The following are scriptures and quotes we believe you’ll find helpful for living biblically in your marriage. We pray they will minister to your heart and inspire how you interact in your marriage.
Please Prayerfully Read:
• “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8)
• Love flows through a marriage that lives up to mutual responsibility. “Love is not self seeking; it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )
• Foundation Verse for Marriage: “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10:24) Ask yourself: “How can I encourage him or her?”
• A true demonstration of love: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other.” (1 John 3:16)
• It says in 1 Corinthians 13:7 that love “always protects.” That doesn’t mean love enables, covers over, or makes secret those things that should be brought to the light. But it is being prayerfully careful of when, where, and with whom we share personal details of our married life. To truly love our spouse is to show respect for their feelings. It is not about doing or saying anything that “cuts them down.” By doing so, we show that we don’t value them.
It also tells us in 1 Corinthians 13, “Love is kind.” It “is not self-seeking.” So by embarrassing our spouse, we dishonor not only him or her, but we also dishonor God’s Word. Even if our spouse dishonors us, we aren’t given the permission to retaliate in return. (Cindy Wright)
Additional Scriptures:
• In reading Luke 19:41-44, these verses can also apply to the enormous sadness Christ must feel as He sees “war” rage within marriages. It says, “As Jesus approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, ‘If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace —but it’s hidden from your eyes. The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you didn’t recognize the time of God’s coming to you.'”
The “enemies” that are described within these verses can be compared to the things we allow to come between us as a couple so we’re no longer living in loving covenant with our spouses. Not only will we be brought down —but also, and most tragically —so will our children.
As Oswald Chambers said, “If I allow any turning away from God in my private life, everyone around me suffers.” All of this is because we don’t recognize Christ’s redemptive ministry. It’s open to all that embrace Him as Savior, AND as Lord, as the foundation upon which our marriages must be built and maintained. It’s enough to make all of heaven weep! (Cindy Wright)
Keep in Mind:
• The apostle Paul said, “In all things, I have learned to be content.” That same statement can be applied to marriage. In 1 Corinthians, we see how Paul addressed many difficult relationship questions. The over-all answer that he seems to give is to “Be content in the situation where God has placed you. If you’re married, don’t seek to be single. If you’re single, don’t seek to be married.
Live God’s way, one day at a time, and he will show you what to do. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. One isn’t morally better than the other, and both are valuable to accomplishing God’s purposes. It’s important for us, therefore, to accept our present situation.” (Explanation from “The New Life Application Bible” of 1 Corinthians 7:3-11)
• Don’t isolate yourself, “Let us encourage one another —and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25)
• Apply Hebrews 10:24 that says, “As far as it be within you be at peace with all men.”
• Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
Keep in Mind:
• As you weather those marital storms, that we’re warned in 1 Corinthians 7:27-28, that “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.”
• In Ephesians 4:15 Paul challenged Christians to live a life of “speaking the truth in love.” Our tendency is to do well on 50% of that verse. Some of us have mastered “speaking the truth.” We’re quick to point out anything that we see or perceive in our spouse and are willing to use any method (attacking, judging, etc.) to drive the point home. Others of us are stuck at the “in love” part of confrontation. We’ve come to believe in complete acceptance and tolerance of any behavior.
Often we become paralyzed with a fear of hurting someone’s feelings and withdraw into passivity and silence. Speaking the truth in love combines both of these concepts to allow us to confront sinful behavior without compromise, yet with absolute care and respect for the individual, saying things in a way that the person can accept. When a couple takes the stance of living out Paul’s challenge of “speaking the truth in love” to each other, the old models of judging and passivity must disappear. (Jeff and Lora Helton)
Please Know:
• The principles for living written in the Bible are the principles for loving in our marriages. (Cindy Wright)
• Be a difference maker. Give to your spouse, the grace that you would want from him and that you want the Lord to give you. Keep in mind these words, “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8)
Pay head to the words written in Isaiah 1:17, “Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!” 1 John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”
• Guard yourself in your spirit, and don’t break faith. (Malachi 2:16)
Mutual Commitment of Submission Among Equals
• Prayerfully read the following based on 1 Corinthians 11:3: “I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” The commentary for the New Life Application Bible states: “Submission is a key element in the smooth functioning of any business, government, or family. God ordained submission in certain relationships to prevent chaos. It’s essential to understand that submission is not surrender, withdrawal, or apathy. It doesn’t mean inferiority, because God created all people in his image and because all have equal value. Submission is mutual commitment and cooperation.
