Marriage Missions Note: Please know that we recognize that sometimes men betray their wives and sometimes women betray their husbands. This particular article is written from the vantage point of the betrayed wife. If you are a husband who is betrayed, please change the pronouns and glean through the information so you can be ministered to, as well. Above all, we hope this article helps you in some way.)
After the discovery of the betrayal, the spouse’s emotions are usually intense. The anger, hurt, bewilderment, betrayal, and numbing shock are almost overwhelming. The betrayed spouse will be angry, and she needs the freedom to ventilate her rage.
It’s Important HOW You Say It
The language of anger is never pleasant. However, it is not only OK to say it with intensity and force, but it is absolutely necessary for true recovery to occur. People do not get better until they get mad.
If denied, that anger “goes underground” and eats away at the innermost spirit of the person. It is very important for the violated spouse to be free to express the rage that he or she feels.
After the first surge of anger comes the need for information —what happened? When did it happen? How often did it happen? And so on. This is the time for the violated spouse to ask the offender those all-important questions. Men seem to want to know the details of the sexual activity; women commonly report wanting to know if their husband loves the other person. Whatever the need, the information is important and shouldn’t be squelched.
Hiding Info
There is no good reason to hide information from the injured spouse at this point. The precious marriage vow lies shattered on the floor —there is nothing left of the marriage to protect. Therefore, the infidel who has been discovered should share each and every bit of information that his partner wants to know.
Often the infidel thinks that as the questions come, he should tell only what he thinks is appropriate, so he withholds details, covering up certain aspects of the trail. Nothing will anger the wounded spouse more than being subtly deceived at this point by double talk or half-truths. Eventually, all truth will be known anyway.
This is the time to tell it all, or at least tell it at the level that the spouse wants to hear it. There’s a difference between the two. Many of my counselees who have gone through recovery from affairs say that getting into too much detail can create tortuous mental images for the injured spouse that can haunt her for years. But you need to walk this fine line of disclosure and honesty carefully, and be sure to err on the side of too much disclosure rather than too little.
The Ideal:
Of course, it would be to satisfy the spouse’s need to know without ignoring any major revelations. The main point is to own up to what you have done and to admit humbly the full range of injury and transgression. Don’t try to alter the facts subtly to protect yourself. Just as deceit is no way to build a relationship, it’s no way to rebuild a broken one.
Withheld information becomes “unfinished business” that will have to be dragged along through the balance of the marriage. The more time that passes without the unfinished business being revealed, the more difficult it will be to bring it up. Should the marriage stay together, this secret will become an albatross around the neck of the infidel, who will have wished that he or she had completely “come clean” at the anger stage, when it was the most appropriate and helpful.
The Spouse Now Holds the Reins
The power to continue the marriage has now passed into the hands of the wounded spouse. Her reaction —whether to process the affair is that if she expresses as much rage as she feels, she will drive her spouse into the arms of his partner. That could happen; but, remember, he has already been in his partner’s arms. You couldn’t keep him out of her arms before you knew about it; now simply being angry is not going to drive him to her-more is involved here than that!
Besides, there is nothing of the marriage left to protect by “walking on eggshells” at this point. If you are going to live together in harmony in the future, you need to live together differently. It’s time to start over. The most sacred aspects of this marriage have already been violated. Now you both have to begin to rebuild.
Grieving the Loss
During the anguish phase, some recovery can begin. But it won’t be steady progress —rather it will probably be two steps forward and one step back. It’s a rocky time emotionally, but that’s part of the normal process of grieving the losses. There is loss of trust, of the one-pure marital relationship, and so on.
Just about the time that the violated spouse thinks he/she is getting over the pain, it will suddenly resurface. But be encouraged. Gradually the pain will become less intense and less frequent. You will find the good times between the down times will lengthen.
This grief process is similar to grieving the death of a spouse. Violated spouses do indeed report many responses that parallel those of widows.
Some of Their Feelings:
• They feel abandoned by their mate.
• They feel alone in their grief.
– It’s common to feel as if they could have done something to prevent this.
• They feel like a marked person. They don’t fit in with normal couples anymore.
• They have a lot of unfinished business with their spouse that is now off-limits or has been overshadowed by what has occurred.
– Plus, they feel terrified of the future.
• They feel they should be doing better than they are.
• They will pretend nothing has happened (such as the widow who sets a plate for the lost partner at the table).
Grieving is important, but it is even more important to know what you are grieving for. Some find it helpful to list the losses on paper. I recommend that you try that, being as transparent and honest as you can.
