The following are scriptures and quotes we believe you’ll find helpful for living biblically in your marriage. We pray they will minister to your heart and inspire how you interact in your marriage.
Please Prayerfully Read:
• “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8)
• Love flows through a marriage that lives up to mutual responsibility. “Love is not self seeking; it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )
• Foundation Verse for Marriage: “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10:24) Ask yourself: “How can I encourage him or her?”
• A true demonstration of love: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other.” (1 John 3:16)
• It says in 1 Corinthians 13:7 that love “always protects.” That doesn’t mean love enables, covers over, or makes secret those things that should be brought to the light. But it is being prayerfully careful of when, where, and with whom we share personal details of our married life. To truly love our spouse is to show respect for their feelings. It is not about doing or saying anything that “cuts them down.” By doing so, we show that we don’t value them.
It also tells us in 1 Corinthians 13, “Love is kind.” It “is not self-seeking.” So by embarrassing our spouse, we dishonor not only him or her, but we also dishonor God’s Word. Even if our spouse dishonors us, we aren’t given the permission to retaliate in return. (Cindy Wright)
Additional Scriptures:
• In reading Luke 19:41-44, these verses can also apply to the enormous sadness Christ must feel as He sees “war” rage within marriages. It says, “As Jesus approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, ‘If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace —but it’s hidden from your eyes. The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you didn’t recognize the time of God’s coming to you.'”
The “enemies” that are described within these verses can be compared to the things we allow to come between us as a couple so we’re no longer living in loving covenant with our spouses. Not only will we be brought down —but also, and most tragically —so will our children.
As Oswald Chambers said, “If I allow any turning away from God in my private life, everyone around me suffers.” All of this is because we don’t recognize Christ’s redemptive ministry. It’s open to all that embrace Him as Savior, AND as Lord, as the foundation upon which our marriages must be built and maintained. It’s enough to make all of heaven weep! (Cindy Wright)
Keep in Mind:
• The apostle Paul said, “In all things, I have learned to be content.” That same statement can be applied to marriage. In 1 Corinthians, we see how Paul addressed many difficult relationship questions. The over-all answer that he seems to give is to “Be content in the situation where God has placed you. If you’re married, don’t seek to be single. If you’re single, don’t seek to be married.
Live God’s way, one day at a time, and he will show you what to do. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. One isn’t morally better than the other, and both are valuable to accomplishing God’s purposes. It’s important for us, therefore, to accept our present situation.” (Explanation from “The New Life Application Bible” of 1 Corinthians 7:3-11)
• Don’t isolate yourself, “Let us encourage one another —and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25)
• Apply Hebrews 10:24 that says, “As far as it be within you be at peace with all men.”
• Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
Keep in Mind:
• As you weather those marital storms, that we’re warned in 1 Corinthians 7:27-28, that “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.”
• In Ephesians 4:15 Paul challenged Christians to live a life of “speaking the truth in love.” Our tendency is to do well on 50% of that verse. Some of us have mastered “speaking the truth.” We’re quick to point out anything that we see or perceive in our spouse and are willing to use any method (attacking, judging, etc.) to drive the point home. Others of us are stuck at the “in love” part of confrontation. We’ve come to believe in complete acceptance and tolerance of any behavior.
Often we become paralyzed with a fear of hurting someone’s feelings and withdraw into passivity and silence. Speaking the truth in love combines both of these concepts to allow us to confront sinful behavior without compromise, yet with absolute care and respect for the individual, saying things in a way that the person can accept. When a couple takes the stance of living out Paul’s challenge of “speaking the truth in love” to each other, the old models of judging and passivity must disappear. (Jeff and Lora Helton)
Please Know:
• The principles for living written in the Bible are the principles for loving in our marriages. (Cindy Wright)
• Be a difference maker. Give to your spouse, the grace that you would want from him and that you want the Lord to give you. Keep in mind these words, “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8)
Pay head to the words written in Isaiah 1:17, “Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!” 1 John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”
• Guard yourself in your spirit, and don’t break faith. (Malachi 2:16)
Mutual Commitment of Submission Among Equals
• Prayerfully read the following based on 1 Corinthians 11:3: “I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” The commentary for the New Life Application Bible states: “Submission is a key element in the smooth functioning of any business, government, or family. God ordained submission in certain relationships to prevent chaos. It’s essential to understand that submission is not surrender, withdrawal, or apathy. It doesn’t mean inferiority, because God created all people in his image and because all have equal value. Submission is mutual commitment and cooperation.
