The Power Of A Praying Wife

I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?

Dollar Photo Woman praying with hands togetherHave you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you. But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?

The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.

If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

Instead say:

“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.

If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”

If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.

If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.

There is a time for everything, it says in the Bible and it’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.

Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words can not be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.

This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife, written by Stormie Omartian, published by Harvest House. This is one of my (Cindy’s) favorite books! As Stormie said it so well: “I can think of no better way to truly love your husband than by lifting him up in prayer on a consistent basis. It is a priceless gift that helps him experience God’s blessings and grace.” With real-life illustrations, Stormie includes sample prayers and “power tools” —verses that inspire and encourage —to help wives rest assured in God’s promises of restoration, renewal, and growth in marriage.


The following is are two links to articles to read, which may inspire you to pray for your husband in a different ways than you might have otherwise thought:

10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)

31 Days of Praying for Your Husband


Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters

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600 responses to “The Power Of A Praying Wife

  1. (USA) I came across this, I believe, by God’s intervention. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. We both were married previously and have 3 children from each of those marriages. He is 10 yrs older so his children are all adults, mine are still teens.

    My husband is a co-pastor in our small church and we have always made it a point to pray and study the word together, yet also having our private time with the Lord as well. Recently I was injured and I am unable to work temporarily which has put a burden on my husband.

    He has always been a very good father and husband. Never has he raised his voice in anger nor a hand to me or my children. I thank God for such a good man that he has given me. Recently he has closed himself off a little bit, immersed himself into his job to provide putting in 20 hours of overtime every 2 weeks, which causes his body to be fatigued and he’s very tired. He misses Bible study, and has forgotten our prayer and study time we do together. He rushes off early to work to get those extra hours, returns late nightly. He has pulled away from the intimate part of our marriage. I feel to blame. I feel I am just a burden to him. I have become so terribly depressed feeling very unloved and undesirable. Please tell me, how I can approach this sensitive issue? My husband is not very open when it comes to talk about being intimate.

  2. (USA) Hi Cheral (and Deborah), Cheral, I couldn’t have said it better myself! Everything you say is right on! It’s taken a LONG time filled with trials for many recent months for me to finally get in touch with the joy and peace that God brings. I think this world tells us we are inadequate and after so many years, we just believe it.

    The Bible does say otherwise though. God does love each and everyone of us. And, also, through the wonderful messages I’ve received from other beautiful Christian brothers and sisters, I’ve been told they love me, too. Just like Cheral loves you. That’s always comforting.

    Yes, Deborah – listen to Cheral’s very sound and Godly wisdom and advice. She is truly dead on. Not just about God loving you but also about the situation you are in. I agree completely, your husband is probably pulling away just from stress and tiredness. And your illness is a trial. That’s all. It’s something God is allowing to strengthen you. You’ll be much stronger when you come through and you will. It’s not a deal-breaker. God will allow the trial to end on His perfect timing. You are in my prayers, With love, LT

  3. (USA) Hi Zukiswa, Thank you, so much, for your kind words. I have gained a lot of trust, understanding and knowledge because of my walk with God, through all the trials He allows to happen in my life. I share that here for anyone who might benefit from it. I am glad that you are helped by my comments. The Holy Spirit guides me to write what I write to others – that is why you are inspired by it – they are God’s words to me, and through me.

    I will certainly keep you in my prayers, and all the other beautiful people I’ve been in touch with through this web site, including Cindy Wright.

    Zukiswa, your words touched my heart! Here is a great verse that I would like to share with you; it is one I think of when I think of all the wonderful people who minister on this web site, including people who write in like you and Georgann: "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:3-6)

  4. (THE NETHERLANDS) Hello sisters around the world. Wow, it is great to read your incredible stories. I see that we women go through a lot. That is exactly the reason why we need to be powerful women. I was most hit by the story of Georgann. I did not yet read the book the power of a praying wife, but want to do so. But I read other books that helped me to focus on my relationship with God. For instance I read Boundaries in Marriage. And this book really helped me to get clear that when I know my own boundaries. I am responsible for telling people that they are crossing my boundaries.

    I am not letting anyone cross my boundaries. I have a right to live and of a free space where i can live in. My husband …..our marriage was also in physical danger. There were a couple of times when he hit me hard, and it confused me and I thought this was the only time he did it — he will never do this again. But next time he did the same thing. Until I left my husband and told him the only way I come back is when you get help otherwise our marriage is over. And if he didn’t seek help I would have done this. Because I believe we do not have to be faithful to our husbands when we are in physical danger. God doesn’t want that for us.

    Our husbands have choices, and they can choose to get help for this behavior. When he chooses to hit you he chooses to be unfaithful to you. He is then breaking the promise to you. It is not the other way around. He really needs help when he hits you because he can not change his own behavior by himself. More often they were in abuse themselves before they do things like that. They had wrong examples.

    In my situation my husband knew that he had to do something and found help. He went in a group of abusing man and learned more about abuse. We have both still a lot to learn, also for me with my sharp tongue, but God changed our marriage so much that it gives me faith to carry on. Boundaries are also there for a reason. And you need to tell people about your boundaries, because they can’t tell by themselves. They need you to say they crossed the line.

    You also need someone you trust and who knows your husband. I pray you find someone close by who can help you stay save and be your friend. I do not know why I found this website and found your writings, but I do know I serve an awesome God who does not have any boundaries around the globe (like the lines of country’s). Lots of love. I pray for you all. God is an awesome God.

  5. (SOUTH AFRICA)  Hi everyone, This is my first time entering this website. Infact, I saw Stormie’s book a while ago before I got married. I’m now married for exactly a year and I’m already having problems in my marriage. Currently, I’m going through a dark cloud and needed a lot of support from my partner. He does not drink nor does he smoke and he’s 10 yrs older than me, which scares me even more because then I do not have an excuse as to why he is failing to be supportive to me at a time when I needed him the most.

