We realize this is a totally different type of Marriage Insight than we usually send out to our subscribers. But we feel strongly that God is prompting us to do so. And who are we to argue with God? We believe it is because many of you are dealing with this issue. Or it could be that someone you know is dealing with this situation and it would be a marriage saving gesture to send it to help them. Here is the issue: What do you do when your spouse drinks too much and it is negatively affecting your lives together? Do you close your eyes to what’s going on? Do you keep hoping that someday he/she will finally wake up to the problems the drinking is causing?
Or maybe you yell and scream and try to shame him/her into stopping this behavior. The question is, how did that work for you? Has any of those methods helped to propel things forward in a positive way?
It could be that you have “done everything right” and yet you’re still fighting through this as a continual issue. This causes you to wonder how much longer you can hold out hoping things will change. You’re exhausted, confused, and don’t know what to do next.
Spouse Drinks: Excuses, Excuses
And then there are the excuses. You’ve probably heard a million of them! “A few drinks never hurts anybody.” “It’s my business—not yours.” Or maybe it’s: “I’ve tried to ‘get on the wagon’ of living without drinking, but every time I fall off” (and then they laugh as if that’s funny). But there’s nothing funny when a spouse drinks too much again and again and again. Despite their “best” efforts, the excuses just don’t hold up. So, yes:
“Alcoholics offer many excuses — ‘Drinking makes me feel better,’ ‘It calms me down,’ ‘I’m more fun when I’m drunk’ and more. But these explanations only skim the surface of the deeper issues that usually drive and fuel a drinking problem.” (Ashley Michael, from article titled “But I’ve Got Reasons“)
Promises, Promises: When a Spouse Drinks too Much
And what about the promises your spouse has made: “from this day forward things will be different”? (That is, if you’ve even received such promises!) Perhaps you can relate to the following comments a wife wrote concerning her husband who has a drinking problem:
“I couldn’t count the times Bob promised he would never drink again. It was completely frustrating. Bob would look me straight in the eye and tell me he’s done with bingeing. He’d say, ‘I’ve seen how it hurts you and the kids, and I’ve had it. I promise you that I’ll never do it again!’
“Then in a day or two he was dead drunk. I thought he was lying to me. How could he love me and lie so many times to my face? But he wasn’t lying. He couldn’t keep his promise. Bob thought he could whip this problem with willpower. It’s like trying to stop diarrhea by making up your mind to do so.” (From Focus on the Family article “If my husband drinks a lot but doesn’t get drunk, is he an alcoholic?“)
Good Intentions, But…
That’s not the most inviting word picture to think about, but it has some truth to it. Your spouse may have good intentions; but he/she is in a state of denial both mentally (not facing the truth) and physically (where the needs of the body deny him or her the ability to stop reaching for another drink).
It’s difficult to talk to someone who is in a continual state of denial, as well. That is why you often need help to know how to best work with the situation you have been handed.
It’s important to note that when you are dealing with a person who is a heavy drinker, you aren’t speaking to your spouse so much as you are the alcohol, he/she is using to cope with life in an unhealthy manner.
Wisdom Needed When Spouse Drinks Too Much
So, when you are dealing with this type of dysfunctional partner you truly need wisdom. You also need to get help from someone who isn’t so close to the situation and can give you objective advice.
“A comment I often have clients, with a dysfunctional partner, repeat back to me is: ‘Do not expect functional behavior from a dysfunctional person.’
“Learning to get our expectations in line with reality is a first step in dealing with reality. We are often the first person that needs a change of perspective. In therapy we call this ‘re-framing’ the situation.” (Delores Stone, Counselor)
Be Realistic
You also need to “get real” within yourself and with your spouse. To help you with this matter, read the following. These articles can set the stage to realistically deal with the truth of this issue. You may not think they pertain to you but read them anyway. Perhaps you can glean a few tips that can help you in this matter:
• GAMES ALCOHOLIC FAMILIES PLAY
So, in light of what’s been discussed so far, we’re going to give you a few tips that you could find helpful.