Crying in front of other people as you process your grief is perfectly permissible. Grief isn’t always predictable, not always controllable. It is certainly all right to cry in front of the infidel. In fact, he needs to see and feel the damage his actions have wrought. Be totally honest about your sadness.
Guarantees
One of the first things an angry and grieving spouse wants is the guarantee that this will never happen again. Often Christian spouses think that if they can just get their infidel partner to walk the aisle to the altar, confess his/her sin in front of the congregation, read his Bible daily, or be convicted by the Holy Spirit or disciplined by the church, all will be well. But nothing could be further from the truth. Any or all of those practices might be appropriate, but none of them will provide the guarantee that the wounded spouse is looking for.
The closest thing to a guarantee that the infidel won’t stray again is for him to feel fully the pain that he has caused the wounded spouse. Let me underline this point: promises to “behave” won’t endure; neither will artificial boundaries such as a curfew each night after work.
Remedy
The only lasting remedy is for the infidel to feel the agony he has caused his spouse. If he truly loves his mate (and he usually does down deep; that’s why they got married and why he came back), that will hurt him so much that he won’t want to inflict more on his loved one. But getting the infidel to experience the hurt of the spouse won’t happen immediately —it could take many months. Remember it will take as long to recover from the affair as it did for the infidelity partner to get involved in it. So allow some time for him to feel her pain.
This article comes from the book, Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair
—ALSO —
Here’s another related article —this one written by Anne Bercht, who understands about anger “after the betrayal” because she dealt with it after her husband cheated on her. Whether you are a man or woman, the following advice could be helpful if you apply the principles that will work for your marriage after reading:
• DEALING WITH ANGER AFTER AN AFFAIR
Filed under: Surviving Infidelity
(USA) Tony you are absolutely correct in saying you cannot “take the medicine” for your wife, no more than you can eat food for her. There are some things in life that one must do on their own. Your spouse has to want to and see the need to take in spiritual “medicine” from God’s Word and apply it to herself in order to assist in making the marriage work.
However, you say at this point she doesn’t want to… but remember things can change for the better even though it doesn’t appear that was. Just because she doesn’t want to take the “medicine” from God’s Word doesn’t mean you can’t. The problem is not her, not making the necessary changes for the betterment of the marriage, the problem comes when both marriage mates throw in the towel, call it quits, and say hasta la vista. Your marriage is still salvageable and your marriage still can survive if YOU want it to even though your wife seems to be working against your sincere efforts to maintain your marriage. Yours is not a hopeless case. If you truly love your wife learn through practice to cultivate PATIENCE and the type of love mentioned at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Also, practice the positive attitudes found at Galatians 5:22-23.
It won’t be easy at times because your love for your wife will be challenged and tested. In your own strength you’ll give up and out. That’s why it’s so important to rely heavily upon God, Jehovah for the needed strength to stay in your marriage and to make it work. Tony, fight for your marriage minus all the violence, physical and verbal abuse (Ephesians 4:29-32). Do what YOU can, to the best of your abilities to make your home a peaceful, happy home to be in. Go beyond the call of duty, if you will, to show her that you haven’t given up on her. For better or worse that’s what your marriage vows said. The question is what if she doesn’t respond to your sincere efforts of trying to save the marriage? That’s okay too. Be patient and consistent and in time you’ll see your efforts paying off. Many couples give up too soon on each other and their situation never improves.
One thing is for sure, even though she may not make immediate changes in her actions or even comments on the fact that you are changing; when she observes the CONSISTENT positive changes in your demeanor, disposition, and actions toward her and the marriage, she in time may have a change of heart and mind for saving her marriage.
Also, Tony, honestly make a self examination of yourself. Ask yourself was there anything on my your part to contribute to the breakdown of your marriage? If there are/were self contributing negative factors on your part humbly acknowledge that to God in prayer and then to your spouse, admit to her that things could have been done differently. Again, remember, even if you see or get no positive response from her after doing all those things, YOU keep going, YOU keep applying Bible principles in your life coupled with regular prayer; then you’ll have the satisfaction of saying in your heart that “I gave it my all; I did my best”. You will feel good about yourself that you just didn’t throw your marriage away.
Also, Tony, don’t be a victim of the “me first” attitude that has wrecked many marriages (Philippians 2:4-11). Don’t worry about what others may say or think about your efforts at saving your marriage… NEVER EVER feel or think that you are “hen pecked” because of working hard on your marriage. Real men and women don’t give up so easily on their marriages when tests and challenges arise in their marriages. They’re willing to WORK hard on keeping their marriage alive (Colossians 3:13-14).
