Father’s Day and Marriage

This Sunday we will celebrate Father’s Day here in the United States. It’s a special day set aside where we honor fathers. (Plus, there is a day in May where we celebrate Mother’s Day.) So what does Father’s Day have to do with marriage? It has a lot to do with marriage.

Those that are a great husband AND a great dad carry the whole package. They hold and carry the hearts of their children and their wife in a wonderful way. The children are most blessed, and so is the wife and so is their marriage.

If a father takes the responsibility seriously of shaping their children in godly, positive ways, showing them how to be a good husband and father, the children are all the richer. If he shirks that responsibility, it can have negative ripple effects for generations to come. There is no doubt:

“A father who lives with integrity is a powerful role model for his children. He teaches them the importance of honesty, righteousness, and moral uprightness. His integrity shows them what it means to walk in God’s ways, helping them grow into responsible, honorable adults (Proverbs 20:7).” (Benjamin Hill)

And isn’t that supposed to be the goal of parenting?

So, in honor of Father’s Day we’d like to share something written by Judge James Sheridan. It’s titled, “Father’s Day and Marriage.” There are good principles in this article to take note of whether you’re a father or not.

Here’s what Judge Sheridan wrote:

“It takes two to have a marriage and two to have a child. Half of that ‘two’ is celebrated on Mother’s Day. It’s important to celebrate mothers’ essential role in marriages and families. However, five weeks later, when Father’s Day rolls around, somehow, we sort of forget that there’s another half of the ‘two.’ We forget that men play an essential role in marriage and family.

“But men have a unique way of giving love and a sense of value and self worth to children. This is something children need, just as they need the love and nurturing provided by their mother. When the father isn’t there to give his special gift, children suffer. This happens just as they do when the mother is missing.

Truly Celebrating Father’s Day

“So how do fathers give this ‘special gift’? This is where a true celebration of Father’s Day eventually becomes a celebration of marriage. Author Theodore Hesburgh explains, ‘The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.’ Steven Stosny, Ph.D., put it this way, children ‘need fathers to live for them, to value them, and to value what they most value—their mothers.’

“But, what do we call a loving, uplifting, committed, publicly recognized relationship between a man and a woman, which produces children? Answer: Marriage! In the end, marriage is the social context in which fathers can father best. He fathers best, when he loves his children’s mother, and is publicly committed to her.

“Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman has some suggestions to help you become the world’s best Dad (because you’ll be the world’s best husband):

‘Keep your eye on the prize.’

Your marriage is ‘the prize.’ Don’t let anything, even career or hobbies, take over first place. After the honeymoon, keep doing what you did to court her before you got married. This is so that she always knows she’s still #1.

As Dave Willis says and we agree:

“Don’t put your marriage on hold while you’re raising your kids or else, you’ll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

“I’ve seen too many marriages fall apart because two well-meaning people put so much focus on their kids that they forgot to keep investing in the marriage. Some couples reduce their relationship to a partnership in co-parenting; and when the kids finally grow up, they discover that they have created an empty nest and an empty marriage. Give your children the gift that comes from seeing their parents in a loving, thriving marriage. Model the kind of marriage that will make your kids excited to be married someday.”

Also:

Spoil Your Spouse

“It’s been said (and this applies to wives, too), ‘Spoil your spouse—not your children.’ Your children are watching. They’ll love you for it.

Here are a couple of important points that support this matter:

“If you are always pushing your spouse aside for time with the children, you may want to consider just what you’re teaching your children. By the way you treat your spouse, are you modeling for your children how you hope they will treat their future spouses? Probably not. Spending time with your spouse not only draws the two of you closer together, but it also teaches your children that the marital relationship has to be our number one human relationship.” (Dr. Debbie L. Cherry)

Realize:

“Your child is influenced by the state of your marriage connection. The more warmth and love between you and your spouse, the happier and healthier your child is. The more alienated your relationship, the more your child can be affected. This truth is a result of God’s design. God created marriage to connect people in a deep way that reflects His passion for people. Children are a fruit of that love and connection.” (Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend)

Additionally, Scott Haltzman encourages dads to:

“‘Leave a legacy.’

Haltzman explains that, ‘a healthy marriage teaches children important lessons about their own relationships.’ Kids from intact marriages have a lower risk of divorce. ‘So, when your grandchildren celebrate Father’s Day, they’ll be doing it in the home of both their parents.'”

This goes along with something Doug Fields said, and we agree:

“Kids are always watching their parent’s marriage and yet too many marriages underestimate the power of modeling! Children are taking daily recordings of what a marriage looks like, and those recordings are definitely influencing and shaping their view of marriage. So, live your marriage wisely to make sure the message you are sending your kids is the message you intend to send.”

That means you have a mission field right in your own home! So, within your home, as well as outside of your home:

“Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven“ (Matthew 5:16).

A Closing Prayer

We are closing this Insight with a prayer written by Britt Mooney (posted in a Christianity.com article). We hope you will join us in praying for our husbands and the fathers:

“Heavenly Father, We pray for the fathers in our lives and ask you to bless them with the wisdom they need to lead their families with grace and understanding. We rest on your promise that if they lack wisdom, they can ask you, and you will give generously without finding fault. Lord, fill their hearts and minds with your divine wisdom. Guide them in making decisions that reflect your will and bring prosperity and peace to their households. Help them discern right and wrong and to act with integrity and fairness. Give them the patience and insight to navigate challenges and to find solutions that honor you. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.”

May it be so, Lord Jesus; may it be so!

We hope you will take this message seriously and realize the awesome responsibility fathers and husbands have to point others to all that Christ can do in and through them as they live out a Bible-LIVING walk in this world!

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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