Please answer this question by leaving a comment below
(To see previous questions, visit our archive)
This is a simple question posed, for a very important reason. The reason we pose it is because so many spouses are in the position of going to church without their spouse. They don’t want to, but it’s either a matter of going alone, or not going at all. So we’re asking you, if you go to church without your spouse, what helps you? What has God, and others spoken to you that helps?
Concerning this question, Dr Ralph F. Wilson wrote:
“A sense of responsibility for her children’s faith is what motivated Dyann. “One Sunday morning I realized that my six-year- old had never been to church or Sunday school,” she said. “I know I can’t give her my faith, but I am responsible to help her learn about Jesus so she’ll be able to develop her own faith as she grows. To rob her of a knowledge of God would be even worse than robbing her of the ability to learn to read.” Dyann and her daughter, Lisa, have been attending church ever since. (From the Joyfulheart.com article, “Should Wives Go To Church Without Their Husbands?”)
This is something to prayerfully consider.
Also, Before Answering Our Question:
Here’s a piece of advice written by Desiree S. Coleman, that you may find helpful:
“In being true to yourself, explain to your spouse why your faith is important to you. Likewise, express your desire for a united family. And communicate how you would love to have a shared commitment to faith. And then, as cliche as it sounds, you will have to let go and let God do the work. Realize that the spiritual walk involves spiritual things. In other words, at a certain point, there is only so much that you can do and say. At that point, you will have to activate your faith and believe God to draw your spouse unto Him. And don’t lose hope when it seems like nothing is happening. Because when you’ve exhausted all your options and handed it to God, that’s when you realize He has been at work all along. (From the Blackandmarriedwithkids.com article, “5 Things To Do If Your Spouse Won’t Come To Church”)
And Lastly:
The following is some advice that Lynn Donovan gives from her own personal experience:
“Here are some lessons I’ve learned through sitting alone in church. One, I’m not the only one. My spiritual mismatched allowed me to see many others who don’t fit in. My heart is drawn to those who are alone, even those who feel alone but ARE sitting with a spouse. And my friends, churches are filled with these kinds of people who pretend their marriage is perfect. It’s simply not true. Every marriage, including your pastor’s will struggle, even greatly struggle at some point. It’s just different from yours.
“Allow yourself to set aside your loneliness and pain and truly look around you. It’s likely your training here at SUM and through the Word will allow you to speak love and truth into some other misfit who is sitting in the sanctuary. And that my friends, is exactly what delights the heart of God. BTW: Ultimately we will discover we are all misfits and that is exactly what God intends!!! (From the Spirituallyunequallyyokedmarriage.com article, “Going to Church Alone”)
Additionally, here is a link to an article that will lead you to even more advice that you may find to be helpful. We encourage you to read:
• MY SPOUSE WON’T GO TO CHURCH. HELP!
Now, once again, the question we’re posing. We hope you can give some insights to help others as you answer it:
If you go to church without your spouse, how do you deal with unmet expectations?
Filed under: Question of the Month Spiritual Matters Unbelieving Spouse
I have been going to church without my wife the majority of the time for many years. This is partially because my wife is dealing with a chronic illness but also because she does not see church the same way I do. My wife got very involved in serving at a church we attended in the early years of our walk with The Lord. The leadership of the church hurt her very deeply and she has never felt safe in a church since. This was almost 35 years ago and the wound is as open and painful now as it was then.
My wife is ok going to church to worship and hear the sermon, but she wants to keep people away. For me church is about fellowship with the body of Christ. To me the body of Christ is the very center of what Christianity is all about. It is people who are in the body that the Holy Spirit uses to draw other people to Himself and to salvation. The church provides a safe environment for seekers to come and experience God. I serve at the church and I attend small groups and my wife can’t do either of these because of her fear of what she calls church people. She says she is not a “joiner” like I am.
To me if church is just about worshipping for 20 minutes, listening to the sermon for 20 minutes, shaking a couple hands, and leaving I may as well stay home, get some more sleep, and save the gas.