First:
“Don’t use the ‘A’ or the ‘D’ word. When it comes to confronting a person with an alcohol problem, one of the worst things you can do is call the individual an ‘alcoholic.’ For one, most problem drinkers are not alcoholics by the true definition of the word. Secondly, the stigma associated with the “A” word will most likely put your spouse immediately on the defensive and alienate them even more. Another word to avoid: denial. Accusing your spouse of being in denial will only breed resentment and contempt.
“Highlight the connection between the cocktails and the consequences. A sensitive yet effective way to approach the topic is to link your spouse’s drinking to the results of their behavior. For example, ‘You say you’ve been more tired than usual—that seems to have gotten worse since you started drinking more.’ Or, ‘You say you don’t have time to exercise; I noticed you’ve been skipping your exercise class to make time for going out for drinks.” (Robert Yagoda)
To read more that Robert writes on this issue (which we highly recommend) here’s a link to his insightful article:
• HOW TO HANDLE YOUR SPOUSE’S UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH ALCOHOL
And then the following advice from author Angie Lewis, can also be helpful to keep in mind:
Detach With Love.
Be loving and supportive of the person you married, not the alcoholic. Don’t take any of the emotional garbage they dish out while drinking. Have you noticed how when your spouse drinks they start to berate you and want to start arguments? Don’t argue or fight back. Let them know you will not argue with them while they are drinking, period.
Above all, never allow the alcoholic to trespass against your spirit when they are playing one of their mind games. Walk away and close the door behind you. Go visit a friend, take a walk around the block, or put some earplugs in your ears. Your mental health is what helps the alcoholic the most. This is what detaching with love is all about. Detaching yourself from the disease is what helps the alcoholic see that he needs help.
To learn more read the following article written by Angie Lewis:
• Married to an Alcoholic: 7 Steps to Helping Them Get Sober
Alcoholism is a Family Disease.
Also, from Skyler Sage, realize that:
Substance abuse by a loved one affects the entire family. We also play our OWN part in the continuation and manifestation of the disease. Our marriage, our family, is like a mobile. Each of us has our own little piece of the delicately balanced structure. Every action on any of our parts shakes the mobile. Tenuous balance quickly becomes imbalanced, shaken up, disrupted. Our role as spouses, children, friends on this mobile is just as powerful as that of the alcoholic’s.
I believe this awareness is the first key in coping understanding that we play an equal part in the drama of living with an alcoholic. We are either part of the problem, or part of the solution with every word we speak, every secret we keep, every action we take, every action we avoid taking.
To read more, go to:
• Coping With an Alcoholic Spouse – Skyler Sage
From Melinda Cook, comes the following advice:
“If you are not in any danger, continue to encourage your spouse to get help. Do not make it seem as though you are lecturing them though, they will rebel and continue in their disastrous ways. Find a support group, go to Al-anon meetings, and learn all you can about addictions. When they are willing to admit they have a problem, find places they can turn to for help in getting better. Coping with an alcoholic spouse can tremendously take a toll on you and your family.”
And it can, as you know.
Also, if your spouse drinks too much:
Here are several additional helpful articles to read when a spouse drinks:
DO YOU LOVE AN ALCOHOLIC — Stop Rescuing (Pt 1)
DO YOU LOVE AN ALCOHOLIC — Setting Boundaries (Pt 2)
PREPARING FOR A STRUCTURED INTERVENTION
We realize we have given you A LOT of information to pray about and consider. We pray the Lord opens the doors of heaven and pours out His Spirit within you and your home. It is our prayer that He speaks powerfully to your spouse to access how much he or she drinks. Additionally, we pray that your spouse will do something about his or her drinking problem.
Helpful Organizations
To give you direction where you can get help when you or your spouse drinks too much, the following are a few helpful organizations you can contact. We realize that they are not available to help everyone in every country. But for some of you, they can definitely help you:
Also:
• Find Al-Anon Meetings Online
And:
We pray that God will use this article to help you and/or those you know and care about.
