Strategic Romance in Marriage

Strategic romance (Adobe Stock) Screen Shot 2016-06-13 at 1.02.50 PM“There is a common worry among engaged couples that romance will fade months and years into their marriage. Pre-married couples don’t want the attraction and anticipation they feel today to fade into complacency and coldness tomorrow. They want to know how to avert what they believe is an inevitable romantic shortfall in the years to come.” (Jim Mueller) This is where strategic romance comes in.

It’s probably safe to say that none of us want our marriages to “fade into complacency and coldness” —whether we’re entering into marriage, we’re newly married, or we have been married for a while …or even a LONG time!

But how do we stop the “fading” from happening in our marriages? What are some secrets that could help us to combat that from happening?

Strategic Romance Within Marriage

Well, it certainly isn’t by letting romance take its own course after we say “I do” in the marriage ceremony. Life has a way of separating and isolating us from each other. This happens even if we never thought it could happen to us. We can have the most romantic beginning to our lives together that anyone could ever imagine. But eventually, unless we put forth some type of intentionality into making sure the romance doesn’t “fade” or crash, the downhill slide of becoming isolated emotionally apart from each other is inevitable. It’s just the natural course of matters such as this.

Author and radio host, Dennis Rainey talks about this in his book, Staying Close: Stopping the Natural Drift Toward Isolation in Marriage. He writes about the way that life can eventually cause “the drift of isolation” between those who are married.

Concerning Strategic Romance He Writes:

“If there’s one thing worse than a miserable, lonely single, it’s a miserable, lonely married person. The irony is that no two people marry with any intention of being isolated from each other. Most of them feel that marriage is the cure for loneliness. The phrase, ‘Lonely Husbands, Lovely Wives’ would, for them, contradict what they think marriage is all about.

Isolation is like a terminal virus that invades your marriage, silently, slowly and painlessly at first. By the time you become aware of its insidious effects, it can be too late. Your marriage can be crippled by boredom and apathy. It can even die from emotional malnutrition and neglect.”

He then goes on to say,

“Your marriage will naturally move more toward a state of isolation. Unless you lovingly and energetically nurture and maintain your marriage, you will begin to drift away from your mate. You’ll live together, but will live alone.”

Letting Friendship Go to the Wayside

That’s particularly true for married couples who become parents. I read something by author Pamela Jordon, that seem pretty spot-on. She said that parents, have a tendency to “let the ‘goodies’ the fun, friendship and intimacy that brought them together in the 1st place fall by the wayside. Life gets very hectic, and children and work clamor for attention. A relationship doesn’t until it’s in bad shape.”

And that isn’t something that we at Marriage Missions would ever like to see happen in your marriage! That’s why we are providing links below to a few linked web sites articles below. They could help you to be more strategic in nurturing and maintaining your marital partnership.

Yes, it will take a bit of time to sort through what will work for your marriage, and what won’t, but it’s worth it (and the ideas may be a whole lot fresher than anything you could come up with on your own. So please, take the time… glean through and use what you can.

So, this first article is written by Jim Mueller and is posted on the web site for Please click onto the link below to read what Jim has to write on:


Additionally, For Strategic Romance:

Another article to help you to be intentional in romancing each other is written by Sabrina Beasley. It is posted on the web site. In this article Sabrina gives you:


Another article, which is featured on is written by Jimmy Evans. If you click into the link below you will read about:


And still another article that may be helpful to your marriage which is posted on the web site for and is written by Dave Klassen with Glen Hoos, and Charlene Friesen. Please click onto the link below:


Scott Kedersha has come up with several ideas that can help you in the pursuit of strategic romance. The following are creative date ideas (along with a link within the article to even more). You can’t say that you can’t come up with new ways to date each other! Here are even more ideas:


To give you a great way to romance your spouse, the web site for Christian Marriage Today, provides a free download for Love coupons with which you can surprise your spouse. To visit their web site and obtain the coupons, please click onto the link below:


Or, if you want to print up some blank coupons and put your own gifting idea in them, please go to web site, where you’ll find:



If you want even more ideas, just visit our Romantic Ideas topic and take your pick! We hope this helps.

Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” below. We’d love to hear from you.

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Filed under: Romantic Ideas

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