Also, surround yourself with positive people that will tell you what you NEED TO HEAR, whether than what you WANT TO HEAR when it comes to saving your happy home and marriage (1 Peter 3:1-14). Even in the worst of marriages the Bible does not require one to divorce their mate.
Tony I hope this message will be of assistance to you and encourage you to continue working to save your marriage. I sense that you’re deeply hurt by your wife’s actions and that you still love her. If that’s the case leave the light on and the door open to your heart. With application of those verses from the Bible coupled with regular prayer, which I cannot over-emphasize the importance of, you, Tony will be able to endure the hurt, disappointments and discouragement from the sad things taking place in your marriage. Jehovah God will give you the needed strength and endurance. I’ll be praying for you AND your wife because even though it may not seem that way now, there’s still hope for her too (Philippians 4:6,7). Take care of yourself. Jackie
(USA) That marriage ended almost 10 years ago.
(USA) Sorry to hear that. :|
(UK) I’m devastated that my wife has been having an affair. She was picking fights with me all the time, which I put down to her giving up smoking. Lots of suspicious behaviour made me finally ask her “are you having an affair?” I said I could handle the truth and move on but I need the truth. She swore on her life that she would never do that. She’s always had strong feelings on the subject and to cheat is the worse betrayal on earth.
She was denying the affair until I proved it. I went on the laptop history and saw a message she had sent to her landlady (she started living away Mon-Thu rather then commuting). She asked her landlady if it’s ok for her new boyfriend to sleep over during the week. I never knew pain like this. We were decribed as the perfect couple because we were best friends. Checking bank statements which I never do, I know when and how often she saw him.
At first I wanted to kill him… that turned to myself and I attempted suicide. Really it’s not his fault, even though he has a wife and children himself. It’s her fault because I’ve given her soo many chances to come clean and split up. I’m really glad for the internet so I can at least read about the things I’m going through. The anger, the denial, trying to find out details, the self-torture and the depression.
(USA) Hi. I found out that my husband of almost 20 years had an emotional affair with a female deputy co worker. They exchanged nude pictures and also texted and who knows what they did. Of course he denied it and called me crazy. I sent her own nasty pics to her and only then did they confess. The hurt and anger was unexplainable and still have 4 months almost unbearable for me. I am so disappointed in him that he would disrespect his wife like this. The pain is not getting less. He says he is not talking to her anymore. I can’t trust him or believe what he says. We have been in counseling and he shows remorse. I can’t even look at him. All I see is their naked pictures. I’m not sure what to do. I still love my husband. He gives me ultimatums like if you can’t get over it we should get divorced. I am so hurt.
(USA) I’m currently 3 months pregnant with my second baby and my husband just informed me that he cheated on me 10 years ago twice! He almost had sex but couldn’t go through with it and then ended up having oral sex months later with the same girl …someone who I wasn’t close to at the time but currently was my closest friend. There were also a PILE of lies from the last 14 years …one of them being another potential cheating that he blacked out that night and doesn’t think anything happened but given what I’ve found out, something probably did …this girl was my roommate at the time.
I’m hurting so bad. He seemed like such a wonderful person, I still can’t wrap my head around this. I feel like because of my faith in God, divorce is out of the question. I just feel really lost and sad. This year is going to be really hard…
(USA) I suggest that both of you ladies get into separate counseling to talk freely about what you need for yourselves. You deserve and need peace. This is a betrayal that only the people who have been there understand. It feels like someone you love and trusted blew a hole in your gut, and hit you with a bus. Pray, Pray, Pray. I am still in the midst of this madness myself from 6 months ago. Mine told lies for 30 years. That’s what sex addicts do.
It’s sad the women who get involved knowing that a man is taken. I’m not excusing our men by any chance, but I am would run the other way from someone else’s man! They are sad creatures, both. Work on finding your own peace, and then decide if the relationships are worth saving. God Bless
(SAUDI ARABIA) I am a foreigner, married to a Saudi man 31 years ago. We have beautiful children who are adults now. Two months ago, I gave my husband a surprise visit, at my origin country, where he said he went there for treatment (he is 62). I found him with a naked lady in the apartment room where I rented for him. He was shocked and almost got a heart attack when he saw me at the door. The lady told me that it was her fourth day with him. She apologized and told me that it was not her fault, since he went to the massage parlor and asked her to spend the night with him at the apartment.
