“Marriage is for grownups!” This is a statement we have made over and over again when we talk to those who are marrying. It’s also one we tell those who are married. If you don’t want to grow up, don’t get married. It’s as simple as that! Don’t enter into marriage with a mindset and lifestyle that will sabotage the good you can bring into it. If you do, you will hurt the one you claim to love, and hurt a whole community of others who love both of you.
In this You Tube video, author Clayton King talks about this very fact. He does a great job of laying it all out as to the importance of acting as grownups once you marry. Clayton plainly states truth: “Marriage is for grown-ups so grow up!” He goes on to say:
“At the risk of over-simplifying something that is really complex… Until we are ready to grow up—until we are ready, as men and women to embrace maturity, it’s going to be really, really hard to have a good marriage. It’s going to be hard to have any good relationships.”
We couldn’t agree more. But it doesn’t stop there at the altar. (Clayton agrees.) We should continually be growing in the areas that are needed that help us to grow in our marriage. The problem happens when we get caught up in selfism. We “cling to our rights” which is something we’re told in the Bible not to do. Jesus is our example. (See: Philippians 3:3-8.) This is much like a child that doesn’t want to give up his or her toys.
Marriage is for Grownups
We could go on and on about this issue. But that isn’t the point of showing you this video. We instead recommend that you watch the video. And then read the following article (which we have posted on this web site):
And then in closing, here are a few quotes by some marriage experts to give you a little further insight on this matter:
• When you marry each other, “What you’re actually saying, ‘I do’ to is hard work! ‘The marriage ceremony isn’t like graduation. Rather, it is similar to the first day of kindergarten! It’s not the culmination, but the beginning.’ We need to start treating it that way as grownups.” (Cindy Sigler Dagnan)
• “Marriage is not a sit-com, a movie, or a pop song. It involves real life and real people. If you’re considering marriage to a person who exhibits childish traits, don’t look the other way! Being ‘in love’ and having a great time together is not a sufficient resume for marriage. Marriage is a lifetime commitment under God and cannot be entered into lightly.” (Byron & Carla Weathersbee)
• “Get yourself emotionally healthy before you tie yourself emotionally by marriage. Your marriage will only be as healthy as the least emotionally healthy partner.” (Warner)
Married Children or Grownups?
If you’re already married make it your mission to be as healthy as possible.
• “Unless people look at their marriage vows as a daily opportunity to choose to grow, they are in for some increasingly difficult times. They will grow apart, never achieving the intimacy and trust they both desire.” (Gary & Carrie Oliver)
• “Make a choice to be married every day. Being married isn’t a decision you can make once and then done with it. The wedding ceremony does not magically transform us into ‘married people.’ Instead being married is a lifetime process. It’s one that we must commit ourselves to again and again.” (Ellyn Sanna)
Please note, as far as marriage being for grownups:
• “Marriage is a promise. And marriage is the fire that family gathers around. The key is to not let it go out.” (Emily T. Wierenga)
And it won’t go out if you approach marriage as grownups. Grownups lean towards maturity. They do what it takes to grow as individuals. As a result, their marriage grows. It’s important to embrace the fact that in marriage:
• “At the end of the day, marriage is not about ME. It’s about WE. It’s about learning to choose another person over ourselves. That is because by choosing them, we’re choosing to become greater in humility, strength, forgiveness, and love. Marriage isn’t just about becoming happier. It’s about becoming better. But ironically, in becoming better, we often find that we’ve also become happier.” (Debra Fileta)
Several years ago, a Christian couple won the Happy Marriage contest. What they wrote was published in the June 1996 Good Housekeeping Magazine. Their secret?
• “We gave when we wanted to receive; we served when we wanted to feast. Plus, we shared when we wanted to keep. We listened when we wanted to talk, and we submitted when we wanted to reign. Each of us forgave when we wanted to remember, and we stayed when we wanted to leave.”
So here’s our question to you:
Are you a good steward of that, which God has entrusted to you? Marriage is a stewardship responsibility God gives you once you say, “I do.”
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this blog.
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