When you remarry with step children to consider, the continual goal is to establish your marriage footing so your new family becomes one in how you interact with each other. But here’s something to consider:
If you were injured and trying to reach a safe place, would you step onto a rickety, swinging bridge without looking for something more sturdy?
That’s a fair description of too many second marriages. When the remarriage creates a blended family, in which at least one of the spouses becomes a stepparent, the footing is even more treacherous. Couples may have charged ahead, stepped on a couple rotten planks, and now dangle, holding on for dear life.
Sadly, according to the U.S. Census Bureau and the National Center for Health Statistics, almost 65 percent of remarriages end in divorce. And Barna Research shows that born-again Christians divorce at virtually the same rate as the rest of the population.
Here’s the added complication for blended families: experts say it typically takes four to eight years for a new family to blend. It takes that long to feel like a real family rather than a stepfamily. But of the second marriages that fail, most do so in the first four years. This is before families realistically could have expected to blend. So wouldn’t you feel more confident crossing that remarriage bridge if you had a map, drawn by couples who have crossed before you? And wouldn’t you fee more confident if it revealed which planks were secure and which were rotten?
Keep Your Marriage Footing
That’s a good goal (as explained by Jim Killam in the Marriage Partnership Magazine article, “How to Make Your Blended Family Work”). In this mission it’s important to realize that there are many areas of married life that you will need to work on. Past pain can sometimes cause problems within your present marriage. One of those areas concerns money matters. As author, speaker, and President of Smart Stepfamilies, Ron Deal points out:
“Money issues in stepfamily marriage are sometimes paired with pain from the past. They become a detriment to the present marriage when negative behavioral patterns are set in place.”
To find out more, please read the following Crosswalk.com article:
• STEP-MONEY: GETTING TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER
To read a few additional articles that could help you in your marriage adjustments as well as working together in step-parenting, please click onto the following web site links to read:
• BOTH THE MARRIAGE AND THE KIDS
• HOW CAN TWO FAMILIES BE BLENDED SUCCESSFULLY?
– ALSO –
To read three additional articles on another area of remarriage where there you can find many step family challenges —the Christmas holidays —please click onto the links provided below to read:
• HOLIDAY HOPE FOR BLENDING FAMILIES
And:
• HOW BLENDED FAMILIES CONQUER HOLIDAY HASSLES
If you have additional tips you can share, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Remarriage