“Thus God calls for submission among equals. He didn’t make the man superior. He made a way for the man and woman to work together. Jesus Christ, although equal with God the Father, submitted to him to carry out the plan for salvation. Likewise, although equal to man under God, the wife should submit to her husband for the sake of their marriage and family. Submission between equals is submission by choice, not by force. We serve God in these relationships by willingly submitting to others in our church, to our spouses, and to our government leaders.”
In Relationship:
• We are told in Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, but holy and blameless.
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church —for we are members of His body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery —but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
The commentary for the New Life Application Bible explains these scriptures in Ephesians 5:25-33: “Paul devotes twice as many words to telling husbands to love their wives as to telling wives to submit to their husbands. How should a man love his wife? (1) He should be willing to sacrifice everything for her. (2) He should make her well-being of primary importance. (3) He should care for her as he cares for his own body. No wife needs to fear submitting to a man who treats her in this way.
To Go With This, Prayerfully Consider:
“The union of husband and wife merges two persons in such a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other. Oneness in marriage doesn’t mean losing your personality in the personality of the other. Instead, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate his or her needs, helping the other person become all he or she can be. The creation story tells of God’s plan that husband and wife should be one (Genesis 2:24), and Jesus also referred to this plan. (Matthew 19:4-6) (Commentary explanation for Ephesians 5:31-33)
• A very important principle for men to take to heart: “Speaking the truth in love we will in all things grow up into Him who is the head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:15-16)
Coping Situations
• When you’re living in a “coping situation” in your marriage, you need to make sure that you put activities and “helps” into your life that will enable you to build up your energy back up. Living in a “coping situation” can drastically drain you emotionally, physically and spiritually. Therefore, if you deplete your reserve energy without restoring at least part of it back from time to time, you’ll find yourself in a crisis situation eventually.
The Bible tells us that we can “do all things through Him who strengthens us” (Philippians 4:13). But we have to make sure that we don’t neglect to plug into the source of energy so we can do all things.
• Let me ask you, “Are you prayerfully and carefully treating your spouse with the love, honor and respect that God would have you? Are you showing the love of Christ to your spouse?” If not, you may want to pray Psalm 51 with a sincere heart and ask the Lord to show you how to love, honor, and cherish your spouse as you promised in your wedding vows.
• “Fight truth decay —study the Bible daily.”
NEW TESTAMENT MANDATE
This is a review of some of the “one another” verses:
• Be devoted and give preference to one another. (Romans 12:10)
• Accept one another. (Romans 15:7)
• Care for one another. (1 Corinthians 12:25)
• Carry each other’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2)
• Forgive one another. (Ephesians 4:32)
• Encourage, build up one another. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
• Spur one another on to love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:24)
• Confess your sins to one another. (James 5:16)
• Pray for one another. (James 5:16)
In Life and Marriage, Remember:
• We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them.” (2 Corinthians 5:20 -The Message)
• Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. (Ephesians 5:1-2, The Message)
Be on the Alert:
• Beware of these statements, “He is” -or- “she is” -or- “I am” a private person.” PRIVACY CAN EASILY LEAD TO BEHAVIOR THAT GIVES INTO DARKNESS. (See: Proverbs 4:19; 2 Samuel 22:29; Psalm 112:4; Matthew 6:23; and Luke 11:34-36. Also read: John 3:19-21; Romans 1:21; 2 Corinthians 4:6; 2 Corinthians 6:14; Ephesians 4:17-18 and Ephesians 5:8-14. In addition, read: 1 Peter 2:9; 1 John 1:5-7; 1 John 2:9-11). Privacy can easily lead into secrecy. And secrecy leads to all kinds of trouble because it’s not exposed to “the light.”