But no matter what you are going through, keep in mind:
“Even in the darkness light dawns for the upright…” (Psalm 112:4)
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
ALSO:
If you are not a subscriber to the Marriage Insights (emailed out weekly)
and you would like to receive them directly, click onto the following:
(USA) My husband’s thoughts of a good time always revolve around going out to eat, a few drinks and then out to another bar with more alcohol. I’ve often asked to do healthy things such as hiking, walking etc, maybe a movie and sometimes we may, but most of the time it involves alcohol!
He never sees a problem with drinking until intoxicated which sometimes causes fights. Sensitive issues may be brought up that probably wouldn’t have arisen if no alcohol was involved! His father was an alcoholic who told his boys once to beware of alcohol, but no one ever seems to think they are effected, only having a good time is all. Sometimes it’s difficult to be with someone who is under the influence!!
(SOUTH AFRICA) I know what you going through… I don’t go with my husband… he goes out the whole night. He is not aggressive when he’s drunk… the only problem is that if I try to talk about his whole night drinking… it ultimately ends in a fight and then he will deliberately go off again. He usually has intentions of coming home earlier but he can’t stop once he has started. He needs to be completely out if it before he can stop.
I find it frustrating because he is not a man that can talk… he is a very quiet man. He doesn’t disclose anything that disturbs him/worries him etc… not only referring to us… but generally. He will never just show the next person the true state of his heart. This is my frustration because even when I try to talk to him about our problems he just doesn’t respond (he sorts of goes into a shell) or else he’ll get defensive to shut me out. I don’t know what to do as well.
(TANZANIA) Geraldine and Lizabeth, sorry for what’s happening to you both. I pray that things change into a better situation. I fully understand your problems. My hubby is also a drinking person who always promises to stop but doesn’t.
It really hurts me a lot when he comes home late (midnight) from Monday to Sunday. We can’t discuss anything that’s productive for the family or if there are any important issues then we have to communicate by phone. When both of us are away to our work during the day time, there is no chance.
The truth is, I still love him with all my heart. I pray and do so many sacrifices do draw him close to me but he’s still the same. I always miss him. The kids (3sons) miss him so much but he’s just not with family. At times when he’s at home, I try my level best to make him happy and also be available whenever he wants me close to him. I’ve also discussed with him several times how he could stop his alcoholism but I’ve gained nothing more than the promise to stop the behaviour- an event which hasn’t happened to date.
I haven’t given up waiting for the day that he will change his alcoholism behaviour. So Elizabeth, and Geraldine, please lets join hands through prayer without forgeting praying and loving our hubbys in every possible ways while trusting “ONE TIME GOD WILL REMEMBER US”.
(PAKISTAN) I am facing the same problem. My husband drinks and becomes abusive; it seems like I am the worst person on earth for him. I get really disturbed. I have a daughter who is 9 months. What example will he set for her? It really gets so bad he doesn’t really know what he is saying and he expects me to be all OK the next morning. Please advise as to what to do in such a situation.
(USA) My husband is a very good provider but some week nights he drinks a whole bottle of wine by himself and binge drinks on weekends. He says he works hard and should be allowed to relax. When he is sober, he is a good husband and a good father to our 2 boys. The problem is when he gets drunk and in front of the children. At parties, he is always the most drunk and gives loud (often angry) speeches over religion and politics and embarasses me. Often, he starts an arguement with me when we get home (again, in front of the kids). The next morning, he doesn’t remember a thing. He also gets angry when I try to talk to him about how much he drinks. I don’t want to leave him, but he’s driving me to that point. Help!
