“Should I date while I am separated?” How many times have I heard that question? And, how many times have I given a hard answer? “If you are not free to marry, you are not free to date!” I first read that statement in Britton Wood’s book, Singles Want to Be the Church, Too. Mr. Wood has worked with singles and separated persons longer than anyone in his denomination.
After several years of counseling the separated, I am more convinced than ever that Britton Wood is right. When you start dating someone else while you are separated, you make reconciliation more difficult. The more you date, the muddier the water becomes.
Loneliness
I know that you have needs; you are lonely. Sometimes the load seems unbearable. I know that dating while separated is accepted, even encouraged, in our society. But most of those who are dating will never be reconciled. They will be divorced.
Dating is a prelude to remarriage, not therapy for reconciliation. Certainly you need friends. You need a listening ear. You need people who care and help bear the load, but the dating context is not the best place to find such help.
Vulnerable While Separated
You are extremely vulnerable during these days of separation. Unfortunately there are those of the opposite sex who would like to take advantage of your vulnerability. Although pretending to be concerned about you, they are busy satisfying their own desires.
I have seen many men and women devastated by such an experience. Your own emotions are erratic, and it would be easy for you to get infatuated with anyone who treats you with dignity, respect, and warmth.
Have you noticed the number of people who get married the day after they are divorced? Obviously they have been dating during separation. If the separation period is a time to seek reconciliation, why spend energy in an activity that leads to divorce and remarriage? Separation is not tantamount to divorce. We are still married while we are separated, and we ought to so live, whether or not our spouse complies.
Don’t Date While Separated
I know this is difficult to accept, but I believe the present trend of open dating immediately after separation must be deterred. Such activity encourages and contributes to the increasing divorce rate.
If you believe in the power of human choice, then you must concede that your estranged spouse may well turn from his or her estrangement and seek reconciliation. You want to be prepared for that day if it comes. Dating someone else in not the way to be prepared. Develop friends, but refuse romantic involvement until the fate of your marriage is determined.
The above article comes from the book, Hope For the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed
— ADDITIONALLY —
Here’s a statement from Pastor Ted Cunningham that gives further insights into this issue of dating while you are separated. We encourage you to prayerfully read:
I am sick and tired of fighting for a marriage only to find out that one of the spouses is already dating someone new. Come on! How in the world are we going to save a marriage and protect the future of your children when you are so stinking selfish with a boyfriend or girlfriend waiting in the wings? Your children deserve better.
I’m not a stalker, but I do check out Facebook from time to time. It absolutely shocks me when I see the photos of the new boyfriend or girlfriend before the divorce is even final. It says to me, “I never really tried. I know we met with Ted and tried to get help. But it just didn’t work.” Hogwash! Bologna! You didn’t try. You had your options lined up. Fight for your marriage. Be a man! Be a woman! Give your children a fighting chance. O how the enemy eats this up.
Commitment
Last April, I ate breakfast with Dr. Scott Stanley, a professor and researcher at the University of Denver. He gave me the definition of commitment that I absolutely love. “Commitment is making a choice to give up all other choices.” That is the opposite of what we are brought up to believe. We are taught to keep our options open. This is why some marriage counselors drive me insane. They just sit down with a couple, hear their marriage story, and assess, “I don’t think there is any hope. This marriage is over.”
Jesus breathes life into dead marriages! There is hope no matter how stuck you are!
Make the commitment to do ALL you can to give this marriage a fighting chance. Invest in the process of trying to save your marriage. Don’t date while you are separated!
The above statement comes from Ted Cunningham’s book, Fun Loving You, published by David C Cook. We highly recommend this book to everyone who is married.
Filed under: Separation and Divorce
(USA) OK, so my wife and I decided we were getting divorced. So we went our separate ways. We also have a daughter. I ended up having sex with a girl while I was heavily intoxicated, whom I would have NEVER had sex with were I sober.
My wife asked me to come over and talk last night so I did, we decided to attempt to work things out and make things better. But I am SOOOO torn on the fact that I had sex with this girl. I don’t want to tell her because I am pretty sure she will leave me. And I want to be with her and don’t want to hurt her so badly!
I hate what I did, and the girl who did it, was sober, and she even apologized to me for doing that to me. I was sort of forced. I was drunk and would never have done it sober. I have decided to quit drinking.
