How Does One Forgive Infidelity?

How do you forgive infidelity when it’s SO painful to even think of doing so?

There’s no doubt that it’s painful; but is holding onto unforgiveness make the pain lessen?

“The difference between holding on to a hurt or releasing it with forgiveness is like the difference between laying your head down at night on a pillow filled with thorns or a pillow filled with rose petals.” (Loren Fincher)

Okay, so you don’t want to sleep on a “pillow filled with thorns” night after night. And you also don’t want to hold onto a hurt that will continually deliver pain every time you think about it. But how do you throw that thorn-filled “pillow” of bitterness away when it has adhered itself onto you?

How Do You Forgive Infidelity?

And more importantly, how do you forgive your spouse when he or she has stabbed you in the heart emotionally? How do you release the enormous pain and confusion you feel because of what your spouse has done to you? And why do you have to? Why is it YOU that has to do so much hard stuff when you aren’t the one who betrayed your marriage partner? And where does marriage restoration come into all of this IF there is anything left to restore?

Those are a few of the many questions that will be addressed in the articles we link to below.

First off:

“There’s a big difference between forgiving someone and restoring a relationship. Everyone should forgive for their own benefit regardless of the actions of the other person.

“But forgiveness is not synonymous with restoration. Restoring the relationship will take the effort of both parties. For that reason it is therefore not always possible. Sometimes one party is unwilling to do the work of restoration.

“Within the context of forgiveness, there are two types. In the first, the offending party is truly sorry and is asking for forgiveness. This makes forgiveness much easier. In the second situation the offending party is not sorry. This makes it much more difficult. But it is still necessary to forgive them for your own benefit. You don’t want to allow that person to ruin your future as well as your past.”

I encourage you to read more that Anne Bercht wrote on the issue of how to forgive infidelity. She has lived this experience. That’s why it would be beneficial to go the Beyondaffairs.com web site to read:

•  HOW DOES ONE FORGIVE AN EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR?

And then below are some additional questions that might be circling around in your mind.

To more readily forgive infidelity, prayerfully consider:

“What IS forgiveness? Is it never bringing up the ‘what happened’? Is it never wanting to think about it again? And, is it trusting the person? I keep hearing it is for yourself and not the other person. But what do you get when you find whatever IT is?”

Anne Bercht answers these questions in the following article that we encourage you to read:

• WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

And then, how do you forgive the woman who had an affair with your spouse? It’s especially difficult because she split up the family. And then she eventually married your husband. It’s a tough situation —to say the least. Read of how one woman discovered freedom as she finally was able to release herself from the prison of unforgiveness:

•  THE HEALING POWER OF FORGIVENESS

We realize that you may be the husband whose wife had an affair. You are trying to get to a place where you aren’t imprisoned by unforgiveness. If so, reading the following article posted on Crosswalk.com. It could help you as you try to process all of this:

• WHY WIVES HAVE AFFAIRS

Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.

If you have additional tips on how to forgive infidelity you can share, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below. 

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