    I felt a lot of disappointment and found myself wondering if he is the life partner that I thought him to be. He hasn’t even had time to notice how much I needed him because he’s been consumed in his own life and friends. When I spoke to him to try and explain to him my disappointment and pain that I’m going through right now…NOTHING changed.

    I feel that maybe he got married to the idea of marriage and not to me. That is the only thing to me right now that explains his behaviour. I, on the other hand thought I was marrying the man of my dreams who’ll always be there for me at a time of need. I think, we might love each other but unfortunately either have different understanding of what marriage is or just do not have the same goal in mind.

    Sadly so, I feel that I’m ready for a seperation. I feel that I should give him time to re-focus or decide if marriage is the right path for him because right now…I don’t think it is… I’m at a cross-road because I’ve been experiencing his unavailability to me for a while now but have been trying to be understanding and compromised. I really have to wonder if he’ll ever be available for me and if by that time I’d still love him the way I do…

  6. (USA) Hi Rachael, Firstly, congratulations on the birth of a beautiful baby boy!! Wow!

    As a mom myself, I can confirm, regardless of how much or how little support you have from those around you (unless you just have about 5 nannies with you), the first 6 months are SOOOO tiring and hard. Between hormones, tiredness and the overwhelming task of a job you’ve never had before and have no qualifications for, it’s hard. Just hang in there.

    Actually – it was motherhood itself (as well as a husband that could be very unloving) that helped me die to self, more than anything else, because I had a little one depending on me and I had to learn how to do everything, including going to the bathroom, differently. I always came last. Men do not really know what it’s like for new moms.

    Try to get together with your girlfriends or female relatives as much as you can. There is nothing wrong with trying to share your thoughts with your husband. If you think he’ll hear you on it, you can tell him you need him more.

    We women (and moms) have these dreams of us all being together as a happy family, all the time, the minute the baby is born and we feel up to it – I had those dreams, too, but that didn’t happen as much as I wanted either.

    It is hard but as you said yourself, God is our strength. Keep tapping into that and walking in the faith of that and you’ll get past all the problems. With love, LT

  7. (SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Bridgette, I just want to say that I know exactly what you going through. Many times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel. I’ve just made a choice to cry out to the Lord for help.They say your 1st year is the hardest and most difficult, if you survive it, you can survive anything. Just remember your promise before God and know that you were joined for a purpose which Satan is not pleased about; that’s why he will try to destroy your union. Pray my sister. Things have gotten a lot better for us. I’m now expecting our first baby, and have been married for 14months.

  8. (USA) Hi Jodie, That is an awesome testimony AND I love the story about your baptism of the Holy Spirit. If only more people out there knew that this was possible. I honestly think that there are a lot of God followers out there who may not have God’s Holy Spirit, but either aren’t aware of that or (even worse) think they already do.

    It’s inspiring to read your story. I’m sorry your husband has not come to God in the same level you have, but one thing I’ve learned is that, if someone isn’t seeking, you can’t really make them see God AND it’s possible it’s not God’s time for them yet. I will certainly keep you in my prayers, however, and your husband. Even if he isn’t seeking God as strongly as you, there’s nothing wrong in praying for him!

    I myself got an "extra portion" of God’s Spirit about a year ago. It was nice before I got that, but since I got more of it (which was not a concept for me until someone mentioned it was possible) – I had the same reaction – WOW! I wish everyone could experience that. God bless, LT

  9. (USA) Thanks for your response. I know that my timing for my husband to truly seek GOD and to truly turn his life over to HIM is not going to be the same as GOD’S timing but its very hard to be patient. I don’t want my children to ever know what their dad does. I grew up in a home with parents who were on drugs and selling them. I don’t want my children to ever have to experience that and I don’t want them to ever have to look at their dad differently than they look at him now. I want them to always look up to their dad the way they do now. And I don’t want them to grow up and use what their dad is doing as an excuse for them to do it. Do you know what I mean?

    You know, I know that all of this is in GOD’S hands at all times, and in GOD’S timing, not mine, things will change. I am involved with the jail ministry. This is where we go in to the jails and tell the girls and guys of GOD’S great love and his forgiveness and what HE has done for us on the cross. Anyway, I think that with GOD’S help, my husband would be awesome in this ministry because of the testimony he is going to have once he truly seeks GOD and gives GOD his whole heart, soul, and mind to him.

    I think that you have to have been there to know what it’s like in jail. I have been in jail before only for a weekend but that was long enough for me. And I also have done my fair share of partying too. So the girls in jail can really relate to me. I give GOD thanks because, even though at the time I did not want to be in jail, now I have a amazing testimony to tell them and I also have a heart for them. SO I think that GOD lets some things happen for a reason –not that HE makes bad things happen because our GOD is a loving and good GOD. I just think he lets things happen because he knows the end results. PRAISE GOD!!! So maybe GOD is letting my husband go through and struggle with what he is struggling with, because GOD knows the end results. I just pray that GOD will break these addictions in my husband, sooner rather than later. IN HIS NAME, JODIE

  10. (RSA) This is the first time I have entered this website. I really thank God that I found people who listen and support us throughout our difficulties. It’s been 2 years since we got married but my husband has changed a lot. He is so harsh and always angry. He makes no time for me and is very quiet. He no longer goes to church and doesn’t want to pray with me. I am so hurt and I don’t know what to do. Every time I try to talk about this, he gets angry and tells me things will be fine. I have been praying and waiting since August last year. Things seem to be getting worse. I want out of the marriage but I didn’t know how. Every time I thought of packing my bags and going, my heart tells me that I love him and I always feel pity for him. Please pray with me. I really want my marriage to work.

  11. Dear Cecilia, You sound like a very loyal and loving wife. Your husband is very blessed to have you. I pray someday he realizes the gift you are to him. He has the potential to learn things he never could have learned if he didn’t have you. That’s one of the reasons God said, “It’s not good for man to be alone.” God recognizes the gifts that a wife brings into the relationship.