When we give the vow to enter into a marital relationship, we give up the right to secrecy. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. (To better understand the difference please read the article, Privacy Vs Secrecy in Marriage.) Be careful of the statement, “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” because often it will.
In Marriage:
• God wants to take the “two of us and make us one.” The enemy of our faith wants to take the “oneness of us” and make us into two. The goal is to lead us to the place of “creeping separateness.”
“The killer of love is creeping separateness. It’s taking love for granted, especially after marriage. It’s ceasing to do things together —finding separate interests. Additionally, it’s ‘we’ turning into ‘I.’ …The failure of love might seem to be caused by hate or boredom or unfaithfulness with a lover. But those were results. First came the creeping separateness: the failure behind the failure.” (Sheldon Vanauken)
• As you read Matthew 5:31-32 you can see that “Jesus is trying to move us from easy divorce to a deeper commitment to marriage.” (Dr. Roger Barrier)
The Influence of Others
• Make it a priority to be involved with other couples on a regular basis, in order to support and be accountable to one another in your marriage relationships. Church small groups and Sunday schools are ideal. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Alistair Begg)
• The surprising result of being honest about your fears and insecurities is that people may actually be more drawn to you (Dr. Todd Linaman) “The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit.” (Proverbs 14:8)
• The enemy of our faith tries to divide us because he knows that “united we stand, divided we fall.” He fans the flames of rivalry and pride. How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1)
• What are you feeding in your marriage? Do you spend your time focusing on the negative or on the positive aspects of your spouse? The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8-9: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable —if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me —put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
Unity in Marriage
• Prayer for marriages: “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”(John 17:23) This is also an example of how God wants us to function. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are separate individuals within the Godhead, yet they are one in purpose. In marriage the husband and wife are different individuals and yet they are to be one in purpose. (Cindy Wright)
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes (author unknown). “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” (Proverbs 29:11)
• Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. (Romans 14:19)
• The lips of the righteous knows what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. (Proverbs 10:32)
• An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. (Proverbs 24:26)
• Jesus said, “I came that they might have life and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) When applying this message to marriage, it’s not that those who don’t have a personal relationship with Christ can’t have a good marriage. They can. We’ve seen this to be true. But to have a full, rich, abundant married life together, Christ is the key. Marriage is all about the love of God displayed through ordinary people. (Cindy Wright)
Listen and Be Wise
• “There are two hindrances to good communication that must be overcome. There’s the bad habit of lazy listening and hasty speaking.” (John Lavendar) (Goes with James 1:19)
• Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance. (Proverbs 1:5)
• The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)
• The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. (Proverbs 15:14)
• He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. (Proverbs 15:31)
• He who answers before listening —that is his folly and his shame. (Proverbs 18:13)
• The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out. (Proverbs 18:15)
• Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. (Proverbs 19:20)
• Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge. (Proverbs 23:12)
• Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)
Be Aware of What You Say and How You Say It
• A quiet and gentle spirit disarms men. (Dr Charles Swindoll) This is in reference to the scripture that says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. It should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:1-2 and 1 Peter 3:4)
• Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean. “Speaking the truth in love, may [we] grow up in all things into Him who is the head —CHRIST.” (Ephesians 4:15)
• A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. (Proverbs 16:23)
• The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. (Proverbs 10:29)
• Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)
• A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. (Proverbs 17:27)
• A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions. (Proverbs 18:2)
• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Philippians 4:29)
Make Sure You:
• Put away perversity from your mouth keep corrupt talk far from your lips. (Proverbs 4:24)
• He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. (Proverbs 13:3)
• My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. All of the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. (Proverbs 8:7-8)
• The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)
• A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (Proverbs 29:11)
• Love is not rude; it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5)
Biting Anger
• If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Galatians 5:15)
• In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. (1 Peter 2:11)
• Remind the people to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men. (Titus 3:2)
• Think of your marriage as sacred ground. It’s a union God has sanctioned, not just because you were determined to come together but also for God’s purpose. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
• Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3)
• The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:2, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”
As God Commands:
• Serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Galatians 5:13-14)
• Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (1 Corinthians 10:24)
• Everything is permissible —but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible —but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (1 Corinthians 10:23-24)
• Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Galatians 6:9-10)
• But wisdom is proved right by her actions. (Matthew 11:19)
• But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment, for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matthew 12:37)
• My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this —that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. (John 15:12-14)
• Love is both an intention and an action. “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)
If you have additional scriptures and/or tips to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Spiritual Matters
(USA) I am truly thankful for coming across this website. I am going through the hardest time of my life with my husband. First, he started talking to this woman on the phone day and night and they were sending each other nude pics of one another. He would even talk to her around me and the kids and would play it off as if it was just one of his friends. After I came to him and told him how he was hurting me, it continued. Then it stopped.
