The following are “Real Life” testimonies from people who have dealt with the heart-break of what Emotional Infidelity can do to a marriage.
We believe you will learn through what they have to say and will prayerfully find hope through reading their stories. Pray, read, and Learn. We pray you will!
EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY TESTIMONIES
• Allowing Wrong Thoughts is a Dangerous Step to Take
• I Didn’t Want My Husband Anymore
• Could I Forgive His Emotional Affair?
If God has given you a testimony which you could share with others, that may help them and encourage them somehow, we would love to hear from you— even if your testimony isn’t very long in length.
Please share your testimony with us by going to the CONTACT section and clicking on “Contact Us” and then writing it out for us there.
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(USA) Hi all, Does anyone out there have any advice for me? My Husband had an emotional affair with a woman at Church who runs the Child Care. She avoids me like the plague. The Pastor at the Church has been silent about what’s going on, and yes I have spoken to him about the affair.
My problem is my kids love that school. My husband still goes to the Church and also works there part-time. (He just got a new job today, and will start in a month). But he does a lot of work for the Church. I don’t have a problem with that, I just don’t know how to deal with the other woman. Do I talk to her husband? I really don’t want to do that cause I don’t know if she had an emotional connection with my husband.
I haven’t been to Church since Christmas. I feel like if I did go it would be with negative intentions, which I don’t want. The sinner side of me wants to make myself present there to prove a point. Or make her sweat. I see her all the time when I pick up my kids. We no longer speak. I sense her silence is a form of guilt, or is that what I want to think?
I am disappointed the Pastor has not confronted her about this, to at least clear it up. After all she does conduct business in the Church. It seems as though the Church would rather turn their cheek than lose the money generated through her business, and of course all the work my husband has done for them. Any advice would be much appreciated.
(USA) Hi lesson learned, Maybe talking to her yourself? (in love as best you can) Maybe tell her you forgive her and really try to do that. Having your family switch churches? Your family is much more important than that, even if they like it there. Keep praying for your husband and the other woman as well, a wall of thorns between them, and to obey God.
(USA) Hi Chris, I have spoken to her before several times. The first time she felt bad that I thought something was going on. I didn’t accuse her, just complained how much our cell phone bill was. My husband was doing work for her in the nursery. She said she would respect my wishes and not call him anymore, but have someone else work on the project. I assured her I was not accusing her of any wrong doing, but now with the way she acts toward me I don’t know.
My Husband said he would fight me on taking the kids out of the school. It’s a very small school. He doesn’t understand why I am having a problem with this. I guess because "nothing happened" with this woman. Before he told me who the woman was, he told me it was sexual and they used protection.
A month later, because I wasn’t speaking to him, he told me who it was. He then told me it was an emotional affair and that nothing happened. He denies ever telling me he had relations with her when I first found out. So what am I to do? Oh, this is not his first affair. The first that I know of happened 2 years ago. I am pretty sure he’s trying to protect her and her reputation at the Church.
(USA) Hi lesson learned, You are up early… Since my marriage problems, I find myself up early, then laying in bed for hours, just thinking and tossing and turning. If not for work and the kids on the weekends, I fear this would be my life. I don’t have a lot of friends. My family was everything to me and we did most everything together. We had mutual friends but now that we are separated, friendships have changed. Also, my demeanor drives people away too. Who wants to hang out with a depressed person?
My oldest daughter, who is 16, certainly notices the change in me and is bummed out to be around me. My youngest, who is 6, thankfully isn’t old enough to know any better, so she accepts me for who I am. In time, hopefully I will go back to the carefree, happy to be around my family, person I used to be. I’m finding that I need to try to stop focusing on my own despair and being there for others.
I went through your previous posts to see what you’re going through. Like everyone else here, our situations are horrible. We’re all going through the fire and we can’t see the end of the trial. I honestly don’t know what advice to give you. My emotions and thinking are all over the place and I certainly don’t trust them anymore. Any advice I would give would be dangerous for you, especially in something as important as your marriage and family.
What does God tell you to do about this in your heart? If you know deep down, then do that. I think many times he is changing us when we go through trials. Stay in the Word. God has many good promises for us there. What else can we do? Maybe a prayer partner, a real person (of the same sex) who you can share with and pray with. Who knows what God will do with your husband? Maybe even through your example. I am an example of how love for my spouse can change. It happened very quickly and I wish I could spend time with her, and be there for whatever needs she has. I wish my wife would give me another chance, like so many of the women I read about here. Continue to pray. I believe that only God can turn our situations around. Try not to lean on your own understanding of things but trust God that He works all things out for your good.
