, keep praying, and be encourage God will work it out!!
(USA) I’ve been going through some difficult times in the past months. I brought all of it upon myself by being unfaithful to my wife. I’ve spoken with my priest who married my wife and I, and I’m leaving it all in God’s hands. I’ve been married for 3 years and had an affair a couple of months ago, and got caught. A few weeks later I get a phone call saying that she’s pregnant. by now I’ve cut all ties. I told my wife who to this day is still by my side about the phone call.
A few days later I hear from a friend that this person says she went to the doctor and had a miscarriage. So my wife and I started to move forward again. Well. it’s been a month since all that and I got another phone call saying that she’s pregnant, and this call came from her husband.
I need prayer for my wife and I to deal with the situation at hand. We need the strength to move forward. I don’t know what to believe. The husband has been threatening to do evil things to me, and I can’t live in fear. I found this site and I love it. It has opened my eyes up. Everyone keep my wife and I in prayer.
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I have been through a similar circumstance. I want you to know that through God you can over come this. You must put God first though. When I found out my husband was having an affair, I was 5 months pregnant with our first child. It was one of the hardest times of my life. But I turned to God, and it was only with his help that I made it through that time of my life.
It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of time, but that was more than 10 years ago, and my husband and I are still together, we are going through a different situation now. He is military and deploys a lot. During his last deployment we didn’t get to communicate much and I got super depressed. I completely shut down and pushed him away. By the time I asked for God’s guidance and help, my husband decided we shouldnt be together anymore. I am allowing God to guide us and put our marriage in his hands. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers and ask that you do the same. May God bless you and your family!
(USA) I THANK GOD FOR THIS GODLY WISDOM AND ADVICE. SOME TIMES I AM SO TIRED IN MY SPIRIT. I PRAY FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED THAT IT MAY ALSO LIFT ME UP AS I CONTINUE TO BE FAITHFUL IN PRAYER FOR OTHERS WHO ARE IN NEED.
(USA) I am new to this site however, I see that many of you have been through issues with your loved ones. I am going through the problem of my husband being a 2 time cheater. I would just like to ask for any advice. We have a 3 year old and are in the midst of building our dream home. I just feel numb and broken. I want to follow God’s word by forgiving him and working this out but it’s REALLY HARD. Any advice or comments would really help me and my situation. Thanks, Rachel