My wife and I were childhood sweethearts and this year celebrate our 40th anniversary. We have been through things that I really believe would have broken up most marriages by now. It is God’s grace and our love for each other that has saved the marriage many times. It’s also the fact that my wife has been very patient with me and has continued to love when me and honor me when I was at my worst as a husband, father, and spiritual head of the household.
I pray for my wife constantly. I pray for her health to be restored. I pray that we will one day be serving The Lord together. I pray that she will one day be able to forgive those pastors that hurt her, get past the offense, and finally be able to live her life according to God’s design.
The fact that I continue at this church has become a wedge between us. This is not the first time this has happened. It’s a recurring pattern. In the past I’ve given up and backed off from church to remove the wedge. The last time I did that the results were devastating. I refuse to let the enemy in again, but it is really hard knowing that it’s hurting my relationship with my wife.
So how do I deal with unmet expectations is the question being asked. If expectations means what I deserve and what I should receive as a result of my actions I’m in trouble. I guess I don’t really have any expectations. I have a deep and sincere desire to be one with my wife in service to our Lord.
I’m open to any suggestions anybody may have and definitely welcome any prayers!
I would really like some guidance. We have been at the same church now for 4 or 5 years. Probably the last 4 of those years the church has been disintegrating. In that, I mean, the members have left in droves. We’re a mere shell of what we used to be, and we’re now in talks with a mega-church, for merger (not something a lot of us are in favor of).
I’ve been unhappy at this church for a long time, because of all the discord and disarray. However, as other church members have left in droves (first we had a pastor quit abruptly, turned out to be personnel differences between staff), then we were without a pastor for a number of months. Then a pastor was brought on board, and it soon became evident, no one liked him. He was very controlling and manipulative and quite frankly, not an honorable man. He has been dismissed within the last month. The church, through all the upheaval above, has lost about half, if not more of the 300+ membership it once enjoyed.
I have stayed, even when I wanted to find a new church home, hoping to be part of the “solution” as opposed to part of the problem. My husband is a Deacon, I have taught in children’s ministries for two years (prek – 2nd grade). We are severely undermanned at our church as to people who will step up to roles that need to be filled.
My husband wants to step in as an Elder (we only have one remaining, the others, there were 4 at one time, have quit). My husband, is being courted to do so, he teaches adult ministries, he is involved in numerous functions there.
However, if anyone knew how my husband treats me at home I don’t think they would be so eager to appoint him to that role. I don’t want to spread vicious words about him and cause people to dislike him, so no one knows. But I don’t think I can sign on and give my approval to that appointment. Also, it’s a factor that I don’t even know if I wish to remain at this church.
We are now without a pastor at all (there is a temporary pastor that comes from another city a few hours away, only on Sundays for services, and then he returns to his city). This is temporary. Our church is in such financial ruin, that we don’t have the funds to pay staff any longer.
I have seen some very unchristian like behaviors from some who want to keep the doors open and not sign this church over to he mega-church. Behaviors that have really been quite a source of disillusionment. But what I need more help with, at the moment…
I’m getting pressure from my husband, that I should get out of his way, and provide my blessing that he step up to the elder position. I’ve told him my misgivings, some of which are, he wears many hats already, with a business we own, and his own family, his aging frail mother that lives locally, and I’m concerned for his ability to keep up the pace. But I also don’t think him worthy of that role, when he treats me so unfairly. He doesn’t beat me, but he certainly does verbally berate me, (at home, behind closed doors) and he is, with this particular decision, pushing me, with words such as, “I will do what I please and you WILL sign on for this, you WILL get out of my way”.
I think, and have tried discussing this with him, that he is acting more out of a savior complex than he is a calling from the Lord for this station, at this point. Our church is so hurting, and so absent many “do-ers” in the church and he is one of the few do-ers left. I think he wants to act out of a need to be seen as the hero riding in on a white horse, rather than this being a calling. He is adored by the church congregation, he is personable and he is a “do-er” as I stated before. So, he is being courted for this position, if we remain independent of this other mega-church. I would like some input/guidance.