Then after that, he came across some old emails I had with another guy 4 yrs ago. I talked a lot about my husband and our situation, and this and guy and I talked sexually with one another and met up at clubs from time to time. My husband of course flipped out and wanted my head on a platter. Things have not been the same.
My husband is a minister in our church and he does not work. He doesn’t pull in any money and it has been a stresser on our marriage for years. I am the bread winner and it makes it real hard sometimes to respect and love because he won’t get a job. I think he uses the Bible as a crutch and I am really at a crossroads on whether to cut my losses or stick it out till things get better.
But I can’t get the thoughts out of my head about how I truly feel about him. I love him cause he’s great with the kids and helps me out every chance he gets but I want him to do more. I want to feel protected and taken care of. I feel like I take care of myself. Anything I want, I have to figure out how to get. I can never ask him.
If I make him leave my life will get much harder with 2 kids and a career. I need him to help me which I know he would, regardless, but it will complicate things even more. I need help and guidance on what to do.
(USA) 1Ti 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
2Th 3:10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.
HOW does he justify being any kind of spokes person for the LORD and doing this kind of thing in marriage…!
(NIGERIA) I thank God for finding this site at a period in my life where I am going through a rough situation in my marriage. I would have thrown in the towel on the union ‘cos i have been in this forth and back situation for about 10 years now. Somehow, I just keep holding on to my love and walking with God to endure, forgive and reconcile again and again.
I have now even read a lot on the site that I know it will help me to keep going in God’s direction and stay close to his side. God Bless you.
(USA) To all that are hurting – don’t lose faith in the Lord! We will never understand His plans for us, but rest assured, he does have a plan – I’m convinced that there are no coincidences in this life! It is difficult and painful trying to figure out why he allows us to deal with such trials and tribulations, but when all is said and done, He will open your eyes to understanding, all will become clear, and you will grow stronger from the experience!
My wife and I have been married for 18 years. There have been difficult bumps in the road along the way, but until recently we thought that we had made it to a point in our relationship where things couldn’t get any better – that’s when God smacked us in the face with a hard lesson.
Over this past Thanksgiving weekend, I found out that my wife was in the midst of a 3-4 week fling with her boss via text message, email, and over the phone. There was never a physical aspect beyond occasional hugging and kissing, and I know that it would not have advanced to that point. Although they knew that the relationship was wrong, they did draw a line in the sand and establish ground rules to prevent the relationship from moving into even more dangerous territory.
After I exposed the inappropriate relationship, they both agreed to end it, and we all know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is a thing of the past. Regardless, the betrayal of trust hurt me deeply, yet it can’t be compared to the pain and guilt that my wife feels for putting our relationship in potential jeopardy.
We are rapidly moving past this by taking the Word to heart; as it says in 1 Corinthians 13:5, “Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.”
What was the lesson God wanted to teach us out of this ordeal? After much thoughtful prayer and discussion, we learned that He was teaching us not to be complacent in our relationship – that no matter how good you think things are, they can always get better; there’s always room for improvement. He was teaching us not to ignore the "little things" that add up to so much more in a relationship. Finally, He was teaching us that although we didn’t realize it, we were allowing the other things in our life (work, kids, other activities) to cause us to lose focus on our relationship.
I didn’t find this site until yesterday, after we had already reached these conclusions ourselves; however, the discussion above about the "creeping separateness" is exactly what we were allowing to enter into our relationship. I am grateful that someone has been able to put this concept into words. And as painful as this experience has been, we are very grateful that the Lord chose to teach us this lesson now – before we allowed it to reach the point of no return.