    As I read and prayed over your note, a few thoughts came to mind that you might prayerfully consider. The first thought is that your husband obviously knew how to WIN your heart and cause you to fall in love with him in the first place, but he doesn’t seem to know how to KEEP your heart and TEND TO ITS NEEDS now that he has it. He had enough knowledge and energy to know what he wanted and how to get it (you). He fell in love with you and did what it took to win your heart. But beyond that, he’s obviously clueless.

    I doubt that he realized how complex you were as a woman and how you would challenge him and it angers him because he is confused as to what to do with the needs you now express. Your needs are different than his and he’s doesn’t understand this (and right now his mind may even be closed to learning what is beyond his own understanding– but don’t underestimate what God can do in you and through you as you follow the Lord’s leading). Your husband tries to quiet you because he doesn’t want to hear your discontentedness — after-all, it’s a reflection on him and makes him uncomfortable in all his confusion over this situation. Plus, his needs are different than yours. Shortsightedly, he thinks yours should be the same as his. That’s why he says “things will be fine.” He probably thinks that eventually you will settle in to see that his way is the best way and then the problem will be solved, as far as he is concerned. It’s obvious that he doesn’t understand you as a woman or all of what it takes to make a marriage good. Marriage is a partnership, with each bringing their own gifts into it, to make it work the best it can. And your giftedness is different than what he thought, or now thinks, he could embrace. He doesn’t realize what God can do in and through you as you put your hand into His.

    There could be many different reasons why your husband doesn’t know how to show you the love and attention you need. It doesn’t mean that his love for you isn’t deep inside of him, but it may be that he doesn’t know how to properly express it and live it out over the long term (most everyone can do things over the short term). It could be that he was never taught how to be a good husband and/or he never had it modeled for him. Part of the mix of all of what is happening, could be a cultural attitude he has picked up, and/or he has a personality that is relationally-challenged when it comes to interacting in a marriage partnership, as a good marriage demands.

    There are many other reasons why all of this could be. But the fact is that you have a problem here, and you need God to teach you how work within this situation. This is where prayer comes in. Not only do you need to pray for your marriage and for your husband’s spiritual growth, but you also need wisdom as to how to make the best out of this situation, step-by-step, day-by-day — whatever comes your way. God can use you in miraculous ways if you open yourself up to what He can do.

    Your marriage journey will be different than what you ever thought it would be … but then it is with all of us. However, your life is not over. We serve a God who works miracles and can give you wisdom for your particular marriage and wisdom as to how to bring the best out of your husband as well as your partnership. But you need to be very prayerful and deliberate in how you interact with your husband. He doesn’t even realize the treasures you could open up for him in his life. But God knows, and He understands your husband. Go with God, and let the Holy Spirit guide you as your Wonderful Counselor. Don’t look at how other marriages work for them, learn from them what you need to, in order to make YOUR marriage work. Glean and adapt what you can use for your marriage. Our web site, and other things and people God brings your way, will help you as you open your mind and spirit. And don’t limit the time and effort it will take. You will be pushed to your limits at times. However, you can know that God will give you the strength and insight you need as you call upon Him in every situation. Keep in mind that God is “able to do exceedingly above all we ever ask or think” — and that promise is for you as well as it is for everyone else.

    Live out what it says in Proverbs 3: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”

    I pray God’s blessing upon you and your journey. I pray for you what it says in Philippians 1:9-11 … “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ — to the glory and praise of God.”

  12. (RSA) Cindy you have explained this situation as if you are with us everyday. I thank God for making it so clear to you. I didn’t know how to explain. Our God is good all the time. Thank you for the response. It gives me peace and I will never stop praying. I know that God will answer my prayers in HIS own way. I believe that God has a purpose with my life and it’s not a mistake that I am with my husband. I believe that God will make a way. I will stay on my knees until I find joy, peace, happiness and love in my marriage. I won’t give up because my God is faithful and HE promises that He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. I will pray no matter what. Thank you for everything. I can see God is in control of my situation through your response. May God richly bless you.

  13. (ZIMBABWE) It’s my first time joining in the discussions and I must say God had a reason for me to open this website. I identified quite a number of issues that used to affect me also in my marriage. I’ve been married for five years and the first four years were difficult. At one point I thought of separation and I had this independence in me. I then read a book on the power of prayer and I started praying to God that I wanted him to save my marriage. I prayed for my husband and told God that I needed him in my marriage and I needed to see the good things in my husband and learn to rekindle what we once had.

    I also had the habit of saying whatever I felt regardless of what my husband felt and caused a lot of problems. In fact it made things worse. But all those things are now things of the past since a I started a relationship with God. Now I’m able to keep quiet where I’m required, because I asked God to open my mouth only when it’s necessary. The few times that we now disagree, I usually keep quiet and just pray to God and the next few minutes or days I see a change in my life.

    I have also seen a change in my husband. Our relationship has greatly improved. I always thank God for the moment that I got to know him better and praise him. My verse that strengthens me more is Philippians 4 vs 13 where it says "I can do all things possible through Christ who strengthens me’. I say to all of you with problems everything is possible through Christ. The loving marriage you desire is possible through the Lord. Tell the Lord your problems and let him take control of your life and you will enjoy your marriage. Don’t limit God every thing is possible. Bridget, I know how you feel for I once felt that way but you can enjoy your marriage just take it to the Lord and don’t limit him and he will bless. Keep on praying.

  14. (SOUTH AFRICA) Hi everyone, I have started reading this book too, a long time ago. And well, I just started slipping away from God more and more, and yet when I think back, while I was praying I can see were God changed my husband. But what I didn’t cover in prayer, has not changed. Today, about 2 weeks ago my husband and I have come to cross roads once again. I have been praying day and night that God will restore my marriage and that we will be reconciled and that God should use me as the tool of reconciliation. However, I have been so "busy" with praying "God please bring us back together again" that I never realized until Monday that what God really wants is for ME to draw closer to HIM. And what a difference that has made.