I’m considering, and have for quite some time, leaving this church, and finding a new church home. If I do so, it will then negate his ability to step into the role of elder at this specific church as it would be a requirement that he, being a married man, attend church with his wife, and better yet, the wife be engaged in ministries there. If I leave this church, as I’ve wanted to do for quite some time, and find a church that isn’t so turmoil filled, that will then negate his ability to step up as a candidate for elder (there are no others stepping forth to fill this role, by the way). Please advise.
Deb, this is a difficult situation, at best. It’s difficult for me to give you much on advice because I don’t see what your husband is doing at home. But from the little you’ve said, this almost sounds like a church that really shouldn’t be “saved.” Sometimes God allows churches to go down because the behavior of the few are ruining it for the many. It seems that this church might do better to be absorbed into another church so the members that are running the “show” that have less than honorable intentions and behavior will be put more on a back burner, as far as the power they would wield. I don’t know if this is true of your church, but it sounds like it.
As far as your leaving, I probably wouldn’t (at least not until you and your husband agrees to do so together with you) because it would cause even more problems at home than I think your marriage can and should take on at this point. I would instead hold onto the church lightly, trying to be a light in a darker place hoping it may help someone whose faith is suffering because of all of the tension and hypocrisy. I encourage you to consider if you should take on any type of teaching role, or whatever… do it ONLY if you feel God would have you –not because anyone (even your husband) pressures you to do so. Just say, “I don’t feel God is leading me to do this and I won’t go forth without His blessing” and leave it like that. Don’t be prideful about it, or mean spirited… just do as you believe God would have you –to teach, or not to teach. But you may look for a women’s Bible study that you could attend at a different church so you will be spiritually fed.
As far as signing anything that would help your husband be an Elder, or giving verbal encouragement to do so –either with your husband or anyone else who would ask, I wouldn’t unless I felt that the love of Christ was being lived out by both of you behind closed doors. I would quietly pray about it and leave it at that. You would be enabling him to be in a position that it doesn’t seem that he’s ready for. You aren’t your husband’s Holy Spirit, so be careful about what you say to him about this. I’m reminded of Queen Esther. If you recall, in the Bible, Queen Esther had a HUGE problem, which she needed to discuss with her husband. But she also knew that there was a right way, and a wrong way to approach him so the situation could be brought out into the light and taken care of. What you need are the right RESULTS –not to BE right.
Queen Esther fasted and prepared her heart with God in prayer, and adjusted her countenance according to what God showed her so she could approach her husband the best way possible. God led her to be very respectful, cool and calm as she spoke. I truly believe, that because she was bathed in prayer, He honored her by paving the way both before she approached her husband and then afterward as He spoke to her husband’s sense of reasoning. But you need to realize that even if you use this approach, you may STILL not get the results you want –just as Queen Esther knew she was taking this risk. However, it would be better to do this God’s way than yours or mine. You have much more of a chance that you’ll get a better result.
Again Deb, I wouldn’t sign anything or agree to anything that I didn’t feel God would have me. My husband and I had that problem a number of years ago. He was approached to be the Chaplain for the fire department in our town, but upon praying about it I didn’t think he was ready. It wasn’t that he was verbally abusive or anything, but I just didn’t think he was ready to take on that responsibility –that God hadn’t called him at that point. What’s really cool is that he accepted my insight but then a year later they approached him again. God talked to my heart and I knew it was right, that he was ready. He became their chaplain and did an EXCELLENT job for the remaining 13 years we lived in that state. (He now also agrees that he wasn’t called by God when he was first approached –God had work to do in his life to prepare him.) Just recently, he has been appointed chaplain for our local fire department in this community. I KNOW he was born for this and will do an excellent job.
I say this to say that marriage partnership is important in the spiritual discernment both spouses can bring into their marriage. If he’s verbally berating you, and is ordering you to sign papers you aren’t comfortable signing, then there is a problem. I would respectfully decline but tell him that I’d continue praying and if the Lord gives the green light you will happily sign. At this point, I’m THRILLED for my husband. I know he can do the chaplaincy well, because the Lord is in it. I hope your husband gets to that point in being ready in his life –for the sake of your church, but especially for the sake of you and your marriage. Verbal berating is NEVER acceptable. You can’t act one way at home and another out in public –that’s not something God condones. He will never do as good of a job on anything until he has a humble servant’s heart both at home with his bride (you) and with others outside of your home.
