When it comes to whether you should tell your children about the affair, that’s a tough one! You really have to know your children, as to whether they could handle such information in a non-destructive way, and also if they are too young.
You need to be very prayerful and careful with whatever you decide to do. It could drastically change how they view the parent who had the affair and change how they interact with them in the future.
But it can also be a good thing to hear it from their parents rather than from someone else, which sometimes happens. These kinds of things have a way of shooting out of the darkness into the light. Your children, whether they are young or adult, may feel betrayed if they were never told from their parents and had to hear about it elsewhere.
Cindy Crosby, who wrote an article posted on the web site for Marriage Partnership Magazine gives the following advice:
“Children are your first priority here. Make sure you don’t injure them for life. Both of you need to sit down together with the child or the children, and both of you need to take responsibility for whatever you have contributed to the experience—not to the affair, necessarily, but for the tension that exists in the family environment.
“Does age impact this? If your children are under eight years old, they’ve already made up their own story. They are egocentric and will think they have caused the tension. If your children are teenagers, the kids probably already suspect the affair. Tell them the whole story: Dad had a girlfriend; Mom got involved with someone at work. Sharing the truth allows them to process the issue with Mom and Dad instead of guessing and keeps them from expending emotional energy checking on how well Mom and Dad are doing.
“That’s a lot of honesty. The issues for your kids are, ‘Will Mom and Dad make it? Will we stay together as a family?’ Do not lie. If you are not sure your marriage can be saved, tell them to pray; tell them you are seeing a counselor. Then, give lots and lots of touching and hugging and stroking and eye contact to your child. They need that reassurance.”
To read more of what Cindy writes in her article concerning infidelity, please click onto:
We’d really like to hear from you as far as what you think. Have you been in this place yourself or do you know of someone who has? Please “Join the Discussion” below and tell us briefly what happened and whether you think it’s a good idea to tell your adult children about the affair. It could possibly help someone else who is faced with this dilemma.
Before doing so, we’d like you to read the articles we have posted below that might help you in some way in your own situation. Please click onto the web site links below to read:
Several of these articles come from a non-Christian web sites, but they have some good information to consider. Please pray first for guidance from the Lord and then click onto the web site links to read:
We’re hoping by praying first and then reading through the various articles, the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor, will guide you whether you should tell your children of the affair and if so, what you should tell them.
This article was written and compiled by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International.