The Romans 12 Marriage

Romans 12 Marriage - Adobe Stock_60140013.jpegRecently, after reading Romans 12 in the Bible, we looked at each other and said, “This chapter epitomizes marriage in SO many ways!” We’ve since re-read it quite a few times because it’s so relevant to how every spouse should live. Of course, this chapter is written to a church; but its context also applies to marriage.

We encourage you (along with your spouse, if it’s possible) to read Romans 12 in view of what God could be telling you, as far as how to live within your marriage. Ask God to speak to you and your spouse about what He wants to teach you, concerning how you live together in your marriage. You may even re-read it again and again. We dare say that you will pick up new things to apply to your marriage every time you read Romans 12. Our Wonderful Counselor will personalize it for you. All you have to do, is ask.

We want to give you a start on this mission, so we wrote down a few thoughts concerning these scriptures, applying them to marriage. And it’s not much of a stretch at all to do this. We will present the scriptures as they are written in Romans 12 (ESV); and in between we give some brief thoughts [contained within brackets] on how they apply to marriage. Trust us when we say, we could give you pages and pages of comments, but we promise to be brief. Read and see how God speaks to you about your interactions in your marriage.


Vs 1: “I appeal to you… by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

[Marriage is a sacred, covenantal relationship in a circle of 3 – you, your spouse and God. Once you really get that, you will be building upon God’s rock-solid foundation. And you can’t get any better than that! Your approach to all that you do within marriage should reflect that posture.]

Vs 2: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

[Don’t interact within your marriage like everyone else does. Just because “everyone else” is acting in ways that are not Christlike, it doesn’t mean you should. In Noah’s day everyone else was doing things they shouldn’t; but God’s word shows them (and us) that everyone else was wrong.]

Vs 3: “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

[Pride—thinking “more highly of yourself” than you should is a relationship killer. Remember? The Bible is quite clear about the importance of being humble. We are told “as God’s chosen ones” to “put on” … “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”) (Colossians 3:12-14)]

More of Romans 12

Vs 4-8: “For as in one body, we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.”

[We are “members of one another.” Our different gifts are to be used to help one another and encourage and enrich our relationship. Plus, we are to help each other grow in Christ—to be all we can be in Him.]

Vs 9-10: “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

[It should be completely evident as to how to apply this in how we interact with our spouse. We are to genuinely show love and honor to each other “as unto the Lord.” What would Jesus have us do?]

Vs 11-13: “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.”

[Fervently serve the Lord and be in constant prayer—for our spouse and for us to be the spouse God would have us be. And as you do, you will find hope and become more patient to serve each other’s needs in partnership with God.]

Continuing on:

Vs 14 “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.”

[This is an especially hard one. Bless your spouse even when your spouse is not acting as he/she should. “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8-9) This does not mean that you should allow yourself to be abused by your spouse. That would be taking these scriptures out of context. Enabling them to sin is not blessing them, to you, or to God. Read further down in verses 16-19 and you will see more of the context of what we’re to do.]

Vs 15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

[Laugh with one another. The Bible says it’s “good medicine.” It certainly contributes to the health of your marriage! But also cry with one another. Live with each other “in understanding ways.” Do the best you can on that one. As we’re told in Ecclesiastes 4:10, “woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” And that means emotionally, as well as physically.]


Vs 16-19: “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”

[Work to live in harmony with one another and do not be revengeful in how you treat your spouse. We’ve seen a LOT of marriages go in horrible directions when they don’t follow that God-inspired instruction! Let God do His job. Release punishment to Him.]

Vs 20 “To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.”

[Give grace whenever possible, just as God gives us grace. And don’t let evil overtake you (or it will overtake your marriage relationship). This is not a “natural” reaction, so when you need to, ask God to show you how to overcome evil with good.]

We encourage you to re-read Romans 12 again and again in the days ahead. Ask God what He wants to teach you. Always keep in mind that the principles for living, that God gives us in the Bible, are also the principles for loving in our marriages.

May God richly bless your marriage as you lean into Him!
Cindy and Steve Wright


To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

7 Essentials - Marriage book


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2 responses to “The Romans 12 Marriage

  1. Thank you for this Romans 12 Marriage post. My husband and I have just read it together. I believe it will be helpful in our presently ongoing family relationships! We are seeking God’s direction and teaching.

    1. Thank you Patti for letting us know this. We’re excited for you for your new marital journey deeper into living by God’s direction and teachings. We felt so strongly that God was leading us to write this. The more and more we engraft God’s word into how we interact with each other in our marriages, the healthier and more loving they will be! If you just put “scriptures” into the search engine of this web site you will find a LOT of articles that can inspire you to live together as God would have you. We pray they will help. “May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” (2 Peter 1:2)