    God is busy at work within me, and I hope and pray that my husband will see the transformation within in me and we could be reconciled. I love my husband very much, but I love and need God so much more. I just hope that Gods will in my life is what I want too. I don’t want to lose my husband. Someone said to me today "STOP TELLING GOD HOW BIG YOUR STORM IS, START TELLING YOUR STORM HOW BIG YOUR GOD IS".

  15. (ZIMBABWE) Hie everyone. After reading the mails above I noticed that as women we should pray for our husbands, families and each other too. I noticed that in this world we are fighting with the devil and principles of darkness Ephesians 6vs 10-18. The devil is there and if we are not strong in prayer we won’t conquer. The Lord says in Jeremiah 32 vs 27 " “Behold I am the Lord the God of all flesh, is there anything too hard for me."

    I say to all of you is if you read this verse carefully the Lord is telling us to take all our problems to him because there is nothing too hard for him. In Philippians 4 vs 13 he says again that I can do all things possible through Christ who strengthens me. We are able to conquer the devil through prayer and when we pray let us claim the promises in the Bible and you will see what the Lord does. Everything is possible through the Lord. There is nothing that the Lord has no solution for, and we should not tire to pray. The Lord will answer our prayers.

    If you read Psalms 91, the whole chapter, it strengthens you further as it shows that the Lord is there when we think he is not there. Like I highlighted above, we need to pray ladies and we should have faith to believe what you are praying way before the Lord has answered. I think our biggest weakness is not to have faith when praying and setting limits for God that my problem is too big for the Lord. I agree with Sue that we should tell the problem how great our Lord is and seek his power to lead us and deliver us from problems.

    Ladies let us also pray for each and most importantly let us pray with faith for our husbands and children. Don’t give up. The Lord wants people who are patient and persevere up to the end.

    I just want to share with you what happened to me today. I told my husband that I had forgotten to give him some cvs and I would give it to him in the evening. He did not hear clearly what I had said so that it generated into an argument and he started shouting. I did not say anything hurtful and kept quiet and he went on and on about the issue. When I got to work, I prayed and said “Lord, I believe I did not say anything hurtful but if I did or if he did, please help each one of us reflect on the conversation and that person should be able to ask for forgiveness.” 30 minutes later my hubby phoned and apologized for shouting at me. He has never apologized before. It was the first time and I knew that I had not said anything bad for I have learned to keep quiet in arguments until I have cooled down and then I will say words that will not hurt anyone. I said to the Lord thank you for replying my prayer. It made me realize that the Lord is there and is always listening to us. Some prayers are answered instantly, some take time, but what we should never forget is the Lord hears us and will answer our prayers. God Bless

  16. (ZAMBIA) Tarisai, your comment just came in at the right time. I had an argument with my husband 4 days ago, and we haven’t really been on speaking terms. I take it he is in the wrong and he thinks I was in the wrong. I have had too much bitterness in my heart. However, I have quoted the scriptures you put down and I will read them through and pray that God grants me a forgiving heart.

    The situation at home has been stressful, but I will learn to persevere and be patient with my husband and also pray for him to realize his faults too. Thank you! God bless you and all the women at prayer!!!

  17. (SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Tarisai, I have found so much encouragement in your letter, but the best of all that I want to share with all you ladies is this, God is powerful !

    It has been almost a month since I wrote my previous comment, and to tell the truth, my husband and I have "separated" since then. By "separated" I mean, we still live in the same house just different bedrooms. I have been praying as Stormie suggested in her book day and night, and I just want to share with each of you what has happened. I truly believe that DIVORCE is NOT an option for any of us, as we are children of God. Therefore I have been praying "as if" my husband and I have been united. I have been through Stormie’s book 3 times and will continue reading it and praying along the same lines.

    My husband and I were not on talking terms when I wrote my previous comment, but we are on talking terms again. Believe it or not our sex life is great, but we aren’t "together" anymore as he says. And he has to keep reminding himself that! My husband is a wonderful person, and would be a great witness – he just has that type of personality that draws people to him – but unfortunately he does not know the Lord as his personal Saviour, but that is going to change VERY soon. I know that God is up to something!!!!

    This last week we have been spending time together as friends and lovers, and I can see that God is changing things between us. Previously where things would have bothered me, now I just couldn’t care less cos I know that it is God’s problem not mine. The Lord is in control. What I really want to say is that PRAYER CHANGES THINGS !!! It really does. I know how much I have grown in the last 3 weeks, its amazing! The Lord is the first thing I think of in mornings when I wake up and the last thought I have at night before I fall asleep.

    I just want to say thanks to those of you who have prayed with me for our marriage to be renewed, restored and transformed. God is breathing HIS LIFE into our marriage! God has given each of us so much to be thankful for. At the moment I am thankful that God will restore and renew my marriage and that my husband will accept God into his life. The power of the Holy Spirit can transform anything or anyone to where God wants them to be, in order to enable us to HEAR HIS VOICE! God bless

  18. (ZIMBABWE) I was so happy when I read about what the Lord has done in Sue’s marriage. The Lord is good and will always be. Sue, this is just the beginning of something big that the Lord wants to do in your life. Keep on praying and he will guide you. Remember the Israelites, the Lord removed them from the house of bondage and placed them in a country of honey and milk and that is exactly what the Lord is doing in your marriage. I will keep on praying for you and the rest of the women out there for our marriages to work and above all to work in God’s direction so that we have Godly marriages.

    Mary, the situation that you have we all have gone through, but what you need to do is keep on praying and through faith everything is possible. God will answer your prayers and give you the most enjoyable marriage. I’m glad that you believe in perseverance, which is important. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and your soul and he will deliver you from pain.

