The Romance Factor: When Busyness Gets In The Way

Romance factor busyness Dollar clubStress Burdens Sticky Notes Reminders for Stressful LifeHas life between you and your spouse become so “matter-of-fact” that you’ve almost forgotten what romance looked like in your relationship? Has it begun to look like a distant memory? Is your busyness getting in the way of your romance with your spouse?

We know that a lot of women read romance novels, so they know what it can look like between two other people (even in an over-inflated, artificial way). But what about your own marital relationship?

Is Busyness Taking Over?

“Do you remember when you and your spouse were dating? When dinner was consumed to the strains of soft music instead of to Sponge Bob? In the day to day busyness of married life, romance is often the first thing to go. Yet the ‘Romance Factor’ can have a high impact on the success of your marriage.

“The Romance Factor encompasses much more than just sex. It invokes the five senses: sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch. It’s the emotional, spiritual, and physical connection between a husband and wife.”

Do you want that connection again? Do you want to put the romance factor back into your own marriage? It’s true that:

“Passion in your marriage is likely to fizzle unless you proactively nurture it. Don’t stop pursuing the love of your life after you marry.” (Whitney Hopler)

To TRULY love your spouse as you promised to do on your wedding day, you need to make a concerted effort to be pro-active!

“Create an environment where love can flourish. Create the time and space, as well as the intentionality, for love to blossom.” (Dr. David B. Hawkins from article, New Decade Renewed Marriage)

Where to Start

Twanda R. Smith, who is a romantic events planner and consultant, and author of the Marriage Partnership Magazine article, “The Romance Factor” wrote the following as it pertains to romance. And it starts in your bedroom:

“Start by making your bedroom a romantic sanctuary, where you can shut out the world and enter a paradise created for two. Sight plays a significant part in everyday life. So just imagine how important it is to romance. Many are attracted by the sight of their intended before they actually speak to them. So make your sanctuary a sight to behold.

“You can do this by making just a few minor adjustments to the room. First, clear the clutter. If your bedroom is like most, it may have become a catchall for clothes, papers, books, and toys. Once you’ve achieved a clean room, change the lighting by adding candles—the more, the better. Choosing lower wattage light bulbs will give you a similar effect. The soft glow of candlelight will enhance the appearance of even the most ordinary room.

“…You may even consider a few decorating tricks to enhance the bed. Drape sheer, richly colored fabrics across your headboard, and over your window treatments. Or hang them from the ceiling (with hooks from your local hardware store). You’re going for exotic here, so the sky’s the limit. Imagination plays a large part in how appealing your romantic oasis will be.”

The Power of Touch

And then, when you figure in the romance factor in your marriage, don’t forget the power of touch. It’s not just about hopping into bed with each other to have great sex as a husband and wife. It’s also, and especially remembering to keep touching each other in non-sexual ways. Twanda talks further on this aspect of romance, as a husband and wife:

“The bond of physical contact is one of God’s most enduring senses. In the beginning of life, the touch of a mother to her newborn begins the human need for touch. We’re created to crave this on a daily basis. A hug, a caress, or a kiss arouse the tiny blood vessels located just beneath the skin in our bodies. In a marriage, touch forms a connection between husband and wife. One way to use touch is through the art of massage. Try taking a massage class together or get a book on proper massage techniques. This will teach you about pressure points and areas of concentration for a romantic, relaxing evening.”

When it comes to the romance factor in a busy marriage, I encourage you to read further about it in a Family Life Today web site article. Yes, it will take a few minutes. But it’s time well spent to preserve (or rebuild) your coupledom:


Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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One response to “The Romance Factor: When Busyness Gets In The Way

  1. (U.S.)  This is the story of my life or so I hope it is the reason things have cooled off so drastically. My husband was always very affectionate toward me and we had a very healthy sex life as well. He is working a lot of overtime and he is not as young as he used to be so I understand the lack of interest in sex no problem because that is not what our marriage is about after 27 years.

    But he never shows me any affection and that’s what concerns me. He doesn’t hug me, kiss me, hold my hand, call me affectionate names, nothing. The worse part is when I initiate a hug it is only returned half heartedly and he has even pushed me away before. We are getting along great, like the best of friends but I feel more like his buddy than his wife. I am afraid he has lost his feelings for me that he loves me but is no longer in love with me or he is no longer attracted to me. I just don’t know.

    I keep telling myself it’s just the job but in the past no matter what we were dealing with as a couple I always felt his love. But I just don’t feel it. I have been dealing with this for 2 years and it will go away for awhile or I just quit thinking about it but these feelings always come back like a haunting. I still love my husband very much and miss his companionship, affection, and the romance we once shared.