“Thus God calls for submission among equals. He didn’t make the man superior. He made a way for the man and woman to work together. Jesus Christ, although equal with God the Father, submitted to him to carry out the plan for salvation. Likewise, although equal to man under God, the wife should submit to her husband for the sake of their marriage and family. Submission between equals is submission by choice, not by force. We serve God in these relationships by willingly submitting to others in our church, to our spouses, and to our government leaders.”
In Relationship:
• We are told in Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, but holy and blameless.
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church —for we are members of His body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery —but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
The commentary for the New Life Application Bible explains these scriptures in Ephesians 5:25-33: “Paul devotes twice as many words to telling husbands to love their wives as to telling wives to submit to their husbands. How should a man love his wife? (1) He should be willing to sacrifice everything for her. (2) He should make her well-being of primary importance. (3) He should care for her as he cares for his own body. No wife needs to fear submitting to a man who treats her in this way.
To Go With This, Prayerfully Consider:
“The union of husband and wife merges two persons in such a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other. Oneness in marriage doesn’t mean losing your personality in the personality of the other. Instead, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate his or her needs, helping the other person become all he or she can be. The creation story tells of God’s plan that husband and wife should be one (Genesis 2:24), and Jesus also referred to this plan. (Matthew 19:4-6) (Commentary explanation for Ephesians 5:31-33)
• A very important principle for men to take to heart: “Speaking the truth in love we will in all things grow up into Him who is the head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:15-16)
Coping Situations
• When you’re living in a “coping situation” in your marriage, you need to make sure that you put activities and “helps” into your life that will enable you to build up your energy back up. Living in a “coping situation” can drastically drain you emotionally, physically and spiritually. Therefore, if you deplete your reserve energy without restoring at least part of it back from time to time, you’ll find yourself in a crisis situation eventually.
The Bible tells us that we can “do all things through Him who strengthens us” (Philippians 4:13). But we have to make sure that we don’t neglect to plug into the source of energy so we can do all things.
• Let me ask you, “Are you prayerfully and carefully treating your spouse with the love, honor and respect that God would have you? Are you showing the love of Christ to your spouse?” If not, you may want to pray Psalm 51 with a sincere heart and ask the Lord to show you how to love, honor, and cherish your spouse as you promised in your wedding vows.
• “Fight truth decay —study the Bible daily.”
NEW TESTAMENT MANDATE
This is a review of some of the “one another” verses:
• Be devoted and give preference to one another. (Romans 12:10)
• Accept one another. (Romans 15:7)
• Care for one another. (1 Corinthians 12:25)
• Carry each other’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2)
• Forgive one another. (Ephesians 4:32)
• Encourage, build up one another. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
• Spur one another on to love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:24)
• Confess your sins to one another. (James 5:16)
• Pray for one another. (James 5:16)
In Life and Marriage, Remember:
• We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them.” (2 Corinthians 5:20 -The Message)
• Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. (Ephesians 5:1-2, The Message)
Be on the Alert:
• Beware of these statements, “He is” -or- “she is” -or- “I am” a private person.” PRIVACY CAN EASILY LEAD TO BEHAVIOR THAT GIVES INTO DARKNESS. (See: Proverbs 4:19; 2 Samuel 22:29; Psalm 112:4; Matthew 6:23; and Luke 11:34-36. Also read: John 3:19-21; Romans 1:21; 2 Corinthians 4:6; 2 Corinthians 6:14; Ephesians 4:17-18 and Ephesians 5:8-14. In addition, read: 1 Peter 2:9; 1 John 1:5-7; 1 John 2:9-11). Privacy can easily lead into secrecy. And secrecy leads to all kinds of trouble because it’s not exposed to “the light.”