    Ladies, let us all pray for each other and let the Lord strengthen and refine our marriages. God bless and enjoy the Easter holidays and remember Christ died for us because he loves us. If we truly love our husbands we should keep on praying and remember not to say anything hurtful in the heat of the moment, but to calm down first and ask God for advice on how to deal with the situation. That is also the sacrifice that Jesus made for us

  19. (CANADA) Hi everyone this is my first time on this site. I’ve read a lot of encouraging things and I agree us women need to get down on our knees and pray for our marriages and husbands. I’m reading Stormie’s book now. This is the 2nd time. The 1st time I didn’t comprehend the magnitude of that book since I was still in my "honeymoon" stage.

    I’ve been married for 2 yrs now and things went from great to almost ending the marriage. We grew distant and I felt my husband didn’t provide for my emotional needs. The more I talked, the more he withdrew. He told me his needs and I was always defensive. Then another woman came into our marriage and that destroyed me. When I confronted him, he lied, shut down, and became cold and distant. He moved out of the room and said the marriage was over. The pain was so much. Then I called out to God. At first I couldn’t feel Him and I realized I had to ask for forgiveness.

    I asked God to show me what I did wrong, and that is when He directed me to read the book again. And oh my, what I learned from that chapter of the wife, is how much I disrespected my husband! I cried out to God to forgive me and that’s when I started realizing that God had to change me first before He would change my husband. It was still a painful time and my faith was tested. Satan didn’t want me to prevail. I knew it was a battle.

    When I had gotten to the point where I had had enough, I decided to leave and that is when God opened the door. My husband wrote me an email and said he was sorry and wanted to work on the marriage. I hadn’t seen that coming… but God is great.

    We have since seen our pastor and have asked each other for forgiveness. It’s not easy because he’s still struggling with a lot of things and I still get angry about the affair. I just want to hurt the other woman. Just pray with me so that I may forgive her and find healing. This is where patience and perseverance comes in. I always read the book of James 1:2-3. I would like to suggest some books that are helping me now:

    1. Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage (Stormie Omartian).
    2. How to Save Your Marriage Alone (Ed Wheat)
    3. Love and Respect (Dr Emerson Eggerichs) This book is great! If you can get your husband to read it, that would be great. Mine doesn’t read books, but I’m praying.

    Thank you all so much. It’s nice to communicate with women who are fighting for their marriages because some of the advice I’ve been getting, was to leave my husband. But God told me otherwise. Let’s continue to pray for each other and support each other. May God bless you all you’re all truly strong women.

  20. (CANADA) Hey all I’m feeling discouraged and I need a lot of prayer. Yesterday I realized my husband called this other woman. Apparently she has problems. Why he called her I don’t get but it hurt a lot to see how easy it is for him to please her and how easy it is for him to hurt me. I am so angry and so bitter I don’t know how to deal with it. How will I stop feeling this way? It was so hard to pray last night coz of all the horrible things I said about her. I had to ask for forgiveness but still I just feel so violated after trying to work so hard to put the pieces together. Pray for me to make the right choice for God to forgive me coz I have evil thoughts running through my mind. Thank you all and God bless.

  21. (SOUTH AFRICA) I didn’t know Marriage Missions had a site like this one. Thank you; its uplifting and encouraging. It’s only today that I wanted to find out more about "The Power of a Praying Wife", that I came across this.

    I like Tarisai’s advice for learning to be quiet until the storm is over. I have gained a lot from this as well and I am still in the process to win completely because at times I find myself answering back again. It’s a war against Satan and his agents, and I have to fight it through. Satan is on a mission to destroy marriages, and it’s up to us ladies to stand FIRM and fight the war. It’s in the power of a woman to build or destroy a marriage and with this in mind, I want to say to Sue (SA), claim your BEDROOM back in the Name of Jesus. Like Cecilia (RSA) mentioned, it’s not by chance or mistake that we met with our husbands. Keep on praying ladies and remember not to be moved or shaken by passing Jezebels. For these are Satan’s agents in action against your marriage!

  22. (SA) Hi Taraisi, Thanks so much for the encouragement that you have given me.

    To keep you all up dated, we have decided to try ONCE again, Although things aren’t as they should be between my husband and myself, I’m not discouraged, because I know that GOD is working in both of us. In some ways, I see changes within my hubby and I can’t believe that he has changed, but other things have remained the same. Although we are back together, our sex life has taken a slow down (but this could be from medication that he is taking at the moment) but he is so loving at times – just what I always wanted and the way he was before we were married.

    But that is not what I want to say, all I want to say is THANK YOU JESUS – that my hubby was willing and that GOD is moving and working within us. I realize that NOW the TRUE tough time is upon us, as I have to keep praying and keeping my focus on GOD. Although my hubby doesn’t know that I am praying for our marriage, GOD does KNOW! With God all things are possible! And I believe, that GOD will enable my hubby’s spirit to turn to GOD.

    Lets support one another in our prayers. God Bless

  23. (CANADA) Hey all, I just wanna give an update. But first Sue, I’m truly happy for you and what God is doing to your marriage and your husband.

    As for me, things are really slow. After I found out that my hubby communicated with the woman he had an affair with, I was losing my grip on things, and not forgetting, and losing my mind. Yesterday I called our pastor and told him what happened and he prayed for me and my hubby. We go to see him tomorrow. What I wanted to share is that I was so low and sad last evening, and was wondering what I’m doing in a marriage that has become so empty. My husband is still withdrawn and has this empty look in his eyes. Then I realized what satan is trying to do. He wants to destroy us coz he knows how hard I’m praying. He’s using this other woman again to get back into our marriage and is giving me evil thoughts about the 2 of them.

    Last night I cried to God asking Him why I’m suffering so much, and what is the reason behind this. I prayed that He may speak to me and tell me what to do. I was just tired of hurting. This morning I felt the same thing. I woke up with a heavy hurt and again I cried to God. Then I opened the Bible and what I read told me what God is doing. It’s found in 1st Peter chapter 5 verse 6-10. I needed to cast all my burdens onto Him. That was something, and that’s what I needed. I opened up myself up to Him and asked Him to fill the void I felt in my heart. God is great, coz He wasn’t done speaking to me.