I can’t decide whether I am going to tell my wife or not. I want to tell her because I don’t want her to find out later. But, I don’t want to tell her because I love her and want to be with her. I HATE MYSELF for allowing that girl to come to my party. It is probably the biggest regret of my life so far. I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose her, and I don’t know if she will stay or not.
(USA) Do your wife a favor and DON’T tell her. It was a mistake, and leave it at that. Nothing good will come from telling her. She will only be hurt and this will DEFINITELY end any reconciliation.
I have been married 15 years and 55 years old, and fairly attractive I have been told. I am independent and so is he. My husband had an affair over 12 years ago, didn’t tell me when it was going on, then 5 years later had an short term affair again with the same woman. He felt compelled to tell me about both affairs with her to relieve his guilt. ALL IT DID WAS HURT ME. Honestly, I would rather have not known. After a few years, I eventually got over it and barely thought about it.
Fast forward about 7 more years and husband was diagnosed with clinical depression and had a breakdown. But after inpatient treatment 2 times in 4 years he decided he didn’t need the medication and had an “emotional affair” (he claims) with a different woman. You know… met at VFW, started chatting obsessively, phone calls, etc. and met for drinks. She is married too. He claimed he was happy, didn’t need the meds and said he was only depressed because married to me. You know the grass is greener on the other side, especially if the other woman doesn’t really know about the depression, etc. I found out and left him.
Now 3 months later he has been back on his meds for 2 months, staying away from self medicating with alcohol, told the woman he wanted to work out his marriage and we attend marriage counseling while still separated… Claims if he had stayed on his medication he would never have strayed with this woman. Imagine that… but without his meds he thought I was the bad guy trying to get his to take the meds.
I started living my own life again, taking care of myself and decided not to rush into getting a divorce or rush getting back together. I loved him but he had problems to work out on his own. While going to counseling, one day we chatted with each other online and were discussing his indiscretions, etc. and his grown kids sending me hate mail via facebook, etc. and it dawned on me that this line of commucation was going no where. We both knew what happened and how it affected me, etc.
I had no intentions of seeking comfort of another man, although it was tempting, but I believe in the vows I took when we married. So out of the blue in the midst of our chat that was getting heated (especially by me), I told him I didn’t want to talk about the problems anymore and we would save that for counseling. Then I asked him if he wanted to meet me at a hotel. He asked me if I was sure and I said why not? We were both way over 21 and still married… and both had needs. I told him to pick one and let me know I would be there in 2 hours. I went and bought a sexy nightie, looked great and headed off for an affair with my husband. It was the best sex we had in years. In the counseling session the next week, the counselor was amazed at the progress we made. Still separated, not pushing divorce yet.
Now secretly having dinner together, sitting out in the car talking for hours and sneaking out of town this weekend like WE are the ones having an affair (without his grown kids or my grown kids or other family/friends knowing it… as everyone has an opinion… while trying to figure out our marriage).
We will see where it leads. Life is too short to be miserable or hold grudges or judge anyone. Don’t know if we will stay married or not. But there is no rule book saying we have to make a quick decision to end a 15 year marriage or move back with one another within a certain amount of time. We are both consenting adults and there is still chemistry… so why not add some spice to life?
Anyway, hope this helped you. Please DON’T tell your wife about the affair… you will only hurt her and shoot yourself in the foot. Instead, turn the tables and have an affair with your wife. God Bless and good luck.
(USA) Needless to say this only applies to couples who are in a "normal" divorce situation. I divorced my husband several years ago after about four years of marriage. I am SO GLAD TO THIS DAY that I dated during my separation from him. My ex-husband was an abusive and violent man who had repeatedly strangled me and threatened to kill me if I left him. He was controlling to the point of questioning me repeatedly about my normal method of using the restroom!
We tried the process of Christian reconciliation (after three years of my requesting it) but when I detailed even a few of my ex’s offenses against me to his pastor, I simply found myself abused even more. As soon as we had gotten off of the phone he accused me of "ruining his relationship with his pastor" and then tormented me until I quite literally had a nervous breakdown and just sat there screaming and screaming because I felt as if my very soul was about to die.
Other attempts at counseling resulted in either the same thing or else a total unwillingness of my ex-husband to participate beyond paranoid accusations against me. At the same time, he continued to go to the bars, to find new sexual conquests, and would return home drunk to the point of sickness and then tell me how I could never measure up to these new WOMEN in his life.