Have faith! Believe! Trust that no matter how difficult your tribulations may seem, He will never place a burden on you greater than you can handle! He has a plan for all of us!
(USA) Hi I get your messages in my email regularly and it has been such a help to me. My marriage has been a very abusive one which includes infidelity and on line infidelity. My husband from the first week we were married stated that he never was in love with me and he re-enforced that with verbal repetitiveness over the course of 8 years.
He began hitting me within the first few months of our marriage and of course it made me an insecure and eventually bitter woman. Other women were always better than me and it made him so angry that he got duped. Your messages got me through years of the mess.
Last year when it was as dangerous as it could get, I got myself out of there and went far away. I finally have been doing some real healing and since he stepped out on me, he said he found out he loved his wife. We have been trying to mend this marriage long distance and it is so hard. I have been standing in faith, but I am getting tired.
I want to say thank you, because some of the messages literally helped me to see that it was okay to get myself to safety and still be biblical. My church was so against counseling and so against my leaving and they were aware of how dangerous my household was. I felt that there was no help and that to be biblical as a wife I was suppose to just endure until my prayers were answered by God. I re-read some of them now and they do re-enforce my values and it is clear what is considered by God to be a godly marriage. Thanks.
(USA) Your church should of never made you feel it was not right. God gives us wisdom to take care of ourselves. Our bodies are his temple and he wants us to take care of them. I believe you did the right thing. 1 Corinathians 7:10-11 says that a wife is not to depart her husband but even if she does depart she is to remain unmarried or remarry but is to be reconciled to her husband. I believe this is in the Bible because God knows there are causes that you will need to depart but only for a time.
Keep praying and doing God’s will and praying for you husband and loving him as Christ loves him and God will make a way for all things to work out. Let God change your husband into the man he wants for you and allow God to change you in the process to. We all need changing. God uses all things for Good for those who love him and can turn this test in your life into a TESTAMONY. God Bless you.
(CANADA) AM SO BLESSED TO CAME ACROSS THIS SITE. IT REALLY BEEN A BLESSING.THANK GOD FOR INTERNET. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 MONTHS NOW AND I JUST PRAY THAT GOD WILL GIVE ME THE HEART TO LOVE AND BE PATIENT. IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY THESE FEW MONTHS. BUT I HAVE LEARNED TO TRUST GOD AND LET HIM BE THE CENTER OF OUR FOCUS. GOD ACCEPT US FOR WHO WE ARE, SO ARE WE TO ACCEPT EACH OTHER (SPOUSE) AND NOT TRY TO CHANGE OUR SPOUSE TO BE LIKE US. WE ARE ALL UNIQUE IN GOD’S OWN EYES.
I PRAY FOR ALL READING THIS THAT GOD WILL STRENGTHEN YOU. AND REMEMBER GOD IS WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES AND IN ALL SITUATIONS.
(USA) Married life failed with me and my mate because of his addictions, violence towards me, selfishness, and never “butt-out” in laws. I have a spoiled husband by his parents! They bail him out too much even with poor choices. Dil’s have to redo mil damages.
(BAHAMAS) Well, I know what you mean, my husband is similar. He is so used to others making decisions for himself that he seems to make poor decisions on his own sometimes and as a family we seem affected sometimes because of his stupidity- I am just being honest.
(SAMOA) Wow! This site has been so inspirational, uplifting, and rejuvenating for me! Next month I’ll be celebrating 1 year of marriage. My marriage, like many others here, has been on the rocks. But I think that it is important for EVERYONE, because we are all going thru something, to know that it takes more strength to humble yourself, to forgive, to Let Go & Let God, to speaking lovingly, and to control your soul…than it does to retaliate, take revenge, remain in unforgiveness, and the like.