I pray for both of you, and for your church –that God reveals His will in this whole matter. “May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ —to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
My husband to whom I’ve been married to for 10 months does not want us to attend a church. I grew up being a pastor’s daughter and attending church. He argues that going to church will not make us become “on fire” for God –which I agree –but that a personal relationship with Him will –which is true. But the Bible does state for us to “Not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” The only time we attend church is whenever we visit my fathers church in NC (we live 12 hours away from there).
I feel so sad that we don’t have a congregate but I can’t even tell him for us to at least visit one church meeting without him telling me that I have a religious spirit. I believe that both is important a personal relationship with our Lord Jesus and also congregating with the body. And it doesn’t even have to be in a building even if we met in a cave and had fellowship there. And what is even harder is that my husband is a believer and he has the calling to be a pastor but how can he grow in his ministry if he doesn’t get mentored? Just like Paul mentored Timothy.
Sal, what you are going through, unfortunately, happens in a lot of marriages. The best I can advise for you to do is to go to the quotes on the following page on this web site and scroll down to the quotes that refer to the Unbelieving Spouse: https://marriagemissions.com/about-us-2/quotes-on-spiritual-matters/. Your husband says he believes, but the fact that he is so resistant to fellowshipping with others who are followers of Christ, puts you in the position of one who is having to walk alone spiritually a great deal of the time –especially when you go to church.
I recommend you glean through the quotes and also read the articles within the following topic, concerning an unbelieving spouse: https://marriagemissions.com/category/spiritual-matters/. Ask God what you are to apply to your marriage –how to adapt it to your situation with your spouse. You are obviously in an unequally yoked situation because even though your husband claims to have a “personal relationship” he is more of a lone runner, which makes it difficult for you –you obviously aren’t on the same page. My heart cries for you because even though you say he has a “calling to be a pastor” he isn’t even taking it seriously enough to help his own bride to grow spiritually & take you or want to let you go to church so you can grow even more than you can in isolation. That is sad… sad for you and sad for others who could benefit from the things the Lord is teaching him to pass onto others –letting them also benefit from also teaching him what God has told them.
I pray he wakes up to grab onto the mission of helping others spiritually, as well as in other ways (because being in close fellowship and community with other believers is also a part of being a growing part of Christ’s Church). I also hope he wakes up to be in unity with you in this very important way. You have a need (a God-drawing need), and it’s sad that your husband doesn’t jump at the chance to be Christ to you to “wash you with the water of the word” and also take you to church, proudly, as Christ would –“not forsaking assembling together.” Please pray, read, pray, and show the love of Christ to your husband in non-judgmental ways, hoping that some day he will wake up. My prayers are with you both.
Hello, my husband and I have been married for just over a year. I grew up very much involved in church but my husband did not. He attended church but not as faithfully as I did growing up. When we got married, we began looking for a church to attend together. We finally found one about 20 minutes from our house that we both liked and began consistently attending. I even joined the worship team.
As of the last few months, my husband has started not wanting to attend church. When I ask him why he says that it’s too far away or that he doesn’t like that there isn’t an earlier morning service and that he can’t get things done in the afternoon because church goes too long. I hate going by myself so sometimes I stay home as well. I feel so much guilt over not going, especially since I’m on a ministry team. I’ve tried to talk with my husband and he just tells me to go by myself. I don’t know what to do.
Bridget, we all stand alone before the cross. Obviously, your husband doesn’t have a personal relationship with Christ or he would be more inclined to spend more time with those of like mindedness and “not forsake assembling together.” Try not to judge, but to pray for him that God would draw him. In the meantime, go yourself and ask God to help and guide you in how to enjoy church even though your best human friend isn’t with you and to work in his life to eventually have him want to be with God in this way and with you as partners. My sister-in-law did this for years and eventually my brother started going and enjoying it (eventually he came to faith in Christ in a personal way). But he said it was because he wasn’t pressured into it, nor judged when he didn’t go, and felt a pull by God, not humans.
