Please answer this question by leaving a comment below
(To see previous questions, visit our archive)
This is a simple question posed, for a very important reason. The reason we pose it is because so many spouses are in the position of going to church without their spouse. They don’t want to, but it’s either a matter of going alone, or not going at all. So we’re asking you, if you go to church without your spouse, what helps you? What has God, and others spoken to you that helps?
Concerning this question, Dr Ralph F. Wilson wrote:
“A sense of responsibility for her children’s faith is what motivated Dyann. “One Sunday morning I realized that my six-year- old had never been to church or Sunday school,” she said. “I know I can’t give her my faith, but I am responsible to help her learn about Jesus so she’ll be able to develop her own faith as she grows. To rob her of a knowledge of God would be even worse than robbing her of the ability to learn to read.” Dyann and her daughter, Lisa, have been attending church ever since. (From the Joyfulheart.com article, “Should Wives Go To Church Without Their Husbands?”)
This is something to prayerfully consider.
Also, Before Answering Our Question:
Here’s a piece of advice written by Desiree S. Coleman, that you may find helpful:
“In being true to yourself, explain to your spouse why your faith is important to you. Likewise, express your desire for a united family. And communicate how you would love to have a shared commitment to faith. And then, as cliche as it sounds, you will have to let go and let God do the work. Realize that the spiritual walk involves spiritual things. In other words, at a certain point, there is only so much that you can do and say. At that point, you will have to activate your faith and believe God to draw your spouse unto Him. And don’t lose hope when it seems like nothing is happening. Because when you’ve exhausted all your options and handed it to God, that’s when you realize He has been at work all along. (From the Blackandmarriedwithkids.com article, “5 Things To Do If Your Spouse Won’t Come To Church”)
And Lastly:
The following is some advice that Lynn Donovan gives from her own personal experience:
“Here are some lessons I’ve learned through sitting alone in church. One, I’m not the only one. My spiritual mismatched allowed me to see many others who don’t fit in. My heart is drawn to those who are alone, even those who feel alone but ARE sitting with a spouse. And my friends, churches are filled with these kinds of people who pretend their marriage is perfect. It’s simply not true. Every marriage, including your pastor’s will struggle, even greatly struggle at some point. It’s just different from yours.
“Allow yourself to set aside your loneliness and pain and truly look around you. It’s likely your training here at SUM and through the Word will allow you to speak love and truth into some other misfit who is sitting in the sanctuary. And that my friends, is exactly what delights the heart of God. BTW: Ultimately we will discover we are all misfits and that is exactly what God intends!!! (From the Spirituallyunequallyyokedmarriage.com article, “Going to Church Alone”)
Additionally, here is a link to an article that will lead you to even more advice that you may find to be helpful. We encourage you to read:
• MY SPOUSE WON’T GO TO CHURCH. HELP!
Now, once again, the question we’re posing. We hope you can give some insights to help others as you answer it:
If you go to church without your spouse, how do you deal with unmet expectations?
Filed under: Question of the Month Spiritual Matters Unbelieving Spouse
(USA) Thanks for having such a great discussion. My husband was born and raised a Christian, but due to some negative experiences with the church, he no longer attends. His mother is working toward becoming a pastor, and she is a very headstrong woman; this has not helped their relationship, because when he lived at home, she constantly pushed him to go to church. It was one of the reasons he moved out when he reached legal age. Notice that it’s not Christianity he has a problem with; it’s the actions of certain Christians and churches, which reflect poorly on us all.
When we first started dating, I promised him that I would never insist that he go with me. In turn, when I wanted a church wedding, he willingly took part. When I come home from teaching Sunday School, his first question is, “How was church?” and I’ll usually share something profound that I learned, or something funny that happened in class that day.
My point of view is this: you wouldn’t force someone with a broken leg to walk around one, two, even three weeks after the injury. You wouldn’t ask an abused woman to immediately jump back into the dating pool. There’s no reason for me to insist that my husband attend church after he had such negative, unChristlike experiencews until he heals. I’m a part of that healing; he knows that I try my best to be a good Christian, and I don’t show any of the traits that he saw at his old church. Over time, perhaps he’ll become more comfortable with the idea. But I’m not rushing anything.