Jesus is ALWAYS such a wonderful example. JESUS, was innocent, spotless, blameless, pure, and the PUREST example of Love. He was attacked on all sides; before Judas betrayed Him, angry crowds sought after Him to kill Him. He took all of our sins, all of the diseases and sickness, all of the evil and wickedness, and he was nailed to that tree so that you and I and EVERYONE can start all over again. No matter where you’ve been, no matter what you’ve done, and no matter who you are…YOU CAN START ALL OVER AGAIN. We have all fallen short of the glory, we are only made righteous thru Jesus and His holy & unfathomable sacrifice. For those of you who are struggling to forgive yourself, JUST DO IT because God has already done so. For those of you who are struggling to forgive others, JUST DO IT because you were unworthy, but God’s grace & mercy covered you! Yes, it is hard. Yes, it is painful. BUT it truly is what Jesus would do. And besides Child of God, our Father doesn’t want us dragging around a coffin filled with the sins of yesteryear, the shackles of guilt & shame, the luggage of loneliness and isolation…JESUS died so we ALL could be set free!
We cannot control what others do. PERIOD. POINT BLANK. And that’s frustrating and painful. But we just can’t. We all operate under our own free will, but the higher calling is to submit our will unto His will because God ALREADY has it figured out. God knows what’s going to happen. We don’t. He already has the plans for our life and they are to prosper us and not to harm us (Jeremiah 11:29)! People are going to do what they’re going to do, and all we can do is to stay in God’s will!
Be encouraged. God is going to turn it around. There is power in the blood. Be strong, be bold, because the Lord thy God is with thee! God never leaves us, He has carved us into the palms of His hand (Isaiah 49: 15-16)! If you would just call upon the Rock, He will give you peace that passeth all understanding! Know that you serve a God that loves you, cares about you, and knows your heart thru and thru! God is going to take care of it! He’s got your back! Everything is going to be alright because God’s hand is upon your life and He will keep you, protect you, and shelter you! Psalm 91!! Below is a poem I wrote, under the direction of the Holy Spirit (I pray that whosoever reads it, God will reveal Himself to you and speak into your life concerning your situation):
Goodbye Friend.
Goodbye Lend & Bend.
Goodbye Reassurance at the End of the Tunnel.
Goodbye Security Bubble.
Goodbye Comfort in the midst of my Chaos.
Goodbye Compass when I find myself Lost.
Goodbye Calming Whisper, so clear in my Ear.
Goodbye to Our Trail of Tears.
Goodbye rhyme and goodbye measure.
Goodbye sweet friend, that I dearly treasured.
Once I considered you my leading hand in the darkness of night,
But when dawn broke, you were gone and I was left with Plight.
I thought that our friendship would bloom out of its cocoon,
But before that time came you found your very own Moon.
I became no more than a distant star,
For you my disappearance didn’t even leave a scar.
I put on a smile and slowly walked away,
Hoping that your heart would turn and you would yell my name.
But no sound came from anywhere behind me,
So I sadly took all of Us and planted a tree.
The Us Tree grew roots, there it stood and stayed,
It allowed me to leave it all behind and freely run away.
I was running so fast, I slammed into a door.
It made me remember that we were friends no more.
My stone heart began to crack and my icy tears began to fall,
SHOOT, I thought I had planted EVERYTHING into that tree a long time ago.
The door swung open and a gentleman appeared,
He said, "Child everything will be fine, do not fear."
He pulled me up and dried my eyes,
He took away my watch and told me to forget about Time.
We stayed up late, we talked all night.
He agreed that life would always be full of fights.
It was time to go to bed and He showed me my room,
He reassured me with, "Although as My Child, you are never doomed."
I grabbed His hand and asked Him for His name,
With a smile He said, "Father, Yahweh, or Jesus. I doesn’t matter they’re all the Same."
I began to cry, "Father, I thought you weren’t home."
He replied, "Next time, just knock. I will surely come."
The tears kept on flowing, "Father I’ve wronged you in so many ways!
How could you help me and invite me to stay?"
He laughed and squeezed my hand, "Darling, I’ve been waiting for your arrival. Homecomings are the best, they always make me smile!"
We smiled and danced!
We celebrated and laughed!
I was home, home at last!
In His house, I am not a distant star.
In His house, I am not a faded scar.
In His house, He always keeps a room ready for me.
