WHEN HUBBY’S AWAY

Hubby's away Pixabay suitcase-841200_640“It is easier to deal with necessary separations than ones we feel are unnecessary.” (Diane Constantine, from Pw.mikediane.com, on the issue of “When the Hubby is Away.”)

The above statement can be true or untrue for you. But whatever the case, when one spouse is away from the home for extended periods of time, it can cause a major strain on many levels. With that being the case, we need to try to make the best of the situation as we can.

Helpful Tips When Your Spouse is Away

The article we’re featuring below comes from the web site for Peter’s Wife. It is a ministry dedicated to bring “help and encouragement for women living cross-culturally.” Not only is the content of this article helpful but you can also read the “Hubby’s Away Comments.” They also contain some helpful information.

A lot of what is discussed in this article can also be adapted to help husband’s if their wives are away. So keep that in mind if you know someone in that situation. Please let them know about it.

Keep in mind that the dynamics of every situation is different. If you want to adapt it to fit your marital situation, use all of it, or none of it, please do so. Just be prayerful and also flexible. As the saying goes, “Those who are flexible shall not break.”

To read the article,  please click onto the link:

• WHEN HUBBY’S AWAY

ALSO, on the Issue of When your Husband is Away

Renny Gehman wrote an article titled, “Across the Miles.” She once had it posted on her web site. However, she no longer has one. But below are a few of the tips she gave:

• “First we committed to talk every morning and evening.

“Bob set the call times since he was in the earlier time zone. Next we purchased hands-free headsets. We also upgraded to a phone plan with unlimited ‘in-network’ minutes. That was all fine. But what would we talk about—besides the daily routine—to stay connected?”

This is what they came up with:

• “More than just talk.

One habit we’d developed while Bob was home was couple devotions. It took only a few minutes, and then we started our day. Why not continue that? We bought an extra copy of our devotional Bible, so we could both read from the same page. Then we decided that I’d read the devotional and Bob would read the Bible verses. That kept both of us engaged. We’d briefly discuss the questions and pray together.”

Renny and her husband then decided to read books aloud together. She said:

• Reading facilitated sharing.

“Each book served as a springboard. We picked books we were both interested in. Some were deep, stretching our thinking and spiritual growth. Some were just fun.”

They would then discuss the books, but here’s an additional benefit they received from doing so:

•  “We discovered reading aloud led to other joint adventures.

“We started to memorize Scripture and incorporate that into our morning devotions. Reciting verses to and with each other makes it much easier, since we said the verses simultaneously. This gave us a new picture of Scripture. Reading aloud drew us together. We first noticed this when we realized that we were verbalizing our love more often. It was as if hearing each other made us more conscious of our words—not just how we said things, but what we said.”

All of this is sure worth a try when your husband is away.

Additionally, here’s some advice given by Meridith-Craig Depietro. It comes from the Xojane.com article, “5 Ways To Stay Close To Your Partner When You Travel Constantly For Work.” One piece of advice that Meridith gave was:

•  “Think Details, Not Broad Strokes.

“It’s tempting to just outline the general picture of your week. But it is actually better for you to fill in the blanks a little more, and let your spouse get a visual picture of your day-to-day life. Instead of listing off the activities you did (boarded flight, taxi to hotel, and now jet lag) try updating your partner with anecdotes. ‘The flight was an hour late and I wept throughout the entire ride while watching The Fault In Our Stars, while the guy next to me thought I was having a stress-induced breakdown.’ Regale your partner with stories of your bosses embarrassing themselves, your co-worker’s bizarre outbursts and the miraculous sights you’ve seen.”

The following is another piece of advice posted on the Tagalongtravel.com web site, in an article titled, “What to do When Your Spouse is Away on Business.” It’s something that I used to do when Steve would be traveling:

•  “Reframe Time Apart.