(USA) Cindy, I’ve been married for 27 years, my advice is to make sure you make your own money so you can leave if you need to. I raised my kids, one is moved out, my daughter had to move back home do to economy. My husband drinks at night, nasty only to me, in front of my daughter, fake nice to everyone else during the day, everyone loves him. I cannot leave, he is the bread winner… if I had my very own income, I’d go. I’m in my 50’s and when he drinks my heart beats like a bunny at night from things he says. I’ve had police here several times… they ask if he has hit me… guess you have to be black n blue and bleeding to prove it.
Guess what I’m saying is, only he can change… if you don’t think he will, it will only get worse…especially if he is NOT nice when he drinks. I could write a book on my behind closed doors insanity.
(USA) Behind closed doors insanity is exactly what I’m going through. I’m 49 and have been married for 15 years. He drinks every night. 4 tall glasses of vodka/ice/water. I cringe every time I hear the ice machine. This is my very first post to any forum on this topic.
Last night was another night of berating me, and this morning he is once again the nicest man. I on the other hand can’t forget what happened the night before. When I asked him this morning if he cannot drink as much tonight, he became outraged and denied everything he said to me last night. He claims that I reinvent conversations. This has been my life for more then 15 years.
I recently retired and now I don’t have the distraction of going to work. But more importantly I’m feeling so trapped and lonely. I’m afraid this will never end. We have had break-ups, gone to counseling and they have not helped at all. He only drinks more.
I feel the same way. I am not working, he is… Now it’s time for me to live happy… and breakup… I’m going to pray about it first.
One thing that has worked for me is to video tape him when he’s drunk and beligerent… the next morning show him the video… it works wonders.
(CANADA) I understand what you are going through. My husband is an excellent husband and father when he is sober. However after work during the week he feels the need to have a drink because he believes he deserves it after a stressful day. On the weekends he binge drinks and gets quite intoxicated to the point of not being able to walk. THe kids at times see this and it really upsets me. I only get upset with him when the kids are over because I do not like them seeing that. However every time he is like that he brings up things from the past or something from last week to start an argument. He tends to get very aggressive with his words and says the nastiest things. I have tried over and over again to talk to him regarding the amount that he consumes but it always ends up in a fight and it somehow is always my fault. “I drink to deal with things” ” I drink to deal with you” “I drink to feel numb” and so on.
Most times however the next he doesn’t remember the things he did or said the night before which is extremely upsetting. And when he does remember he doesn’t feel he did or said anything wrong and acts as if it was all my fault and will ignore me and be mad at me. I try really hard to be supportive and loving but it does get to the point of being very difficult to handle. Especially when the kids always see me upset so they think it is my fault and blame me for his behaviors and for staying in bed all day the day after. So I become the bad guy by all parties involved. Not sure at what point that enough becomes enough.
I too understand; the only difference is that I also drink. I’m very hurt when my husband teases me and insults me. I have anxiety and some anger issues and he knows it just makes me more intense. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. By this time he is usually down the road somewhere and I’m trying to call him or text and we still end up fighting on the phone.
(USA) My wife drinks a liter of wine a night and has been doing it for years. She has a million excuses why she does it. She has as many (half-hearted) unsuccessful attempts to “cut back”. Leaving her would be complicated and devastating to our kids but I’m beginning to conclude that it is the best option.
(USA) I have put my husband through the same thing for years and now he is so hurt by it that he doesn’t even want me near. Today has been 2 weeks since I have drank and don’t plan on starting back, but now that I am trying it doesn’t matter to him. I am trying to understand the way he feels and I may never be able to but I know that I love him and don’t want to lose him. I’m scared that I already have because he is so up and down with me, he tells me that he is past the crying stage and that right now he has no feelings toward me. My husband has moved out for a few weeks saying he needs time to heal and we are going to a marriage counselor but I’m just not sure what to expect.
(USA) Hi all. My husband drinks and I have separated from him. I wish I had all the answers but I don’t. I only know that I am accountable to God for my actions. I am being healed from all the hurt and trusting God daily for my husbands deliverance.