When we give the vow to enter into a marital relationship, we give up the right to secrecy. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. (To better understand the difference please read the article, Privacy Vs Secrecy in Marriage.) Be careful of the statement, “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” because often it will.
In Marriage:
• God wants to take the “two of us and make us one.” The enemy of our faith wants to take the “oneness of us” and make us into two. The goal is to lead us to the place of “creeping separateness.”
“The killer of love is creeping separateness. It’s taking love for granted, especially after marriage. It’s ceasing to do things together —finding separate interests. Additionally, it’s ‘we’ turning into ‘I.’ …The failure of love might seem to be caused by hate or boredom or unfaithfulness with a lover. But those were results. First came the creeping separateness: the failure behind the failure.” (Sheldon Vanauken)
• As you read Matthew 5:31-32 you can see that “Jesus is trying to move us from easy divorce to a deeper commitment to marriage.” (Dr. Roger Barrier)
The Influence of Others
• Make it a priority to be involved with other couples on a regular basis, in order to support and be accountable to one another in your marriage relationships. Church small groups and Sunday schools are ideal. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Alistair Begg)
• The surprising result of being honest about your fears and insecurities is that people may actually be more drawn to you (Dr. Todd Linaman) “The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit.” (Proverbs 14:8)
• The enemy of our faith tries to divide us because he knows that “united we stand, divided we fall.” He fans the flames of rivalry and pride. How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1)
• What are you feeding in your marriage? Do you spend your time focusing on the negative or on the positive aspects of your spouse? The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8-9: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable —if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me —put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
Unity in Marriage
• Prayer for marriages: “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”(John 17:23) This is also an example of how God wants us to function. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are separate individuals within the Godhead, yet they are one in purpose. In marriage the husband and wife are different individuals and yet they are to be one in purpose. (Cindy Wright)
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes (author unknown). “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” (Proverbs 29:11)
• Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. (Romans 14:19)
• The lips of the righteous knows what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. (Proverbs 10:32)
• An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. (Proverbs 24:26)
• Jesus said, “I came that they might have life and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) When applying this message to marriage, it’s not that those who don’t have a personal relationship with Christ can’t have a good marriage. They can. We’ve seen this to be true. But to have a full, rich, abundant married life together, Christ is the key. Marriage is all about the love of God displayed through ordinary people. (Cindy Wright)
Listen and Be Wise
• “There are two hindrances to good communication that must be overcome. There’s the bad habit of lazy listening and hasty speaking.” (John Lavendar) (Goes with James 1:19)
• Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance. (Proverbs 1:5)
• The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)
• The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. (Proverbs 15:14)
• He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. (Proverbs 15:31)
• He who answers before listening —that is his folly and his shame. (Proverbs 18:13)
• The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out. (Proverbs 18:15)
• Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. (Proverbs 19:20)
• Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge. (Proverbs 23:12)
• Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)
Be Aware of What You Say and How You Say It
• A quiet and gentle spirit disarms men. (Dr Charles Swindoll) This is in reference to the scripture that says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. It should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:1-2 and 1 Peter 3:4)
• Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean. “Speaking the truth in love, may [we] grow up in all things into Him who is the head —CHRIST.” (Ephesians 4:15)
• A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. (Proverbs 16:23)
• The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. (Proverbs 10:29)
• Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)
• A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. (Proverbs 17:27)
• A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions. (Proverbs 18:2)
• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Philippians 4:29)
Make Sure You:
• Put away perversity from your mouth keep corrupt talk far from your lips. (Proverbs 4:24)
• He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. (Proverbs 13:3)
• My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. All of the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. (Proverbs 8:7-8)
• The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)
• A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (Proverbs 29:11)
• Love is not rude; it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5)