When I found out, he told me he made a mistake and it was only one night he spent with her because he was too drunk. He lied of course. He also said he never had sex with her, I asked him later what was she doing in the room naked with him, if he didn’t have sex with her, he just said he doesn’t want to go into details. He asked me to trust him and he told me that he can never have sex with any lady except me.
First I thought I had forgiven him, but I realized that I havn’t, and now he is back there again, as usual he is saying that he is there for the treatment, however, I do not believe him and keep imagining that he is with another ladies in my own apartment. What should I do, to be able to stop thinking of him and what he is doing? It is really hurting me.
(USA) Hello, I want to share my story with you. On April 19, 20111, I found out that my husband of 15 years was having an affair with my best friend of 12 years. For two years prior to the disovery, I was suspicious that there was something going on between them but I didn’t know what or to what level. Lets just call it a woman’s intuition. The discovery came when I was speaking to my best friend about her new love interest. For whatever reason, she decided to give me her facebook password so that I can go into her account and look at the pictures of this new love interest. I went into her account, saw the pictures and that was it.
For some reason, I decided to go into her verizon account and used the password she gave me (for facebook). Imagine my surprise and HORROR when I saw my husband’s phone number at least 10 times a day. Let me clarify and say that his number appeared on her bill at LEAST 10 times a day EVERY DAY for 1 year. One year was all that I was able to go back on her phone records. This was a blow so hard that even as I type this my tears are pouring down and my heart is aching so bad. During the 12 years of my friendship, my husband and my best friends never called each other for anything. As a matter of fact, if there was something that each had to communicate, they would have me communicate it to the other person. Therefore, there was no reason at all that they should have been talking on the phone that much.
I confronted him with the evidence and he just lied and said that he didn’t know why his number appeared on her bill so many times. BLATANT lie! Still to this day, he has not admitted to cheating on me. He has said from the beginning that “NOTHING” happened but he can’t explain what did happen. It has been nearly two years since D Day and the pain is as great as it was when I discovered it. I will say that before this discovery, he was a man of great integrity and a remarkable husband. I guess that’s why I just can’t understand what happened or where we went wrong. But I do know that I don’t trust him and I know that I never will. I don’t think I have the strength to hear things that I know will hurt me more than I’m hurting right now but I feel that I need answers before I can continue. I am hurting so BAD!!!!
(USA) Please – go to an Al anon meeting. It will help you to focus on your own healing. You will learn to let go of anger, judgement and chaos in your life. Please just give it a try. After I encountered my ‘D-Day,’ I started going and it truly saved me.
(NA) My Christian marriage ended in divorce after 32 years. With 3 adult children and 3 grandchildren. All so devastated! When I realise all my mistakes and failures and that I could have done so much better, I feel I’m staring my own giants in My husband and I seemed to have it together in terms of trying to work on our issues when he just “snapped” took time out with the other woman -now after 14 months of absolute pain and devastation they are going to be married. They say this is God’s will for them and that he and her needs a fresh chance at life as God had offered this through them meeting. I’m not too sure how this is validated as we all know the Word of God and His Holiness.
Please pray for our family.
FG
(USA) I feel devasted. This is not the 1st time he’s had an affair. I used to call him my husband, but he refers to me as the b—- or she, when communicating with, what the Bible calls harlets. This time I took his phone and text messaged his new harlot, telling her he was passed out (drunk), that it wasn’t the first affair he’s had and how devastation I felt.
I believe suicide would send me to hell, but I want to die. I tell myself that this pain is only for a short while compared to an eternity. I tell myself that Jesus understands betrayel, humanity betrayed him. I choose to forgive and pray for my wounds to heal. God has always pulled me up from the pit of despair. However, I hang on to what appears to me, as a weak thread. I’m trying to talk to him a little at a time and tell him about my roller coaster of emotions, but he’s so defensive. I can understand why he is defensive, he’s also hanging on to a thread, his self-esteem. He knows he’s built his world on a sandy ground of approval seeking behavior.
As I write this, I look for the sand in my foundation of belief. I pour out my heart to the Great I Am. I tell him my anguish, and that I am his daughter in Christ. He tastes the salt of my tears; he knows the depth of my dispair and I thank him for comforting me in the depths of my sorrow. Amazingly I come across a verse; Fear not for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with my victoriuos right hand of rightiousness and justice. Isaiah 41:10. Amplified Bible.
This will not be easy by any means. I pray, and believe we are all conquers through Christ. I pray that in those times of darkness we will see even the tiniest bit of light, and in that moment we would whisper or mouth the words Jesus help me. What do we really believe? Yours in Christ, heart broken and in need.