(USA) My husband sometimes drinks but the bigger issue is he is addicted to pain medication. For the past 10 years he has been going to a pain clinic receiving Oxycontin, Vicodin and Morphine for a bad back. I don’t deny he has pain but he has been becoming more and more dysfunctional as time passes. The past couple of years he keeps going to the ER and Urgent Care getting other medications as well. All the while he is in a well-respected position and attending church.
This past spring my daughter and I tried to convince him to seek treatment 3 different times. He is in denial. Last month he locked himself in our room and stayed drugged up for a week and a half only coming out to eat and use the restroom. His boss put him on notice. That was when my daughter and I gave him a choice: go into treatment or leave. He chose to leave!
I’m now supporting my daughter and myself on my part-time income. I don’t know what to do, stay married, file for a legal separation, wait and see what he does? I’m perplexed. We’ve tried marriage counseling in the past but since the drugs alter his thinking its a waste of time and money.
(UK) A bit like me. My hubby drinks. He has a bad back and is on very strong pain killers. He drinks only 2 bottles –up to 4 pints and hides vodka bottles all over. He will drink the bottle in one go. At least once a week I’ll find a bottle but that’s just what he brings in. And all this at the same time as taking the pain killers.
I have asked him to try to stop. But he doesn’t think he has a problem with it. He cannot go 1 day and can start drinking at 1 p.m. –sometimes before. When he has had a drink he gets very loud. He goes at me and the kids about silly things. Then when I try to say we’ll talk tomorrow as you have been drinking (so we do not make a scene), he gets worried.
I feel it’s coming between us as we don’t do bedtime things as much because he always drinks and then he makes it sound as if it’s me not wanting to. Over the past 7 years he has had different reasons for drinking. First it was after a hard day at work, then stress at work; then he got fired, so it was because of his being bored. Then he started work and it’s stress, and now it’s the pain and stress.
I don’t know what to do. I love him too much to sit and see him get worse and die. I would tell him to go but I know he would use that as a reson to go and drink more. I’m between a rock and a hard place. Sorry to go on a bit, but it’s nice to tell someone. Thanks for taking the time to read.
(USA) I’ve been married 22 years and am only 40 years old. My husband is an alcoholic and does not want to admit to it. His explanation is I’m only out with the guys from work and this is at least a once a week ritual coming home at 2:00 am.. I’m full of worry and hurt that I’ve been putting up with this for so long. Do I love him? Yes. But I’m also killing myself inside wondering what is wrong with me that he can’t come home to his family and spend it where he should be.
I am not a drinker and pray to the Lord, I never will be. My children are now 21 and 19 and have seen the horrors of how their dad acts when he’s drunk. I have so much anger built up and to be quite honest I’m ashamed of myself for letting him treat me like this for so long. He was raised by a single mother, who herself is an alcoholic. She is much worse. She drinks everyday and most of his aunts and uncles are drunks.
I’m so embarrassed to let any of my family know this is happening so I turn to this website to relieve some stress and frustration. It sort of helps that I’m not alone in feeling like this, but sooner or later I will lose my insanity if this keep up…
(USA) I have been married to my husband for about 2 and 1/2 yrs and he gets drunk every night. He goes to bed before 630 pm and here I sit by myself. He starts drinking at 4pm and doesn’t stop until he’s so drunk, he needs to go to bed. Many times he tries to start an argument -I can’t have any kind of conversation with him when he’s drunk.
My evenings are very lonely- I don’t like going out to dinner with him, because he gets so drunk, he starts falling asleep at the dinner table. He is 71 yrs old and says he has been drinking his whole life and isn’t going to stop now. I think about leaving him, but don’t know if I could make it on my own financially. I am newly retired. I don’t know what to do- I can’t stand being around him and sometimes I wish that when he goes to bed, he won’t wake up!
(UK) Does my husband have a problem or do I have a problem with him? When my husband heads to the fridge and grabs a drink that’s it. He can’t stop until they are all gone and will if need be, get in the car and drive and get more if he runs out. He will then fall asleep snoring loudly. This is in the early evening. I will tell him to go to bed and I get shouted at.
