Making a “GOOD” Choice or a “GOD” Choice

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. (Galatians 5:25)

Dollar Photo Gold Wedding RingsDeciding who you will marry is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. In a kingdom courtship, the primary reason for marriage should be the conviction that a particular match is God’s choice for you —not just a good choice, but God’s choice.

Most of the time, you won’t have the luxury of choosing between people or circumstances that are totally bad or totally good. Nearly all your choices will appear good in some way, but only one will be part of God’s perfect plan —His best for you. The chief enemy you fight in choosing God’s best will be your own strong inclination to make a good choice instead of a God choice.

Before you can determine whom to marry, you must first answer an preliminary question: Does God want you to marry anyone, ever? Or is His plan for you to remain single? Scripture teaches that marriage, like salvation, is an unmerited gift from God (Genesis 2:18). When God wanted Adam to have a wife, He brought her to him. Their marriage was a gift from God. But Scripture also tells us that singleness is God’s gift as well.

I wish that all men were as I am. but each man has his own gift from God, said the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:7. He wished all men were single like he was and free from the stresses of married life so they could devote themselves to God’s work. But each man has his own gift from God. In other words, God will either give to a person the gift of being married or the gift of being single.

People who are perpetually lonely as singles are usually the same people who are worried about what isn’t happening to them instead of what they should be doing to minister to others. Their focus is inward, not upward. In 1 Corinthians 7, we’re told to acknowledge singleness as good, allow it for our spiritual growth and use it for God.

C. S. Lewis was single most of his life. He taught at Oxford and Cambridge Universities and used his free time as a single to write some of the best Christian literature available in the world today. As he grew older and was nearing retirement age, he met and married a woman he came to love intensely in their 3 short years together. What would the world have missed if Lewis had married earlier someone whom God had not chosen?

It happens. Singles become consumed with the idea of how wonderful life would be if they just had a marriage partner, and then they make concessions and compromises that lead to marriage out of God’s timing and out of God’s will. To feel accepted by another person and avoid the stigma of being single, they enter into unhealthy relationships and compromise values they once held dear.

The more consumed you become with the idea of marriage and/or sex, the more easily you can slip into a pattern of fantasizing. It might start as innocently as fantasizing about being with another person, perhaps someone at work or church. Then you might progress to fantasizing about the children you’d have together or where you would live. If they continue unchecked, your thoughts could become a full-blown X-rated video that stays stuck on replay in your mind until it replays in your life. The powerful feelings that accompany such thoughts can lead people into marriages God never ordained and intimate relationships He never approved.

The Bible declares that as a man thinketh in heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7, KJV). What a strange thought! How can you think with your heart? We normally associate thought with the brain and feelings with the heart. The phrase “to think in the heart” refers to thoughtful reflection. Many ideas are briefly entertained by the mind without ever penetrating the heart. But those ideas that do grasp us in our innermost parts are the ideas that shape our lives. When our thoughts are corrupted, our lives follow suit. We are what we think.

If God gives you the gift of singleness, He may use that quality in a special way that wouldn’t be available to you as a married person —for a season or a lifetime. God’s sovereign will is always meant for your good and His glory. If and when God decides you can best serve Him as a team member with a life partner, you won’t need to change Sunday school classes, search the singles ads, or join a dating service He will work out the circumstances. He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22). This favor of the Lord is what God extends to His children in arranging the circumstances for them to meet their life partners.

It also helps to remember that there are a great many circumstances worse than not being married. One of them is being married to someone who doesn’t share your love and desire for God —someone whose commitment divides your commitment.

The life of Hudson Taylor is a powerful lesson in the value of God’s wisdom regarding marriage. Taylor was an English missionary who died in 1910 after spending more than 50 years as a missionary in China. When he went there in 1854, nearly 380 million people in the country’s vast interior had never seen a Westerner nor heard the name of Christ. With a heart for God, Taylor penetrated deep into Chinese culture. He dressed like the Chinese, learned their language, and lived among them. By the end of his life, 205 preaching stations, 849 missionaries, and 125,000 Chinese Christians were a testimony to a life surrendered to God.

Hudson Taylor wielded a spiritual influence far beyond China. Even today, the ripple effect of his ministry is a part of our lives as Chinese Christians number in the hundreds of thousands world-wide. Taylor was single when he left England, but he eventually married another missionary in China. A small sentence in one history book has always intrigued me: “In England, Taylor had left behind his unfinished medical studies and the girl he had hoped to marry. She had refused to come with him.” What would the world have missed if Taylor had stayed home to marry someone God hadn’t chosen?