The situation has also helped me too. It’s forced me to look at my own behavior, and to figure out how to behave like a true Christian. It’s also made me figure out what a true Christian is, and while the basics may be the same for all of us, how we go about expressing that varies from person to person. I personally prefer to show my faith by my actions (words can become hypocrisy far too easily), and I teach my young students to do the same.
Because of this, my husband and I have an extremely healthy, loving relationship. I’m not saying this will work for everyone, mind you; I’ve just realized that for him, using pressure simply does not work. Role modeling, on the other hand, does.
(US) Shavon, I’m just curious…. for how many years have you been doing this? Going alone for 13 years for me… hang in there.
(USA) Advise please: My boyfriend and I are living together now a year – he wants to marry and so do I, but I am worried that he doubts the Christian Faith (which I have been considering being baptized). I was raised Catholic and have attended my Catholic church every Sunday alone for at least 20 yrs. Also at least once a week for the past 2 yrs go to a Christian church. He was raised Catholic and feels that he did his time already thru Catholic schools.
I don’t feel comfortable talking religion to him because we always end up arguing. His opinion is all religions are fake and just want money. I’m worried that if we marry and I try to continue to ask him to go to church with me he will refuse and tell me I knew this from the start. Also, I’m not as willing to have sex due to feeling guilty on what I am trying to be in following my faith. It is a issue for him, my lack of sex (however, he just thinks I have lost my sex drive). I’m feeling torn and need to make a decision soon.
(USA) I have been with my spouse for 15 years and I would say we are unequally yolked. DON’T DO IT!!! I cannot tell you how many tears I have cried and the extreme lonliness I have felt over our faith together or lack thereof. And once you have children together, it compounds the situation ten fold.
I have long since wondered if it was worth it to go ahead and get married to my husband, knowing we were not on the same page spiritually. If I had listened to The Word about being unequally yolked, it would habve saved me from so much suffering and despair. PRAY HARD!!!
(USA) Lisa, This is such a hard topic, because you and he might not like very many of the answers! As is my custom, my reply will be way longer than you expected. :)
Two weeks ago I attended the wedding of a very close pair of friends, a young couple I met right after being saved through a Pastor who was hosting a small group for new believers. Both them, and the Pastor have become some of my closest friends. They met Pastor Alex through our church, and got to know him very well, ultimately asking him to marry them. His first answer was NO. Through some additional questions, he finally agreed to do it, although he typically did not like to get involved in couples that were living together ahead of time. Ultimately, my friend moved out for six months leading up to the wedding, living with his future mother-in-law, and began abstaining from sex, and just honoring God in every way you can imagine!
That’s the perfect situation, because BOTH of them were in the same place spiritually. Sadly, you’ve wandered into a forum filled with people (myself included) who are in marriages where that’s not the case – one spouse is way more spiritual than the other, and if you keep reading these posts, you’ll see how HARD it is.
It’d be very easy for me to say things like “move out”, “stop having sex” and “don’t marry a non-believer”, but if you truly love him, then this is the time to bend over backwards to see if it’s meant to work!
Money needs are a side issue. Doing time in school is a side issue. The question he needs to face (and one you are facing now it sounds like) is that of salvation, faith and obedience. With the kids I teach in our children’s ministry, we’re emphasizing salvation right now in a big run up to an Easter beach baptism we’re having church-wide. Since we just spent an hour talking about it last night in small group, it’s fresh on my mind, but we teach them by way of the “ABCs” of salvation – Admit you have sinned, BELIEVE that Christ died on the cross and was resurrected for US and OUR SINS, and CHOOSE to follow Christ and ask for forgiveness.
