Romancing Your Wife

Credit Image:

If there’s any area in which we need to study our wives to serve them better, it’s in romancing her and bringing feelings of intimacy to the surface.

Ask a guy what romance is, however, and he’ll mumble something about a candlelight dinner or a bouquet of roses. It’s more than that.

It’s knowing what sparks her romantic motors. For some, it will be stuffed animals. For others, it’s the “j”  word —jewelry.


Don’t ask us why. No man alive really understands the big deal about jewelry. If you tell us you do, we’ll call you a liar. The best we can do is shrug our shoulders and ask her which one she likes. She’ll [laugh] like a schoolgirl when you buy her those eighteen-carat gold earrings.

If we can put a guy spin on this, romance is serious business for women. A woman going through marriage without romance feels like a man who goes through life without sex. Much of the color of life disappears, and everything turns gray. We must study our wives because we need to find out what she thinks is romantic, not what [the Hollywood movie stars] Julia Roberts or Jennifer Lopez thinks is romantic. Once we find out what the “it” is, we should sacrifice for her.

When we make sacrifices for our wives, they find it romantic.

Rhonda told us:

Paul hates shopping with a passion. Before we married, I often went to the mall with my mom and sister for leisure and relaxation. We never spent much, but window-shopping relaxed us. We just enjoyed being together and eating a Haagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream cone as we meandered around. Paul couldn’t understand our thought process in the least.

Our first few shopping trips together were disastrous, but then something changed in him. He knew that “mall crawling” was an enjoyable pastime for me, so he began to occasionally ask me whether I wanted to go to the mall to look around. He’ll even top off our time with a visit to the ice cream store or cookie stand. Haagen-Dazs or two chocolate chip cookies with white cream in the middle. What a choice! We have so much fun.

What is Fun to YOUR Wife?

When we’re romancing our wives, we have to do what they think is fun and what they think is romantic. That shows we know them and care for them. Now, if your wife were to romance you, visiting a cookie stand wouldn’t cut it at all, but sitting down on a Friday night on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watching an old Cary Grant movie? Exactly! It’s restful, and it’s romantic. You’re sharing the moment, sharing laughter, and sharing conversation. You’re relating to each other, and that builds intimacy.

Women love it when you prove you know them, spring little surprises on them, and somehow show you’re sacrificing to do things she loves. That’s romance.

But it’s also romantic when you do things for her that she hates. We had a wife tell us she hates to wash silverware after meals. She would even scrub a crusty pan before tackling the silverware. Her husband knows this about her and will step in to wash the silverware for her—even if he doesn’t have time to wash the sink full of dishes.

Why is doing for her what she hates romantic to a woman? It proves you know her and have an intimate relationship with her.

Cheryl told us this story:

“Sometimes I don’t want to do the mundane things like grocery shopping alone. It’s not one of Rod’s favorite things either. But he goes with me if I ask, and he makes it fun just because we’re together. And there’s been more than one classical concert he’s suffered through with me.”

Do you sense the romance here? We do.

This article comes from the book, Every Man’s Marriage: An Every Man’s Guide to Winning the Heart of a Woman, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey, published by WaterBrook Press, which is a division of Random House, Inc. This book is a perfect follow-up to the best selling book, Every Man’s Battle. In this book, you can discover the common misconceptions about what it means to exercise biblical authority and understand the role of submission in the marriage relationship. 

— ALSO —

Another article related to this issue is written by Michael Webb. It’s posted on the web site, Please click onto the link below to read:


Print Post

Filed under: Romantic Ideas

Join the Discussion

Please observe the following guidelines:

  • Try to be as positive as possible when you make a comment.
  • If there is name-calling, or profane language, it will be deleted.
  • The same goes with hurtful comments targeted at belittling others; we won't post them.
  • Recommendations for people to divorce will be edited out–that's a decision between them and God, not us.
  • If you have a criticism, please make it constructive.
  • Be mindful that this is an international ministry where cultural differences need to be considered.
  • Please honor the fact this is a Christ-centered web site.

We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content.


9 responses to “Romancing Your Wife

  1. (INDIA) Mutual understanding is the main key to success in domestic life. Mutual understanding means to know the effects and defects between a husband and wife. No one is perfect in the universe so every body can to adjust and understand the weaknesses of others. It will not come automatically but by the self testing and at least studying who you are and what you have.

    In the case of husbands, try to understand your wife is only a women. She has limitations and has a particular frame so don’t give her more pain as well as depressions. Give more importance to her desires and ambitions in each family discussion. Seek her opinions and to listen her suggestions. Admit her as a part of society and don’t forget to appreciate her when she wants a compliment. A wife should be a good servant, companion, minister, and more over, a lover.

    Every wife thinks their husband must be a gentle man and be loving. So I conclude here, "Take care. Your thoughts should be gentle and subtle."

  2. (INDIA)  Let us think about wife’s role in the family. In Indian culture she is lighting a lamp in her home. She is suffering a lot of things for her husband and children from dawn to dusk caring and sharing her time and energy for both. In most cases, her husband is not ready to help her with the house keeping. It is quite miserable, you know.

    For example, if she is busy in kitchen her spouse can help her in many ways like ironing dresses for himself and their children, check school books and related things in children’s bag to see if they are ready or not, to help to put on the school uniform and shoes for children etc. Your wife is very tense until the food reaches the dining table.

    Don’t compare life like a straight line. Sometimes it will curve, bend and also vibrate. Last week your wife prepared the same dish better than today. Why did this happen? This question is hundred percent foolish. Until you ask yourself again and again, then you will get right answer. Taste is not only depend on the ingredients or contents of the food but also depends on the time and state of mind.