Biting Anger
• If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Galatians 5:15)
• In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. (1 Peter 2:11)
• Remind the people to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men. (Titus 3:2)
• Think of your marriage as sacred ground. It’s a union God has sanctioned, not just because you were determined to come together but also for God’s purpose. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
• Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3)
• The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:2, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”
As God Commands:
• Serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Galatians 5:13-14)
• Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (1 Corinthians 10:24)
• Everything is permissible —but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible —but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (1 Corinthians 10:23-24)
• Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Galatians 6:9-10)
• But wisdom is proved right by her actions. (Matthew 11:19)
• But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment, for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matthew 12:37)
• My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this —that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. (John 15:12-14)
• Love is both an intention and an action. “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)
If you have additional scriptures and/or tips to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Spiritual Matters
(USA) This really ticks me off. All you folks out there in lala land telling everyone that they can have a good marriage, all you have to do is pray and forgive him and pray some more. Yea, and if you have a dollar, go down to the store and buy a power ball ticket and you can have $195 million dollars! I have read all the posts.. it doesn’t matter if you ARE a really good Christian and you marry a really good Christian… or whatever other faith you may be.. It doesn’t matter how much you both are in “love” .. IT WILL NOT LAST. Any one who thinks it will is just fooling themselves.. and they are lying to you and trying to fool you into buying into the notion that if you are “good enough” and if you “pray enough” you can have a “happy marriage” for all eternity. (Or at least until that little short skirt walks down the street or the late night porn comes on TV). You can pray all you want and be as good as a saint and it won’t make a dimes worth of difference to a “good marriage.” Just tell me how many good marriages you know about. If you think you know one, think again. If anyone tells you they have been happily married for x number of years, they are liars or fools. If you want to be happy, then know this going into marriage and try to be happy in spite of it. Many of us are VERY GOOD ACTORS and look like we have a happy marriage… instead, we lead lives of silent desperation. Your “good” marriage WILL fall apart. Read your bible. We are all fallen people. The only perfect love we have is that God love us and he want us to love him back as best we can. We certainly will not get that love from any MAN here on this earth! I’m a 65 year old “actress.” I know my husband doesn’t love me and I certainly don’t love him… but we are, at times, happy non the less. And the sooner you people out there praying about your marriage and crying why won’t he come back to me.. realize this, the better off you will be!
….. Oh we love each other so much! We yell and scream at each other, do whatever we want behind the other persons back and we have just a perfect marriage. Don’t believe us? Well, just ask us and we will tell you……
And another thing. Any of you thinking about having children… I think that boat sailed many years ago. How could ANYONE in their right mind want to bring a poor little innocent child into life here on this sinful earth in these now or soon to be revelation end times! And if you want to pray for something… pray for all the little children that are here now and all the teenagers who are coming of age and who will be lost to this no morals society of drugs, sex, alcohol, witchcraft, pornography and all the other things the devil throws at them. So take your head out of the sand and look around and get educated. It doesn’t take the IQ of a rocket scientist to KNOW that this is the way it is and the way it will be until Jesus comes. And don’t go telling me I need to repent… and I need Jesus in my life. He is there already and He is all I need. And for all of you people out there in love, or in heat or whatever, and you think you can have a happy marriage… well, go for it! Just try to be an adult about it and stop the moaning, groaning, crying and complaining when it all falls apart. And PLEASE… get a bunch of birth control pills and don’t bring an innocent little life into this the devils world. And the rest of you… stop thinking you are a “good Christian” by lying to people making them think they can have a good marriage! None of us can. One day you will stand before God and he will ask you why you deceived all those people into thinking they can! And he may be as ticked off at you as I am.
(KUWAIT) I am so glad I found this site. I have been married for more than a year now. He left to work in Afghanistan to earn more. My husband is always focused on how to make money, to have a better future which is really good but I want more. I want him, a little of his attention. He will tell me he is busy working. He even told me “I didn’t work here in Afghanistan just to email you everyday or to call you everyday.” This hurts me a lot.
