“Unfortunately, many couples have lost the spark they shared before they married and have replaced it with a humdrum routine.” [Creative romance can too easily become a thing of the past.]
We hope this isn’t true for you right now. But wait! It just may in the future. It happens to all of us. So, what can we do about it?
“Dating and romancing your spouse can change those patterns; plus, it can be a lot of fun. But it will require some hard work. Is it worth the trouble? I’m convinced that the lack of dating and creative romance in marriage is one of the major causes of broken relationships. Marriages usually don’t collapse overnight. They become bankrupt gradually because they lack daily deposits of love, communication and affirmation.”
“I recently heard a local congressman tell a reporter that he is willing to do ‘anything’ to help rebuild [a war-torn country] in the aftermath of its terrible destruction. I thought this was an interesting comment. Not long afterwards, this same man allowed his marriage to fall apart. The physical devastation of [this country] will mostly be repaired within several years. But once a marriage relationship is destroyed, it can rarely be renovated. ‘Preventative maintenance’ takes ongoing work. It’s work that must be done sooner, not later.” (Doug Fields, from his book, “Creative Romance”)
We’re hoping you’ll make the effort to creatively romance your spouse to spark up your marriage. Don’t allow it to fall apart because of neglect. Keep in mind the familiar warning, “Love doesn’t commit suicide. We have to kill it. Sadly, it often simply dies of our neglect.” That is oh, so true. But don’t let that happen. Be pro-active!
To help you in this mission, you’ll find listed below several tips written by Drew and Kit Coons (from their book, “Stories of Creative Romance”). We hope they will inspire you to keep putting romantic sparks in your marriage.
But first, we want to share with you something we do that continually creates a sweet spark in our own marriage.
Every morning I approach Steve from behind and give him a big hug when he is busy juicing. (He does this 6 mornings a week.) I make sure I don’t startle him; that wouldn’t be such a sweet experience. But I lean in and tenderly hug him from behind ever so lovingly. I also give him a sweet kiss on the neck. Steve always sinks into my hugging arms. He tells me that when I do this it makes him feel cherished; and he is. It’s an endearing time for both of us. And it’s simple; but it makes a positive romantic difference to both of us.
At this point, we could give you more romantic tips. But for this Marriage Insight, Drew and Kit Coons’ share these:
Ideas for Creative Romance
“Over the years, we have asked couples attending some of Family Life’s marriage seminars (which you can find out about on Familylife.com) to give us some romantic ideas they’ve tried out. Here are some of our favorite responses:
1. “Write a love letter; then cut it into about 20 pieces (depending on your spouse’s patience) and hide it around the house. It’s heaps of fun finding the bits and reading the letter.”
My (Cindy’s) brother took this concept in a different direction.
He arranged to give one piece of a love letter he wrote to his wife to 10 different family members. And as each arrived at their already scheduled family reunion, they gave her their piece of this love letter puzzle to my sister-in-law. Needless to say, she was very touched (and so were they—to be included in this sentimental “game”). What fun! And it was oh, so romantic!
Additional Creative Romantic Ideas:
2. “Once my wife came to pick me up from work without the kids and she looked seriously gorgeous. My response (remember I’m still in work mode): ‘Where are the kids?’ Duh!! We had a great weekend.”
3. “Tell your wife that you think she should take [a generous amount of money] and spend it anyway her heart desires. She will probably spend [at least part of] it on you.”
4. “One day my wife and I were so upset with each other that we stopped talking to each other and went into different rooms. One of us decided to pass a note to our young child to give to the other. Progressively, the notes became more exciting. Our child was too young to read the notes but enjoyed taking part in what he thought was a game; and we enjoyed reading about what was going to happen after the child went to bed.”
Other Creative Romance Ideas?
5. “Go to the grocery store and pick out a fun treat together (i.e. favorite kind of apple, or something to munch on in the car). Then go park somewhere with a view, like a sunset or a lake, and enjoy each other’s company.”
6. “Write things that you admire about your spouse on note cards. Then hide those note cards around the house in places that your spouse will discover throughout the day (under the pillow, in a lunch bag, in a book, etc.)”
7. “My husband surprised me one night with a bubble bath, a cold drink, and three books I’ve been meaning to read. He kept all the kids occupied and away from the bathroom. It was so nice and thoughtful! I invited him to join me later (once all the kids were occupied with TV/video games). The rest is history.”
Steve used to do that for me when our sons were younger. That was such a blessing. In more recent years he gives me relaxing foot rubs. Sometimes he will make dinner for us and/or clean up after dinner; and again, what a wonderful blessing! It makes me feel all the more loved and cherished!