God tested Taylor when He made him choose between God’s will and his own desires. The day came in Taylor’s life when he had to decide if it was important to be in God’s will or be married —the God choice over the good choice.

God still tests us today. We can’t assume that the woman Taylor left behind was ugly, irritable, or contentious. He was a man of character who probably kept the company of godly woman. Many people may have thought it was a good match, and perhaps the couple could have had a good marriage. But every good choice isn’t God’s choice.

If God gives you the gift of singleness, He may use that quality in a special way that wouldn’t be available to you as a married person—for a season or a life time.

God’s favor wasn’t lost on Hudson Taylor. In China, he eventually met and fell in love with 22-year-old Maria Dyer, the much-admired daughter of prestigious missionary parents. They had an uncommonly happy marriage because they shared a deep passion to evangelize China even at great personal sacrifice.

Seven years before his marriage to Maria and after his breakup with his fiancé, Taylor made a God choice that was painful and agonizing at the time. “What can I do?” he wrote to his sister. “I know I love her. To go to China without her would make the world a blank.” Instead of the “blank” life Taylor feared —the life we all fear—God brought purpose to his pain and honored his sacrifice. Even though it may have felt like a long wait, God was in the waiting. And so it is with us.

When we decide on our own that we’re compatible or totally in love with another person and therefore refuse to seek or wait for God’s instruction, He will allow us to choose the good—His permissive will. But we will miss the best—His perfect will. The problem is that things don’t work right when we’re in only the permissive will of God (1 Corinthians 6:12).

In his popular workbook, Experiencing God, Henry Blackaby suggests we “find out where God is working and join Him there.” We, on the other hand, are more likely to say, “God, here’s the person I want to marry. Will You bless us?” The difference is the approach. One approach puts God at the center while the other puts ourselves at the center. When we make choices independent of God and then ask for His blessing, we’re asking God to approve an idea that originated with us, not Him.

Throughout Scripture, God always takes the initiative. He sets the agenda. “We adjust our lives to God so He can do through us what He wants to do,” says Blackaby. “God is not our servant to make adjustments to our plans. We are His servants and we adjust our lives to what He is about to do.”

Once again we’re back to the difference between a good idea and a God idea. How many times have we heard people say, “If God gave me a brain, He must expect me to use it”? Even though God gave us the ability to reason and make choices, what did He say about our thoughts compared to His?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.(Isaiah 55:8-9)

God’s knowledge and wisdom are far greater than ours. He can see the entire landscape while we concentrate on a single valley. We would be foolish to try to fit God into our mold and conform Him to our plans. Yes, He did give us a brain, and we should be smart enough to know that God’s even smarter.

Once again, what’s the difference between a good idea and a God idea? A good idea will work some of the time; a God idea will work all the time. Scripture warns us not to lean on our own understanding but to trust God wholeheartedly (Proverbs 3:5). When we’re not willing to submit to God’s leadership and authority in our lives, God will let us follow our own devices. In following them, we will never experience what God is waiting and wanting to do in us and through us.

Christians must realize that it’s more important to be certain that a marriage is God’s will than to judge our suitability for marriage by love, attraction, or compatibility. Our situations change and we grow through the years. We cannot predict future compatibility on our own. When we accept compatibility as a primary basis of marriage, we can be led into cultural traps such as living together before marriage to make sure we are compatible. Only God knows the end from the beginning. He is the one who creates love, not man.

It was Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi, who made the choice of a husband for her (Ruth 3). It wasn’t love at first sight, getting to know each other, or even a passionate kiss that brought Boaz and Ruth together. Romance wasn’t the issue, although the story later became beautifully romantic as Ruth and Boaz developed an unselfish love and deep respect for each other. The issue was obedience, a “rightness” about the relationship. God was working in the situation, and He was using Naomi’s kindness and moral integrity to guide Ruth. As a result, Ruth later became the great-grandmother of King David and direct ancestor of Jesus.

Does the story of Boaz and Ruth interrupt your romantic vision of passionate love? Would you like the story more if the two had been lovers who glimpsed each other across the wheat field and became passionately attracted? It happens to some people in some situations, but the qualities that are attractive in the beginning may prove difficult to live with in the long run. The man who falls in love with a woman’s attentiveness may find it is the very quality that drives him crazy when he can’t get enough space. The woman who falls in love with a man’s drive to succeed may find that quality irritating and destructive when he spends more time at work than at home.