Please help… My husband is not emotional. He is the type of guy who doesn’t know how to send flowers, to buy gifts, or write a sweet nothing letter. I want our marriage to work out. I really love him and I know that he loves me too. But he said i married him like that… so he will never change.
(NIGERIA) I thank GOD I found this website, so inspiring, really.
(USA) Dear Cindy, I am a wife of 30 years. When my husband and I met we fell in love immediately, having the same values and beliefs. I thought this is the man who is going to lead/teach me how to be a true follower of Christ. I really did not understand that until just recently as our marriage has entered a crisis stage. I had not understand that building that relationship was my responsibility, not my husband’s.
Well, then 6 months after marrying I became pregnant and that was not in the plan and we had an abortion. I really think that was probably the real beginning of our problems. We just ignored it, there had been times over the years that I attempted to have a conversation with my husband about the abortion, but he just wouldn’t talk about it. Anyway, life went on, we had 2 children, busy with life and ignoring the secret that was at least killing me slowly. We were the good Christian family, but I would have difficulty even being in church w/o crying, I didn’t feel worthy. But I also didn’t feel that I could ever share/confess this to anyone because it was not just my sin and my husband would never discuss it and said it was in the past “just forget about it”. Easier said than done!
Anyway, fast forward to present day, both our kids are grown and leaving the house. I feel so disconnected from my husband, we virtually lived separate lives, no communication. I asked for us to go to Christian marriage counseling. We went to 3 sessions, the first 2 virtually dealing with the abortion. And then at the 3rd session the counselor allowed me to unload on my husband.
To say the least, my husband was devastated. The things I said had been said in the past but he had either never heard and/or it was just too much at once. Which it was and my heart was not in the right place. Ultimately my husband moved out for a month, in the fall of 2010, moving back in before the holidays at my request.
He refused to talk at all during this entire time. His only comment would be that there are too many hurts to rebuild/repair our marriage. To say the least, I have been devastated, but God has brought me to a place where I realize and want to finally build a real relationship with Him. And realizing that I need to deal with and heal from the abortion.
So I am taking a post abortion recovery study, receiving individual Christian counseling also. My husband and I are still in the same house, different rooms, and he refuses to speak to me at all. The only talking that takes place is started by me and he responds with one word answers. He has just shut down! I have asked for his forgiveness and told him what I now know I need to do as far as building a relationship with Christ. And that I’m in the abortion recovery study.
He has nothing to say to me. He is no longer going to church, to the best of my knowledge. It is very hard! I love him very much and believe our marriage can be rebuilt. And I know that it can only happen through God! But as a virtually new Christian and just getting into the Bible, I’m struggling especially with prayer. I feel so inadequate in my prayer.
Many times I feel like I’m just reading someone else’s prayer and God knows it. I wish I knew what to say to my husband, but there’s just a lot of silence. I repeat Ezekiel 36:26 a lot for my husband’s heart to be softened, and for me to let God be in control, a very hard thing for me, I’m a fixer.
Where do I go from here? I need patience to wait on God and how He is dealing with my husband. I know I want things to happen yesterday. God is teaching me so much and I know He’s still teaching me that He has to be FIRST in my life, but it’s hard to think that it won’t be my husband and children. Help!!
Get the book, With Christ in the School of Prayer
. This is the greatest prayer book!! Sorry I can’t help with anything else. All prayers will be answered and solved by God through obedience, faith, and conviction in your faith. You must KNOW that your prayer will be answered. Lastly, prayers must be for the purpose of advancing God’s kingdom, which your struggle now is for his kingdoms advancement.
(USA) My husband is always too busy with his job. So busy that we haven’t slept together for most of our married life of 17 years. I am so empty that I no longer even want to be married to him since he isn’t much of a husband. I’m still here only because of my Christian faith. Because of medical reasons I put on extra weight that I haven’t been able to take off. Could he be so turned off by my weight that he would rather not even be around?
