“The strength of your marriage depends on the choices you make to improve it.” (Doug Fields) And one of those important “choices” is to intentionally do romantic things with your spouse.
We’re visiting (actually revisiting) this topic hoping it spurs you on to grow your romantic life with your spouse. We’re on the heels of our 49th wedding anniversary and we’re still celebrating. And what better way to celebrate than to romance each other?
But in all truth… every married couple should continually make proactive choices to be romantic. It’s all about growing the love story of our life together as husband and wife.
One of the problems we have in life is that we have too many choices to make each day. But even “good” choices can push us away from each other in our marriage relationship. We need to consider that whatever we say, “yes” to, we’re saying, “no” to something or someone else (usually it’s our spouse). These choices can cause us to drift apart in our marital relationships because of the busyness every day brings with it.
So for these next 2 Marriage Insights we’re giving you “romantic things you can choose to do.” These ideas aren’t original with us. We’re going to share a lot of ideas from a lot of others. This way you have a greater variety of ideas to glean through. And then just use what will work for you.
First, here’s something we did on our anniversary. (But you can do it on an anniversary, the first of the year or whenever.) We sat down together, taking turns sharing and listening as we each recapped the following highlights of the year:
- The BEST thing that happened this year…
- Other GOOD THINGS/BLESSINGS that happened this year…
- WORST/BAD things that happened…
- CHANGES we’ve experienced…
- MOST CHALLENGING things that you/we experienced…
- GROWTH POINTS…
- SILLY THINGS that cracked you/us up…
- One way (or several) that caused you to especially FEEL LOVED this year…
- What is ONE THING you could do to make me FEEL MORE LOVED this next year?
And then, as someone suggested, “We marveled at what God has done, is doing, and how He is using us.” We held hands and prayed together thanking God for each other, and for the ways He has worked in our life together.
This was such a meaningful experience for both of us. We highly recommend that you make a point to do this together.
More Romantic Things
Next, here are some romantic things that Doug Fields listed in his book Creative Romance. Unfortunately the book is no longer in publication. But here is a shortened list… Enjoy!
To begin with Doug writes:
“A few of these ideas may be too outrageous for your style. That’s okay. Read the idea. Shake your head in wonder, and mutter, ‘Some people are really bizarre.’ I developed this list with the hope that each couple would add to or subtract from it in order to meet their individual needs. You may find the outrageous ideas are helpful in stretching your imagination and pushing you toward becoming more creative. There are other ideas that may appear more thoughtful than romantic. These ideas become romantic when they’re accomplished with the right attitude and caring emotions. They’ll (most often) be received with a thankful response.”
…So here are some romantic things you can do:
– Write the love story of how you met. Get it printed and bound.
– List your spouse’s best qualities in alphabetical order.
– Park in a secluded area and kiss in your car.
– Make your own movie scene. Stop and kiss on a bridge as the sun is setting.
– Take a stroll around the block.
– Take your wife away from the kitchen while she’s cooking, and “sauté” her with kisses.
– Bring home foods she [he] loves to eat but won’t buy for herself [or himself]. (Don’t do this if your spouse is dieting!)
– Give each other a back rub.
– Rent a classic love story and watch it while cuddling under blankets.
– Give your spouse a body massage.
– Walk through model homes and dream about your next house. You can even steal a kiss in a closet.
– Read to one another in bed.
– Play music in your bedroom.
Additional Romantic Ideas are:
– Shave your wife’s legs.
– Shave your husband’s face.
– Look into your spouse’s eyes while she [or he] tells you about her [or his] day.
– Make up nicknames for each other.
– Go the extra mile to please your mate.
– When you’re the one who’s correct during a discussion, give your spouse a kiss. Focus on your love rather than who’s right.
– Hug your husband from behind and give him a kiss on the back of the neck. [A wife would enjoy being hugged and kissed like this too.]
– Stop in the middle of your day and talk to your spouse for 15 minutes.
– Create your own special holiday.
– Place your hand on your spouse’s leg when you’re riding in the car.
– Send your spouse a compliment through one of her [or his] friends or colleagues.
– Tell your spouse, “I love you because…” (Finish the sentence.)
– Do something your spouse loves to do, even though it doesn’t interest you.
– Write out romantic notes leaving them where your spouse will find them.
More Romantic Things to Do:
– Spontaneously spend the entire day together away from the house.
– Give your mate a foot massage.
– Write, “I love you” in the dust around the house instead of complaining about it. [Just be ready to run when she discovers what you did!]
– Put together a puzzle on a rainy night.
– Read a romance novel together [or a book that interests you both].
F.Y.I.: We’ll share more of Doug’s tips in the next Marriage Insight. But we have a few more things to share from someone else.