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, author of the popular book Finding the Love of Your Life, says your choice of whom to marry is more critical than everything else combined that you’ll ever do to make your marriage succeed. “If you choose wisely,” he says, “your life will be significantly easier and infinitely more satisfying. But if you make a serious mistake, your marriage may fail, causing you and perhaps your children immeasurable pain. Most of the failed marriages I have encountered were in trouble the day they began dating. The two people involved simply chose the wrong person to marry.”

What might seem like a good choice at the time may not be a God choice for a lifetime. If you “lean on your own understanding,” you may someday feel like the person who fell out of the raft into the Colorado River: The more you struggle, the deeper you go.

Just as Ruth was unaware of the larger purpose God had in mind for her life, you can’t see the larger picture of your life. Because of Ruth’s faithful obedience, her life and legacy carried great significance even though she couldn’t see the end result. In a similar way, your faithfulness to God’s leadership will bring a significance to your life that will extend beyond your lifetime. The question is not how to find a mate, but who will find the mate. God will direct you in choosing God’s best.

This edited article can be found in an expanded form in the great book, Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance, written by the late Dr Don Raunikar who was the director of New Life Clinics in Houston, Texas. This book delves into real issues that offers proven, biblical principles for creating godly relationships and a deeply satisfying courtship —rather than just dating —which many will argue is the current system that’s in desperate need of reform.


Filed under: Single Yet Preparing

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117 responses to “Making a “GOOD” Choice or a “GOD” Choice

  1. Well, having to find a good woman to share a life with is very hard for many of us straight men nowadays, especially that many of the women today are nothing like the REAL LADIES that existed years ago, where many of them were very committed to their men. Most of the women and men were very faithful, and money was no issue like it is today for many women that are looking for a man with a very large bank account. If only God could have made the women today like years ago, then many of us serious men could have found the love of our life with a family as well. And now with so many women today that are GAY, well that certainly adds to the problem.

    1. Jay, It isn’t that God makes women any different today than years ago, it’s that society has changed the “women today,” but also men today. Some changes can be viewed as good and others, not at all. There are a number of reasons for this evolution including the expansion of media and technology (the good, the bad and the ugly of it), the break down of family and friends (and society in general) being a good marital support system. Job, career, and free-time choices have changed and expanded (in good and bad ways), and a big change in commitment and moral values people live out in their lives have caused a lot of changes. Christian values aren’t embraced as much as years before and the list goes on and on as to cause the differences between men and women of today, as opposed to how things were years ago.

      I agree that it’s more difficult to find men and women who will make good marriage partners. That’s why it’s all the more important to be very careful and prayerful in who you date, who you become serious about exploring the possibility of marriage with, and ultimately, who the person is that you marry. That’s why we try so hard, here at Marriage Missions, to keep making helpful resources available to help couples in this mission. All I can say is, please don’t keep looking at all the ladies who you wouldn’t want to get to know better, but keep praying and looking for the fewer ones who are available that you would want to know better. And then when you find someone you are interested in, as far as marriage, do what it takes TOGETHER to overcome obstacles you will encounter and learn what it takes to build a great marriage partnership. PLUS, make sure YOU are someone that would be a good marriage partner. It all starts with us.

      1. Well, I really don’t want to be alone for the remaining years of my life, especially when I see so many men and women that were very blessed by God to have met one another and have a family just like I would have wanted, as well. It is very true what I have said about there are certainly much more GAY WOMEN that are adding to the problem today, and that will without a doubt make it much harder for us straight men that are looking. And why would we ever blame ourselves for wanting to have a life with a woman which will be very normal to have? God did create man to be with a woman, and it is very wrong to make people born if they weren’t meant to find love and happiness.

        We didn’t ask to be born as it is, and to go out all the time and never could be at the right place at the right time makes me much more upset. I will never understand why God blesses so many people to find happiness and not others. I am no different than the ones that have it.

        1. TheVeryTruth, or TheAbsoluteTruth, You miss my point completely. You’re right. In your eyes there is no blessing if you don’t find a woman to be your wife, regardless of God’s will for you. What can I say? I’m sad for you and pray for you.

          1. I know I am two years too late, but I wouldn’t condemn or more accurately rebuke TheVeryTruth for his sentiments. After all the Bible does say “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” and “It is not good for man to be alone.” There is even a study that suggests married men live longer than single men.

            However, I will say that for THeVeryTruth’s own good he might want to change his perspective. Perspective is everything. He can choose to look at his circumstances and get angry and feel sorry for himself and maybe even resent God a little (I know I have -I mean not even one single date in 26 years and counting -but that’s neither here or there) OR he can fix his eyes on the REAL prize: Christ. It’s a decision that needs to be made -a hard one -but one worth making.