Going to church, growing up in Catholic school, teaching on a stage, attending small groups or helping old ladies cross the street is unrelated to salvation. Those (for me) are all outward expressions of my post-salvation obedience to the teachings of Christ. Sounds like you have just, or are just about to make a commitment to following Christ, as opposed to just being a part of a religion known as Christianity.
It’s not for ME to tell you who to marry, but I would suggest that you reread many of the comments on this very topic you commented on yourself, and see what a struggle it can be to have a believer and non-believer together in marriage. You are in a somewhat enviable position of having the ability to see the issue ahead of time. It’s only somewhat enviable, since just turning around and leaving isn’t the option you seek.
By the way, it’s entirely possible your church does just want money. :) The Church is pure, but many of us are corrupt, and it’s worth asking. Suggest to your fiance that you talk to a Pastor at the church. When I first started attending my church, I was still very much Jewish and very much skeptical of all things Christ related. I spent a lot of time on the phone with one of the Pastors, and asked many questions, especially ones about finances, salvation, do all Jews go to hell, etc. When it came to money, I was quite surprised to hear that 3% of their members tithed, and stories about where the money went, and I mean specifics such as spending X hundreds of thousands feeding the homeless in this community, or X dollars supporting a Pastor who left to go plant a church in this community, etc. The Lead Pastor for our church sees nearly 15,000 weekly, about half in our local campus, and the rest in our other locations. He has served us just over 10 years now, and lived the first 6 years in a mobile home, and the next couple of years in a rented home. Hearing that left me with no longer worrying that they just wanted money, but that perhaps they didn’t take care of themselves enough!
You DO need to make a decision soon, and you need to find a way not to argue, because your lives together do depend on resolving this issue.
Have you talked to him about your considering baptism? If by considering that, you consider yourself saved, or “born again”, great – you should, it’s a wonderful expression of your faith, and the first step to obedience. If you haven’t prayed for salvation, you might want to put that on hold. Perhaps you need to forget about the “church issues”, and lay out your heart, on how you love Christ, how you believe in His message, how you are embracing being Christian-but-not-Catholic, things you didn’t find satisfying in your old denomination (perhaps he shares many of the same concerns and will realize that not all denominations are built the same).
Regarding sex, does he think you love your sex drive because you haven’t explained it well enough, or does he just not quite believe you? Have you told him that you haven’t lost your sex drive, but it’s rather the contrary? Have you suggested that it’s so strong right now, and that you feel that sex within your marriage, and under a Godly union of two souls is going to be SO powerful, and so much better than anything you’ve done to date, that you’re just looking forward to even better sex, and perhaps even more regularly?
Maybe he fears the old stereotype of the sexually repressed Christian? There’s a great book at Amazon called Sheet Music
by Dr. Kevin Leman. I actually grabbed it for Kindle while it was free, but it’s still only about 8 bucks on Kindle or paperback, and it’s a relatively short, easy read. I think you (and he) would be surprised how sexual Christians can be in a healthy way. Also check out Song of Songs/Solomon, for an Old Testament book all about sensuality and sexuality. God WANTS you to have an UNBELIEVABLE sexual life, he just wants you to get married first. :)
Because you (as I had, and many of us had) started out prior to marriage, perhaps he does have trouble seeing the difference between Christianity turning you off to sex and Christianity making you look forward to marital sex in an obedient-but-sensual-pleasurable-and-satisfying fashion. Now, there are some don’ts (pornography being #1 of course), but there are many, many, many do’s.
Sort out your faiths, everything else will work, I promise.
(UNITED STATES) I am not sure where to begin, but I hope I can find, at least, someone to talk with here. My husband and I are both believers who got out of the habit of going to church for many years. I have been going to a church for several weeks with my children, but my husband has absolutely no desire, it seems, to return to church. I was “ok” with this at first, but he promised our children that he would go with us this morning for Easter, and now he is backing out.
Belief and growth in a relationship with Jesus is very important to me for my kids. As I type this, I am weeping because I am exhausted. I have not slept because of my husband telling me in the middle of the night that he was not going to go. He also does not want to go to Easter dinner today. I am not sure how to explain to him how much stuff like this means to me without him getting frustrated or myself getting angry.
