How Deaf A Man Can Become

megaphone-50092_640I’m reminded of the night my father was preaching in an open tent service. It was attended by more cats and dogs than people. During the course of his sermon, one large alley cat decided to take a nap on the platform. Inevitably, my father took a step backward and planted his heel squarely on the tail of the tom. The cat literally went crazy, scratching and clawing to free his tail from my father’s 6-foot 3-inch frame. But Dad could become very preoccupied while preaching, and he didn’t notice the disturbance. There at his feet was a panicky animal, digging holes in the carpet and screaming for mercy. And yet that heel did not move.

Dad later said he thought the screech came from the brakes of automobiles at a nearby corner. When my father finally walked off the cat’s tail, still unaware of the commotion, the tom took off like a Saturn rocket.

It’s Typical

This story typifies many twentieth-century marriages. The wife is screaming and clawing the air and writhing in pain, but the husband is oblivious to her panic. He is preoccupied with his own thoughts, not realizing that a single step to the right or left could alleviate the crisis. I never cease to be amazed at just how deaf a man can become under these circumstances.

I know of a gynecologist who is not only deaf, but blind as well. He telephoned a friend of mine who is also a physician in the practice of obstetrics and gynecology. He asked for a favor.

“My wife has been having some abdominal problems and she’s in particular discomfort this afternoon,” he said. “I don’t want to treat my own wife and wonder if you’d see her for me?”

My friend invited the doctor to bring his wife for an examination. He discovered (are you ready for this?) that she was five months pregnant! Her obstetrician husband was so busy caring for other patients that he hadn’t even noticed his wife’s burgeoning pregnancy. I must admit wondering how in the world this woman ever got his attention long enough to conceive!

Personal Satisfaction

There’s another aspect of the male-female relationship that should also be discussed for the man who wants to understand his wife. Appreciation is expressed to the well-known author Dr. Dennis Guernsey for calling to my attention the research by Rollins and Cannon and others, which reveals a contrasting pattern of “personal satisfaction” by husbands and wives.

A woman’s satisfaction with her home is never higher than at the time she gets married. But alas, her attitude is likely to slide. It typically deteriorates with the birth of her first baby and continues to sink through the child-rearing years. It reaches a low point in conjunction with the empty-nest syndrome — when the kids leave home. Her satisfaction then rebounds considerably and remains stable during the retirement years.

It’s Different for Men

The husband’s job satisfaction follows an opposite pattern. His low point occurs during the early years of marriage, when he accepts a poorly compensated, non-status position. But as he works his way up the ladder, he draws greater emotional rewards (and more money) from his work. This increasing job satisfaction may continue for twenty years or longer, with his work encompassing ever more of his time and energy.

Obviously the point of greatest danger occurs in the late thirties and forties, when the wife is most dissatisfied with her assignment and the husband is most enthralled with his. That combination is built for trouble, especially if the man feels no responsibility to help meet his wife’s needs and longings. (Please remember that these studies merely reflect trends and statistical possibilities. Individuals may respond very differently.)

In the absence of strong and loving support from husbands, how do women cope with the circumstances I’ve described? We all know that behavior does not occur in a vacuum; it is motivated by powerful emotional currents running deep within the personality. Thus, I’ve observed eight avenues of response that may be taken by a depressed and frustrated wife. They are nonexclusive; in other words, more than one approach can occur simultaneously, or one can lead to others.

The Eight are as Follows:

1. A woman can detach herself from home and family, reinvesting her emotional energy in an outside job. The “back to work” phenomenon by Western women is, in part, a product of this coping mechanism (combined with the pressures of inflation).

2. She can become very angry at men and society for their perceived insults and disrespect. This source of hostility helped to power the now defunct women’s liberation movement and gave it an aggressive character. Fortunately, both men and women quickly recognized that that was not the answer.

3. She can remain at home in an atmosphere of great depression or despair. Depression is “anger turned in-ward,” and is usually related to low self-esteem. This woman often becomes a classic nagger.

4. She can attempt to meet her pressing needs by getting into an illicit affair. This disastrous avenue usually becomes a dead-end street, leaving her more depressed and lonely than before.


5. She can turn to alcohol and drugs as a temporary palliative. Many homemakers are yielding to this alternative, as evidenced by the rising rate of alcoholism among American women.