“Instead of focusing on not being together during business travel, think of it as an opportunity to indulge yourself. When Steve’s away, I usually plan a ‘date’ with myself. I do things that I like to do that Steve may not enjoy as much. I binge watch a ‘my pick’ show on Netflix. Also, I cook dinners that include things Steve would never eat, but that I love (Brussels sprouts are always on the list).”

In a Wikihow article titled, “How to Cope When Your Spouse Is Away” one of the commenters wrote:

•  “You need a hobby.

“Take up painting, read a book, start an exercise regiment, etc. If you cannot function without your partner, this is a sign of co-dependence. You need to have your own life. For now, when your partner is away, change up your habits. If you normally eat at the table with him, eat in front of the TV when he’s gone. Sleep on his side of the bed or on the couch. This way you won’t be quite as attuned to his absence.”

And then below, you will find a Tolovehonorandvacuum.com blog written by Sheila Wray Gregoire. It addresses women more than men, but even so, there are still things men could benefit from reading. And please read the comments below the article for additional help:

• SUCCESSFUL SEX FOR LONG DISTANT MARRIAGES

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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Comments

5 responses to “WHEN HUBBY’S AWAY

  1. (SOUTH AFRICA) My husband goes away about 2w per month for the last 15 years. I raised 3 boys and a girl. Was it worth the money? On rebound a def no, no. We’ve lost out on a lot of things, intimacy, caring, love, you name it.

    The only positive thing that came out is that we are glad to see each other. You become so set in your ways doing your own thing and it feels sometimes that we invading the other one’s privacy!

  2. (U.S.)  I would like to believe that absence can really be ok for a marriage but I have begun to think it’s impossible. My husband is away most of the time because of his job. Lately he is here about once a week, supposedly it will end late fall.

    If it wasn’t for my deep faith that God hates divorce I don’t think I could have made it as far as I have. We love each other but I find the constant separation, with no time to talk a constant source of insecurity to me. I wonder about other women. I feel so emotionally disconnected from my husband. I have tried several things, all to no avail. It doesn’t do any good to read a book if you are the only person in the relationship that has time to care or notice.

    My advice to any couple serious about keeping their marriage strong would be to try desperately to avoid situations that take each other for long terms away from one another. I know God is faithful and can see us through tough times but that doesn’t negate the burden separation puts on a marriage. I always think of that verse from Genesis, “It is not good for man to be alone, i will make him a help mate.” Well what if she is not anywhere around?

    Perhaps many women would not feel as insecure as I do but if you have had trust issues in the past or perhaps previous extra-martial problems I would definitely avoid this if possible. I’m sorry to sound so discouraging but I couldn’t help but think some of the articles weren’t a little too Pollyanna for me. Marriage is hard and separation makes it harder. To me it’s just that simple.

    1. (NIGERIA)  I understand what you are talking about Gail, my husband has been away for three months for his work, we see one weekend every month. It has been really difficult without him, except for the grace of God I can say it has been well. I feel so insecure. It has been my biggest problem, because in the past we’ve had issues of infidelity and even though I came to trust him again, it’s still very difficult to get my mind at rest now that he is away. I find myself wondering if someonelse is not enjoying the intimacy we have together.

      Though we talk more than three times each day, we exchange mails and we still feel even closer now since we miss each other a lot. But distance can’t stop bringing unpleasant thoughts which makes one insecure. I just know that though it’s bad, it’s something we could not change, so I accept it with faith in God. I know that God looks out for me so I just place my love and marriage in his hand each day.

    2. Gail- I am a Christian man and I love my wife and we have a great physical life. With that, I would rather be poor and home every night than be rich and be away so many nights. The world and the enemy have too many schemes today and I am only a man.
      – Broke and satisfied

  3. (INDIA)  Even my husband is in the navy & stays away. The worst part is that even when he comes back, that is on land, that time also, he is looking for one or the other excuse to stay with his parents or his brother & his wife… in my absence, shares secret talks with my sis-in law (his brother’s wife), takes her out for shopping, brings things & gifts for her equally & sometimes in fact more for her. I want to get rid of this insensitive, selfish, mean person… May God help me.