    I have some gospel music on my laptop and I was listening to it. One has to click on a song when they wanna listen. So when the song ended I didn’t do anything, but God did. Another song played by YOLANDA ADAMAS -FRAGILE HEART, and it just says how it’s me and God in this, and my fragile heart is His to mend. I should forget about everything else, and just Trust Him. I tell you, I have cried to God thanking Him for speaking to me, coz that’s what I had asked for. He is truly amazing! I have renewed hope that God will pour His love and blessings into this marriage. I just need to trust Him and have patience. I’m praying for my hubby coz God is calling him to turn to Him, but he’s not listening. He’s just listening to the lies of the enemy. Help me pray for him.

    One more thing… my husband and the other woman work together, and all along I told God I didn’t like that they work together. On Sunday my hubby told me that she got another job and she’s leaving that company. THANK GOD for His faithfulness. May we all support each other in prayer coz we need God’s strength to defeat the plans of the enemy. May God bless you all.

  24. (SA) Anne, I know exactly how you feel, and GOD has spoken to me too, in the way HE has spoken to you. I want you to seek your fulfillment from GOD, and not your hubby. It is amazing that once you ask GOD to fulfill your emotional side and release your hubby from that job, you will be amazed at the change that comes from within YOU! GOD wants to work in your marriage but you have to let go, and let GOD do the work.

    Write it down on a piece of paper and give it to GOD to handle. HE can and WILL if you let HIM. GOD needs you to let go!

    Hang in there girl, and we will keep on praying. GOD is AWESOME!!! NOTHING is impossible for HIM! God bless

  25. (USA) Hi Anne, I’ve read your last couple of comments. Particularly the one dated on Mar. 24 – the first thing that hit me was this: It’s a bit of a different angle from the way you or your husband (and even others) would probably look at the situation but I believe (and I am in a better position to be objective since I don’t know either of you personally) that it breaks down like this.

    The woman your husband has befriended clearly doesn’t have God in a high enough position in her life. (Perhaps she doesn’t have God at all, I don’t know). If she did, she’d be going to God with her problems and not a married man. It’s simply inappropriate. There are a few exceptions, such as if the man is a minister or spiritual mentor. But your husband is neither of those things to her, yet she’s made him that. In essence, he’s become her "savior" with a lowercase S. That’s a form of idolatry.

    On your husband’s part – it’s a form of infidelity because even if he is not physically involved with her, Jesus says even the thought is already adultery. Matt. 5:27-28

    It sounds like this woman needs help. I feel someone should reach out to her and help her but not your husband. And, only if she’s open to it. Most of us know when we are sent to minister to others (including just writing comments on this site to help others). But God never sends one of His children to minister to another unless it falls in line with scriptural mandates – what your husband is doing is not ministering to that woman, but satisfying his own fleshly lusts. It’s a form of distraction he uses to avoid tacking the problems in your marriage. I don’t suggest you tell him this (he probably doesn’t have ears to hear it from you), but I simply tell you this so that you know and can see the bigger picture.

    I’m glad to hear that you are seeing a pastor tomorrow about this.

    It’s absolutely imperative that your husband make a decision on his actions. Either he thinks it’s inappropriate to have a relationship with this woman or he doesn’t. Is he a Christian? If so, there are plenty of scriptures that show how he is acting outside of the Christian code set forth through scripture. If he isn’t, then it is simply your job, as a Christian, to handle each and every day (which currently includes your husband’s actions) the way you know you ought to.

    There is nothing wrong with you setting boundaries for yourself. You cannot MAKE him do the right thing, but you can tell him how you believe and how you interpret scripture and why you think his actions are a problem. It’s very difficult to share that, however, when one is so involved, hurt and emotions are running high so it’s imperative you start every day (and every conversation) by praying for God to give you the right words and attitude.

    One suggestion would be to tell your husband that the next time the woman calls with her problems, he can hand the phone to you and you can minister to her as a Christian woman OR you can give him your pastor’s number and have your husband tell that woman to call the pastor. I don’t see anything wrong with either of those options. At this point, out of the 3 people involved, Anne, you are the one who has the opportunity to take the higher, more Christian road. It sounds like your husband and his female friend are too caught up in sin to think clearly but you obviously have the peace of mind from God.

    It is evident just by you writing of your prayer life and reading scripture. I daresay you have a huge opportunity with all of this to stand up and be the light because you can (with God’s help and strength) and possibly the other two do not even know how to be a light. Ministry comes in strange forms and God definitely works in mysterious ways (to us as humans anyway). I’m not saying you and your husband take this woman under your collective wings forever but the two suggestions are a way of handling the next time she wants to contact your husband. Those possibilities exist until she is able to find God or be out of your lives.

    At any rate – these are the things that occurred to me when I read your comments. I’ll pray for your meeting with your pastor and for God’s healing for you and your husband individually and as a couple.

  26. (CANADA) Hi all thanks a lot Sue and LT for your messages and prayers. LT thanks a lot for the advice. I thought about it and I’m praying for God to direct me. I liked the idea of calling the pastor. I’ll talk to him on Monday. Funny thing, the pastor’s wife asked me if I would be able to help her too by talking to her, when we went for our appointment. Honestly i don’t think I’m in a position to do that. I just want her out of our marriage.

    The best thing that happened during our pastor’s visit is that God really intervened coz my hubby has been withdrawn and he really opened up. He blames himself for a lot things and he feels like he’s failed as a husband. He also said that to think he turned out like his dad (he cheated on his mum repeatedly). I felt bad for him coz that’s really a huge burden to carry and I wish i could carry it for him, but it’s not mine to carry but God’s. I’ll pray for him continually.