6. She can commit suicide (or make a suicidal attempt as a call for help).

7. She can denounce the responsibilities of mothering, by either remaining childless, or by failing to meet the needs of her kids at home. Or she can run away and let Dad take over.

8. The depressed woman can, of course, seek a divorce in the hope of starting afresh with someone more understanding and loving. Today, more than ever, this final alternative looms as the accepted method of coping with marital frustration.

Negative Consequences

None of these coping mechanisms is very productive. In fact, each of the eight has specific negative consequences. Not even attempted suicide is certain to attract the attention of a mate. I counseled with one woman approximately two weeks after she was released from the hospital. Having made every possible attempt to make contact with her husband, she slid deeper into depression and despair.

Finally, she resorted to the ultimate decision. In full view of her husband, she brought all available prescription drugs from the medicine cabinet and proceeded to swallow 206 assorted pills. Her husband stood watching in disbelief. She then went to the bedroom to lie down and die. But she didn’t want to leave this earth, of course. It was a desperate method of dramatizing her condition to the man whose love she needed. Unfortunately, he did not respond.

When she realized that he had no intention of rescuing her, she pulled herself together and drove to a nearby hospital. After pumping her stomach, the hospital staff telephoned her husband who came to her bedside. He held her hand for two hours without ever asking why she hadn’t wanted to live! In fact, the day he brought her to my office, more than two weeks later, he made his first comment about the event. As he walked around the car to open her door, he said, “I want you to know that you nearly scared me to death a couple of weeks ago!”

Lack of Attention to Needs

Readers might find it difficult to believe that this man loved his wife, but it’s true. His lack of attention to her needs was related to a potential business failure. This made it difficult for him to “give” to his wife — or even hear her cries. He was facing a crisis of his own, which often occurs in disintegrating marriages.

If the usual coping mechanisms fail to deliver viable solutions to the problems of marital conflict, what is the answer? That brings us back to the promise, that I would offer some straight talk to husbands and wives. Never before have I abandoned diplomacy in dealing with family issues. But I beg your tolerance in this instance.

The current crisis in marriage demands a bold approach that is equal to the magnitude of the danger. You can’t kill a dragon with a pop-gun, as they say.

Men, it is high time you realized that your wives are under attack today! Everything they’ve been taught from earliest childhood is being subjected to ridicule and scorn. Hardly a day passes when the traditional values of the Judeo-Christian heritage are not blatantly mocked and undermined.

These Include:

  • The notion that motherhood is a worthwhile investment of a woman’s time suffers unrelenting bombardment.
  • The concept that a man and woman should become one flesh, finding their identity in each other rather than as separate and competing individuals, is said to be intolerably insulting to women.
  • Plus the belief that divorce is an unacceptable alternative has been abandoned by practically everybody.
  • The description of the ideal wife and mother, as offered in Proverbs 31:10-31 is now unthinkable for the modern woman.
  • And the role of the female as help-meet, love giver, home-builder, and child-bearer is nothing short of disgusting.

All of these deeply ingrained values, which many of your wives are trying desperately to sustain, are continually exposed to the wrath of hell itself. Radio, television and the press — are working relentlessly to shred the last vestiges of Christian tradition. Your wives who believe in that spiritual heritage are virtually hanging by their thumbs! They are made to feel stupid, old-fashioned and unfulfilled. They are fighting a sweeping social movement with very little support from anyone.

Help Her!

Let me say it more directly. For the man who appreciates the willingness of his wife to stand against the tide of public opinion it is about time you gave her some help. I’m not merely suggesting that you wash the dishes or sweep the floor. I’m referring to the provision of emotional support of conversation, of making her feel like a lady, of building her ego, of giving her one day of recreation each week, of taking her out to dinner, of telling her that you love her. Without these armaments, she is left defenseless against the foes of the family — the foes of your family!

But to be honest, many of you husbands and fathers have been thinking about something else. Your wives have been busy attending seminars and reading family literature and studying the Bible, but they can’t even get you to enter a discussion about what they’ve learned. You’ve been intoxicated with your work and the ego support it provides.

The message could not be more simple or direct to a Christian man. The Lord has commanded you to “love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, giving His life for it.”