8. “In place of a gift, my husband writes me a heartfelt letter of appreciation. The gifts fade, and the memories of the gifts fade, but my letters of appreciation are kept in a place of honor. I know for certain how much he cares for me.”
9. “Something that always makes me feel good is when my husband leaves little gifts at my desk at work. It is always really nice when my co-workers oohh and aaww like children because of the attention and love my spouse shows for me!”
“This final story is one we couldn’t resist, even though the idea backfired!
10. “My husband and I were newlyweds, getting ready to attend a Halloween party given by friends. I came home from work and asked my hubby to answer the door for the trick-or-treaters while I took a bath. As I was running the water, I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be fun to play a trick on him?’ So, I put on my full-length fur coat and sneaked around the house and rang the doorbell. When my husband answered, I threw open my coat and shouted, ‘Trick or treat!’ He was so stunned, he backed up, fell down the steps of the sunken living room, hit his head, and knocked himself unconscious.
“I called 911 and had to explain what happened to the police and paramedics. My husband was taken to the hospital, where they said he had suffered a concussion. We never made it to the Halloween party, and, of course, I had to let my friends know why. They thought it was hilarious. My husband and I will celebrate our 40th anniversary soon. Life is so much easier if you have a sense of humor.”
That’s so very true! Laughter draws you all the more closer together, and strengthens your bond. We (and the Bible) highly recommend it as “good medicine!”
Want more ideas to spark creative romance?
And just so you know, we have a whole lot more romantic tips for you on this web site. Just visit the Romantic Ideas topic. We pray these ideas are a blessing! Every marriage can benefit from those creative romance sparks.
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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3 responses to “Spark up Your Marriage with Creative Romance”
(USA) THANKS. I REALLY NEEDED A GOOD LAUGH, AND AN IDEA. NOW I HAVE BOTH!
I thank God for this post. My issue is that I don’t like sex. This worries my husband and I a lot. I really want God to help me in this aspect. What do you think I can do please?
Thank you for being honest, Olayinka. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, and what you wrote here is a good first step toward a better future in this area of your marriage. I have to say that I can understand your lack of desire all too well. I was there many years ago. I’ve also come across many other wives who have experienced that. But I can honestly say that this is not where I am today AT ALL! It was quite the journey to get there, but it has been well worth the trip.
First off, I encourage you to pray, just as you expressed here–that you really want God to help you. But please know that God doesn’t often answer prayers instantaneously… sometimes, but not often. Many, many times His goal is to answer our prayers through personal growth–persevering and following His leading to get to that place. It’s like what Jesus asked the lame man… “do you really want to be healed?” He wanted to know how sincere he was. If you are willing to do anything to get to this place of intimacy with your husband where you both are satisfied then I believe God will answer your prayer. But you have to be willing.
As you pray–not just once, but on an on-going basis, I encourage you to make this your mission. Ask God to help you how to love your husband in this way. And go to your husband to tell him not to be worried. Tell him that you and the Lord are working on this together. Tell him that you love him and you want to show him love in every way that the Lord would have you, and this is one of those ways. That could help him a lot. There’s no doubt that he has to feel rejected and confused and frustrated. You probably feel pretty frustrated too because it is your desire to want to like sex. After all, this is part of the intimacy that God wants you to share in your love relationship.
I also encourage you to go into the “Sexual Issues” topic that you will find on this web site at: https://marriagemissions.com/category/sexual-issues/. There are a lot of articles posted on this subject. Some will not exactly pertain to your particular issue, but one by one pray for Gods leading as to what to read. (It may take you a while for this… not a one day’s journey). And then read, and ask God to help you to learn what you NEED to learn as He breathes life into the insights He shows you. This is the gleaning principle.
I went on a similar journey (which I talk about in a few of these articles). Silently (without my husband knowing it) I would make love to my husband even when I wasn’t enjoying it at first, asking God to help me to be an unselfish lover to my husband–to find ways to please him and show him my love. What was amazing is that most often, as I was praying, I eventually got to the place where I enjoyed our intimate time together. Unbeknownst to him, I didn’t want to make love at first, but eventually I found myself enjoying it immensely. It truly was a miracle. And now, we have no problems in this area. My desires changed.
I’ve known of other women that have experienced the same thing. It truly is a miracle. It most likely won’t happen overnight, but apply yourself to leaning into and learning from the Lord on this–loving your husband well and unselfishly, and see what God the Lord does for you and your intimate relationship with your husband. I hope you will, and pray that God will bless your every effort. And on this journey: “May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5)