You think that after you marry, your love will continue to grow. We hope so. But just to help you along the way, the following thoughts will help keep you focused on developing a healthy and happy marriage. Afterward, we will give you additional “secrets” for newlyweds, and beyond:
1. Commit “till death do us part.”
You have made a vow to God and to another much-loved human being. [Marriage Missions Editors note: Make the vow with each other not to let the word “divorce” be a part of your vocabulary or even your inner thoughts. If you don’t it will start eroding away at your marital relationship.]
To have a healthy marriage it’s important to:
- Dream together —look forward to things.
- Be loyal to your mate at all costs.
- Care more about what your mate thinks of you than what your friends do.
2. Develop a common spiritual commitment.
- Pray for your mate regularly.
- Pray together regularly.
- Worship together.
3. Want what is best for your life-mate.
- Focus on what’s right with your mate, not what’s wrong with him/her.
- Work as a team —rely on each other’s strength.
- Serve your mate.
4. Spend time with couples who have been happily married 10 to 20 years longer than you.
- Develop a healthy relationship with a personal mentor to help you when times are tough, giving you wise counsel.
- Spend time with peer couples that have healthy, happy marriages.
5. Understand that no marriage is perfect and no partner is perfect. Give grace to be different.
- No one wants to fail. Your mate is doing the best he/she can at the moment.
- Don’t take all emotional explosions personally. Sometimes your mate just needs to let off steam!
- Let the relationship breathe. A healthy couple needs time together and away. When things get tense, you may just need a few hours or days away.
6. Find time to communicate —walking on the beach, telephoning, traveling together.
- Communicating your heart:
—Listen to your mate’s heart, not just to words.
—Let your mate vent emotions without feeling you have to “fix it!”
- Settling differences:
—Don’t pout; stay and talk it out.
—”Clarify” your concerns if you don’t like to “confront.”
—Listen carefully. Allow the other to complete his/her thoughts without you interrupting, moving off the subject, or waiting impatiently to make your point.
7. Develop healthy common interests.
- Enjoy hobbies and friends.
- Do fun things together —concerts, plays, picnics.
- Travel together whenever you get a chance.
8. Get to know your mate at the deepest level possible.
- Study your mate —what turns her/him off and on sexually, nonverbal signals, foreplay, moods, cycles, etc.
- Know precisely what your mate needs from you.
- Negative kidding —saying negative things you don’t really mean that secretly hurt and do serious damage to one’s confidence and one’s natural love;
- Conditional love —basing love on actions of any kind;
- Waiting for your mate to meet your needs before you will meet hers/his;
- Talking negatively about your mate’s parents.
10. Be romantic, not just sexy.
- Splurge occasionally.
- Do small things which communicate “Thinking only of you… Thought of you while I was away… You are the center of my universe!”
- Start foreplay 10 minutes after climax, not ten minutes before climax.
- Talk with a loving, caring, tender tone in your voice, not an angry, harsh, bitter tone.
These thoughts come from a small booklet entitled, Making the Most of Your Honeymoon Year by Bobb and Cheryl Biehl. Unfortunately this book is no longer in print. But it may still be available through Amazon.com or by contacting Bobb at the email address below. Bobb and Cheryl Biehl have been married since 1964. Bobb was a member of the Focus on the Family board of directors, and is a business consultant, and can be reached at bobbbiehl.com. Cheryl is an author/speaker and a charter member of Trinity Forum.
— ALSO —
Please click into the following web site links to read the following articles for additional marriage tips:
• MARRIAGE: IT’S NOT DATING ANYMORE
• GROWING LOVE PAST THE WEDDING
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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Filed under: Newlyweds & Beyond
6 responses to “Ten Ways To Keep Your Marriage Healthy And Happy”
(ZIMBABWE) The ten ways are very true and encouraging. I think it’s best I share it with my partner.
(NIGERIA) Thank you so much for this message. I have been married for just 2 months now. I always thought that marriage is supposed to be a give and take relationship, where one works, and is being appreciated. This has caused so many problems in our home. Thank you so much. I believe by God’s grace. I’ll see to it that I have a change of heart.
(INDIA) Very true and inspiring article. I believe the first 2-3 years of marriage are the hardest. One should try to know their partner the best in this time. Never base any judgements on assumptions is the secret to happiness…
I need prayer for my husband. We are serving a Christian Community but lately he lost interest because of work and his school. He is different now and I am very sad and lonely because he does not have much time for us. He went home late because of his group studies for school. Thank you.
I’m not in my marriage home, how can I get help?
Mr. Anthony, Sadly we aren’t familiar with what type of marriage counseling/help is available to you in Liberia. The closest resource we can recommend you contact is in Lagos, Nigeria. He may be familiar with resources closer to you. His name is Dr. Israel Ikpeka. He and his wife, Elizabeth, have worked with couples for many years and are passionate about strengthening marriages. Here is their contact information: Mailing Address: P.O. Box 1960 Ipaja Lagos, Nigeria 100006 – Email: email@example.com -Telephone: +234-8074727947. Website: http://www.christinternational.org.
Cindy and I have known the Ikpeka’s for many years and believe trust in their abilities to help you.
We hope this may prove to be a good link for you to find the help you need.