She needs you now. Will you fit her into your plans?

This article came from the book, Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives by Dr James D Dobson. This particular book is no longer in print but an updated version of it is now being published titled, Straight Talk to Men, published by Multnomah Publishers. In this classic work on men’s roles and their responsibilities, Dr. Dobson gives husbands and fathers information they can use. This is a straight-from-the-shoulder resource that belongs on every family’s bookshelf.

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9 responses to “How Deaf A Man Can Become

  1. (USA)  Dr Dobson builds a case on one example here. Can’t get a husband to respond to a wife taking pills.

    Well, my anecdote is I couldn’t get Focus on the Family, Dr Dobson’s outfit to provide a solution to my now ex-wife’s affair. They wouldn’t approach her, it wouldn’t be right for them to confront her they said. When asked about why so much attention on Gay Marriage, so much that their emphasis seemed to 100x greater against Same Sex Marriage as it was in their legal efforts to end No Fault Divorce.

    I’m sorry, Dr Dobson misses the boat here if he’s saying men are to blame for what women are choosing to do or not to do. I find it hard to read him saying we need to be there for our wives when I could find little or no evidence that he was there when I approach FOTF for assistance in ending my ex-wife’s affair and getting her back into the church and into some sort of session to deal with any marital dissatisfaction she had.

    I’m sorry, the problem is not with husbands who are failing, but with churches and para-church organizations that for the past two or three decades have demonized men, held up women as victims, and largely ignored the truth.

    I’ve heard Dr Dobson on the radio saying men have to step up. He has guests who say men need to stop abandoning their families, which flies in the face of the facts the 2/3s to 3/4s of all divorces are filed by women, not men.

    From what I’ve experienced, not to mention what Dr Willard Harley has learned, the women choosing divorce are not those who are abused, or betrayed. Nope, he can’t convince those women to divorce.

    So why all the talk about men need to step up? Why all the talk about men need to be there? Men are not the ones leaving. Yet once again, it’s the man is bad and the woman is a victim script plays out once again.

    When will we as believers stand for the truth, and not a secular lie that is carried by those who claim the banner of Christ?

  2. (UGANDA)  Tony, I’m totally encouraged by your contribution because sometimes I’ve felt like I was the only one who saw the situation this way, like you do. Oh and by the way, I’m responding to this particularly also because it’s just several weeks away, this year. Honestly, this victim mentality gospel to this day amazes me! How can a woman make a man of a boy (they’re always saying women are more mature, intelligent, wise, etc than men, in church & secular society) but fail to make sound decisions about her own life, habits, weaknesses, etc?!? It totally makes no sense.

    In fact that is testament to the exact opposite and actually feeds indirectly the so-called myth, if indeed it still is one, that women can’t think for themselves and need men to do everything for them. Some would even dare to reason that if a woman has to be dealt with as a child, then she’s good for little else than the stereo-typical roles of child-bearing/rearing and housekeeping.

    You know, I’ve always relished the opportunity to ask a church elder or pastor, because they’re almost the worst culprits for spreading this doctrine I think, to describe the man from God’s perspective, and not from a woman’s. Why do men think and act the way they do? Tell me, what was God’s intention when he made men logical and women emotional, generally? It’s quite amazing how women, after claiming superior intelligence, fail to realize that NO HUMAN BEING can be productive in any sense when you bash them, belittle them, judge them. But like you said, Tony, this demonization of men is propagated by even the Church.

    I tell you, it’s the Satanic, feminist movement scoring lethal success in the Church of Christ. The men now are being reconfigured, to detriment of all of mankind because we’re messing with the original design, to match the women, who refuse to be mature enough to take responsibility for their own foolishness and mistakes. No, I’m not in any way justifying us men, or making excuses, or even trying to avoid the issue. We do our fair share. But it’s gone simply TOO FAR! If all responsibility is left to one party we fight an already lost battle. The one for our marriages and families.

    Dear God, if only spiritual leaders would begin to stop towing the line of the common and thoroughly twisted beliefs about marriage and get back to the basics of scripture! Otherwise, we’re like Israel who demanded a king “just to be like all the other nations round about them”, instead of being content in the leadership God Himself had established for them.