    I’m asking God to help me out coz I need to forgive her too so that I may get peace. Though in all honesty, I know satan will use her and other things to destroy what we are trying to build, and I’m thinking what is the best way to stop him, and then to direct her to God. I hope I’ll be able to hear God’s voice because I’m so bitter. There’s a prayer in Stormie’s book that asks God to show us when the enemy is approaching so that we may be able to stop him. I can clearly see what he wants to do. I’ll pray a lot and just do what God wants.

    Thank you a lot; this site is really helpful and very encouraging. It’s amazing what happens when as women we stand together in prayer. Pray for me to be able to release all this to God and for God to also forgive me for being unable to forgive at this time. Thank you so much I’ll pray with you always and I’ll update you.

  27. (CANADA) Hey All I hope you’re all doing well. I’m ok still struggling a lot. My husband is carrying a huge burden I’m just praying b’coz i know it’s not my burden to carry. I really want to support him though and let him know I’m there for him. I just don’t know how to do that. Does anybody have any idea how I can do this and not be "pushy"?

    I just feel that we need to do things together and create new memories. I don’t want us to drift further apart. He’s been sleeping in the guest room for the last 2 months. Even after he said he wanted us to work out our problems he hasn’t "moved back in". I haven’t asked him why or to move back in. I don’t want to give the enemy a foothold to destroy our marriage again and use this "separation" to his advantage.

    I know with all the prayers God is protecting us and I know this is my WAITING PERIOD where God works miracles. I normally work on weekends and this is my weekend off and I was thinking to plan a get away where we’ll just have a nice time re-enjoying each other. I’m thinking of a place we’ve been to before and he loved it. I hope and pray this will help. I’ve prayed about it and hope that God will guide me in this plans and helps us build our communication.

    Pray for me and this plans coz if I sit and wait for him to do something I’ll be waiting for a while. I need to drop my pride and follow God’s guidance. Thank you all for your support and prayers. I will be praying for all you. I don’t know any of you but because God has brought us together with His Grace and Love, I love you all. Lets continue standing together in prayer.

  28. (USA) Hello Ladies, I feel God led me to this website today. I was merely looking for the above book when I scrolled down and found everyones comments. I have had a struggling marriage for the past year and just yesterday was wondering about a site where I could post a comment to possibly get some feedback and encouragement.

    Seven years ago I met the man of my dreams and married him four years ago. In 06 we had our first child and things slowly started turning sour. With the added strain of our child we started having arguments like we had never had before. However our love and affection were still there. When my son was 6 months, one weekend my husband just changed overnight and said he was angry at me but didn’t want to talk about it. Finally he let it all out and said that he just didn’t feel the same anymore, etc. etc. and that all of his affection and love over the past year had been a "front" but he just couldn’t do it anymore.

    I convinced him to stay and later that week I found out about long phone conversations with another female who didn’t even know he was married!! I literally felt like I had been punched in the stomach and basically didn’t want to live anymore. This was coming from someone who had just been completely affectionate and loving with me every day until now!

    I contacted the girl and when she found out he was married she cut off all conversation with him, thus ending their relationship. We stayed in different rooms for a while but never left the house. Since then it has been a little over a year and things have improved tremendously!! We went from sleeping in different rooms and not talking, to sleeping together and being great friends. However I still do not have his love and affection.

    It is so trying, and I miss him in that way sooo much that sometimes I just want to give up. But I made a commitment that I would see this through to the end and I would not be the one to leave because I love him and I love my son.

    There is a song that I listened to in the very beginning of this disaster called "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. Please listen to it!! I bawled my eyes out every time I listened to it and still do, but it gave me such an amazing amount of strength!!

    I should note that I have always been a spiritual God-loving woman, but through all of this I have come so much closer to Him. I never realized how far away from Him I truly was. Every day is just a trying day because I long so badly to have the love and affection I used to know from my husband. When I look at how we have progressed over the last year, I guess that is what helps keep me going, because I just think of how much better yet we might be in another year. Anyways I loved reading all of your comments, it’s nice to know I am not alone. Thanks for reading mine.

  29. (USA) Anne, I should have posted this in my previous comment but what I told my husband when it came to supporting him was stated very simply and I just left it at that. He was having a particularly trying night and I simply put my arms around him and told him that I was his wife and I loved him very much. I let him know that he was and is my best friend and that I would be by his side until the very end. I would be his strength for him and he could bear his weight on me and together we would see this through. I let him know that I prayed for him daily, and with that I hugged him tighter and went to bed.

    I felt so good after telling him that. And for anyone else, something else that really makes me feel good is to not only talk to God but also to yell at Satan. I let him know from the very beginning that he wasn’t winning this battle. He could try as hard as he wanted but my husband was my territory and I have God on my side and that’s just the way it is. I do this often and I love the power and confidence it gives me!

  30. (CANADA) Hey Amber thanks a lot for your message. It came when I was just crying my eyes out to God because I’m so tired of all this and at the same time so worried about my husband. He’s also having a really bad night. He normally works 6 days a week and he was saying that he works so hard and he’s got nothing to show for it. I let him vent out without offering advice. I did tell him he has stuff to show for it.

    I think for a man to feel like this it’s a huge load together with all the stuff he’s holding in. I just worried so much coz he looks like he’s ready to snap. I do feel bad coz we aren’t sleeping in the same room and I did want to just show him I’m there. I did go to the guest room and i laid next to him and told him that I’m there for him and if he needs to talk I’m there. He just said he wants to be left alone. So I left and I told him I loved him. He’s not saying those words back and the funny thing is, I don’t feel bad. It’s amazing what God can do because I know he’ll say them again one day.

    I just feel helpless coz he has so much bottled up. We are seeing our pastor and the first 5 minutes you literally have to pull things out of him. I know that this is my WAITING PERIOD and I have to be patient but it’s really hard. I love him and I’m trying to show him even though I know it won’t be reciprocated.