  2. I have truly been blessed by these posts! I have been wanting to talk to someone for a long time about this and this feels like the best place to do so. I am few weeks away from marrying a man who my family and friends totally approve of, good Christian, treats me right and all, but suddenly I am beginning to think he isn’t good looking and it makes me shy to introduce him to my friends. Could that be a good reason to be skeptical about marriage to him and want to pull out at this stage?

    1. Is it better for you to marry a tall/handsome devil that you will regret in the near future or marrying God’s choice for your life? Beauty fades with time. I will advise you to go for a man that loves you and if you have peace of mind within you, please don’t hesitate to take the plunge. I wish you all the best.

  3. Oooooooooohhhhh may the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY blesssss you richly for publishing this article! Wow!!!!!!! This was sooooo edifying and a confirmation in more ways than 1! What else can I say -OVERCOME VICTORY GLORY FREEDOM LOOSED FROM CAPTIVITY all these will not justify how I feel right now! I choose to wait!!! and I choose to wait for GOD’s CHOICE!!!!!!!!!! Hallleluuuuuuujaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I read this article and some things really hit home. I’m searching for an answer to a question that probably is too specific. But how is one to know whether or not the choice is God’s choice?

    1. I hope this helps. Don’t take my words without testing them against God’s. When it comes to knowing God’s choice the first thing to consider is has he prepared you to be married? By this I mean: 1. Is God sufficient for you? 2. Is God your first love? 3. Do you know you are a complete person made in the image of God and whole on your own with him? If these 3 things are not considered you may be looking for identity in another.

      Next, does your life hold and display the type of character shown in 1 Corinthians 13 and Galatians 5:22-23? If your life is not emanating these, you’re just going to hurt whoever you’re in a relationship with. If God has prepared you in this way and then it is God’s choice. Is the God fearing member of the other sex displaying the same characteristics of Holiness and is he or she content to walk along side you?

      Largely it’s listening to the Holy Spirit and your conscience and comparing their life to the word of God that lets you know if its God’s choice. For further reading I would recommend 1 John, to further clear up what character they must have.

      I hope this helps and is not too vague. Remember just because God has prepared you in the manner I said earlier, it doesn’t mean he did it for marriage. It just means you’re ready for it if that’s what God wills. He may have prepared you for a glorious life of a single mission, which is why it is so important. Whether you marry or stay single God is to be your first love.

      1. Outstanding Dan. Thank you for sharing this. My husband Steve and I agree with what you have written whole-heartedly –especially about testing the words of human beings (yours, ours, or any others) against God’s. We hope others will pay attention to what you have written… it’s good advice.

  5. Hi, I am really so blessed by this article. I really want to talk to someone about this. I was in a relationship for about 8 yrs. Then I was too young to really pray to God if I was doing the right thing or not. Now I realize that God definitely has a plan for me and I decided to let go. I met someone else and even before we got close I saw a vision where he was beating me up in the dream. And before then, he never showed any sign of anger what so ever, until it happened physically and it’s like something takes over him when he gets angry. He has been begging me that he needs help.

    Also, my ex wants me back. I’m so confused. Did God show that to keep away or to help him? I just keep seeing things about him even before it happens. I’ve never been connected with someone else like this before, apart from this. He is a wonderful God fearing person, and especially has the qualities I prayed for in a husband. Please, I’m really in a confused state right now. Thanks.

  6. Hello, I’ve been in a relationship with someone for the past 7 years. He has really been a blessing to me. My parents had a difficult marriage, which made me scared of marriage so from a very young age, I’ve been asking God to pair me with the right person. He came along and seemed to be the answer to my prayers. We are ready to take the next step (marriage) but I have this strong urge to seek God’s mind. Is he the right one for me?? I don’t want to make a mistake because I let my emotions mislead me.

    He is loving, kind and has never laid a finger on me. However recently, it seems something always comes up to make us quarrel. I don’t know if this is God’s way of making me pause and think carefully but I really want to know if he is truly God’s choice for me.

  7. I’m in a relationship for 7 years, even got engaged to a wonderful man. And everyone in my family loves him. But I made this commitment at a very young age, and didn’t even pray about it if he’s the right partner for me or not. Last year I meet another man, whom I so loved and I think he also did but I can’t be double minded and I have put myself in a situation which I can’t fix, while at the end of the day I don’t want to hurt any of the man. They are both good men. Sometimes I just think of digging a hole and get inside it because I’m so confused and hurting. I’m trusting in God to lead me in this situation and I understand I have put myself into it, but can’t solve it at myself.