(USA) Thanks Chris, I wish my Husband was as remorseful as you. He is trying, I guess in his own way, to win my heart. But he still is around the other woman everyday. He grew up with this way of living with his Dad, so no surprise he’s the same way. I hope things are going good for you. Keep the faith. Hopefully your wife will see the new heart waiting for her… you will have a wonderful marriage with her. A much stronger one. God bless you Chris, and your family.
(USA) Hey lessonlearned, Over the weekend, I rented out the movie "Fireproof". I watched it with my oldest daughter while she was over. I’m going to put it in her weekend suitcase with a note to my wife, hoping she will watch it. It was a great movie although it hurt to watch. It strengthened my resolve to love my wife unconditionally, even if that love isn’t returned. I’m hoping and praying she will forgive me and God will touch her heart. There is so much at stake. I don’t want my kids to see a marriage that gave up.
I want to grow old with my wife. I want to take care of her when she’s not well. I want to hold her when she feels alone and scared. I want to encourage her when she’s discouraged. I want to be home to spend time with my kids each and everyday. I never thought about these things before recently. It was all about me and what I was feeling and I didn’t see the other point of view. I thought I was being loving most of the time. Being right was more important than loving my wife. Too many other things were more important than the most important person in my life.
The truth is, we men don’t know how to love. Most of us try the best we can but fall so short. We can’t give what we don’t have. Rest assured, your husband probably falls into this category. God can change us though. He really got my attention. I wish it would have been sooner and under different circumstances but then again, I wouldn’t have been receptive to it. Love your husband as God would. I believe that’s what He has called us to do. How many times have we rejected Him and forgotten Him, yet He pours out His love to us anyway?
I would recommend renting the movie and watching it together. I pray for your marriage and that it would be strengthened and love will be rekindled. I pray that the both of you will love one another unconditionally and intentionally. I pray that you can forgive one another for past wrongs. I pray that your marriage will be a lamp for your children to see. I pray God will grant the desires of your hearts for one another. I now know why marriage is so close to God’s heart.
(USA) Thanks Chris, I’ll rent the movie. Have you told your wife all these things that are in your heart? Has she filed for divorce yet? I don’t think you mentioned if she had or not. I can’t imagine her not coming back to you. I know it’s hard with kids; I have 2 children 7 & 8. Having a family is everything to me. My parents divorced after being married 20 years. Even though I was 21 at the time it had a big impact on me. I don’t want that for my children. I tell my husband that we need to set the example for our kids, even if we mess up at times. It’s how things are resolved that’s the bottom line.
(USA) Hi lessonlearned, I have told her what’s in my heart. It only seems to push her away. I don’t know the extent of what I put her through with my affair. She said it broke her heart into a million pieces and yet, she seems to have gotten over it and wants to move on. It was enough to break up our family, which was a big step to take.
It seems like I did everything just right to ruin the marriage. Although, there weren’t a lot of arguments or abuse in the marriage, we had drifted apart as a couple. Looking back, I now see some of the warning signs, as she made a few attempts to try to talk, but I didn’t see it. Then I had my affair, out of the blue. During this time, I told her I didn’t love her and never had. She saw my emails, and they were full of love for one another, and I flew to visit this woman, despite my wife’s warnings.
Afterward, I was planning to move out, when God got a hold of me and my priorities changed. Add to this, my wife had gastric bypass surgery a little over a year ago and lost 10 lbs. and she looks fantastic. She feels like a new person and wants to explore that I guess. So, all these things boiled into a perfect storm, so to speak.
As for divorce, she hasn’t filed yet. I did hear through the grapevine that she has called lawyers to see how much it costs. My situation is hopeless, and only God can intervene, as He did with me, to change this situation.
I will say this. For a man, losing your family takes away your reason for living. Something has died inside of me. I look forward to the weekends with my daughters but it isn’t nearly enough. I long for the day when we can be a family, and I hope that day comes soon.
(USA) Chris, don’t give up on life, you said God got a hold of you. He has a plan for you if not to be with your wife, maybe something else. I know what your wife is going through. My husband had told me he wasn’t in love with me. I knew at that time his interest were with someone else. So I also shut my feelings toward him down. And now I feel like I don’t know if I want to be 100 percent a good wife. He’s a good guy but not a very good husband. I expect he’ll do this again in a couple of years. All I wanted was the truth from him and he doesn’t give me that. Its tough Chris, there’s a lot of hurt there, be patient don’t give up. Remember God has a plan for you, see where he takes you.
