Wishing He Were Your Husband

Wishing husband - AdobeStock_96271838It’s too bad that we have such a “comparison shopping” mentality in today’s world. And that doesn’t just pertain to apples and bananas. When things don’t go the way we want them to financially and/or relationally, we can also get caught up into comparing our circumstance and our relationship with our spouse, with what others have or what we think we should have.

It can start out innocent enough, but eventually it can lead to trouble. We might not even be conscious that we’re doing anything wrong. After-all, it’s “natural” to want more than we have when we’re unhappy. But it can leave us open to putting our eyes, and our hopes —our longings, where they shouldn’t go, and even dreaming for something that isn’t ours to dream about.

Tempting Voices in Wishing He was Your Husband

It leaves us open to listening to the tempting voices which the enemy of our faith is ready to supply when we’re unhappy.

We’re told in the Bible: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

It also says, “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; keep your foot from evil” (Proverbs 4:25-27).

Wishing and hoping that someone was your husband to the point of being so discontent that you leave your heart unguarded, can be dangerous.

How many times we’ve heard the statement said, “We never meant for it to happen, it just did!” That’s why we want to warn you to guard your heart and put your eyes on your own path —not someone else’s.

Below, we have provided several links to articles that discuss this very problem. We hope you’ll prayerfully read them and ask the Lord to teach you what you need to learn from them —either for your own situation or to share with someone else.

Just click on the links provided below:

Written by Sabrina Beasley, an article posted on the web site for Family Life:


Here’s another article we highly recommend you read for further insight:


Here’s an interesting and thought-provoking article you can view on the Faithwriters.com web site. I HIGHLY recommend you prayerfully read it:


Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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Filed under: Emotional & Physical Affair For Married Women

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21 responses to “Wishing He Were Your Husband

  1. (MALTA)  Hi everyone, I have actually posted this on another post here called Total Separation: The Right Way to End an Affair…I am posting here again just to occupy my mind…

    I have ended an emotional affair with a married man three weeks ago and have been trying everything to fill the void with something else, so that I would not ever fall again.

    It’s great to be able to read so much about God, because God is the reason why I have ended it… I kept the tenth commandment in my mind “thou shalt not covet…” I was also so afraid that one day his wife would find any of the emails we have exchanged and then I would be the culprit for a person being hurt. I did not want that responsibility. We have only ever exchanged emails but they were intense and the reason why I am feeling such intense emotions is because THIS GUY SEEMED SO PERFECT FOR ME! Yet, as I told him, he couldn’t be so perfect because the perfect man in my life would not seek comfort with another woman while married to someone else.

    Anyway, I just needed to vent… just trying to fill up this void so that I would not be tempted to contact him. He sent me an email yesterday after 3 weeks of no contact. I thanked him, sent him hugs back and managed to say the right things so that he would not contact me again (I prayed so much to God before sending that reply).

    This guy is married with two young children… He has an emotional gap in his marriage and I was trying to get over a difficult time in my life because the person I loved so much left me out of the blue. We found solace in each other. We found friendship. We laughed together, we spoke about life, psychology, philosophy and God. After 8 months emailing every day while at work, I ended it because I did not want to think in a sinful way anymore. Although our emails were ‘friendly’ I guess we both knew there was an underlying game beneath them… and the reason we stopped communicating is because I asked him what was really happening between us. He answered honestly… we both realised that we had fallen in love and we were both afraid of this.

    I feel lost now and empty… I know I’ve done the right thing and that if we continued communicating it would have led to physical contact and would also have brought a lot of heartbreak to many people. Doing the right thing is so hard though.

    I also wonder if he is working on making his marriage better. I wonder if he is hurting as much as I am… I wonder if he will just continue his life and then start an emotional affair with another woman… and I wonder why I’m wondering. I just know that I am having difficulty in not fantasizing that one day he will turn up in my life not married… and it sickens me that I am thinking like this… such an internal struggle with good and bad thoughts!!!

    1. (SA)  Hi Sophie, Yes you did the right thing by ending it before it even gets to physical contact. Maybe you need to send him an email and advise him to sort his marital problems. I think you are worried about his wife & kids. After sending an email try and stop wondering what and what not about him, and instead pray that you forget to think about him on a romantic level.

      God is always there for our needs and he helps those who help themselves. If you dwell on thinking about him you will eventually go back to him again, which is wrong, and it will minimize your chances of meeting someone you love. The prince of your dreams is on his way. Just pray to God that the two of you meet soon. Good luck dear.

  2. (MALTA)  Hi Julia, thank you so much for replying and for the encouragement. Yes, I had already sent him an email and even advice on how to change things in his marriage and work on a happier relationship. The good thing is that through me, he did realize what he was lacking and he did want to make things better. Saying goodbye was very hard for both of us. But definitely the right thing to do for both of us.

    I pray to God all the time to give me the right thoughts to think about, because of course, I can’t get him out of my mind so easily. And I always keep in mind that when one door closes, another one opens. These forums are great to keep my mind occupied and to hear encouragement from other people. Thanks again Julia.

  3. (BOTSWANA) I want to ask this question. Is it possible to have no sexual attraction to your husband even though you love him?