(USA) Hello, I need help. My husband and I have been together for 27 yrs. He has been having and affair with someone I’ve known for 20 yrs off and on. I kinda knew, but didn’t have any evidence. I recently went through his phone and found email that he and the woman have been seeing each other and her 15 yr daughter is my husband’s. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I asked my husband over and over before this came out, was he sleeping with this woman and was her daughter his. He said no!
Now that it’s out that they have been seeing each other and that is his daughter, I have forgiven him, I told him as soon as I found out that I have nothing against the child because the child is innocent in the whole mess that he and her mother created. The child didn’t know my husband was her father. She thought the whole time her mother’s husband was her father. Now her dad who she thought was her father has walked out of her life because his wife knew that it was not his child and had him fall in love and take care of the child for 15 yrs.
She doesn’t know my husband that well, so I’m trying to get my husband to step up and be the man he should have been 15 yrs ago. I talk to the child more than my husband does. I told him he has to be in her life from this point on. She and my kids go to the same school, so I sat down and talked to my kids about the child and it bothers them. But I told them it’s not her fault. I want to get my kids more involved with their sister. My kids are 18 and 16 and they pick her up and drop her off at school. The kids already knew her before but didn’t know she was their sister. I always had the feeling she was because she looks just like my husband. I have been trying to deal with this, but I have good days and bad days. My husband doesn’t really have much to say, but he is sorry and the relationship with the child’s mother is over.
It’s hard for me to believe, but I try to get the thoughts out of my head. My husband tried everything possible to make believe it’s over. I have been on antidepressiants for almost a year now which has helped thus far. I just don’t like the fact that the child’s mother still calls him to say she needs this and that when I told him she can call me. I understand she’s calling him about her schooling because she’s not doing well in school and the mother wants my husband to go to a parent teacher conference with her. My husband didn’t tell me until 1 hr before the conference was about to begin.
Can someone tell me if I was wrong for getting upset about that? Was it ok for him to go without me? I love my husband, but he is losing his wife. Can’t talk to him without me crying all the time. I need to build up my strength and just deal with it or leave. I don’t want to leave.
(SA) I am 31 years old, married for 10 years and I have a 5 year old son. I believed that I was in a perfect marriage and was married to the most perfect husband. Five years ago I came across a message from my husband’s work colleague who he never told me about. I was preganant at the time. I was angry about it and he said they were not even friends. I trusted him.
Two years later I saw a message from her asking him to pick her up coz her car was troubling. He said that he spoke to her and that the message was sent to the wrong person and was meant for someone else. I still brushed it off and never thought anything of it because I trusted him so much. A month ago he received a message on his phone, which I opened. It was the same work colleague telling him that she’s not coming to work etc. When I confronted him he denied knowing who the message was from so I asked that he call the number. He then admitted that it was her but that they were just friends.
Through a whole week there was one lie after another until eventually he says his final story is the truth. According to him there was never any affair. They are just friends and he has never had any feelings for her. The reason he never told me is coz he knew I didn’t like her but he didn’t want to be embarrased at work by being the odd one out. Because of all the lies I don’t believe him; I don’t have reason to. I have been an emotional wreck having to take pills to calm myself.
We had an amazing marriage but it has taken one lie to cause everything to fall apart. He says he loves me and no one else. I feel cheated that he could still lie to me after all his wrongdoings. One lie after another and yet he still expects me to believe him! He was also messaging her and deleting the messages. What husband does that? I gave my life to my marriage and my family and he betrayed me. I feel like I can’t go on yet I love him so much.
(S.AFRICA) Pam I am so sorry you are going through such a troubling time. When your spouse lies to you over and over again, trust goes out the window. Your husband’s behavior is very suspicious. My husband did all these things including the “we are ONLY FRIENDS” bit. He was having an affair! If they “have nothing to hide they will hide nothing,” why is it so important for him to make sure all sms’s etc are deleted? Pam, I am divorced now as a result of similar circumstances. It is soul-destroying especially when all you want is the truth. Please pray and find a time to sit your husband down and tell him just what his secret and lying behaviur is doing to you. Ask for the truth, show your love and, no matter how hard it may be, forgive and find solutions to your marriage problems. This however has to be his wish as well. Bless you I will be praying for you.