He sleep walks, and falls asleep whilst sitting on the toilet… I stay awake as he can sleep walk and try and wee somewhere else that is not the toilet. (we have youngs kids). He doesn’t drink everyday but I know that when he has one he can’t stop until he can drink no more, as can’t hold the can. He is mean and annoying but never hit me.
If we go out for a social meal it’s something I dread as I know he will be the one who gets hammered and louder and louder… talking utter nonsense. I keep telling him to slow down but he can’t. I dread it when he has a drink. It makes me feel low and very upset. When he is sober he is tired. I never feel like I get any attention or help with the family… has he got a problem or do I?
(USA) Jill, From the comment you left I would definitely say your husband has an addiction and may need some help, but I would also say you may need family therapy as well. Also, along with addiction counseling you will learn about addicts and you can maybe understand more what you are dealing with. When you are not an addict it is hard to understand why they can’t just quit doing it because you do not struggle with it.
It sounds as though this is affecting you emotionally and that can turn into anger and resentment, eventually to where you do not want to help him anymore you will just want to get out. You have a problem in the sense that you are married to him so you need to stick by him and support him through this time in his life, but as far as you having a problem with him because of the drinking, I wouldn’t say you do. I think you have an issue of what is right and wrong and you know with what he is doing brings harm to him and your family even if it isnt physical.
If there are young children involved this is damaging them as well, so the sooner you seek help the better. He needs help… you will just need to be his support. Allow God to take the burden from you of emptiness and loneliness as you two work through this. Pray for strength as God helps you endure this addiction and what it may bring with it. I would call a local counseling center and find a # for an addiction couselor or call your church. You will definitely need prayer and God’s guidance. You can’t change him; he has to want to change. All you can do is put one foot forward and set into action what needs to be done. God Bless you! Deuteronomy 31:6
(AUSTRALIA) My wife drinks to excess, not everyday but at least twice a week. She will not stop until absolutely comatosed. If we go out I dread it because she can’t just have a social drink, she has to get bladdered. She has been in hospital on numerous occassions after falling down and someone finding her and calling an ambulance. It has affected the whole family, as my children have found her unconsious when getting back from school. She causes arguments and fights and brings things up that she wouldn’t whilst sober.
It’s a terrible thing to live with a drunk and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I have seen this with a few members of my family over the years and none of them have stopped until they are dead. Drunks are liars and cheats and when in the mood will do anything to get a drink. It’s the same as being a drug addict. If alchohol was introduced now it would be a class A drug. It kills and affects more people than smoking ever will.
(SCOTLAND) I have been married for 15 years and over that time my husband has progressively gotten worse with his drinking, so much so, that I’ve had to lock all the drink in the shed. Unfortunately he got the key this morning and drank a 1/4 bottle of vodka in 2 minutes.
I am now clinically depressed and on medication and find myself crying all the time struggling to cope with the loneliness of an evening when he sleeping of the effects and the empty promises that he will control his drinking. I have slapped and punched him twice now and I’m very disgusted with myself that I allowed my frustration to come out this way.
(US) I see that being lonely is a common factor among all of us, no matter how young or old we are. I feel the same way, night after night of being alone as he is next to me (usually passed out by early evening). I think the lonesomeness is brutal. You love them and want them to want to spend time with you the way you do them and it hurts.
I start to wonder what is wrong with me. I can’t get him to admit anything. Half the time he lies to me about drinking. He will come home late and I know he has been drinking but I cannot accuse him because he will deny it and get mad at me or try to make me feel stupid. I don’t like it that he denies it half the time and the other half “he has it under control.”
(UNITED STATES) You have the same problem as I do. I have been married for 22 years and love my husband. He is a great man when he is sober but mean when he is drinking. I tell him that it is either me or the beer. He will not answer me. I spend a lot of time alone and get very lonely. I don’t want to walk away but I am tired of dealing with this. I do not know what to do. Anybody have any advice for me? It would be very helpful!!! Thank you.