And when I come home, He is always as happy as can be.
In His house, He has tasks and talents with my name on it.
His gifts are more beautiful, than any man made sonnet.
In His house, I never struggle to make ends meet.
In His house, I always get good sleep.
In His house, my entire being is always nourished.
In His house, He allows me to flourish.
I praised Him and loved Him and called Him by Name.
He said my sins are forgiven, be free and without shame.
He owned me, He loved me, He called me His own.
With God, my Father, I know I always have a Home.
Amen :) To God be the Glory!
(UNITED STATES) Hello, I am a married woman searching for some peace. I have been married to my husband for almost 14 years. The sad thing is… we’ve never really been able to be just that… a married couple. From day 1 we’ve been hit with trials beyond anyone’s imagination. First my husband was scared of being an immediate father (I had a 5 month old daughter whom he adopted). Next we got pregnant right away. We had a girl. We never really got to be us.
Then it just got worse. I was looking for affection elsewhere. I stopped it before it went too far. However, it was still a stray. Then I got pregnant again. We had a son. My husband was still heartbroken from what I did. He had an affair. When I found out I left. Soon after my son was killed in a freak accident.
We got back together and my husband was in an accident and had to have his leg amputated. Soon after that his dad dies. We just moved on with life and never took care of us. Now several years later… he doesn’t know if he wants to be married anymore.
We started to work things out about a month ago. As far as I knew we were doing great. I felt like a newlywed again. But last week he tells me he doesn’t feel the same. He is a Christian man, and feels that even God can’t fix this. Too much has happened and he has too many hard feelings toward me. I asked him if we could pray together and read the Bible together. He doesn’t think there are any scriptures that speak of repairing a marriage with as much heartache as ours. He feels no one could possibly understand how we feel to even counsel us. Our problems are far too big for anyone to help or understand. If anyone has any scriptures in mind, or encouraging words please forward to me. Thanks God bless
(FIJI ISLANDS) I really love this site. I have been married for 5 months now. It wasn’t that easy for me all this while, since we live separately though we are married. I have prayed, fasted for unity in our marriage, and still continue to do that. We didn’t fight or lived separately for some reasons, my wife decided to stay with her family for another year. It wasn’t easy though we visited each other but living separately really defeats the real purpose of a married life. I won’t give up on this. All I ask for is your prayers. GOD BLESS
(US) Thank you for making a website that helps people. like me, who are seeking wise and Godly counsel for their marriage. I’ve been married for 3 years (4 in august) and I love my husband with all my heart but I don’t agree with the fact that he smokes marijuana. When we were dating I knew that he got high quite often but I overlooked it because I myself had stepped outside of God’s will (not to mention my parent’s will) for my life. I was having sex with him outside of marriage and basically disobeying my parent. They didn’t know exactly what I was doing but they had an idea. Plus, they are pastors and I believe that the Holy Spirit pretty much revealed it to them because they were always praying for me. We had our fights and disagreements but I was determined to do want I wanted regardless of what they said.
Well, eventually it all caught up with me and I found out that I was pregnant. I was determined not to get married just because I was pregnant and my parents demanded that I do the right thing but I knew it was the right thing to do considering that I did love my husband. Despite my disobedience I did (do) love the Lord with all my heart and was sorry for displeasing him. I wanted to make things right and I believe my husband did too as he was raised in the church but strayed from the Lord as well.
Our relationship had always been a good one even though our relationship with the Lord had always been strained. I believe that having God fearing parents who are strong in prayer has been a big help because they are always praying for us. Though when our daughter was born something came over me to stop being so complacent and get into the word for her sake as well as our own, to teach her the how to walk with God — the way our parents taught us because it is the right way.
Even though my husband agreed upon this, his actions didn’t parallel with the agreement. He continued do the same things and I became angry because I felt that it was time for us to put all that behind us and grow up. We went to church occasionally though we strived to go more often but I believe that the devil was (is) trying to hold us back.