  8. I am dating a lady who accept gifts from me but refuses to give me her mind anytime I ask for marriage. I prayed over this for a year now. Anytime I pray I see her as the Holy Spirit reveals but it is like she pulls back. Is it that I am using my own mind or God is in connection to this?

  9. I’m so blessed and touched about this article. I have the father of my baby. He sent his uncles at home for lobola negotiation while he was having an affair with another lady. I saw them and I dumped him. Now he comes back, expecting me to take him back. I have been praying for him to marry me but this, I don’t know if he is the one or not. Please help me.

  10. As a Muslim reading this article, I find it more than inspiring to read advice that resonates so much with Islamic principles. A very well written article that, among with many other materials, is aiding me in decisions relating to my future path where I find myself faced with a choice between ‘love’ because of attraction to a person Vs love of my faith because of attraction to another due to his religious commitment, beliefs and practices. Thank you for sharing such article :)

  11. This article has brought me to tears upon reading it, truly a God sent must read. I googled positive Christian single stories & scrolled down to find this. The funny thing is that I JUST watched God’s Not Dead and Isaiah 55:8-9 was quoted near the end of this movie & is used here, as well.

    I’ve been struggling with being alone for some time, even today it was a point of topic at Bible study when an elderly man asked, “How have you managed to stay unmarried?” I said I was engaged once for 4 years but felt my life would not be as it should with this very nice person. He was not a devoted Christian, strong head, nor was I at the time. I’m certain I never would have become one with him either, as our life style was very worldly.

    We talked about arranged marriages & their success rates. A young Indian woman there said she would never marry an Indian man & I said, “At 35 I would be more then happy to have an arranged marriage.” I was making a joke but found myself saying seriously a minute later, “if God arranges it.”

    I will be erasing my two online dating profiles & giving this matter over to God. I have a deep faith & an overwhelming sense of resolve that I’m being built up to be matched w/ God’s choice for me. In the meantime I will clear my mind of any mystery man that’s just out of reach & accept my single self in this present day as it’s a gift in itself. Praise God!

    1. Oh my!! Sounds like me. By the way THANKS to those who put up this article. GOD bless you all in Christ Jesus’ name. Amen.

      Recently, I took account of my Feb 14th, we know the way most of us take this day as a big issue. While I’m not crazy for gifts and all [I just want to know I have someone, other than God, my parents and siblings, a ‘special’ someone], I realised that somehow, I’ve never really, really, really being with anyone on Feb 14 [and by ‘being with’ I’m referring to a partner whether he’s a thousand miles away or not at the time] that I can confidently call mine. Like I’m dating (courting) this person at this time.

      A few days back, my daily devotion booklet brought me to ask forgiveness for the times I tried to act God’s role in my life (how often I do that… :( ) Then I remember something I read somewhere about Abraham Lincoln at breakfast with some church heads or so. When they prayed for God to be on their sides, Lincoln said it was better that they be on God’s side. Many a time as Christians, we say God is our ALL in ALL buhhht our actions depict us being God’s all in all (absolute impossibility).

      So, for my Feb 14th, the thought crossed my mind that God probably wants me to enjoy having just HIM (and my family as it is) as my LOVE!!! So, next Feb 14th, I’m looking to have a special date with HIM (of course I’m not dissing HIM before then…don’t get me wrong please. We’ll be loving ourselves every day till then and after too).

      If HE chooses to bring a third party (some young man who fears HIM), fine! But, for now, I’m planning for just two… HIM and me!!! I’m taking HIM real serious now!!! HE COMES FIRST!!! This jealous GOD of mine that I’m able to call… ABBA! FATHER!

  12. Hi, I was in relationship with my colleague and friend who is a Christian but not deep in faith for 3 years and I prayed about marrying him but figured out that it is not God’s will and spoke to my boy friend about ending this relationship. He is not convinced with my decision and he feels that it is God’s will since we were able to pull this through fine so far.

    He has lost his parents and left with no one. Our relationship was the only hope he had but I had to leave him now. I’m not able to get over this relationship and am unable to take any step ahead in life, career or spiritual life. I’m constantly worried that I have betrayed him and not able to think about anything. I dont know how to make him understand it is not God’s will and sometimes I feel doubtful if it is really not God’s will. Please help me out!