(UNITED STATES) I love my husband and so does he. We are high-school sweet hearts and married at a young age. But since we have been married we haven’t had any privacy because his family has lived with us (4 members). Its been tough but my husband says he can’t just tell them to leave so we can live our life and enjoy our marriage. I know his family needs help but we can only do so much.
I’m glad I found this site because it helped remember “not do grow weary of doing good”, but I’m confused about when we will have our privacy since they’ve been with us for almost 3 years. They are good Christians so I would like to think that they are doing the most that they can to get on their feet but sometimes my heart tells me something different.
(USA) My husband professes to be a believer, but has joined a church that is legalistic and teaches false intrepretations about the word, and about God and Gods character and ways. He left our home that my son and I reside in 2 years ago. He lived in several places around me and contacted me from time to time either for dates or asking to have relations with me. I went on the dates, however, I would not have relations with him. He didn’t like that at all. He continued this patttern while all the time growing more angry and abusive at me, telling me “I’m to submit to him in everything”, and that my body doesn’t belong to me, according to the scripture.
He moved half way back in a few times while keeping his other homes, only to leave us again, saying I was contentious as he refuses to apolgogize for leaving me. His huge accusation on me is that I refuse to submit, subject, and obey him as God commands me to. He has turned it all around and says I remained separated from him as I stay in our home still to today with my son. My husbands says I have put him away refusing to live with him where God calls him to go, and that he invited me to live with him in all these places.
He now is in another state very far away, saying the same thing. He recently filed for divorce and sent me the papers. On the phone he told me that he would stop the divorce if I come to him as he needs me, and if I live where he wants and the way he wants. He is involved with a cultish church that teaches false things. I love him and I don’t want to be divorced again, as we both have had several divorces before marrying. Does God want me to submit and move down to where my husband is and see what happens, in order to save my marriage?
Sometimes he has left me when I am out somewhere with him. I feel he doesn’t really want me to come down and live our marriage out. That it is an insincere trick somehow to obtain our home away from me, or to hurt me further. Of course I will be enabling him to hide his wrong, and look like I’m the one who did wrong. He tried to claim Matthew 18 on me recently, but I did not let that happen.
He says I need to repent and stop this rebelliousness against God, and against him, my husband. His anger, and angry words, including attitudes wear me down every time, to where I feel afraid of my husband. He wants to control everything about me. He says he will listen to me, but he doesn’t have to do any of it. And a lot of what he says I say is unwise. He says I want I want, that I insist on my own ways or nothing. I believe he projects every wicked sin he is doing onto me as if it I were doing it to him. “I want to do Gods will”, he says even though he has a divorce attorney ready.
If I just sign his papers and agree with him, in 3 months we’re divorced. But I am no young woman, where as he is wealthy, and I have been a homemaker. I don’t have an attorney yet but my time is running out or I will be in default. He says he wants to end this separation even now, and he asks me if I do.
I live a very hard life as my husband has removed all support and even in the divorce has proposed little or nothing for me except to pay him all kinds of debt for what he paid on our home and things. He has become a lover of money and is very greedy since receiving a large inheritance, and he says he doesn’t want me to have any of it ever, even in marriage, only his kids. He says he loves me and that he is not dealing harshly with me. He says Jesus doesn’t contradict his own word and that I need to go to the word and follow it.
I feel ill inside as he oppresses me so either way, divorced or together. Can I go to him, love him as Christ, and hope one day he changes back to being the way that he once was in my life for many years?
Shel, I hate to hear that you are in the place that you are. I do not want you to do what I say just because I said it. Only that you would see your situation in another way, and seek God’s counsel on what to do.
According to what you are saying, it sounds like your husband can be summed up by 2 Peter 2:1-3 and Jude 5-11.
Regardless of where your husband stands you are supposed to live and continue living for God, always putting him before anything. Jude 20-22 will give you the command you are to live. This command is not changeable by your circumstances, just can be made harder to follow because of your circumstances.