    You know, Tony, I made a decision not too long ago to stop encouraging or even tolerating immature behavior, emotional irresponsibility and self-righteous attitudes in women. I’m most certainly NOT a misogynist, but many men are because of this very issue. The bachelor club in the developed world is burgeoning, and only getting bigger. To the extent that so many things are changing to suit the alternate lifestyle of bachelor, from accommodation to recreation. Sadly, even in the Church, there is an increasing number of bachelors and the divorce and separation rates supersede those in secular society. We foolish Galatians, who’s bewitched us? What we started in the Spirit shall we now continue in the flesh?!

  3. (USA)  Tony, it is NOT anecdotal evidence. It is a real and devastating reality for millions of Christian women. This article goes to the heart of all the pain I feel as a woman who feels she does not matter at all. But then the two comments that followed really saddened me. I hope more women will leave their comments…

    1. (USA)  Judy, Remember, for whatever number in the millions of Christian women, there are likely 2x to 3x the number of Christian men being abandoned by their wives. More wives are choosing divorce by a factor of 2x to 3x compared to men. The numbers in the church are no different than outside.

      An anecdote is ONE story. What Dr Dobson presented WAS an anecdote, period. What I presented about my ex-wife’s affair, and the churches failure to respond is also an anecdote. One story does not a trend make.

      Men may be deaf. Or they may not. But that deafness appears to be used as an excuse for the sinful behaviors of the wives who choose to divorce instead of honoring their vows.

      In most of these cases, as I’ve pointed out time and time again based on what Dr Willard Harley has written, the women who are choosing divorce are NOT the ones who are betrayed or abused by their husbands. In fact, he says he is largely unable to convince those women to divorce their husbands.

      So if that’s the case, then the majority of those choosing divorce are divorcing faithful men. They may be clueless. It may appear they are not listening. But none of that rises to justify choosing divorce.

      So remember, for every 3 to 4 men you meet who are divorce, only one of them chose the divorce. The other two were divorced by their wives. More than half of those were not cheaters, nor were they abusive. So for the thousands of women you cite Judy, I can likely find 2x to 3x the number of men abandoned by “so-called” Christian wives.

  4. (USA)  Adam could not abdicate the responsibilities of HUSBAND to Eve. Husbands in essence ASK GOD for the priviledge of taking upon themselves the responsibilities GOD outlines in his word for the life and care of one of God’s daughters. Since GOD bought us with a price and we are NOT our OWN.

    In the marriage covenant the man is the intiator …just as Jesus intiated the salvation plan to bring the fallen man to himself in ‘marriage ‘ as his bride to restore ONENESS. Thereby Eve was taken OUT of Adams BODY and then brought back to ONENESS in the one flesh relationship of the marriage covenant.

    The covenant aspects are outlined in the Genesis account of God telling ADAM HOW to be IN that covenant… LEAVE …change of priorities …he is to now FOCUS upon his relationship with is WIFE before all others excepting that of his walk with the LORD.

    Then CLEAVE …this takes his time, focus of attention and concern for his WIFE …in order that she has HIS heart through the next part …NAKEDNESS. That refers to more than sex. It is open communication which ALSO takes TIME, effort, focus and HONESTY.

    These are GOD’S commands to the husband NOT JUST the words of Focus on the FAMILY. I grieve for the man here who is very unhappy that the ministry he leaned upon did not come to his aid… and he has reason to be angry …but it is not THEIR fault, nor is his wife’s adultery HIS fault …it is what sin unreined by a fear and love for GOD promotes in fallen people who cast off the morality of the LORD which would be prominent in their minds IF he was INDEED their LORD.

    Today many who claim Christ are really only in a ‘club’ that they like to be a part of …they need more of a submerging into the WORD and to take it in and live by it. THAT is lordship …

    I have been in a 30+ years marriage with a man who began in following the Lord but did not MAKE him LORD. He abandoned all of those responsibilities as his FLESH became the lord of his decisions and choices. That has proven to be very destructive.

    If someone LOVES the LORD, they endeavor to learn to protect their WORD and their choices …as they have seen in the WORD that there is an ACCOUNTING that is coming up …and we ALL will give account. Anyone who presumes that they can cast off the perimeters of the WORD without any accounting needs to look that up …it is ALL OVER the WORD.

