There is an incredible vulnerability that comes when we give another person access to our finances. The reality is they can now hurt us very badly by taking or misusing the information we have given them. This can cause a cash clash.
Prior to marriage, many of us had to answer only to ourselves. A major shift occurred as we began our married life. We are now accountable to each other. How do you react when someone limits you? This is where ‘iron sharpens iron‘ (see Proverbs 27:17) and the sparks begin to fly.
What I want can seem so much more reasonable than what you want. Will my contribution be valued as much as yours? What if you use ‘my money’ to purchase something I disapprove of? Will I be able to influence you? Is the money I earn my money, your money, or our money? What if I delight in spending money on us while you spend money only on yourself? Often money fights end up fueling insecurities rather than resolving them. (David and Janet Congo, contributing authors to: The Complete Marriage Book)
It’s Called The Cash Clash
How true! It’s amazing how differently we view money. People might think the arguments are about not having enough money for all of the expenses that occur. And yes, that can be a big part of it. But often it goes deeper than what you are immediately arguing about. Chris Hogan, writes about this issue in the Focusonthefamily.com article titled, “One Thing Couples Have to Keep Talking About: Money.” He says:
“In my years of coaching couples, I’ve discovered that money fights are rarely about green pieces of paper. Something deeper is usually boiling beneath the surface, so give yourselves enough time to listen to each other — without interruption.
“…After awhile, you just might find that budgeting is less about dollar signs and bottom lines, and more about reconnecting and making sure you and your husband or wife are on the same page. That’s when you know you’re set up to keep moving together in the right direction.”
The Cash Clash Goal
Our goal in marriage should be to continually “keep moving together in the right direction.” It is normal that we would clash about many different things, including money. We come from different back grounds before marrying. As a result, we bring into the marriage different ideas about the true value of money and how it should be handled.
Here’s something else that David and Janet Congo wrote that we’ve found to be true is that:
“Money may be an inanimate object. But we attach great emotional significance to it. One of the prerequisites for partnering in the matter of money is an understanding of the meaning of money to each of us.”
Because money means different things to each of us, it’s easy to find yourself clashing about “cash” issues. In order to truly be marital partners in every area of your lives together, you need to examine what is below the surface. Determine what it means to each of you and then how to bridge the gaps between you.
To “look below the surface” of your money issues, we will provide a link for the web site for the ministry of Focus on the Family. They have an article posted that deals with this very issue.
To read this article plus several more they provide on this subject as well, please click onto the link below:
— ALSO —
There’s a bit more below the surface than different meanings to what money means to both spouses. There’s actually a scientific reason behind all of it, as well. Dr Caroline Leaf explains a part of this in the Preachitteachit.org article linked to below. One thing she points out is that:
“The reason for these differences has to do with the design of the male and female brains, which is based on complementary opposites and equal intelligence.”
Here’s the article, posted on the Preachitteachit.org web site. You may find it helps you better understand why you and your spouse approach money matters so differently:
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