We have several articles posted in the “Spiritual Matters” topic on living with an unbelieving spouse. I’m not saying that he is definitely not a believer, but he isn’t following Christ… so some of the principles will help you in knowing how to live with him while he is still resistant to going to church. When he DOES go, make sure you find ways to show your appreciation and your joy in being able to attend with him –that you know he wants to “get things done” earlier, but the fact that he makes the effort to go with you means A LOT. Men like it when they are noticed for efforts, even in things that would seem to be “normal.”
Also, see if there are events held at your church that he may consent to go with you — a pot luck, a picnic, a Valentine’s event, a pancake breakfast or the like, where he could go and perhaps eventually meet others he would enjoy being with. Look for opportunities. But above all, don’t judge; you aren’t your husband’s Holy Spirit. Ask the Holy Spirit to minister in this situation in your marriage. I pray God leads you, draws your husband, and makes a way where there seems to be no way. God is faithful.
Keep head up high; I am there to fill my soul with the word of the LORD and have peace and understanding. I could not care less what people say or think. I bet there are many couples in church with a smile on their faces yet back home they fight like cats and dogs. Our GOD is very much alive HE cannot be fooled. By me taking the boys on a regular basis will make my wife’s heart weak and full of guilt that she would eventually start joining us. Bottom line …nowhere does it say in the Bible it is compulsory for both spouses to attend church together. Don’t assume there is an issue. The wife could very well be attending another church of different denomination. Be Blessed.
My husband does not like for me to attend our home church without him. Due to his insecurities of other men. However, he does not mind me going to my moms church without him. This happens about once or twice a month. I have a communion with our church and it breaks my heart everytime this happens. I have gone without him against his will a few times, but I just don’t think it is fair that he stops me, when he does not want to attend.
Thanks for the post, guys. They really helped me. I know now everyone has to stand before God.
My husband won’t attend church with me so I go alone but he gets very angry with me because of it. How do I handle this?
I go to church almost always without my spouse and I feel it hurts me as spiritual leader. I need to have a help mate and I don’t I have it. “I’ll never go to that church; it doesn’t change you” type stuff and rarely will she go to a church we had problems with and at times she is very strong willed. Besides prayer and love what else can I do?
Alan, there is not much you can do. Prayer, love, and do the best you can to set an example. Look at it this way, you may not have the help mate you need and desire, but you ARE being the spiritual leader in your household. You are centered in your faith, you made a decision to be churched, and you are following through with it. And I’m assuming you continue to extend an open invitation for her to follow. That is spiritual leadership, regardless of whether she follows your lead. I wish I could assure you that if you continue this she will come around. Perhaps she will; perhaps not. Only the Lord can change her heart.
Your comment caught my eye because my situation is similar. I was raised in church, but I strayed from my faith in my late teens. At 23 I married a non believer, and now I’ve been married for 20 years. My wife is strong willed as well, but at least she’s never objected to me taking the kids. That’s a fight I wouldn’t enjoy at all. But may I ask, what are her other qualities? I mention this because my spouse is an excellent partner. She is hardworking, kind, a loving wife and mother. She has made a stable, happy home that I come home to every day after work. And she’s selfless, putting me and the kids before herself. At times I find it ironic that for a woman who doesn’t believe in the existence of Christ, she usually treats others the way Jesus wants us too. And I’m sure many fellow Christians would be appalled to hear me admit this, but if I were to do it all over again, I’d marry her again. I love her, and she has always been good to me in every other way. Sorry for the rambling. Do what you can, and try to find happiness and enjoyment in the marriage you have. You and I are unequally yoked, and we are required to live peaceably with our non believing spouses. Best wishes to you, and God Bless.