    Thanks though Amber, that was really nice. I’m glad your marriage is better and don’t give up God is working on things even if you can’t see it now. Thank you and may God bless you and your husband. Later. By the way there’s this article by STORMIE OMARTIAN called THE POWER OF PATIENCE. I found it at …It helped me last night when i was just about to go mad with losing patience. It’s very uplifting.

  31. Hi Anne, I want you to know that you have more people praying for you and caring about you than you may realize. There are a lot of people who read the entries on this web site that never respond in writing, and yet they pray for the people who are hurting, and they care very much.

    I’m one of those individuals who reads each entry and weeps and prays for those who weep and rejoices with those who rejoice.

    You may notice that I changed the web site link in your letter to direct people to the exact link (since you didn’t know exactly how to explain how to get to it). It’s a great article and I didn’t want one person missing out on reading it (because some people may not have been able to find it). I figured you would approve of the change.

    I want to tell you how proud I am of you in how gracious you are being with your husband. I’m sure this must be difficult to do. But I see a working of the Holy Spirit in your life and the character of Christ coming through in how you are trying to discern the needs of the moment rather than reacting right away to what is immediately happening.

    There is a time to confront issues and there is a time to step back and realize that their frustration isn’t about you, but about other issues, and sometimes giving them extra grace will eventually help them to come around. Eventually you may be able to help him to work things out in a healthier way, but now is obviously not the time, in this case.

    Also, most men have a tendency to work through their issues by pulling back and NOT talking (or at least not talking right away), rather than talking things through (like we do). There is always the exception to the “rule” but that seems to be a natural tendency. We, as women, have more of a tendency to talk our way into a place of feeling better about things where men withdraw. I’m not saying one way is better than the next — they’re just different.

    If you go into the section of our web site titled “Gender Differences” you will see several articles posted that you could read that explains what I am trying to explain.

    Although, I have to say that I’ve found that the longer my husband Steve and I are married, the more we have been able to work out a compromising blend of communication that works issues through in a way that is both healthy and agreeable to both of us. It’s taken a LONG time to get to that place (and sometimes we still do and say things we shouldn’t). I pray you will eventually get to a better place of being able to communicate as husband and wife as well.

    Please know that my heart and prayers are with you.

  32. (USA) Hi Anne, It was so nice to see your reply. I wish I would have stumbled across this site a year ago. I have longed to talk to people in my situation for so long and I’m so glad I finally found it!

    When my husband and I were sleeping in separate rooms he would say the exact same things to me. It was always "Leave me alone". Every now and then I would try to sneak into the room just to lay and be close to him and he would act completely hateful while letting me know that it was NOT okay and I needed to leave.

    It is so hard to show and tell someone how much you love them without receiving anything in return but it really is the best thing you can do. It is what I have done for a year, but it has become easy to show my love without expecting anything in return. I tell him I love him and he still will not say it back but just like you somehow it just does not hurt anymore. When I try to kiss him he turns away and when I try to give him a hug he stands there and will not reciprocate at all. But as awful as that sounds it is actually a great improvement because in the beginning I could not touch him at all, he was filled with so much anger and hatefulness!!

    It is a great thing to learn to love someone unconditionally without expecting anything in return and it really does get easier. That is Gods way of loving. I feel like someday when we are through all of this I want him to be able to look back and thank me for being such a strong wife and loving him through everything. It’s just amazing to see someone almost exactly where I was a year ago except for the fact that my husband never told me he was sorry and wanted to try and work it out.

    He won’t even attempt counseling of any sort, so see you are already a step ahead! I want you to know, you may not believe it now, but it will get better. It just takes time and as you know patience. God is really working his way and teaching us so many things at the moment. I can see just over the past year how much I have learned and grown because of this. I will be thinking and praying for you and thanks for being there for me too! Let me know how this weekend goes for you!

  33. (USA) Anne, One thing that I forgot to mention is the number one lesson I realized God was trying to teach me. As much as I loved God, my husband was still my entire life and my entire being revolved around him. That’s why when I found out my husbands feelings and especially when I found out about another woman, I lost it, I didn’t know how I would live without him. Looking back those were the darkest days of my life. I literally had to go to the doctor for help because I could not get up off the couch. I was numb.

    It took me a while to realize that my husband was in the wrong spot on my priority list. When I realized that God must come before my husband, things became much clearer and that’s when things started looking better and slowly started turning around for me and us. I learned to come to a place where regardless of what happens between the two of us, I know that I will be okay now. Before I thought I could not survive without him and now with Gods love I am a stronger woman and should things not end up the way I pray for them to, then I know I will survive. I hope this encourages you!!

  34. (CANADA) Hi Cindy and Amber thanks a lot for your encouragement and prayers. Cindy it’s ok that you changed the site coz I couldn’t remember. Something you said definitely made me think of Steve (my hubby’s name too). He is one to solve his own problems and with this he shuts down and becomes withdrawn. Now he’s arrogant. But I know it’s just to make people stay away and it’s working, but for those who truly know him are trying to reach out.

    I just wish he could talk to somebody. He keeps on saying that he wants to talk to our pastor alone but doesn’t get to it. I cried for him in prayer last night because he really needs God’s guidance. I do have my days when my patience falters and I feel so frustrated but like you said, women love to talk things out.

    Amber, I do understand what you said that your hubby was your all. I treated mine the same way. He was my god. And now I also realize that God wants me to make Him my first and my all. I still miss the loving man that my husband is and I definitely miss his affection. I’m trying to accept the fact that for now, I’m the anchor of this marriage and God is working on my husband and marriage even if I can’t see it. I’m at peace with things but it’s hard to watch someone you truly love go through issues and they don’t want to be helped.

    I will continue praying for Steve and myself coz I definitely need the strength. My mother-in-law told me that the devil targets married couples and I refuse for him to win this. I was feeling discouraged about this weekend. Then I figured out what satan is trying to do. But he ain’t gonna get to me. Thanks a lot ladies. We need each other. God brought us together for a reason. I love you all. Pray for my weekend and my husband. Till next time.