    Jesus PAID the penalty for those who have REPENTED …that is ceased to seek to sin …and turned to seek HOW to live according to his righteousness…which his WORDS have provided for us the road map.

    My husband is now dealing with his huge departure from truth which GOD kept after him …yet he CHOSE to depart into willful rejection of the LORDS words..and CHOSE to sin in adultery. He would not have JESUS as LORD and did not want a wife to ‘control him.’ He wanted FUN, spontaneity …and no boundaries which he KNEW he was supposed to keep.

    Thus he ran right into the CONTROL of a woman who had decided that she ONLY wanted a married man and hoped to lure him away from his own admission up front. He was married and would never leave his wife and she …just like satan’s child …pretended to be just for fun and harmless and did not want to break up his family or marriage. Then as time went by she uped the anti and demanded children, saying she wanted to be a ‘single mom’ …a lie. It escalated until he had bought her a home ..a new Lexus…and all expenses for years before I found out.

    He would not have Jesus as LORD so he became the slave of a ‘strange woman’ …and it is uncanny how much his life is pictured in Proverbs concerning the downward effects of this.

    I found out after his fourteen years of being her lacky …it is pathetic. I honored and served him and I am not sorry …for there is NO ONE of his ‘justifications’ that can hold water …none .

    He wants to NOW heal our marriage and he has broken off all connections with her except we pay for her children ..2 …that he gave her. She is not even an authentic ‘single mom’ as the trend goes. She is totally depraved of any kind of redemption as she moves on to more occult circles and tells her sad tale to other vulnerable men.

    Women like this are targeting men who are on the upward powerful positions in corp …they get to them when marriage has a season of vulnerability …and they can if the man is carnally minded and he does not respect those things GOD tells him he is not equipped to deal with by his FLESH.

    So we mourn …Yes women are often given some kind of preferences in many ways …but in scriptures the directives are clear ..the temperature and condition of the marriage and the wife are very much in the realm and jurisdiction of the husband and God provides all that man needs if he will listen and hear what the LORD directs.

    Marriage is the image of the redeptive act of JESUS to gain his Bride…she was not all that when he did so either. We love him because HE FIRST loved us!

    The husband is the representative on earth of the LORD and his relationship with his bride. Do men feel inadequate to do that? Sure. But it is FOR the man’s growth and strengthing of his relationship with CHRIST as well as his wife for him to trust in the LORD and walk IN the commands …especially those deaing with the marriage one flesh relationship. To refuse to do so is to say GOD told you to DO something that you cannot do and will not be able to do …that is to say GOD is a LIAR!

    I think it is somethng to consider that GOD will call us to account for what we did in our effort to do what he has told us to. Will we hear ‘well done my good and faithful servant”? I pray so. HE does WORK in those who are willing and meek to receive his word which goes IN us by study and application of it.

    1. (USA)  Even God will not take responsibility for sin, but will cover sin with the blood of Christ. If God will not be responsible for sin, then in no way can we as humans ever be held responsible for the choice of another to sin. If we create a stumbling block, woe to us as scripture says. However, I doubt many men or women have suggested their spouse have an affair and divorce them, take their children, etc.

      Scripture says spiritually, there is no male, or female. So the gender roles are not due to some spiritual difference, but because God set up a chain of command in the home.

      So tell me, what is a man supposed to listen to when his wife is having an affair and divorcing? When the man reads Hosea over and over again and prays that hedge of protection over his wife, over the wife of her affair partner, her affair partner, all the children caught in the middle, and even asks God to show him in impossible to miss fashion what he needs to do in order to reconcile himself, to honor God and to save the marriage and exactly ZERO of that happens, what did he miss? I tend to believe that God, while capable of doing anything, seldom acts.

      We are currently going through Adam Hamilton’s “When Christians Get It Wrong” study. Last week we began the discussion about when bad things happen. He, a man of God, indicates that he can count probably 6 times the number of times he’s experienced God perform a miracle in a couple of decades of ministry.

      That jives with my experience. I think for the most part, God just lets things happen. If your wife leaves you, chances are God’s not going to intervene or give you the insight you earnestly seek with respect to what you need to be doing to be a more appealing partner than the married guy whose penis she is falling on every night.

