“The strength of your marriage depends on the choices you make to improve it.” (Doug Fields) And one of those important “choices” is to intentionally do romantic things with your spouse.
We’re visiting (actually revisiting) this topic hoping it spurs you on to grow your romantic life with your spouse. We’re on the heels of our 49th wedding anniversary and we’re still celebrating. And what better way to celebrate than to romance each other?
But in all truth… every married couple should continually make proactive choices to be romantic. It’s all about growing the love story of our life together as husband and wife.
One of the problems we have in life is that we have too many choices to make each day. But even “good” choices can push us away from each other in our marriage relationship. We need to consider that whatever we say, “yes” to, we’re saying, “no” to something or someone else (usually it’s our spouse). These choices can cause us to drift apart in our marital relationships because of the busyness every day brings with it.
So for these next 2 Marriage Insights we’re giving you “romantic things you can choose to do.” These ideas aren’t original with us. We’re going to share a lot of ideas from a lot of others. This way you have a greater variety of ideas to glean through. And then just use what will work for you.
First, here’s something we did on our anniversary. (But you can do it on an anniversary, the first of the year or whenever.) We sat down together, taking turns sharing and listening as we each recapped the following highlights of the year:
- The BEST thing that happened this year…
- Other GOOD THINGS/BLESSINGS that happened this year…
- WORST/BAD things that happened…
- CHANGES we’ve experienced…
- MOST CHALLENGING things that you/we experienced…
- GROWTH POINTS…
- SILLY THINGS that cracked you/us up…
- One way (or several) that caused you to especially FEEL LOVED this year…
- What is ONE THING you could do to make me FEEL MORE LOVED this next year?
And then, as someone suggested, “We marveled at what God has done, is doing, and how He is using us.” We held hands and prayed together thanking God for each other, and for the ways He has worked in our life together.
This was such a meaningful experience for both of us. We highly recommend that you make a point to do this together.
More Romantic Things
Next, here are some romantic things that Doug Fields listed in his book Creative Romance. Unfortunately the book is no longer in publication. But here is a shortened list… Enjoy!
To begin with Doug writes:
“A few of these ideas may be too outrageous for your style. That’s okay. Read the idea. Shake your head in wonder, and mutter, ‘Some people are really bizarre.’ I developed this list with the hope that each couple would add to or subtract from it in order to meet their individual needs. You may find the outrageous ideas are helpful in stretching your imagination and pushing you toward becoming more creative. There are other ideas that may appear more thoughtful than romantic. These ideas become romantic when they’re accomplished with the right attitude and caring emotions. They’ll (most often) be received with a thankful response.”
…So here are some romantic things you can do:
– Write the love story of how you met. Get it printed and bound.
– List your spouse’s best qualities in alphabetical order.
– Park in a secluded area and kiss in your car.
– Make your own movie scene. Stop and kiss on a bridge as the sun is setting.
– Take a stroll around the block.
– Take your wife away from the kitchen while she’s cooking, and “sauté” her with kisses.
– Bring home foods she [he] loves to eat but won’t buy for herself [or himself]. (Don’t do this if your spouse is dieting!)
– Give each other a back rub.
– Rent a classic love story and watch it while cuddling under blankets.
– Give your spouse a body massage.
– Walk through model homes and dream about your next house. You can even steal a kiss in a closet.
– Read to one another in bed.
– Play music in your bedroom.
Additional Romantic Ideas are:
– Shave your wife’s legs.
– Shave your husband’s face.
– Look into your spouse’s eyes while she [or he] tells you about her [or his] day.
– Make up nicknames for each other.
– Go the extra mile to please your mate.
– When you’re the one who’s correct during a discussion, give your spouse a kiss. Focus on your love rather than who’s right.
– Hug your husband from behind and give him a kiss on the back of the neck. [A wife would enjoy being hugged and kissed like this too.]
– Stop in the middle of your day and talk to your spouse for 15 minutes.
– Create your own special holiday.
– Place your hand on your spouse’s leg when you’re riding in the car.
– Send your spouse a compliment through one of her [or his] friends or colleagues.
– Tell your spouse, “I love you because…” (Finish the sentence.)
– Do something your spouse loves to do, even though it doesn’t interest you.
– Write out romantic notes leaving them where your spouse will find them.
More Romantic Things to Do:
– Spontaneously spend the entire day together away from the house.
– Give your mate a foot massage.
– Write, “I love you” in the dust around the house instead of complaining about it. [Just be ready to run when she discovers what you did!]
– Put together a puzzle on a rainy night.
– Read a romance novel together [or a book that interests you both].
F.Y.I.: We’ll share more of Doug’s tips in the next Marriage Insight. But we have a few more things to share from someone else.
Ways to Enhance Your Romance as Husband and Wife
First, Rachel Lee writes:
“It may require intention and dedication, but taking the necessary steps toward reviving the romance in the marriage bed is worth every effort to enhance your love life. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Non-physical ways to enhance romance:
• Cultivate a safe environment within the relationship to engage in meaningful conversation together; and listen with intent. Communication is key.
• Dream together. Dream of your first home, the prospect of children, vacation plans, life aspirations, retirement, etc.
• Study scripture together and pray with one another regularly.
• Watch a romantic movie together. (One of my faves is, Dan in Real Life.)
• Take care of yourself. Show your spouse that you care about him, by caring for yourself.
Physical ways to enhance romance:
Make a date on the calendar for lovemaking. Before you laugh— know that this can actually prove to be a lot of fun! As the anticipation of the night builds, so does the arousal. Treat it as your own little secret; flirt in the days leading up to ‘the night of,’ and it will easily become something you regularly look forward to.
– Spend time snuggling together in bed before you fall asleep.
– Exchange back massages—use fun lotions or essential oils.
– Public displays of affection—why keep it to yourself? Let others know how much you adore each other. (This is a GREAT example to your kids).
– Hold hands often. Never underestimate the power of this one simple act.
We believe these are great suggestions. But Rachel gives more. You can find them in her article:
Additionally, here’s another article we have posted on the Marriage Missions web site to give you more tips:
Want More Romantic Things to Do?
Again, we’ll share even more in next week’s Marriage Insight. In the meantime, have fun trying out some of the ideas listed above with your spouse! Above all, we hope they help you grow closer to each other for the sake of your marriage and to the glory of God!
Steve and Cindy Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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