  13. Hello, good morning, my name is Derek. I’m a Catholic man that is in love with a Christian woman. I met a female name Michelle on a website social dating website. We exchanged messages before exchanging numbers. After receiving her number we had our first conversation. I can say our first conversation was the most remarkable conversation I’ve ever had with a woman and for a long time it was filled with God.

    She was just so overwhelmingly humble and was accurately speaking the word of God that attracted me not only to her but caused me to question my Catholic religion. Long before her I was seeking answers on where I belong, who am I, what is my purpose, and I’ve been having doubts and was unconfident with a lot of things and rules that the Catholic religion believes.

    So with that being said, Michelle enlightened me in many ways with the Christian word, and besides absorbing the information she was giving me, this led us to start to face time (for those who don’t know of FaceTime, it’s a video chat that is connected with your iPhone where you can call another person and see their face that is why it’s called face time).

    After 5 days of Michelle and I face timing I began to feel feelings that I haven’t felt in such a long time, feelings that I could honestly say felt God sent. What is interesting is she told me the same thing. The differences were that Michelle always used to call a dark and handsome man, but in my case I am an average height, handsome man, with light skin. She would tell me that she is shocked on how she feels for me because she’s not used to being with a guy of my complexion or nor my height and to make things more interesting, we were equally yoked due to the fact that I’m Catholic and she’s a Christian.

    So one day soon at night with all the strong feelings, within the week and extremely strong even though she’s been practicing celibacy for about four years (she’s been into it with her religion …she’s following the word of God to guide to guide her to the max) Michelle wakes up and tells me we should have a day off of not speaking. I need to know if you’re my husband. So I said okay.

    Then the next day Michelle told me of her dreams and things that I nurture and tells me she’s not my office I’m not her husband, and I could see that bothers me because I couldn’t understand. I CCed her heart answer, that it was God-given. It was a bit discouraging actually, because here I am two to three years of being single and not necessarily searching for a companion. I met one one that I was not prepared for, one that I do not have these feelings for such a short period of time.

    So I asked her to tell me her feelings. She no longer wanted to face time me; she refused to videochat with me. She said that is not good. I don’t want my emotions to be involved with my decisions. And I said to her correct. Before I said God will make someone find you, but you have to see them. You know it’s not like I told her; it’s not like God is going to send you a text saying this is the one you have to see. When you see him you feel something instantly and we were there in the beginning but now she’s telling me it’s her emotions. She’s looking at me giving off feelings that this is not God sent and asks if they’re sexual. She said no; it’s my eyes. I’m seeing that she is just fighting a gift that God sent. This is because I am not what she’s physically used to because in her dream, after mentioning it to me, she said oh, I saw a man I was tall and dark.

    I said okay, but what was the skin complexion? She couldn’t tell me how he looked. I said to myself, is it that probably her self conscience that told her?Maybe she so wants me; she has a feeling so deeply for me that was she trying to see a tall man and is confused. I make her laugh all the time. Within that dream comedians were popping up. I’m just really confused. I wouldn’t want the person that got sent to me and to her misread the message that God’s giving her because I truly feel that I’m in love with her. Please help.

    1. It is very sad that God punishes many of us with Singleness since he Blesses so many others with a wife and family, and Loneliness is a very serious thing nowadays. Cancer kills much quicker, but Loneliness is a very Painful and Slow Death.

    2. If truly she was God sent, things would have worked out better after she sought God’s face. Obviously she has some amount of feelings for you. The reason she stopped face timing, was to enable her get over you. Relax, and discover the reason for your singleness. You will find you’re God sent, at the right time and in the right place where God has ordained for you. Until then, stop trying to figure it out. God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts not ours.

      1. To Kas, I really met a nice woman that I was blessed to connect with. Thanks very much for your support.

  14. Am in a relationship wit a girl who I would want to marry but don’t know if it’s God’s choice for me. My parents are not fully in support especially my mum. But I truly love her because I seem not able to let go despite her flaws. what do I do? I need Godly counsel, I want to marry – but God’s choice.

  15. I am in a 15 year marriage. Life for my children and I have been up and down like a roller coaster. We have difficult challenges in emotional, spiritual, social, and financial areas of our lives because I made a good choice to marry a man instead of allowing my choice to be “God’s Choice”.

    My question to this ministry is, should I stay in this stressful and unprosperous marriage or do I divorce so that I can in all hopes live and experience the good that Jesus intended for me since the beginning?

    1. You are thinking about getting divorced only because you have problems? Maybe you should take a look at other couples’ lives. How much they suffered in the past and continued being married. Who told you that marriage was made to make us happy? Marriage is made for us to have someone to face the problems of life together, to suffer together, to resist evil together, to pray together, to overcome together, to cry together, to moan under the heavy burdens of live together.