Please, I want advice on a very important issue. I am a believer in Christ and a church member. Four years ago when I was still working with the bank I met a gal and fell in love with her so much. We agreed to get married but there is a big problem. They are Catholics and she never agreed to attend my church with me, her parents also require that for me to marry their daughter then I must wed her in a Catholic church. Well, I agreed to wed her in her church but my biggest problem is that she has refused to attend my Church with me even after marriage. I know the danger when couples attend different churches and have different faith. Honestly I need so much advice and how best to handle this issue because I love her so dearly and wish to marry her, but my faith is also very, very important to me.
Hello brother, I just read your post and wanted to reach out. I am a born again Christian now but growing up I was Catholic. Even though I am sure there are born again Christians in the Catholic Church there are many that aren’t like myself. Just because someone says they are Christian doesn’t mean they are Bible believing Christ centered followers. And the Bible is clear about marrying unbelievers, so it isn’t about going to church and it isn’t about wedding but the rest of your life bonded to this individual. The first criteria for a born again Christian looking for a mate should be if the other person is also a born again Christian; then I believe should be love/chemistry. May God help you.
Prayers and give her to God because she is being disobedient to the word that a wife should be submissive to your husband, and not following you is rebellion. Keep on praying and ask God to touch her heart.
My Jewish wife converted to Catholicism about 15 years ago to satisfy me, but only went to church a few times with me. Now, she doesn’t go at all. Her family was never religious, never attended a synagogue, or celebrated Jewish holidays. When our kids were small I was not active in the Catholic Church so didn’t insist they be baptized or attend. So now, I go to weekly Mass by myself and look at the parents with their children and realize I will never have that. I do pray my wife attends church again. Fortunately, she supports me going to church, though I think she just likes me out of the house on Sunday morning. I remember Bishop Sheen saying the family that prays together stays together. We are still married (not a Catholic wedding) after 50 years, but if I had to do over again, I’d marry a Catholic woman who was willing to go to church.
Hi, I have another perception to this issue. Let me work towards it deductively:
1. When a man and woman agree to live the rest of their lives together, it means that the man has agreed to (forever) lead, love, cater for, protect, and provide security for that woman. And the woman in turn, is to resign herself to him with utmost love and respect towards him. It also assumed that there is some form of emotional attachment in this agreement usually called LOVE
2. The word “Family” suggests union in everything that is done amongst a closely knit group of people comprising (in the conventional), a man, woman, and children (optional). So that, they’re seen playing together, eating to together, praying together, attending events together, on vacations together etc. Fundamental word…togetherness, connoting union, oneness.
3. I believe that every union has energy about it. This spans from the energy in a dept in a firm, to that in associations such as labor unions and then, right down to energy in a Family, which encompasses love, interaction, sharing, acceptance, forgiveness etc. And these energies to a certain extent define successes, achievements and in some cases, division for these unions.
4. I believe there are hidden blessings in a union of any kind…especially the smallest unit of a society; the Family. Remember that blessings are not essentially financial. In other words, God (in this case, a supernatural Deity) in any religion has endowed the Earth, our physical place of being with blessings that are released to Families where union is seen to be whole and complete. These homes could Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, Hindu, etc…
5. So that, it is to the progress of a Family that they eat, play, pray, and also WORSHIP as one.
It is often said that “a Family that prays together, stays together” Remember that the Family is bigger than any of her members…And for her to succeed, it is important that all members put her first. If every Family worked with this mentality (as major companies do), I think on the whole, society will have richer values and behavior. Essentially, crime and all such immoral acts will reduce.
6. These are my thoughts only. And as such open to criticism and remarks.
Are we pleasing God or trying to please the wife?
I don’t like going alone…God sees me…he knows my heart. I cry a lot & am probably closer to the Lord because I have to go to Him so often to ask for comfort & assurance He is still working on my husband.
I’ve met wonderful believers. It’s been 30 years. I’ve raised my children in Christ and they go to church with their children and love the Lord. I’m thankful for that. I’ve questioned if I should divorce and have biblical reasons that would allow this. His infidelity. But that is not an issue anymore so God spoke clearly to my heart…that He allows the divorce because of your hardness of heart. As born-again believers we cannot have “hard hearts”… so I stay and so does he. We don’t talk about God .
