Loving as God Would Have Us

LOVING as GOD Would Have You-2 - Dollar PhotoThere’s an expression that says, “It’s as plain as the nose on your face.” And there’s some truth to this as it pertains to how we’re to live our lives within our marriages, as Christ-followers. You would think that we would, of course, be as loving to each other as God would have us. But sadly, that isn’t true as often as it should be. We are prone to stumbling and falling as we walk this marriage journey. Most often we don’t plan it that way, but it happens.

Just last week both of us were continually arguing over the most ridiculous things! They seemed important at the time; but it’s all actually stupid in the face of the really serious stuff. (We’re talking about “wars and rumors of wars” and matters of life and death. This puts it all into perspective—doesn’t it?)

Eventually, God managed to get our attention and convicted us to stop. And then He prompted us to once again be as loving as God would have us. Thankfully, we’ve both been applying what He prompted us to do. Now we’re skipping along smoothly (mostly) —at least for now, until we fall into being stupid (and sinful) again.

There’s no doubt that if both marriage partners truly applied God’s principles, which are outlined throughout the Bible, there would not be all of the divorcing going on today. Homes would be places of peace rather than fighting grounds. Also, there wouldn’t be children who cry themselves to sleep because their mommy and daddy fight so much. And most importantly of all, if we lived out God’s principles—God would be well pleased.

Loving as God Would Have Us

What we’ve discovered is that the principles for loving each other in marriage are the same principles for living, as God presents throughout the Bible. We’ve said this so many times, and we will keep saying it. The problem is, these principles are not lived out within many marriages. Spouses may look and listen, but then they neglect to apply what God tells them to do.

The Bible tells us:

Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in the mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.(James 1:23-25)

How we pray you will be blessed in your marriage! But blessing comes by living God’s way, rather than man’s.

Like Noah (from the Bible), we’re to live as we should even if everyone else around us lives otherwise. In Noah’s day, everyone else lived contrary to God’s ways. But everyone else was wrong. So, even if no one else approves or understands, we still need to follow God’s pattern for living. This isn’t easy, by any stretch of the imagination. But let’s face it, there’s nothing easy about living as a child of God.

Loving Each Other Like Jesus Does

Jesus said:

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it. But whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose his very self? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.(Luke 9:23-26)

It’s one thing to SAY we believe in God and His Word —the Bible; but it’s another to be authentic and LIVE what we say we believe. Let’s face it, if we aren’t living God’s truth within our home and marriages, we’re no better than “whitewashed tombs.” We look good on the outside for others to see. But there’s rottenness within.

To be a follower of Christ means we are not to be distracted from LIVING Christ, no matter what. We are to participate in living out that, which God expects.

So, we want to ask you this: In light of what we’re told in Luke 9:23, “What type of ‘denying’ are you involved in within your marriage?”

Essentially, we are to empty ourselves of anything that stands in the way of living our lives as God would have us. When your spouse, children and others see how you interact with your spouse, do they see Christ?

Truly think about it:

We can’t help but think of something that Brant Hanson wrote:

“One evening, standing by the pond, a [neighbor] told me—I swear I’m not making this up—‘I’ve looked outside and seen your family. I’ve watched you. And when I see your family, I don’t even know why, but I think about God.’”

This surprised Brant as much as anyone. But it got him to thinking how much more intentional he should be to interact with his family and love as God would expect. Others ARE watching, even if we don’t realize it. This is actually a wake up call for us all.

How about you? Are you living in such a way that when others see you, they think about God? And how can you do this?

Loving As God Would Have Us Requires the Following:

• “Speaking the truth in love(Ephesians 4:15) is to be a spouse’s main motivator. You are to desire your spouse’s ultimate good beyond even your own comfort. This involves speaking truth in a way that is respectful, and GOD honoring. If for no other reason, it’s important to speak respectfully to your spouse “as unto the Lord.

• “Be slow to speak, and slow to become angry. For man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.(James 1:19)

• “Do not to let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29) Remember that not only is your spouse hearing what you say, but so does God and others. Do those words benefit those who hear them?

• “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.(Ephesians 4:31) That’s what denying yourself involves.

• “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.(Ephesians 4:32) This is also what God expects.

• “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children” and live “a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.(Ephesians 5:1-2) God expects this of His children.

• “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This is a command both for the wife and the husband as outlined in the Bible in Ephesians 5:21-33.

Living And Loving As God Would Have You

As you live out these principles in your marriage, not only will you, your spouse and your household be blessed, but others will be given the opportunity to better see the heart of Christ reflected in your lives together.

Below is a link to a list of scriptures to read over and apply in your marriage:


If you think you’re too busy to read God’s Word together, author/speaker Zig Ziglar (who was a very in-demand business consultant) gave the following tip:

“Even though my travels take me out of town a great deal, I call my wife each evening at an appointed time. During our time together we discuss what the day’s Scriptures have meant to each of us.”

Great idea, huh? If you can’t do that, then ask God to help you to FIND a way. It’s amazing how resourceful we can be, if we want it bad enough.

This can be a challenge for us all! (Steve and I are doing this too.) And if you don’t have a spouse that will do this with you, ask God to partner all the more in speaking to you through His Word to help you to be the spouse He wants you to be.

May God bless you as you in your efforts to reflect the heart of Christ in your marriage,

Cindy and Steve Wright


To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

7 Essentials - Marriage book


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3 responses to “Loving as God Would Have Us

  1. (South Africa) What a good message at the right time. This was my wedding day, i.e. 13 August 2011. Although I wasn’t around at the time to receive the message on that day, the message helped me so much. This is not coincidence but God’s time for such a valuable message. Thank you so much. God bless you.

  2. This is so profound and am so encouraged to put this message into implementation in my marriage and encourage those who are going through a rough patch in theirs. I have learned a lot ever since I’ve subscribed many years ago and I will continue getting equipped by the Lord’s mercies. Thanks once more.

    1. Thank you Sibusiso, we appreciate your supportive words and your caring heart to help others with their marriages. This is so encouraging. Thank you… may all praise go to the Lord! “The blessing of the LORD be upon you! We bless you in the name of the LORD!” (Psalm 129:8)