My story. I thought that a year after this has all happened I would be better. But I’m not. I’m still sad, angry and hate-filled, maybe not as sad; I don’t cry much anymore. My wife of 14 years cheated on me. She told me she wanted a divorce but then agreed to work on it. I didn’t know this at the time but that was a lie. She had no intention of working on anything. We are both Christians.
She went on a date with this guy and I confronted them on the date. I still wish I had beaten the teeth out of both their heads. I know that’s wrong but I want that so badly to hurt them. I’m not a violent person but all of me screams out them wanting to hurt them so bad.
I saw her the next day and she acted like it was no big deal, actually mad that I snooped through her e-mail. Wow. Really? She was mad if you can believe that. So she talked about divorce and me finding a new place to live.
Then came D-Day. A day with so much pain it’s hard to imagine. I went to work and I just knew something was up. Yeah I could feel it so I came home early. They had just gotten done. Sheets were still wet and candles were out but warm. They did it in our marriage bed. They weren’t there, which I’m glad because I would be in jail right now. She comes home and I was in the other room pacing thinking what should I do? Confront her? Bury my head in the sand? I confronted her and she said it. Yes we had sex. YES WE HAD SEX. My world crashed down around me. How could you? You said you loved me. No way you could love me. What about our son?
I have thought long and hard about suicide. Long and hard. It’s still there a real possibility to end this pain and grief. One quick pull of the trigger and it all goes away. I can’t do it though. My love of my son compels me to remain here in the world of pain.
Will I ever get past this pain or will I be reminded of it for my entire life? I don’t want to be alone as I am so lonely but who would want me? I’m not so ugly but I feel worthless, powerless rejected. I want the pain to end. My anger and hatred toward her is also very real. I’m afraid I would take it out on someone else.
My husband and I were married 19 years with verbal abuse, mental abuse, and controlling going on. So my revenge was having an affair. He found out about it. United said we were just friends and this went on for 5 years. He never let me live it down. He always calling me names; the node of these got worse. 3 years ago he had an affair and walked out my door. For 10 months he was gone. He came back, stayed 6 months, walked out again, says he’s confused; everything is my fault.
Before he came back this last time I confessed everything. We were supposed to start over with a fresh slate. I confessed everything I’ve ever done; he confessed everything he’s ever done but he still can’t see where he went wrong. I stood up and took responsibility for everything that I’ve done. He said no better of how bad of a husband he was that gave me no reason to have an affair. He can’t see where he was that bad of a husband. He may be right; I may be wrong but at the time that’s why I felt that was my escape.
Was it right? I wish now I could do it over knowing what I know now, but I guess that’s everybody. We have 3 kids. They’re caught in the middle of it all. He comes in and expects me to just take everything that he dishes out. He doesn’t see how bad he hurts me. I see how bad I am. You might ask me why I continue to put up with it. Just like everybody else, I don’t want to be alone financially.
I’ve been cheated on twice. Once when I was pregnant. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. And the second time when my husband went into the army. It’s been 6 years since the second time. Each time he told me that he loved me, but wasn’t in love with me. And when I confronted him with it and told him I was going to leave him… He’d say no, I love you… lets make it work and then he’d leave me.
He denied me and our children. He told everyone I was crazy and that I was a liar. I saw the text messages and pictures from both of the people he had affairs with. And even though it’s been 6 years… I can’t get them out of my mind. It’s pure torture. Now he’s been looking at porn and it really bothers me and makes me so sick. He says it’s not cheating and gets mad that even bring it up.
I don’t think I can do this anymore. He has never really apologized to me about the affairs or anything. If I try to talk about it he gets mad. I’ve never gotten over it and I don’t think I will. I relive it everyday. Little things trigger my memory. I wish I could just forget. My heart hurts so bad. I’ve tried and tried to forgive him, but I can’t. I really don’t have anyone to talk to and I’m just feeling really down today.
I hope someone is listening. Seems any site I log on to for help has expired or as usual, missed my chance. Kindly please let me know if this is genuine and current to date, thank you.
Yes Cecilia, This site is up to date. I’m not sure we can help in any way, but we’re here and care.
I am married for 23 yrs. We have got 2 kids 22 and 19 now. 6 mos ago I found out my 83 yr old husband was having an affair for 3 years and had a baby. Very impossible for me to believe because for almost 5 yrs til now we can’t have sex because he’s too old for that and I understand. I am only 56. When I found that out my world collapsed. I am still suffering mentally and emotionally.
I am a Filipino and he’s American. He always shows his superiority of being an American. Even my kids are on his side. I am really desperate and I want to end everything, even my own life. Everything changed on me. I don’t know how long can I take this.