      As you know, Jesus came to redeem all, but most will reject his offer to redeem them. So just as marriage is the image of this very act, the fact that 2/3rds to 3/4’s of all divorces are initiated by the wife is also indicative that the offer is rejected by most. Just as most potential “Brides of Christ” ultimately reject him, most divorces are sought by women who have rejected their husband.

      I agree with you regarding the symbolism of marriage. The pattern is clear. Men are wooing wives and the wives appear to go along for a while and eventually discard their husbands much as many appear to discard Christ as they get older and think they’ll be better off without him. Just as it’s never Christ’s fault when someone rejects him, the decision of the wife to leave or sin against the husband is equally not his fault.

      1. (USA)  I am so in agreement with your view here .

        As I have made such an effort to follow Christ, as I entered in and saw He is alive from within the scriptures. I too have found that many of people that I meet, and I m not shy to share whatever the Lord may bring up from within, they do not receive it .
        The culture has done a good job of turning people to other things, just as the parable of the sower shows that it is the SOIL and it’s preparation or receptivity, and the willingness to nurture that seed of the Word that brings forth the good or bad fruit.
        I was initially kidnapped BY self confessed Christians…held for nine days …during which I will not elaborate.

        I kept on with the LORD after he did some amazing orchestrating …through people who made choices I had nothing to do with. I could not so I asked Him to deliver me for whatever purpose He had yet in me

        I then went on to find fellowship with people who loved reading and studing of the Bible.
        It morphed into a cult shortly after a Bible teacher came along to gather in all those who were just hungry college students and hippies..and he built himself an empire.

        I then entered into following the LORD more closely, asking Him to bring across my path anyone He wanted me to have fellowship with. As I had visited many places of worship I kept seeking after those who read the Bible and were Hungry to consider it. Allthough what I found were those who were more interested in following after things that made them feel no need to obey the WORD and have Jesus as LORD, but more as just a ‘get out of hell ‘ card.

        I do not condemn the lack of maturity in those who are in various stages of being saved and understanding,
        but I see the great damage done when we allow ANYTHING to stand IN THE PLACE of the WORD.

        So yes the LORD has been faithful to bring across my path every day since that day so many years ago He has provided pleanty of assignments for me to study in the word through talking people.

        His word is sufficient. People for the most part would rather just be told what they want to hear
        I asked Him to give me an appetite for what HE wanted me to study, and to guide me in the way of what to study.First He brought to mind that he was going to “show me myself”. Which I responded to by saying “OH NO LORD”! It is so much easier for us to want God to work on other people through us, but never on us.

        It sounds pretty funny now, but actually His response was “NO if you do not see yourself in truth you will not appreciate what I have done or am going to do IN YOU”. (ahhhh) And so began my descent into the lowest room of His work of redemption

        Anyway, in order for anyone to really apply the WORD they have to HAVE IT. And that only comes from reading and considering what it says. Trusting that GOD is not just willing but fully capable to teach us ..through our time with Him and even throughout all other supplimental materials and even people.

        I learned some of the best corrective stuff from having been testifying and discussing things that GOD has shown me as I have been walking, growing, even from unbelivers, maybe especially from that.

        God’s word defines its own terms. A word looked up and looking at ALL the verses and contexts that use that word supplies us with the whole body of his words dealing with that subject, a brick in the foundation if you will

        The hope of a spouse who will love, and be true, especially after the fact, as she has left without cleaning up her own baggage, carrying it into the next relationship is just like running with the bag full of poisonous garbage she has been dragging around all her life.Sadly she will Still have that to deal with in the next relationship.
        The new’ marriage ‘ is now not a covenantal marriage. And it has no blessing or Godly working things in It. The guy she married may have a gigantic penis but it will fade away, maybe sooner than you think!
        ALL the viagra in the world will not content the woman whose problems are not solved by sex alone …or with anyone .

        She is in need of more than that guy has to offer.

        You are not defective any more or less than any of us born into this world dead in tresspasses and sin. But if you follow after He who is the Truth then the cleansing and the washing of the WATER OF THE WORD will work in you as you do it.

        It is not works of the flesh it is the WORK of GOD IN us that does the cleansing as we follow after what JESUS TOLD US.

        HE said …lose your life gain it …if you try to save your life you will lose it.