Throughout my ordeal I was entirely faithful, and prayed often that God would bring back the sweet and gentle man I had fallen in love with. In the end, however, I had to recognize that he never even existed. It had all been a deception on his part. His original reasons for marrying me, as it turned out, had nothing to do with love.
When he finally moved out, I found myself isolated, without friends, far from family, and the only person in my church divorce group who had come out of an abusive situation. Although they were sympathetic, I was the odd one out, because many of my problems were the complete opposite of theirs.
Careful dating, after taking a few months to just enjoy being alone, helped me remember that not every man is a deceitful and hurtful monster and that one day I could once again find someone to love me, to share my life with, and to finally start a family with. It kept me from getting "entrenched" by my fears.
I am hoping to remarry very soon, but I never would have gotten to this point if I had not taken those first early steps back into the wilderness. It truly did help me with my healing process which I can now say took a full five years to complete. Longer than my actual marriage even.
Sometimes there is no room for reconciliation. One spouse cannot do everything and one size does not fit all. I am lucky that I am even alive today and free from that monster who masqueraded as a "husband."
So judge not, because you never know the truth behind someone’s "happy" marriage. Abuse is seldom presented to the world.
(UNITED STATES) I am so sorry to hear your story, Rachel. It must be very difficult to read articles about keeping hope in a marriage and persevering through the good and bad times. As you know it is almost impossible to keep hope in situations where you are so confused and afraid. Someone you once shared such intimate moments with, turns out to be something incomprehensible.
My sister is now going through a separation and divorce. I agree with the above article in it’s warning against building a relationship when one is just coming to an end. It is interesting, however to think of how one can come to an end of a relationship, or what marks the end of a relationship. Does the end come with a signed, legal document? Or does the end come when the individual finds peace in knowing that this chapter of their life has ended and another can be begun? I do not believe that the signing of a legal document automatically makes one ready to move on, nor do I believe it prudent to hinder others process of moving on until documentation is in order.
I find the article callously, "one size fits all"-using the words of Rachel. I feel that this close minded view can be very dangerous to people living in abusive situations as Rachel wrote about from her experience. Telling women or men to stay connected to a person that is continually hurting them or keep hope alive for a reunion with someone that chronically mistreats them is insensitive and irresponsible. I appreciate the articles on this site about abuse and finding ways to cope, but I am very disappointed in this articles disregard for the individual’s unique experience around divorce issues.
(USA) I have been dating a man who is currently separated from his wife for 4 years. He constantly tells me that he is waiting for his lawyer to finalized the divorce but the time is slowly ticking away and no divorce is evident. If I don’t ask about the divorce then he won’t bring it up. I am tired of waiting for this man. I love him, but I am no fool. Please advise me.
(USA) Hi, My husband and I are going through a really tough time because I said some very horrible hurtful things to him when I was angry with him about his excessive habits (pornography, smoking, drinking, spending). Instead of holding my peace and praying for him, I decided to belittle him and tear away his-self esteem. Now I regret it greatly as he now says he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore and that he is not sure if he wants to be with me anymore. Deep inside I know that he is just hurt and that he does love me in spite of the hurt.
I feel really torn because the way things have gone lately, I feel like I have completely lost him. The fact is that during the course of our relationship, I have said and done some hurtful things to him and I have always apologized and asked him to forgive me, but this time it is different because now it feels as though he is trying to punish me. We just had a baby about 8 months ago and ever since the pregnancy/baby transition I have noticed that he is withdrawing from me more and more and it has even gotten to the point of us sleeping separately from one another. It is was a mutual decision but then I realized that is driving even more of a wedge between us.
Now we are at a point where divorce is a regular part of conversation between him and I. I am supposed to be the one who the believer in our relationship but right now since he is the unbeliever, I feel as though no matter what I say or do, he has no reverence for God and he is going to do what his flesh leads him to do. I have found myself feeling lonely and I have found myself reaching out to male friends.
I have made it clear to my husband that during this "separation" (which we still live in the same house and see each other everyday, but we do try to avoid each other as much as possible) period that it would be best not to date other people as it may cause problems if we decided to reconcile. I feel so wrong because the male friends I have chosen to spend time with are guys that I have known either just as long as I have known my husband or longer and I have made sure that there is NO physical attraction on my part to them.
