HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! For those in the United States this is a reminder that Valentine’s Day is the day dedicated to celebrating love. So be intentional in preparing and enjoying the day together. Join in on the celebrations.
As far as we’re concerned, it’s wise and fun to show love for your spouse whenever possible. It helps to grow your relationship throughout the years so your love for each other doesn’t starve to death from neglect!
For those outside the U.S. how about making it a day to celebrate “just because I love you?” We do that as often as possible to make life funner and our marriage healthier to the glory of God, whose very name means LOVE.
I Love You Celebrations
Men, if you’re anything like me (Steve), it’s right about now that you’re hoping and wishing that someone would come along and throw you a “life preserver” (in a manner of speaking). What I’m talking about is giving you some help in getting the perfect gift for your wife this Valentines Day.
It doesn’t take long for most of us to run out of creative ideas of ways to show our wives we’re really thinking about and love them. That’s why we’re sharing an article titled “Some Valentines Tips for Mars About Venus.” It’s something we got from Smart Marriages that was written by Dr. Sheldon Walker. This (edited version) appeared in the Globe and Mail Feb 8, 2003.
Dr. Walker suggests getting in front of your computer and creating a coupon book you can print off and staple together. These coupons are designed to be cashed in by your wife. You’ve heard “it’s the thought that counts.”
Dr. Walker gives the following list of suggestions for coupons that count that can help ensure a great Valentine’s Day:
This Coupon Entitles the Bearer to:
• One half-hour of active listening about any topic the bearer chooses, with a full guarantee that no advice will be offered.
• One half-hour discussion of the state of your union.
• A half-hour of massage of any body part the bearer chooses.
• One lingering non-sexual hug.
• One bath with pre-lit candles surrounding the tub.
• An evening out alone with no home responsibilities.
• One video rental evening with a romantic movie featured.
• One half-hour talk where the bearer can give you feedback. (This is to be done gently, without criticism, otherwise the coupon is invalid.)
• One evening out with the bearer having total control over the choice and nature of the activity.
• A gourmet meal prepared or ordered in by you.
• One instance when you will answer the question, “What are you thinking about right now?”
• One instance where you will openly answer the question, “What are you feeling right now?”
• A stroll or walk, holding hands or arm-in-arm.
• One trip in the car where you will slow down when asked.
• One evening at home with music and slow dancing.
I think you get the gist of what this booklet should consist of. If you’re asking why do this, you’ll have to trust me when I tell you that it’s in your own best interest.
If you stop and think about how much time and energy you devote to nurturing the quality of your primary relationship, you’ll likely notice that career, children, general maintenance and other responsibilities often take precedence. Evidence is mounting that shows a quality connection with a significant other may improve cardiac health.
Simple Reminders and Celebrations
Simple reminders to your partner that you love her or that she appeals to you, given regularly, tend to draw your partner closer to you and lessen conflict. You’re probably aware how much conflict at home can raise blood pressure, interfere with concentration and kill sexual relations.
Many couples say that positive comments back and forth are rare, they complain of feeling taken for granted and as a result feel stressed.
Conflicts could be avoided if a reservoir of goodwill is established and fed.
When people know they are cared about, valued and listened to, they can withstand the many ups and downs associated with living. If you put time and effort into your love connection, the dividends are endless.
Should there be a similar coupon book by women? Of course —I’m focusing on men first because I’d like you to be a hero at Valentine’s, and because, generally speaking, women are more sensitive to the emotional climate in a relationship.
Romantic acts and attitudes should be part of the behavioral repertoire of both genders, but men could work harder in this area. When there’s a solid connection between couples, the quality of life increases. Great times, great sex, lots of laughs combined with a sense of closeness and belonging are a tonic for healthy living.
I Love You Celebrations
The above list and article is simple. Yet it’s important to encourage us to be intentional in showing love to each other. We should do this both on Valentine’s Day, “Just Because I Love You” Celebration Days and every day.
Also, you can download a PDF template file to help you with the coupon idea. You can do this by going the The Marriage Bed web site, where you’ll find, LOVE COUPONS.
But to help you further, below are a few web site links to additional Crosswalk.com articles. There are also ideas you can glean through and possibly use and learn from as well:
We hope this gives a “jump start” to a great Valentines Day this year. If you have any other suggestions, please share them in the Comment section below. This way we can ALL benefit from what you’ve learned.
Our love and prayers are with you as together we work to make our marriages the best they can be to the glory of God!
Steve and Cindy Wright
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