        He told us that whosoever will deny himself and take up his cross [ a deadly weapon the WORD ] and follow HIM shall be saved. Where did JESUS GO? HE went to lay down his FLESH and put it to death on the Cross.

        WE are to die to our flesh, before our flesh life expires and we would then die with our flesh.

        The WORD is the sword of the spirit which divides assunder the thoughts AND intentions of the heart, that we may KNOW our own self, and identify where it might try to lead us astray .

        Your heart is broken and it is a painful experience as i know very well but GOD is not unfaithful, HE does care and WILL work in you. Keep on looking into HIS WORD / FACE and expect HIM to reward your diligent efforts to follow after His truth.
        Hebrews tells us that without faith it is impossible to please GOD and that those who come to him must believe that He IS and that he is a REWARDER of those that DILIGENTLY SEEK HIM.

        Do not allow your wife’s weaknesses and selfishness to rob you of a wonderful opportunity to keep getting back on the ‘horse of this faith/walk, for staying down is just what satan would enjoy observing.

        WE may be down but we are not out in terms of our walk. Being called upon by the LORD to suffer these things so that we can much more relate to what HIS suffering must have been like and more so.

        HE was betrayed by his best friends, HE was outcast by those he gave Himself for. HE was denied, He was held in contempt, and He can surely relate to our difficulty of getting past our emotions.

        Look at him in Gestheminie. The shedding that was of sweat and BLOOD because of his effort to obey “Not my will but YOURS be done”

        You have to keep on doing your best for HIS highest. It is hard when the spouse we love is arrogant, and accusing, but remember satan approves of what HE is doing, and those who are in sin often make false accusations against others.We are commanded to keep on doing what He has told us to do.

        That is one reason I think God continues to allow the rain to fall on the just and unjust alike. So that when judgement time comes, NO ONE can say GOD did not give them a chance to turn from their unrighteousness.

        Since Christ has come in the flesh, no one can say they did not have an opportunity nor sufficient supply to obey Him.

        May your aching heart be healed as you continue in His word and thus will be found to be his disciple indeed.

        Not all those who call him LORD LORD are HIS but those who DO those things that He says.

      2. (USA)  Tony …so sorry, I spent an hour writing a response to you and lost it! >>>>ARGH …I agree with you about the other person being responsible to keep their word… some don’t see that as anything today.

        I have more to share …thank you for your patience and your responses. It is good to talk this over. I sorrow for your situation ..the world is messed up …and your wife is deceived …and led away ….

        Keep on …remember the Lord can and wants to make use of this for His glory and your good …I keep remembering the many ways He has displayed this ongoing care for me through many difficult trials… Sometimes it is difficult to see this …the present church is pretty comfortable with its own view of scripture…

        Corrie Ten Boom’s Book the Hiding Place… you are probably familiar with it …testifies of how GOD is very much invested in carrying out HIS WILL …and often cannot see the outcome until later on …

        If I knew the highs and lows of my walk from the first I might have differed to walk in a more easy path …but I have seen Him turn the radically wicked ways people …even those who SAY they love Him have excused what they DO ..and worked out the best for me ANYWAY. Trust that HE WILL bring all things into account …at one point or another.

        Consequences for sins is NOT optional …they WILL come about ..and they are WOVEN WITHIN the sins specifically in order to turn people back to himself ..IF they are willing ears to hear.

        Your wife seems deaf and unable ..she is enchanted by the wicked ungodly deceitful HEART that has not yet been cleansed because it has not been TURNED nor concerned about GOD and that HE IS …and that HE is a REWARDER of those that diligently seek him ….

        So what FAITH has she?? Faith comes by HEARING ..and a HEART prepared to be meek to receive the engrafted word will receive it …and it will work IN that person …meekness…a great gift from GOD.

        Anyway …I have to go make dinner now …My prayers are with you for GOD to work a great preparation IN you as you continue to follow after HIS WORDS…HE is gracious and is not unaware of your agony …HE was betrayed by his friends…He was outcast by those he came to save ..HE was crucified as we are called to crucify our own flesh …and live unto Him in all our trials ..HE will provide a way for us to bare it. Take heart …and lean upon HIM for he cares for you.

        The worlds biggest penis will fade away …but God is not unrighteous to forget your own labor of loving HIM and remaining faithful…