I grew up in a home where my dad was very active in our lives. My husband did as well. I do not understand his reluctance to be a part in his kids lives – outside of home – at home he is very involved and is truly a great dad. I just want him to want to leave the house once in awhile. I know I am rambling and venting, and I should be sleeping. I am sorry if I come across ungrateful, as I know there are many single moms who do it ALL on their own.
I just want to look like I am married outside of my home. I want my husband to go to church with me, to family functions, maybe even grocery shopping (gasp) once in awhile. Truthfully, I am just tired of the constant struggle to do anything outside of home as a family, especially church. Prayers are appreciated. Thank you.
(USA) Sarah, you will most certainly find somebody to talk to here, I promise! I have a few thoughts, but not knowing you, will apologize in advance if I miss the mark. :)
1) Don’t try to drag him to church… it may not work! Deal with why he doesn’t want to go, not with why he needs to go for you. My wife just joined me at church this past weekend for the first time in a few months (praise God!) – it was also the first weekend for me away from my (former) home church, which I left after some serious prayer and self reflection.
2) Why doesn’t he want to do Easter dinner? Don’t guess though… maybe you can ask him next time. Also, what is your Easter dinner like? In my family, it’s a bunch of relatives getting together at my mother-in-law’s house, with my father in law griping how I was late because I had to go to church, and then generally everyone eats to much, has a great time, and pays zero attention to Jesus’ resurrection. But yet, it’s important to them, so it’s important to me. How can it become important to your husband?
3) “I want my husband to go to church with me, to family functions, maybe even grocery shopping (gasp) once in awhile. Truthfully, I am just tired of the constant struggle to do anything outside of home as a family, especially church. Prayers are appreciated.”
I’ll start with the last bit of that quote. You have my prayers, Sarah! I’m going to pray for you right after I submit this comment.
Is it possible that your husband isn’t finding church, family events, or grocery shopping fun? For me, I like church, and grocery shopping, and family events are fun… but last way to long and we can never get home at a decent hour, even though the kids (young in my case) start getting tired and cranky.
Not sure how old your kids are, but can you get rid of them for awhile? :) Mix in something with your wants. Yes, you should go to church. But you should also go out to dinner, or a movie, or go dancing, or whatever it is you would BOTH enjoy together right now.
Yes, married Christians go food shopping together, and go to church, and go to family functions, but I suspect if you think back to when you were dating, you would find that there were other things you did together. Remember dating? I forgot too for a while. You didn’t fall in love with him because he went to church weekly (maybe that was part of it, but certainly not all of it). You didn’t fall in love with him because he would talk to your Aunt Edna at family picnics. And you certainly didn’t go to the supermarket often when you were courting. All those things are important, but what ELSE can you do together? That’s your list of three… what’s his list of three (hint: you can ask him). Not sure how old your kids are, but get a sitter if needed, or leave them home if they are old enough to watch themselves, and go OUT… but NO ERRANDS!
I know it’s hard, and there are a lot of errands to do. They will all be waiting for you guys after your date!
(USA) I found an interesting article that anyone reading this blog might benefit from reading. It’s titled, “Unequally Yoked and Ashamed at Church” found at: http://internetcafedevotions.com/2011/05/unequally-yoked-and-ashamed-at-church/
(USA) The following is a link to an article, which is written by Lynn, and is posted on the Spiritually Unequal Marriage web site. It addresses this issue of going into church alone, again. You may find it beneficial to take the time to read “The Elusive Dream.”
(USA) I’m a Christian and in the same boat with a lot of the husbands out there whose wives were a different person when we married them. The care free, fun loving’ spontaneous soul mate that I had found quickly eventually turned into a “better wife” but ultimately not as fun and gone waaaay more than before to 3 regular church services per week and sometimes more if there are speakers or events.