(USA) Hello all- My heart goes out to each and every one of you. I myself am the wife of an alcoholic. We have 2 children and have been married almost 8 years. I finally decided to move out to my parents house in hopes that this will wake my husband up! At this very moment I’m sitting next to him. He is sound asleep from drinking too much in the home we’ve shared. I thought I’d check up on him.
He is still choosing his alcohol. I pray and encourage, then I yell and cry. I’ve written letters to him –our whole church has reached out. I don’t know what it’s going to take to gain back the man he was when I married him. His drinking has also left me and my boys very lonely –unsure where he was and when he’d come home. Worried if he can make our rent because of his irresponsible spending. And mostly –the lack of peace in my heart and home led me to move out.
I don’t want this, but if it’s what will wake him up then ill stick it out. If he continues this way –I’ll have to make myself very strong. The vows I took were in sickness and health and I meant them –but if he chooses to stay sick –what more can I do than pray?
When he drinks he is reckless, verbally abusive and truly detestable. I don’t want my boys to grow up seeing their father like that any longer. I didn’t get married to feel like a single mom –even when we loved together I carried all the burden of raising a family and providing –all while trying to keep our foundation on the Lord.
Reading your experiences makes me want to hug you all. Do not loose hope –God can move mountains. Do not grow weary –he can give you rest. I will keep you in my prayers tonight and please do the same for me. Regardless of what the alcoholics in our lives choose –we can make up our minds that we will live an abundant and happy life for our children and for ourselves. Thank you for being so open to sharing your trials –nothing is too difficult with the Lord. God bless!
Hi all wonderful wives and husbands. I have been reading through all your comments and I can’t believe that a lot of people are facing the same as I do around the world. But thanks to this website that we can bring all our problems together and at least try to find solutions.
Kathy, when I read yours, it was just like me; 8 years of marriage with the alcoholic abusives at home but the only thing missing is my hubby has affairs. Its been going on for 4 years with more than 5 ladies. I have depended on God himself to take me through each day. I’m tired of being broken hearted and crying; it just makes me sick. I did moved out several times but then he begged me to go back home with our 3 kids. I’ve asked him to stop drinking because it leads to bad things yet he promised and failed and now I’ve told him I’m not going to say anything more. The conclusion is anymore of the affairs I will certainly move out and move on with my kids. I prayed so hard for him to see the plans God has in store for him and to change now than late.
I know that every tears shed is counted by God and there will be a day that these things won’t happen anymore. Please think of me in your prayers and I will pray for all you ladies and men out there. God bless you all. Jeremiah 33:3
(USA) We’ve been married 6 years. In the dating stage we had cocktails at dinner, one for me, six for him. I didn’t think much of him stopping the waitress for a refill. If we were out for the day, shopping, lunch, possibly dinner he would want a drink during early lunch, dinner, then again returning home to drink almost a bottle of wine, and possibly go out and get another bottle when that one was finished.
His personality changed, meaning he got sarcastic, and picky with me. I commented on how much he drank. His answer was, I work hard all week and wanted to unwind. During the week days returning home @ three days after driving (his profession) 10hrs a day he also had to unwind with about 1/2 bottle of whatever. I stopped accepting a glass of wine with him at dinner because I knew what was coming next. Cursing, picking an argument. I would go to the bedroom, close the door, and he would come in wanting to continue “so you think”, etc.
Finally going on vacations became a disaster, loud, slurring words, cursing at me. Family refused to return because he was verbally abusive while drinking. That’s my last straw. What am I to do? I’m seriously thinking about other options in this marriage. Talking with him about his drinking goes in one ear and out the other or he gets defensive when subject comes up.
(INDIA) My hubby is an alchohloc from last 12 years regularly. We have two kids. I told him so many times but he can’t quit. He abuses me as well as he hits me. We have lot of clash. What to do please help …