I guess I feel guilty because I feel like I am doing something wrong, but I have never done anything remotely romantic and I try to make sure that I conduct myself in a upright manner (no excessive physical contact, intimate details, etc). I guess I am just looking for someone to talk to and to get a male perspective from. I almost feel like I am using my guy friends for their ear and I am afraid that they may be expecting more because my husband always tell me that with me men never want to be my friend because all they want from me is sex. I told him that men and women can have good friendship but he says he is a man and he knows how men work.
I don’t feel like I am dating but I have spent one on one time with my guys friends but I keep it very platonic. 95% of the time my husband knows but right now he is not really speaking to me so our conversation is very limited but if asked I would be 100% forthcoming about it. I don’t not find myself being emotionally drawn to these men in a romantic sense but I do find myself becoming a little more withdrawn from my husband and I do find myself caring less about trying to make our relationship work.
Honestly I feel since he does not care anymore and he swears he doesn’t love me anymore, he watches porno even more than before, he drink and smokes more than ever, I feel as though he hates me, why should I continue to be hurt and rejected by him? He yells at me when I speak to him even if it is just to say Hello. He never answers his phone when I call even if I need something for our daughter, he basically stays away from the house until it is time to go to bed.
I have been praying for him and our marriage but I feel like I am spinning my wheels because he just doesn’t want me and I feel like I need to just accept it and surround myself with those who enjoy my company (male or female) Am I wrong for doing this? I cannot tell if I am being a fool or not. I just don’t know what to think.
(USA) Kristen, I am going thru the same thing with my wife. We have been together 17 years and married for 13. We have two boys. She actually had bypass surgery 3 years ago, and has changed tremendously. She became very distant in our marriage and began being very disrespectful. After awhile, I asked her if she wanted to be in this marriage anymore and she could not answer.
Well after 2 days she told me she was not in love with me anymore. We had just renewed our 10 year wedding vows 7 months earlier. She said she did not know why she was not but she needed space. Well 2 months went by and there was a lot of arguing and disrespect coming from her. I stayed around trying to salvage our marriage. Then one day I paid the cell bill online and found that she had been talking to another man everyday at least 3-4 times a day. While on her way to work, on her lunch break, and on her way home. When I asked her about the calls, she became disrespectful and stated he was just a friend. We are separated now and I am so confused. I love her, but I do not trust her. Should I work it out?
(USA) I have been married 22 yrs and known my husband another 3 yrs. We met young and married at 19 and 20. We have grown up together and have been best friends. We have had our ups and downs and seemed to weather most storms. Last year we had a fight and he said he wanted a divorce. The word came up a couple of other times in the past in an argument. I just always believed we’d get thru it. Now he wanted me out.
We have lived together once again during the separation. My husband has changed a lot, claiming I kept him from dreams and was negative. It hurts because I love him. He will not say he loves me. He says he’s hoping I get it. I’m not sure what it is. I have tried to reconcile, be kind, and encouraging realizing I was judgmental at times. At first he’s says there is no hope. He wants to be a rock star.
We have gone out about an average of once a week or more the past year. We have had sex consistently about the same. Both of us have agreed not to date or have sex with anyone else. For the most part we have a good time together. Our values have changed. We’ve always been a church going family and involved. Now I am the only one continuing to go. Our kids 16 and 18 are very confused because their dad has walked away from the church and the worship band to now be in a heavy metal band. They are very impressionable and love it.
I am very confused to continue to date my husband if he has no expectations of getting back. I’m afraid to stop because I love him. I tried once before for 3 weeks and he threatened to not see me any more and end it as soon as he has money because he sees that having sex and going out is trying in his eyes. He goes out a lot without me and always dresses nice, blow dries his hair and wears cologne. It’s like a middle age crisis to me. I’m confused if I’m doing the right thing.
Also it is confusing because of course if we are in an argument, he says we are separated, not married, and he looks at himself as single and going on with his own life. He says he wants me to go on with my life, so I am trying to be more independent and I have learned a lot.
On the other side, he will tell people when we are out sometimes that I’m his wife if he’s not liking someone else saying hi to me. He has introduced me as his wife to places he frequents now. I have been out with his band members. We have spent holidays, and birthdays together and have gotten respectful or flirty cards. The kids have chosen to be with him and it breaks my heart. We talk, but they are left alone a lot which frustrates me, because I know they have all that freedom and I’d be there more as a parent. He has spent the night here a few times and me there. It’s awkward sometimes, to go home. we cook and watch TV together occasionally too. What a mess. Any advice? Thanks
(USA) My husband has been having affairs. One day I ran across a text which devastated me. When I confronted my husband he said he was done 2 yrs. ago. We have been married 17 yrs. I tried everything to make things work, and we lasted up to 10 months.