I believe that my husband and I have a great calling on our life but we’re running from it. Even as I strive to run towards it I know that it is for the two of us to fulfill as husband and wife. But he will not let go of the marijuana and it causes anger and resentment inside of me every time he gets high. When I ask him to stop smoking he asks me why and where it says in the Bible that it’s wrong to smoke marijuana and I usually never have an answer for him except that it cause friction in our relationship when he gets high and just passes out and I don’t want our kids to grow up seeing him like that and thinking it’s ok to do it. I also tell him that the Bible says that we should obey the laws of the land and the our body is a temple, that we should keep it holy but he doesn’t think that those are straight enough answers and he laughs them off.
Well with him doing all that, it has caused a separation between us because he goes off with his friends pretty much everyday to get high and it is disheartening to see him go off with his friends when I would like for him to want to do things with the family. I hate feeling like he wants to be with them more than he does with us and so I just start feeling sorry for myself and get angry at him to the point where I don’t want to speak to him or do anything for him when he is high.
As we’re expecting our second child soon, my emotions are a heightened and he is gone all day mostly to work and then to his friend’s place. I can’t talk to him because I’m so angry. We’re having a boy and try to emphasize to him that our son will be looking up to him when he’s older and I don’t want him showing our son such bad examples.
I feel like I’m being punished and that I had it coming, although now I’m trying to heed the word of God and show my kids a good example. How can I get my family on the track that god has built for us, how can I speak to my husband with love and get him to understand that I’m not trying to control him but be good examples to our children? And how can I stop being angry at him? Please help me out before my marriage crumbles.
(USA) Hello, me and my wife have been married for 7 years in the process. After we had our 2yr old our marriage went sour. We were fighting all the time and she was going out with her sister who has been recently divorced … She stays out every weekend and goes out on Thursday nights. I just found out she lost her job back in March and still hasn’t told me… I confronted her about it. She replies she has a job…. but I know different. I really truly love my house but with all the thing that are going on in my life it’s tearing us apart. (I really love her) (but God is first in my life, then her, and my family)… With us going into foreclosure, I am trying to save the house and with the losing of her job the list goes on and on …We have not been in this situation before. I need help and prayer. Please email me back.
(UNITED STATES) I have been married for four years. My wife just recently decided she wanted a divorce. We have been together for ten years. She is all I know. The reason she asked for a divorce is that she thinks that I am too complacent, just happy where I am in life. I admit I may not always say the best things, but I am not a bad person and don’t feel like this is merits for a divorce. I thought we would be together forever and any problems we had we would work out.
We have two small children together. This can’t be good for them. She already moved out of our house and things are only getting worse by her absence. I am holding on to God’s word, hoping and praying this situation gets better.
(USA) HOLD ON BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN THE LORD!!! I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I AM A HAPPILY MARRIED WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN WITH HER HUSBAND FOR 13 YEARS NOW AND I CAN’T BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW THE LORD HAS MOVED IN MY MARRIAGE!!!
I could honestly write a book but I want to summarize it all by saying that both parties have to be willing, not for each other but for the glory of God!! I say it that way because as humans we are generally selfish and both parties in every marriage wants it their way… aah but when do it God’s way, well, his word alone can solve any problem if every man and woman knew their place in a marriage.
EXAMPLE… God’s word tells us that women are the weaker vessel, 1 Peter 3:7, and Ephesians 5:22-24 assures us women as to our place in the marriage. It took many years of prayer and fasting, trusting God and putting our faith in him for my marriage to get to the point where it is now. God’s people, his word is true, and it will be effective in your marriage when it is faithfully applied. Keep trusting and believing and above all be obedient to his word. For those of you who are having an especially hard time because the other spouse is not “walking with the Lord” please apply 1 Peter 3.
(USA) I checked out this site for my son and daughter in law. They are having major problems with their marriage. They have been married for 2 months with a preemie baby. I see most of the problems is with my son smoking pot. This site has great scriptures for them. Please pray for them.
(USA) This comment is for PI, we have been married over 30 years; my husband smoked pot also. it was a constant argument, battle with him. Trying to figure out how a Christian could do that tore me up. It has passed down to my grown son who now has the problem with his marriage because of it. I don’t know what to tell you; days will be hard, but trust God and he will get you through it.