Several weeks ago, our pastor talked about the ripple effect that our obedience to God has on those around us. Our walk with the Lord has a great impact on those God brings into our lives. God designed it to be that way. We are not created to be islands unto ourselves. God wants our lives to point to Him and to all He can do for us as we live for Him.
After listening to what our pastor said (and agreeing wholeheartedly), we talked about the ripple effect that our married life also has on those around us. Over and over and over again, we hear from those who say that their approach to life, lines up with what they saw in their parents’ marriages. Sometimes it’s a smaller ripple effect, sometimes it’s a bigger one, and sometimes it’s like a tsunami—crashing into the lives of those around them. The impact is totally destructive!
But there’s no doubt that one way or another, the influence of marriages causes some type of ripple effect. And that’s what we hope to get across to everyone who reads this Insight. We learned this in our marriage as people we didn’t even know and certainly didn’t know they were watching us in our marriage told us so (we wrote about it in our book); and we hope you learn about this in yours. Nevertheless, whether you realize it or not, your spiritual walk and your marital walk matters.
Just try walking around in a body of water and not cause a ripple effect! You can’t do it, can you? It’s the same with your marital journey. You influence others one way or another—good or bad. And that’s a fact!
Ripple Effect in Marriage
We wholeheartedly agree with Joe Beam on this point:
“I can’t stress enough the importance of focusing on your marriage relationship just as much as you focus on being a good parent. By working to improve your marriage, not only are you helping yourself, but you are also helping your children. If you have a son, he needs to see his father treat his mother with compassion, respect and love. If you have a daughter, she needs to see her mother treat her father with the same compassion, respect and love. Not only will it help them in the future, but it provides them a pleasant home and a healthy attitude toward God’s institution of marriage. So, practice the ‘trickle-down effect’ [or the ripple effect] with your family. The good things in your marriage will usually trickle down [or ripple over] to your children and, hopefully, to their children and generations to come.” (From the article, “Your Marriage Impacts Your Parenting: The Trickle-Down Effect”)
Now, we need to make an important point here. There’s no doubt that you can’t control what your spouse does or doesn’t do. But you can control what YOU do. Be the adult here. Approach your interactions with your spouse with spiritual maturity. Even one spouse doing the right thing can make a positive difference.
All of this supports what we’re told in the Bible:
“Live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory.” (1 Thessalonians 2:12)
Concerning Your Ripple Effect
Keep in mind:
“Biblical marriage points people toward God. He ordained marriage and was there when Adam and Eve were first joined together. It is a picture and witness to this world of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). It is good and holy. And Satan hates everything about it.” Here’s the warning: “He wishes to destroy your marriage (along with your life, testimony and family). This isn’t to scare you, but to remind you to be watchful. Your adversary, the devil is as a roaring lion, walking about seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He often uses the troubles of this world to divide a husband and wife. He’s crafty and knows how to tear couples apart. And He would love nothing more than for you to give up on each other, throw in the towel, and say to the world that marriage is too hard.” (Kimberly Williams from the article, “When Life is Hard”)
Testimonies Displaying the Ripple Effect
We want to give you two short testimonies that illustrate the points we are making here. They show how our marriages can cause a positive ripple effect in influencing children (and others). First, Taya Kyle wrote:
“I grew up with the most hard-headed, passionate parents. They would always say to one another, ‘We are not getting divorced.’ One of the main reasons they said this was because they didn’t want to do that to each other—or me and my sister. They could see the ripple effect their marriage had all the way from the beginning. The decisions they made weren’t just ones made in a vacuum—those decisions affected many of the people around them. Not only did they decide their marriage was going to last, but they were going to make sure they were happy along the way. They could see it wasn’t just about staying married but being happily married. And being happily married means at some point, you’re going to have to fight when things get tough.” (From the article, “The Ripple Effect in Your Marriage”)
And then, Sabrina Joyce Beasley wrote this tribute to her father’s influence in her own marriage:
“Your spiritual life isn’t just a philosophical one, but it could be seen in everyday life, as well. One lesson has become most meaningful in marriage. Many times, after an argument with David I have thought about the moments I saw you come to Mama and say, ‘I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me?’ There was a genuine humility in those words. It has proven to be a powerful tool not only in spiritual growth but also in healing the hurts of our marriage and strengthening our relationship. It’s one of the key elements I put in the marital advice of my articles and in talking to others.” (From the article “Tribute to Robert and Willena Joyce“)
It’s important to note:
“Your children are watching you. What you do leaves a more lasting impression than what you say. Those who stick together and work out those tough interpersonal problems are teaching their children [and others] invaluable lessons about life and modeling how they should persevere in their own marriages one day.” (Phil & Susy Downer)
This brings us to some important points:
“Ask yourself, ‘Does my marriage qualify as a role model?’ What can you begin doing to have it stand out in a way that would make others around you see your marriage and want to emulate it? Are you praying and thinking about ways you can do these things? The sooner we realize we’re called to be examples in our marriages, the sooner we will begin working harder at following God’s script and seeing our marriages grow in new ways.” (H. Norman Wright)
Realize:
“Without ever passing out a tract, preaching a sermon, or even saying a word, a Spirit-filled Christian home declares to all who come within reach that God will do for others what He has done for them, if they’ll only give Him a chance.” (Jerry Jenkins)
“Be imitators of God… and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1)
We just can’t escape the ripple effect our marriages can cause. It can be for good, or it can be for evil. It’s important that we don’t miss that point.
In Closing
Here are a few things to prayerfully consider very seriously:
“You’re the ripple effect God has wanted to use this entire time to orchestrate His mastermind plan against Satan. You showing up in your relationship, deciding your marriage is worth it, and having the faith to fight for your marriage is God dismantling the attacks of the enemy. It’s all a part of His plan. Being a ripple effect means your choices affect more than just your immediate surroundings. You may not see it now, but your decision to show up and invest in your marriage is one that will speak to the people in your life and shift the world around you. Ripple effects always multiply.” (Taya Kyle, from her article, “The Ripple Effect in Your Marriage”)
As you look over your life together and the days that God may grant you that could cause a positive ripple effect on other marriages:
“Make loving your spouse a top priority, second only to your relationship with Christ. Questions for you and your spouse to discuss: Does the example of a loving, committed marriage have an impact on others? What will people say was the legacy of our marriage? What steps can we each take to redeem the days we have left together? (Bob & Cheryl Moeller)
May this be the prayer of all our hearts:
“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)
Cindy & Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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