It hasn’t been an easy ride; we tried to reconnect which we did somewhat but I couldn’t let go of the past. He then said he liked it when I let him do his own thing. I never suffocated him cuz I trusted him. Then finally I was moving along and found the woman’s number. He says I live in the past. I tell him that he "betrayed my trust". I wasn’t just hit with the affair but came to the realization that he was done and the only one that knew it.
There are a lot of circumstances to detail. I told him if he wanted to gain my trust, why did he talk to that person? Of course, she was just the topping on the cake when I found out. He also puts passwords on his phone and telephone bill and never tried to change that. Now we are separated; it was the best thing that could have happened. I lost sight of who I am and am trying to move on with my life. I don’t live in uncertainty but I don’t trust him. He tries to come back and forth to the house; and wants to see me. I told him we are separated and he’s not making it easy. He thinks he has to take care of me "although I have always been very independent" and have a job. He loves me and I love him, but he doesn’t communicate, avoids, and puts up a wall.
(AMERICA) Every one’s problems sound somewhat the same. Mine, however, is that I didn’t want to believe that the man that I have been married to for eighteen years would lie on me and abuse me verbally in front of people.
I have remained committed and true to him; I love him so much that I cant even think of going out. I have three children. One is seventeen the other is fifteen and my youngest eight. Some weeks ago the kids and I saw him with another woman. He goes to her job and waits for her to finish work and then he takes her home to our bed and sleeps all night and then takes her home in the morning.
All I have done in our marriage is support him. He made a lot of bad decisions and we lost every thing we worked for. He left me and the children and went to his parents home. He told them it was all my fault and they feel sorry for him, while I am renting a small apartment with the kids. We see him almost every day with the woman.
He does things with her that he never did in all of our years of marriage. I don’t even know where to go or what to do. I’ve forgotten how to smile. He blames me and I am innocent. Only God can save me. He is happy and I am still hoping he comes back home.
(USA) My wife of nearly thirty years left me 6 days ago. We did not communicate very well and she said she had been living a lie for the last 5 years telling me she loved me only to keep the peace, when she didn’t. She said in her dear john letter that she only cared for me. I’m in shock, she took out half of our stuff from the house and emptied out half of our life savings. I truly don’t care about the material stuff, I just want her back.
(UNITED STATES) Hi all. In the past three years my wife and I have gone through a really hellacious time. On several occasions, I’ve had Christian “friends” say some really obnoxious things to me regarding my worthiness as a husband and dad. Those things were neither appropriate nor were they biblical. Among those things said, was the suggestion that because I didn’t appreciate my family God was going to separate me from them for some indefinite period of time as a means of punishment.
Needless to say, neither I nor my wife fell for that. And as hard as it has been, we have recommitted ourselves to staying together and working hard to be what the Lord has called us to be according to His design for marriage.
Recently, I’ve had two pastors suggest a separation to facilitate healing between the two of us. What was incredibly disappointing about those suggestions was the complete absence of any other biblical counseling. Instead, it was this huge leap to separation.
I believe the Lord has given us all the counsel we need as husbands and wives to have healthy marriages. What He requires is faith manifested in obedience to those principles. He has promised us His power to live godly lives as husbands and wives as we do trust Him with our obedience.
In response to one of my two pastor friends’ suggestion, I said to him, “I will die before I betray my covenant with God and my wife.” “Til death do us part” is the standard He has set. He is more than able to give us the wherewithal to live that standard joyfully.
(UNITED STATES) Hi all, again… I’ve been reading some of your comments. First I want you to know how grieved I am for you. Second, I want you to know that I will try to pray for you.
Some thoughts.
First, I don’t fully understand where the church is in ministering to those of you who have gone through and are presently going through trials that are excruciatingly painful.
When my wife and I were going through our toughest moments, it became apparent to me that there was little unity among my Christian friends (including pastors) regarding how to appropriately respond to all we were going through. And, as I mentioned in my earlier comment, two of those pastors were more than willing to see us separate for the sake of peace in the home, than they were willing to partner with my wife and I to help us know and apply biblical truth as a remedy for our problems.
