Here’s a question for you that we hope you will answer to encourage others. It concerns compatibility in marriage. This is something that many married couples struggle with. That is why we would love your opinion and learn what you have done in your marriage. Or perhaps it is something you have seen other couples do. So here goes:
What can a couple do to grow in compatibility?
Please answer this question by leaving a comment below
(To see previous questions, visit our archive)
Filed under: Question of the Month
(USA) What first came to mind reading this question was this: your spouse may be interested in some things that you find boring or not worth your time. Making it a priority to engage in activities or learn about things your spouse is interested in can really surprise you!
Before meeting my husband, I didn’t care one whit about politics, and sports of any kind were a big YAWN for me. We married in 2003, and during the presidential election time of 2004 I was exposed to a LOT of political talk radio through my husband. It was ALL we listened to in the car and at home. My dad used to listen to Rush Limbaugh and others at home when I was a kid and I always remembered thinking how boring it sounded. But the more I listened with my husband the more I began to realize how important it is to be aware of what is going on in our government an how I have a duty to be informed.
All this thanks to having an open heart about doing something with my husband that makes him happy. He has also taught me a lot about sports- like explaining the ruled of basketball to me so I could enjoy our son’s basketball games! I still find most sports not that interesting, though, ha.
The point is, though, that being open to learning what entertains and amuses and interests your spouse can lead to not only greater compatibility, but can enrich YOU as a person. It’s a win win prospect!
(SOUTH AFRICA) HONESTY AND COMMUNICATION
(USA) Women love to talk and communication is very vital for them. This was very different for me cuz I am a man of few words. But after making a sincere effort I have been able to spend more time listening/talking to my wife. Sometimes all I have to do is listen, but it makes me happy if she feels happy.
(NIGERIA) First couples must learn to communicate well. Not by hearing what the other party has not said but by keeping an open mind to want to make a change. Also they must be willing to study and know the other party, what he likes , how he reasons or react to issues, where he is coming from, his beliefs, background and upbringing, etc. This way, you will understand your partner better and also relate and handle issues at hand in a more better way. It works for me, and I am enjoying my marriage better. -lara
(KENYA) Compatibility is what brought us together, me and my husband. And now that I’m married there is more to that than before we got married. It is all about flowing together in the things we do, enjoying his company with his friends, and being keen on what is going on in his world. Because if I don’t, it will mean I drift into a world of my own, and him into a world of his own.
(KENYA) Take much time to be together as a couple. Do most of your things together. Take time away from other people and be alone and discuss your issues. Above all, you should all be prayer.
(ZAMBIA) A couple needs to PRAY TOGETHER & STUDY THE BIBLE TOGETHER to grow in compatibility. I have found this to be VERY true for my husband and me, because when we pray we are ‘naked’ before God and it gives us a chance to discover what is at the heart of our partner at each given moment.
Also, you discover that the more you pray together and for each other, the more peace there is at home and the less selfish we become because God’s love and God’s presence just seems to drive selfishness out and puts in a sincere love.
Also, when we study the word of God together, we see lessons that we can learn and God speaks to us and transforms us by His word… His word after all is alive and is active,and is sharper than any 2 edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow; and is a discerner of the thoughts and the intents of the heart.(Hebrews 4:12)
It’s no longer all about the ‘me’ or ‘I’ , but the him/her and us. But we start to look for ways to make our mate feel loved and to love…we do with them what they enjoy to do, because we know that it matters to our mate.
What if you never have time to pray together or your mate doesn’t seem interested? Remember, Rome was not built in a day. Take one day at a time. Commit it to God in prayer and ask Him for wisdom to show you when to ask your mate to pray with you. I doubt he/she will refuse if they are also Christians. If not, just keep asking God for wisdom and He will show you the best way to approach it.
Remember to find an appropriate time and don’t force it! Maybe before bed, or when you wake up first thing in the morning (this works best for my husband and me) – and simply ask, ‘honey, I was wondering if you would pray with me over…). Remember to bless your mate and speak favor over His/her life and everything they will do! I’m very positive, if you do this, your compatibility WILL grow!
Remember, 3 IMPORTANT FACTS:
1.PRAYER CHANGES THINGS
2.A FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER STICKS TOGETHER
3.PRAYER IS LIKE A SEED, full of potential and not until you plant it, will you get a result. That result may not be seen today, or tomorrow, or even many years from the time you prayed, but just keep ‘watering and tending’ and one day you will definitely see the plant! As long as it is ACCORDING to the WILL OF GOD. God bless you! Prue
What couples should do to grow in compatibility are as follows:-
1. Recognise each other as oneself.
2. Know that no one is perfect except God.
3. Be patient with each other.
4. Have one room and become good roommates without hidden agendas.
5. Be faithful to each other even when you fallout.
6. Know that sex is important it keeps body and soul together.
7. Learn to solve their problems without external intervention.
8. Learn to mature and live out of their parents.
9. Learn how to humbly bow down to one another, even in disagreements.
10. Learn to entrust God with their problems, knowing that He needs only one who brings peace amidst chaos.