(USA) Lessonlearned, I’m not giving up on my marriage… or family. No way. I still have contact with my wife because of our kids and I am trying to learn to love her as best I can, even if it isn’t returned. The thing is, it’s getting a little bit easier as time goes by, to not focus so much on my rejected feelings, and do things for her because I want to. I also want to do the right thing for my kids. I don’t want them to see a divorce or me with anybody else. I believe this is what God has called me to do and I am hoping and praying He will soften my wife’s heart. As for your husband, God can change him. I told my wife many hurtful things too. My love for her is off the charts now! And it’s not all about feelings either. Maybe try doing the same thing with your husband? Love him unconditionally and show him by doing special things for him. I pray he will notice and be the husband he was meant to be. Thanks for your replies.
(US) Hi Chris, If you’re still out there, how are you doing?
(USA) Hi lessonlearned, I’m still here. I’ve been reading the other comments from different subjects, trying to learn what I can. I’m still standing and praying for my marriage. I’m still married as of yet. At least I still have weekly contact because of the kids and I try to love as unconditionally as I can. Most days are hard and emotional for me. I’m trying to improve myself spiritually and physically. It’s lonely and my mind tends to wander about what she’s doing.
How’s things going with your husband? As long as you’re willing to try, God can ignite a spark into a flame. I hope day by day that I will become the husband and man our Lord wants me to be. I am hoping and praying God will move in my wife’s heart. I just want one more chance to show her a man who loves his wife and will lay his life down for her. From a woman’s perspective, do you have any pointers to win back the heart of one who was betrayed?
Thanks lessonlearned, your concern lifts my spirits! Good to hear from you again…
(USA) Good morning Chris, Glad to see you’re still hangin’ in there.. it’s tough times for sure. I just found out my husband and the other women had sex. I got that information from her directly and she then confessed to her husband. So here I am months later having to relive this mess again.
I still don’t know what to do with my marriage. I’ve been going on the New Life Ministries and that’s been very helpful. You should check it out. As far as having any advice goes, I would continue doing what you are already doing… sounds like you’re going to be a great husband when she does come back. What more could a women want? Hope your children are doing ok through this as well.
(USA) Dear Lessonlearned, Hello again! I see you were up early this morning. Thank you for your kind words, despite what you’re going through. I wish I could give you some advice as to what would help your situation. I believe only God can lead you as to what you should do.
For me, I believe God laid it on my heart to pray and stand for His deliverance of my marriage and family since the beginning of this ordeal. I was also led to a website that has been a lifeline for hope (rejoiceministries.org) There are so many testimonies there of restored marriages and the faith of those hurting people who are still waiting for their precious spouses is nothing short of inspirational. I also watched the movie "Fireproof" recently and it touched my heart. I believe God is also showing me what it means to love. Jesus was rejected by many, yet still loved and gave Himself for us all. He keeps no record of wrongs.
I am a believer that marriage is a covenant that cannot be broken. It is permanent. I didn’t believe this while I was having my affair but my eyes were opened. Keep praying for your husband and marriage. God can and does change hearts. He did mine, and He did it quickly and powerfully. I will check out New Life. I hope you will check out Rejoice Ministries. Have a good day. I will keep you and yours in my prayers.
(UNITED STATES) Chris, I am reading your entry through tears and I feel the same as the others..that my husband should read your letter…and thank you for sharing that and unveiling yourself to us so we can hear about what happens on the other side.
You have a story that needs to be told just like Bob from Rejoice Ministries(..I have been with them since my husband left in December) and I am in your situation. I cant even picture myself with another man regardless of what my husband has said or done to me. I know that it is not my husband. I have watched him turn into another man in 2 months. But I have to keep praying for him and for his ministry that it does not suffer because of his decisions with our marriage.
He has told me that he never loved me…not even on the day we married. That has crushed me so much and when I brought that back to him he said that he didn’t remember saying it. Where did i get that, from a little birdie??? I have watched my loving husband abandon me and I can barely make ends meet now. I have watched him let the first house we own go to foreclosure. I am staying with a lady that I don’t even know now, renting a room and my time with her is ending soon and I am praying for where I am going to stay now.
And my husband who is a minister is continuing in being an associate minister at the new church where the both of us were going. He is doing well financially and has his own place. How he did that, I don’t know, because apartment complexes all turned me down because of the foreclosure on our names and the debt because he stopped paying for everything.
My car went back to the dealership. He gave me his truck and said that he would continue payments on it since I could not afford it and I thought that god was starting to work things out until 2 days later he asked me to officially sign divorce papers.
He said he is tired of going through the things that married people go through and a letter that I found that he wrote to God says that this new lady from the church could be his real wife and she doesn’t seem to have a lot of bad things wrong with her.
Thank you for your testimony..you keep praying for your wife..she is so hurting now and you are too…I pray for you Chris..and I really mean that.