This is not only sad, but, as far as I am concerned, a dangerous contributor to the break up of Christian marriages. I see no middle ground on this. If Christian leaders are not competent to be God’s ministers in this issue by accurately and continuously bringing God’s word to bear on the problem, then, in my opinion, they become part of the problem. And my word to all of you is “beware.” And I would also say emphatically, spend time with the Lord in prayer and diligent study of His word to be able to evaluate whatever “help” you are being offered to make sure that it is truly of the Lord By way of reminder, for myself as well as for you, God is faithful. What seems impossible for us is more than possible for Him. Under no circumstances compromise when it comes to doing it God’s way as He has clearly spelled it out in His word.
Finally, and I feel a bit silly sharing this, and I apologize if this seems condescending, I don’t mean it to be (please excuse the obnoxiously long run on sentence), God is real. And He is not someone to be trifled with. Therefore, if you have spouses who are betraying their covenant with Him and you, I am left wondering where they are in really believing that He exists. All that to say, pray for them, trust the Lord for them and your situation. Despite all, walk uprightly before Him and He will honor you and bring blessing to your situation. His grace is more than sufficient for your need. And may that grace be more than evident in this moment.
(US) Hello all and God bless you! My husband after 19 yrs told me on Christmas Eve that he did not love me and did not want to be married. He said it was him and he wanted to live his life. I was devastated about this and just couldn’t say anything. He was relieved and happy that he told me this. I had been asking for some time was he having an affair. He always said no. But 4 mos prior to this he began to act strange. He was texting secretly on his phone; his clothes were disappearing, dressing up to go to work and arguing. His attitude completely changed.
I put him out of the home because of excessive seizures I was having that were caused by this action. I had suffered a brain aneurysm 2 yrs prior to this, in which now he tells me he felt obligated to stay. All of this has been devastating and very hurtful. He did have a girlfriend and now they are companions, even though we are separated. He has had 4 years to get over me and I am struggling with the letting go process. And we all know how hard it is to let go of something or someone we love so much.
I am a Christian and I too read rejoice ministries because it helps me get through the day. I too am a stander for All Things are Possible if we believe! Believe in God so that you may heal. Hey, I am trying to heal too because it has only been 6 mos now. There are times I just can’t seem to make it and I just want to give up but Jesus is always there. Only God knows the outcomes of our circumstances and He will take care of. He will not delay and his timing will be perfect!
None of us really have an answer to our problems. But what we all can do is pray for divine healing together. There is no “If it be your will God” so forth and so on. It is, “God’s Will Be Done”! He dries my tears away, helps me at work and I am trying to clean my heart. Cleaning my own heart, understanding my faults and learning how to forgive my husband will be my steps to Victory because I have Love. The love of Jesus Christ.
Ask yourselves, What Would Jesus Do? Remember it is not the man/woman; it is the evil that dwells within.
(UNITED STATES) I am on the other side of that question. I never dated when I was separated and would never date a separated man. Then one day a work, a fella started talking to me. I had seen him around but he would never speak to me. Come to find out he had just moved out of his family home. He told me that he and his wife had not been intimate for 3 years and that he waited to divorce her until the kids were gone. We were just friends. As time went on and we went on hikes together, he told me that he definately wasn’t going back to his wife. I was hesitant but believed him. At this time my relationship with God was not near as intimate as it had been. I listened to friends who condoned the relationship… I guess because I had found a good guy who would go to church with me.
To keep a long story short, he repeatedly started going back and forth about his marriage and now after 2 years of separation, he is back with her and my heart is deeply wounded. He would still contact me while he was trying to reconcile with her! Eventually, I stopped that by sending some email copies to his wife.
Come to find out being unfaithful is a common practice for him. He would promise the future and met my family; this was a true deception.
If I had truly sought God’s wisdom and word regarding this, I would not have ended up with so much hurt. God loves us so much more; if I had only trusted Him!
(USA) After asking my wife for a divorce 4 yrs. ago and living apart for months we somewhat got back together on and off, mostly because of family issues that made it necessary. In Jan. 2009 I left for good. It will never work, ever, it’s over. I feel like years of my life have been wasted. The marriage was loveless to begin with. I am legally separated and found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. She said I am still married even though legally separated and broke off the relationship. I know God wants us to be happy and I feel we were meant to be together. Is it a sin to fall in love while separated?