  17. Please, I seriously need an urgent answer to this question. I prayed about a lady and God said she is my wife though she is not my choice for this reason 1. She is the mother of one; secondly she is wayward up til now. But I respect the voice of God. I determined to marry her and I proposed to her but did not ready for now because she still wants to flex around. She did not agree. Now since God has said she is good for me but did not ready for me, please what should I do?

    1. John, I want to caution you about attributing what you think you heard to God. Often times the enemy of our faith can disguise himself as God. Any time you have a sense of “confusion” over a decision this most often means it comes from Powers of Darkness who is called “the great deceiver.” What you describe about this situation makes me think that this is the case here because God brings peace, not confusion. And all of this flies against scripture and what God’s living picture of what marriage represents, especially spiritually. God doesn’t go against His Word.

      Just the things you say about this woman is a blaring siren saying, “Warning! Warning! Something is wrong here.” Until such time as she makes a 100% full commitment to Jesus Christ (not just “God”) I would not even try to move forward with this relationship because you would be unequally yoked, which is again contrary to what God tells us to do in His Word.

      Understand that IF you pursue this and she agrees to marry you, you are making a life-long commitment to her whether she changes spiritually or not; whether she continues to fool around or not; whether she brings sexually transmitted disease into your home or not. If you are sure, that you are sure, that you are sure that GOD Himself told you to marry this woman, and not a contrary spirit trying to mess things up for you spiritually, emotionally, and otherwise, then you will HAVE to stay married to this woman, which again, wouldn’t make sense that God would lead you that way. I’m very suspicious, to say the least. Remember, the enemy is very good at disguising truth… making it SEEM like truth, when it isn’t.

      I believe God is giving you ample warning that this woman is NOT His choice for you. I believe God is warning you through the uneasiness you are feeling in your spirit that you are being deceived and NOT to do this.

      Go back into our web site and go into the Single Yet Preparing topic because you will find a lot of articles that can help you discern what God’s REAL plan is for you. I hope this helps. Blessings! ~ Steve Wright, Marriage Missions International

  18. I love this. It enlighlitens me though am in the same problem of either good choice or bad choice. My big brother passed away leaving 4 daughters and a widow who is young. After the widow had prayed for more than four years to get a partner God spoke to her that it’s me who should marry her this was confirmed by different pastors though I was against it because she is my elder and I love her so much as my big sister.

    But my family could not listen to me saying that if God said it and I don’t marry her we will be killed by devil worshiper i.e my father. So I was forced to marry her out of fear and obedience but since then I don’t have any feeling for her. Please help. Is my marriage valid because I loved my fiancee very much and I was forced to break up with her because of this.

  19. I want to ask a man that has been married with three come to propose to a lady saying God revealed that the lady is his wife though him and his wife are separated. Please advise.

  20. What a wonderful article. I have made horrible choices for a mate in the past. As I’ve allowed God’s thoughts and ways to become mine. I’ve seen a drastic change. God’s spirit with God’s word will guide us into God’s truth. I am in a waiting, preparing season right now. It’s been very precious to get to know the Lord in a more intimate way. This season of my life is a blessing.

  21. When you pray to God you have to work towards it, because if you pray and just relax like that, your wish will not be granted when you pray you work towards it okay.

    1. If you look at the end of the article, you will see the book title has a link to If you get obtain it through them, please do so through the link provided. You can get the discount offered (for that and anything else you would order) and Amazon will give this ministry a part of their profit, which we use to support this ministry. I pray the book, and the Lord, through His insights, help you in the way you need.

  22. Kindly tell me, so after praying and fasting for a husband, there seems to be many counterfeits. How do you recognise the God’s choice for you? How are you meant to feel?

    1. Honestly Dee, it’s difficult to say. Just stay as close to God as you can and He will help you to recognize the wolves in sheep’s clothing, and God’s actual sheep –the right one. There is a web site I recommend you start reading through. Even though it is basically an American web site, it has great stuff on it that I believe you can find on living a godly single life. It is put together by the ministry of Focus on the Family. You can find it at I would definitely be reading all I could on this web site if I was single because they have so many good articles addressing so many of the issues single people face, including this one.

      And then seek out other web sites we list (besides that one) in the Links part of the topic this article is house in… here’s a link: I pray this helps. So much of this is about the journey, as much as it is about the destination. Keep your eyes on Jesus, which is good advice for those who are not married, as well as those who are. HE will take you on the journey He has for you and along the way He will meet your true needs. I pray God’s best for you.