She mostly hangs out with her “church friends” and spends almost ALL of her free time with reading the Bible, Bible study with friends, helping with nursery or Sunday school or some type of fellowship or event associated with church. I enjoy the fact that she has some sort of control over her life and her moods are much more stable, but she is obsessed with her religious pursuits and it makes me feel isolated a lot of the time.
Just yesterday, she cut a vacation trip to the coast short for the family and just happened to get up this morning (after I let her sleep in) and said that she really wants to go to church. She said yesterday that she didn’t want to come home because of church, but I find that hard to believe now that she ditched us all to go anyway. I feel like taking the kids back to the coast without her now.
Religion is supposed to represent the absence of selfishness… and often times some people who are “born again” seem to become so absorbed and immersed in what they believe that what they really care about starts to drift farther and farther apart from them.
I agree with the above post totally about religion and belief being personal. We are human beings. We can’t possibly KNOW anything about divinity and we are arrogant to think we can. Regardless of what people believe… what Is… Is and will be. No amount of outward belief or prayer will ever change that.
Hopefully my wife will stop forcing me to continue to sacrifice for her spiritual transformation and find some balance.
(KANADUH) Read Bart Ehrman’s books and you will know what to do! Your family will be united!
(USA) I think of this forum regularly, and always try to keep up on the comments here. Since it’s mostly constructive advice, plus bad news of hurting spouses, I thought I’d chime back in with some good news for a change:
After several months of being the “lead K-5 teacher” and teaching 6 services a week, I noticed we had stopped fighting about the time apart. I set myself into regular prayer, and realized that it was time to leave. I also recognized how selfish I was being, and asked God for the strength to stop being selfish, and to help remove the pride I had (who will teach if not me – even though I should have known God will provide for His Church). As I finished my prayer, I had a sign given to me, that I could not ignore, and the next morning at 8am sat down with our director and resigned, giving a couple of weeks notice.
God blessed this obedience in more than one amazing way! Over the next few weeks, I visited some amazing churches, had strong clarity on where in the community I was being called to geographically, reconnected with dozens (literally) of former church friends who had moved on, preached to an adult congregation, reconnected with a Pastor who was a dear friend of mine, started attending his church, and agreed to help him as a leader. Through the midst of all these things, my wife was by my side, checking out various churches, and finally, becoming friendly with the children’s ministry director at our new church, offered by herself (no prompting by the director, or by me) to help watch the babies once or twice a month. She had never served before!
I was out of town this past weekend, and she was making arrangements to go to church with our kids and our cousin, who is going through some things, and had a sleepover that Saturday night!
I guess my takeaway is that we all serve God’s Church, not “our church,” or our pastor’s local church. I’m at a smaller church now where time management is easier, but still serving God’s children. Now I just do it with my wife at my side. We’ve also been more social as a result, she and I have hung out with some church friends, we’ve made a bigger effort to get a babysitter and just go out on a date night by ourselves once in a while, and it’s been amazing!
I also find we have more time for ourselves, too, since there are times I’m not at church, ergo, she’s not stuck at home with the kids. It’s nice to see her get her nails done, or even go for a massage, and frankly, it’s been nice to get some alone time with the kids too. This is not one sided, mind you, she came from that massage with a gift card for me to get one, and she intends to go monthly, and asked me about the same – but it’s not for me, so she’ll enjoy it, and I’ll save a few bucks.
God will see EACH and EVERY ONE of you through this time, but keep close to Him, as you all will find it’s extremely difficult to fix a church issue without Him.
And don’t bemoan a big change. I’m not an advocate for leaving your church, necessarily, but sometimes we have to move on. God has called us, especially the men like myself, to take care of our families. “Serving at church” is ministry. You cannot minister to others while you fail to minister and lead at home.
And God will bless and reward that selflessness. He certainly has blessed our family.
Scott… Cindy and I want you to know that we’ve appreciated all you’ve been sharing on this forum and the suggestions you have made. Watching your growth through the process has been encouraging. It’s not easy to be “obedient” to the Lord like you have, especially when it comes to “giving up” what has been your identity for so long.