Ways to Enhance Your Romance as Husband and Wife
First, Rachel Marie Lee writes:
“It may require intention and dedication, but taking the necessary steps toward reviving the romance in the marriage bed is worth every effort to enhance your love life. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Non-physical ways to enhance romance:
• Cultivate a safe environment within the relationship to engage in meaningful conversation together; and listen with intent. Communication is key.
• Dream together. Dream of your first home, the prospect of children, vacation plans, life aspirations, retirement, etc.
• Study scripture together and pray with one another regularly.
• Watch a romantic movie together. (One of my faves is, Dan in Real Life.)
• Take care of yourself. Show your spouse that you care about him, by caring for yourself.
Physical ways to enhance romance:
Make a date on the calendar for lovemaking. Before you laugh— know that this can actually prove to be a lot of fun! As the anticipation of the night builds, so does the arousal. Treat it as your own little secret; flirt in the days leading up to ‘the night of,’ and it will easily become something you regularly look forward to.
– Spend time snuggling together in bed before you fall asleep.
– Exchange back massages—use fun lotions or essential oils.
– Public displays of affection—why keep it to yourself? Let others know how much you adore each other. (This is a GREAT example to your kids).
– Hold hands often. Never underestimate the power of this one simple act.
(From Rachel’s article, “How to Keep Romance Alive in Marriage”)
Additionally, here’s another article we have posted on the Marriage Missions web site to give you more tips:
• IDEAS FOR DATE NIGHTS OUT AND DATE NIGHTS IN
Want More Romantic Things to Do?
Again, we’ll share even more in next week’s Marriage Insight. In the meantime, have fun trying out some of the ideas listed above with your spouse! Above all, we hope they help you grow closer to each other for the sake of your marriage and to the glory of God!
Steve and Cindy Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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11 responses to “Romantic Things To Do – Part 1”
(USA) This is a great list! I’ve printed it out so I can remember some of the ideas. I’m sure my wife will appreciate many of these ideas.
(INDIA) On reading 100 points, it has changed my life.
(US) Love these things too. They are so romantic!
(GERMANY) In it something is. Now all has become clear to me, I thank you for the information.
(INDIA) Very nice suggestions …love them …will start trying them.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Thank you for this information! Please advise on how I can best apply these romance tips.
I have been in a loving relationship with my husband for 3yrs now. In january this year we discovered we were pregnant! He was really happy about being a father (his first biological – although we had been raising my 6 yr daughter together). However, he started being emotionally distant and stopped all forms if intimacy between us. We used to do a lot of the tips you’ve listed, but since my pregnancy things have changed.
I’ve tried to open up the communication lines, to understand what he was going through, but he’s not willing to discuss it with me. I would print out some info on pregnancy and intimacy – to allay his fear of hurting the baby, but it still did not change.
This has resulted in me becoming emotionally detached from my husband. For me, level of intimacy relates to the level of emotional attachment. What I don’t understand is why he has stopped all form of intimacy e.g. cuddling, bathing together, even kissing! (I understood his fear of sex.) Its been 9 months since my husband and I have been intimate… our daughter is now 2 months old.
I would really appreciate your words of wisdom as I have been struggling with this on my own (its not easy talking honestly to my husband).
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Batabile, On the basis that you are Christian… Firstly I am sorry for what you are going through. Seek God for strength.
Find a space that he feels comfortable to talk in. Does he have any good Christian friends? Encourage him to talk to them or to someone (not female). Keep it low key at first. Ask your church for help. Speak to your counselor and ask them for advice. And when he starts to open up take him to counseling and thrash it all out. There is always redemption for any situation!
Take it step by step. Be patient and just love him. Even when he doesn’t deserve it love him. Love him till he can’t take it anymore and has to give in. The way Jesus loves us! Bless you my sister, Grant
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Steve and Cindy, thanks for these great tips, but my husband is not the romantic type. He is a very serious guy and is only interested in his hobbies. My marriage is so feelingless, no passion — nothing. I have tried some romantic things before but my husband never interested in romance, he turns me down. As a result I lost interest; my marriage is dead because of his lack of interest. I don’t know what to do. Please pray for me Cindy, thanks.
(US) Hey, I am in this marriage and my husband likes to play video games. Its gotten bad to where he might go to his cousin’s house and stay one or 2 days playing them. So he says well, our marriage is going down the drain cause I am not going to allow the staying out at nights. I need help as to what I can do. We both work. I only have weekends off and he has sometimes 4 days out the week off. But he would rather be other places than home with me and his 3 kids.
(INDIA) Wooowww! These are too good of ways to spend time with loved ones. I missed them alllllll, still I do, as I am getting married to my love. Hope I have read these before.
This is a very good revision of the lesson we did just before we got married. Great reminder. Will keep them for future reference.