If however your husband is one of those apostates that Jude is talking about, then he is the person Jude 19 is talking about. If he is a person of Jude 19, then you are told to follow the words of Jude 23.
I totally hate divorce with a rightous anger, but if he has walked away from his first love of Christ, then according to 1 Corinthians 7:10-15 if he seeks this divorce you are to allow him that right. For to stay with him after he asks for the divorce would not be doing what Jude 23 says.
Again I do not wish for you to listen to me, but to take this infromation and pray about it. Seek God’s counsel on this, and others who are strong in the faith for Proverbs 24:6 tells us there is safety in the counsel of numbers.
(USA) I’m looking for scripture and advice. I’m in a situation or a mind set where I do not want to work on my marriage. I am ready for it to be over. I do not want to put in any work or try again for the sake of my two kids. I’m tired. I’m emotionally drained and turned off. I feel like after 10 years, if you can’t figure it out, it’s just not meant to be. I truly feel like the only thing physically keeping me around is that I cannot financially afford to leave. I ask myself, “how did I get to this place?”
(USA) My heart truly goes out to all of you. I have newly come to know this pain and I feel like if anyone felt the way I do they would have died already, but I know we have to get through it with God. I was with my man for a year and a half and we were engaged. I love him so much that I could never put it into words. I have been physically sick since he left and told me he didn’t love me. But I know God has a reason, I have had to cling to him so tightly and he kept me alive. He has taught me more in the last 9 days than I have learned in my whole life. It’s truly amazing, and as much as this hurts, I know that I am still gaining something.
I hope God draws Matt back to me, but I know it’s up to the two of them now. I know what I want and I know what God is telling me to do, I have to wait on him. I feel like I won’t know what to do if he never comes back to me, but I can’t plan on that right now. God works in amazing ways, and maybe we both need to learn to need each other and realize how good we had it to really appreciate one another. I’m praying for everyone who is walking with this pain, and I ask for prayer as well. God can do anything, but that doesn’t mean he will :) So just have faith!
(AUSTRALIA) Thank you for this web site
(GHANA) I need relationship advice. In choosing a life long partner, what to look out for and what must one do? I welcome any comments and suggestions.
(USA) Hello everyone. My husband & I have been together for 3 years & out of those 3 years we’ve been married for 1yr. My husband came into this relationship a single father & that in itself has been very hard for him. My husbands life hasn’t been a good one since he was 5 years old, the things he had to faced was lack of a father & mother figure, he faced gangs, drugs, & lack of positive influences (male & female) in his life, & because of this my husband is very hurt, is bitter by this & is holding on to the past.
Now we are married & now he is not holding up to his marital promise (covenant between GOD, me & himself). He doesn’t spend time with us anymore, he doesn’t interact with our son, he seems like he finds things to do or make up an excuse to leave the house so that he doesn’t have to take on the responsibilities of a father & a husband. My husband seems more angry, frustrated lately, & lack of interest in leading his family. Lately, he talks down to me, he would walk out the house without saying or giving us a kiss. He blames me for his actions, & never try’s to fix anything & wants to stay mad all the time.
I ask my husband when is he coming back to church with us, & he says “when he finds a church we can all go to” & he will also say, “I will see if I feel like it”. Now I know I am not a perfect person, but I try to be a great wife & mother, & I don’t see that from him. This is starting to have a heavy toll on our marriage.
I miss my husband & so does our son. I don’t know what to do, how can I get him to see what is happening, how do I get him to see that his family needs him, & we are falling apart in our union of marriage & our family. How do I get him to see that his single male friends are some of the cause of his actions by what they say to him. I love my husband with every ounce of GOD that I have within me, I love him like I love myself BUT he doesn’t see it. I need to understand what has happened in these past 6 months. I want my husband back. What can I do…???
(NIGERIA) This site is the right one for me. I discover my shortcomings and am asking for God’s intervention in my heart and my relationship with my spouse.
(USA) What do you do when your spouse gets angry when you ask questions about certain things? Is he hiding something or is that just the way men are?