God is…and will…continue to honor your decision to put your wife and family first. When working with men I’ve often paraphrased Matthew 16:26, “What will it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his wife and family?” And so often those of us who work in full time ministry operate under he delusion that God will honor us if we pour everything we have into our ministry work and have nothing left to minister to our “first priority”…our family.
So, thanks for sharing what you have learned. We pray that many more who come to this forum will learn from your experiences. Blessings to you, your wife, and family. – Steve Wright
(USA) Thanks Steve, I feel strongly that this little corner on the Internet is a STRONG ministry. This is a place where many who are hurting can come together in fellowship, and I’m sure you’ve touched lives who don’t comment, as well. That step of obedience may have been hard, given my rebellious nature, but the increased blessings in return made me wonder what I’ve been waiting for!
(SOUTH AFRICA) Wow, what a lovely topic. So many couples are challenged with this problem in SA, especially amongst the African community. If you see a man at church it means he holds a position at the church, either as a priest or something.
My concern is that fine, I go to church more frequently than my husband. I come from a very Christian family. The thing is, in our African culture a woman is supposed to leave her family church once married and go to her husband’s church. My issue is that my husband has a church that his family attends but he personally does not attend church. Why does it become an issue if the women stays in her family church instead of going to his family church? I’d appreciate enlightenment please, from someone.
In one of the comments a lady pointed out that it’s challenging if one person goes to church and the other doesn’t. I agree with her because from the experience, I have it’s true that a church person thinks and reasons differently compared to one who doesn’t.
To everyone in this situation, I always say to myself that I’m here on earth to work toward going to the kingdom of heaven and I will praise my Lord no matter what.
(USA) Zimkitha, I’m afraid you’re probably more qualified to answer the question of changing churches than most of us, since it is a cultural thing. It’s certainly not a requirement here in the United States. What are the reason(s) your husband doesn’t attend church, when you’ve asked him to attend with you?
I’ve only met a few South Africans, but all were amazing. I met a few couples on cruises I’ve taken. I was quite amazed years later, when I was preaching in our church’s children’s ministry, and we received an email from a South African family that was on the verge of a complete marriage collapse. Their 8 year old had started watching our Internet broadcast, and the mother became interested/concerned in what the child was doing on the Internet every week, so she checked it out. She started watching it, and within a few weeks, the whole family started watching the service. Eventually, the parents began watching the Internet stream for the adult service as well, and last we heard their marriage was intact, and they had dedicated their lives to Christ – I was so moved to hear such an amazing story from such a far off land!
It sounds like you are living your life for Christ, stay in prayer, stay in touch with your friends here at marriagemissions.com and KNOW (not hope) that change will come!
(UK) Wow! These have cheered me up a little. I’m 26 and have recently married to a non-practicing Catholic. It’s not until recently that I felt the pull back to Christ in a Christian church, rather than my baptised faith of Catholicism. My problem is I’ve only been to church for 2 weeks with my husband and already he is saying he won’t go anymore.
We have a 2 year and 3 year old and I want them to grow in Christ. I have to say I think he was more taken aback by the outward expressions of faith, such as hand raising and nodding, amenning etc. lol. They don’t do that at our Catholic Church and I think that freaked him out a bit. I attended a free church like this for 2 years when I lived in the states but failed to stay with God as I went a little off the rails a couple of years ago. Any advice or support is much appreciated.
(USA) Lucy, what a great step you made… don’t get discouraged, even though you now have a nice little enemy-attracting target on your back, perhaps. He is weak and won’t prevail!
You mention what you think bothered your husband. You know the best way to find out? Ask him. No leading questions… just ask what he didn’t like about it. Then tell him you REALLY loved going, and let’s go find a place we both can hang at.
I love lifting my hands towards my Savior during worship music… and I go to a very progressive, modern, contemporary church, but we recently sent our daughter to a VBS (vacation bible school) week at a local church (she went to summer camp there too, and the Pastor is an acquaintance of mine) – but even I was taken aback by their strong outward emotional display.