What I reallllyyyy have come to dislike hearing from Christians over the years when they meet me is “God’s going to save your husband …keep praying …he’s “coming in”… that may be true…but it might not happen in my lifetime! I’m sure they mean to be helpful but it sounds like such a cliché after 30 years alone in my faith unable to share with this man I live with day in & day out. It would be more comforting if people would acknowledge to me that they understand (but obviously they don’t…) that this breaks my heart & they will pray with/for me to endure till the end…Sincerely.
1 Corinthians 7 speaks to this very issue. This is a passage that talks about being married to an unbeliever. It says that the believer should stay married so that the spouse may become saved. In verse 16 it talks directly to the issue others are sharing with you. God’s timing is seldom our own, we serve Him not the other way around, this is something I have struggled with in the past and in some areas of my life I still do.
I challenge you to do a study on what a biblical wife is and what God calls her to do. Also a study on biblical love may be of great interest. My loving wife was a luke warm believer for many years and I often mocked her lifestyle. A couple years ago she decided to follow Christ completely and love unconditionally; at first I thought it was a phase or a social experiment. I even got to the point I rebelled and even cheated on my wife to escape, but she loved me through it all and expressed God’s love for me, not only in words, but action. God used that to get to me and now my life has radically changed. I am now a believer and working on my relationship with God. I have a lot of growing up to do, but God is using my wife, and others He has put in my life to help me know and trust in Him.
I would like to say our relationship is perfect now, but there are still a lot of issues we have to work through and life continually gives us trials, but we take each day at a time and praise our Holy God regardless of what is going on around us. Will be praying for you and your husband. Know that only God can change your husband, but you are His greatest tool, let Him use you for His glory.
My wife finally started to go to church with me. I believe she is going just to please me and is really not that interested in church things. I probably have failed at some point in our marriage to lead spiritually but all along with the exception of the last 5 years that had been the case. Now her interest seems to be not church related at all. My fault. Now my Pastor recently told me that my wife was my priority over anything else. So my spiritual life seems to depend on what my wife wants to do with church.
I want to be involved in everything or at least some but now I will not see that. My faith is firm but the lack of fellowship and preaching I have become weak and apathetic to going to church which is a super bummer for me. I don’t know what to do except put God first, pray for the situation but always support your church. God will answer prayer in his own timing but I must remain faithful and put God first and not necessarily my wife who is very important to my life. It’s a real problem for me. What is your take on this situation.
I’m so glad that you are waking up to your spiritual responsibility in being a child of God, and then how you live out your spiritual life with your wife and others. What you do behind closed doors is as important as what you do in front of them. It shows your inner character –something God is very interested in.
You are so right that you “must remain faithful” but don’t discount your wife in all of this. Whether you realized it, when you married her, you took on a mission of loving your wife (and showing her you do) as Christ loves the church. Involvement in the church is great, as long as it does not supersede growing your love relationship with your wife “as unto the Lord” in the same way the Lord does with us. He loved His bride so much He was willing to die for her and go the extra mile, plus. Please read 1 Corinthians 7. When you marry, you don’t/won’t have the same freedoms to serve the Lord as you did before you married.
I’m so glad your wife is going to church with you. The fact that she is going even though she “is not that interested in church things” is even more of a miracle. It shows that she cares about her relationship with you. She is looking to you. Your job is to show her so much love that she will want to know your God better. You are not her Holy Spirit, but you are to live for God in such a humble, loving way that she has the opportunity to see God better. Don’t try to cram Him down her throat, but go the way that God shows you. Sometimes we are to communicate the gospel with, and other times, without words. Look to the Lord to show you what you are to use when…
Please read through the topic of the “Unbelieving Spouse” that you can find at: https://marriagemissions.com/category/unbelieving-spouse/. Pray, read, pray, glean, and apply whatever God shows you. I pray the Lord leads you and hope your wife opens her eyes and heart to spiritual things, which leads her to Jesus. May the Holy Spirit work with you and within you as you lean upon HIS understanding! God bless.