  23. Hi. Thank You for this article, it really helps me a lot, reminding me of the things being just aggressive and initiative doesn’t necessarily mean that I could do stuff on my own and ask the Lord to bless it. Well, it’s been really encouraging that the Lord knows what’s best in me at heart. I am a full time worker in our church at this time. My only dream is to serve the Lord wholeheartedly, but then I met this lady that really turned my world upside down. She became a full time worker also in the same church that we’re currently attending. We really don’t want each other company before maybe because of some attitude problem but then we learned to evaluate and assess the situation as time passed, and as the Lord slowly breaks us and molds us – of course until now.

    Then my friendship with her began it was definitely pure and genuine without expecting anything; then I started praying about her because when I got to know her more I began liking her, because I notice that we compliment each other company. After some time I decided to tell her about my motives. She said that she would give me a chance. Her friends didn’t like me at all. Because of the issues that I had before with other girls which has no basis at all. Then she confronted me and told me that she already forgave me about my past. But all she was asking was space and time. She told me if I could wait so I said I am willing to wait, but I asked her what am I going to wait for? Then she said she doesn’t know.

    As I said we’re both full-time workers and my real desire is to follow God’s best in my life. I am wondering if I needed to let go of her, I’ve been praying and considering her to be my help meet someday if the Lord willing. Is this circumstances is just one way of saying that it is the Lord’s will for me to stop pursuing her? I already talk to my Pastor about it and to her parents, at first there’s nothing wrong about me liking her but then when I’m still talking to her and texting her, she told it to our Pastor, and my Pastor told me to back-off and wait for God’s best in my life. Well again thank you for your article hope that you’ll reply in my comment. God bless!!!

  24. We as human like to focus on appearance when it come for marrying someone. Like 1 samuel 16 you can see where God send Samuel to the Jesse in order to chose of of his sons to be king. Samuel lead the appearance of Eliab (one of the sons of Jesse) to say he is the one but God said to Samuel do not look to his appearance, neither his height and length because God does not see appearance. He sees the heart of the men which David has this quality that the lord was looking for. With this verse I like to infacise that most of the mistakes that people make is due to focus on only the outside of something.

    What about being a beautiful woman and nice body shape but she does not love you or she disrespect you? Or what about a man that is so handsome and has the sexy body that a women desire but still he does not respect you or he is not in the will of God? Btw I do not mean that you cannot marry a beautiful woman or a handsome man but let God chose for you. He can be maybe not as you expected but he loves you, cares for you, provides for you and your family.

    So stop being foolish by stressing out on the body only, instead of looking for what God wants. God gives the best things to his children. He never made a mistake so trust him. Delight in him and he would give you the desire of your heart. God bless you and hope that you let God guide your pad and also do your part. Be bless loveeee

    1. Well the only thing that a good man like me really wanted was to have a good wife and family that so many millions of others had since they were very blessed by God to have that gift of life.

  25. Hi, this is actually talking directly to me. Is there any hope for me because I think I have made the wrong choice already. Will I forever be unhappy? Can God still be merciful unto me even for being impatient?

    1. Hi Romoke, There is ALWAYS hope! Why do you think you have made the wrong choice? No, you will not be unhappy forever. People grow and change, and most importantly, God can and does work miracles in ordinary people’s lives. Miracles, which we could never come up with let alone make them happen on our own. God knows your impatience… He understands that. But He certainly doesn’t condemn you for it. “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.” Matthew 7:7.

      It’s interesting to note that the statistics for arranged marriages are generally better than those for “love” marriages. The central question for the arranged marriage is “How can I build a good marriage with this person?” What can I do to make our relationship better? For these marriages, the feelings of being in love start at a lower level and grow, whereas the in-love level of the love marriages starts at a higher level and tends to decline. There is plenty of room to improve things!!

      I am a husband married 36 years, we have 2 adult children. I hope you see this post… Take care, WP (Work in Progress)

  26. Thank you so much for this, I am greatly blessed with this article. I am still struggling to move on from a painful breakup. Initially the relationship was good and blissful but later on issues came up and started grating on us. Having read this article made me realize a lot of things and gave me comfort that God is still the best author of our love story.

    After the breakup, I started praying to God to bless me with a godly husband who will also become the spiritual leader of the relationship and the family. Though I am still struggling with loneliness, I am surrending to God a task that is never mine – to find a loving and godly husband. I also started praying to God to mold me and make a godly woman and wife out me.

    God is our good Shepherd, He will lead me and my husband together.