Maybe there’s something in between that you both can handle. Tell him how much you loved going to church, but that you don’t have to grab the first church you find. In fact, I might suggest this to you even if you were single – check out a lot of churches, and make a wise, informed, prayed upon decision.
But don’t lose hope while you seek a place to worship God WITH your husband. It can take time, but it will happen… pray on it! I was Jewish when I started going to church, I’m not worried about a lax Catholic finding a comfortable place to worship – since this old Jew did. (Okay that’s not fair, I’m only 35, not old, but you get the point!)
(UNITED STATES) I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. I always told him that I wanted my husband to take me to church, and I wanted my kids to grow up in church. Well at first he said he would come every other week for me.. that never happened. Then, once a month, that never happened either. Recently we had a discussion and he said he doesn’t know if he will ever be able to because he is not ready. The thought of going to church alone forever breaks my heart. I love him but I feel lost. He is a great guy, I know he loves me. My argument is, if he really loved me and he knew how important something was to me shouldn’t he want to do it for me?
Is my view on that wrong? I don’t want my boyfriend to change, I simply want him to come to church with me so I don’t feel alone. I do things for him all the time that I don’t necessarily have a “desire” for, but it makes me happy to be there for him in everything. Is it unfair for me to want him to want to come to church with me simply because he knows that it is important to me?
He says I push him, but I simply wish he would follow through with his word. I feel like when he said he would come to church with me every other week I believed him. Ultimately I have just been disappointed over and over. Now, I am facing the harsh reality that I could possibly have to go to church forever alone, and am wondering if it is worth it to stay in this relationship. Should I have faith that one day he will come? He says sometimes that it will come, just “not right now.”
My boyfriend has literally everything ELSE I could possibly want in a spouse, except the one thing that is most important to me. I can’t decide if that should mean I need to let go, or just believe for a change? I know nobody is perfect.
Background: I grew up in church, My dad died 3 years ago and since then all I want to do is make him proud. I feel like being at church makes him proud of me, church is not something I ever want to let go of. I am happier when I am there.
(USA) Vero, your boyfriend makes you happy, you honor your father’s memory… Both are admirable. What makes God happy? That’s not a trick question, and I encourage you to ask him.
Bear in mind 2 Corinthians 6:14 – Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
I am not necessarily trying to convict your heart, since it seems clear it’s already weighing in yours. You might have heard that God’s love is a jealous love, it’s worth considering that as you partner with someone who does not know Him, and therefore you two may have competing goals.
Is your view wrong? No, Jesus commanded us to spread the Gospel. Are you employing methods that are most likely to work, that’s a different question.
It’s not clear from your email if he had ever joined you at church even once. If so, what did he dislike? If not, instead of committing to a schedule, ask him to go exactly one time. No conditions. No contracts. Just go this Sunday and see what it’s like.
Its also not clear if he had an experience in his life that left him hostile to Christianity. That might be too personal for you to respond here, but if you are contemplating a life with this man, not too personal to discuss between the two of you.
But read each and every posting in this site on the topic. Let this site not serve as a prohibition against staying with him, but as a dire warning of how difficult life unequally yoked can be…and not just in you, but on both partners. For every success story like mine (I am writing to you from a hotel room where I am celebrating God with my church in a worked retreat, where I preached to our congregation while my wife, who now serves, led activities to entertain our youngest children of the church). That she serves in children’s ministry can insure you, as you’ll note that I spoke for a long time here on the rift in my marriage caused by her wavering beliefs and my devotion to children’s ministry. But for each story like that, understand that there was heartache, pain, trials and tribulation that preferred that. I am stronger for my trials, but struggled mightily. And see there are many others here still hurting from unequally yoked marriages, some for years upon years.
While we talk of yokes…. Take solace in Jesus:
Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
For whether you ultimately leave or stay, the Lord will see you through, if you remain faithfully devoted to Him.