    When you go to out side for any purpose you should inform her and just tell her what time you will come back to home. Nobody can predict the exact time of arrival but you just phone her and ask what she needs and give a sweet kiss. It is a great pleasure to strengthen the love you have for each other. Love is a soft affection of mind, we have to keep its human softness forever by touching. Let us pass on how to love to the next generation.

  3. (COIMBATORE) Today let us go through love and the love environment. Love is a soft passion of human mind and it can solve many problems and cease the international conflict also. The famous Indian philosopher Chinmayanand swami said "retaliatory measures and revengeful attitudes will not solve any problems but, sincerity with an ounce of love, solves all the problems in the universe". In his statement we can understand the importance of love.

    Love is a single word, but it occupies many meanings. If you love anyone, you have to give your support, timely help and trust. This is the totality of love. In the case of couples, to trust each other, to help each other and to support mutually, how can you exhibit your pure love in front of your wife? It is nothing. But whenever she needs your help, you have to understand the priority she wants from you. For example, when she’s tired or she is suffering from uneasiness or illness, let her take a rest and you go to the kitchen and make a light meal like bread and an omelet or whatever you know how to make in a fast way. If you spend your time to giving her food with your hand, lovely. It will be a great pleasure and she will be proud of her husband.

    Every wife takes it seriously to serve her husband. This is only her right, isn’t it? Sure, so we cannot criticize or argue this matter. When she is not able to do anything in the kitchen or with the children you have to take care and manage the bedroom, kitchen, dining table and everywhere. It is the duty of a husband. A husband should observe his wife carefully and stay with her when she wants you near. It is equal to thousands of human soft affections. Remember, this is pure love, divine love.

  4. (COIMBATORE)  Today, let us go through the different way of love and interesting love making. Love is like a poetry. Poetry can not exist when it is just a slip in paper. Definitely it will be readable with a rhythmic and beautiful voice. In such a way a poem will become live and meaningful.

    Love also traveling the same way, when you exhibit it by your activities and emotions, love becomes beautiful and fulfilled. Say for example, one loves sincerely and deeply but he or she fails to tell openly or is unable to reveal it to each other. It will be stunted in its growth in an early stage. In almost all cases, lovers are very shamed and nervous in beginning stage, but it consequently changes by continuous contact of both and it gives good result finally.

    Once I watched an interview of Rosi Thomas on TV, she is a leading writer in Malayalam literature in India. She is a widow. Her husband passed away very earlier, but she’s still living energetically, with his loving memories. It was a love marriage.

    She said in the interview, she wanted to live with another person and for Thomas to also marry other women in re-birth. It’s really surprising and we can not think it logically. But she said the reason was noticeable. ‘"I am very sure, nobody can love and understand my Thomas very well except me and vice versa.". In Rosi Thomas’ views her husband should understand and to know how much more she loved her husband.

    In Indian culture, the laymen commonly uses the similarity of women and soil. If the farmer takes care of the soil by adding water and manure, it is more useful and it gives its many benefits to the plants. In the same way, if you give more love and support, women will not cheat you. She will dedicate everything for you and she is ready to sacrifice everything in your life. Let us understand and learn the love atmosphere from our surroundings as well as in nature. Love is sweet, sweeter, and sweetest when you know it in a proper way.

    1. (ABUDHABI-ALJABER)  l have the great pleasure to share with you after a short break. Let us discuss family life and its importance in our society. First of all, to know what a family is and its derivations, every one’s life becomes fulfilled after marriage. Marriage is the first step of the origin of family life. We invite our friends, family members, relatives, neighbors, companions, co-workers and almost all nearest and dearest people to the marriage ceremony. They are the eye witnesses of marriage function.

      The woman is totally strange and has her own culture and life style before marriage and vice versa. For this reason their parents declare in front of the participants, “they are going to start a new life today, so please wish them and give to them gifts by showering blessings and virtues.” It is a really good custom.

      Marriage changes every one’s life partially or fully, depending upon the individual. In fact, all the changes are not admirable or appreciated. Let us pass on, that those kind of changes are really interesting. Possessiveness follows like a shadow in each person, externally or internally. Whether it is right or not, if it creates conflict in family life, we have to give a medicine for both. According to the nature of the disease, the doctor will decide the dose and treatments. Doubts and possesiveness are dangerous diseases in domestic life. We don’t know when it will start or spread in our minds. In short, they are the symbols of pure love but it attacks me, somtimes brutally.

      After marriage, every wife tries to throw a rope around her husband’s nose or neck for control to prevent the diversion of her husband’s path. She wishes to make him go straight as he desires. She cannot imagine her calculation will go wrong and the final result will be an absolute zero. In such conditions, she cannot tolerate herself and is completely moody, like a clouded sky. Nobody can change or console her back into a normal state, kind of like a type of manic depression. A cunning husband should be wise in this circumstance. If he is, he will change her mood slowly by sweet and lovely talk, which is so admirable!

      So, domestic life is not easy to manage and to handle. Take care, very well. It is breakable when you make mistakes. If you know your life partner very well, you can satisy her mentally and physically, definitely.

  5. (COIMBATORE)  Human beings are giving a very importance for the kiss. Actually the kiss is the first step of love making. Once a romantic poet in Malayalam literature said that "kiss is the humid seal of soft affection, it is a meaningful and touching sentence."

    The real kiss is the touching of lips of male and female. It depends upon the situation and mood of mates and couples. Most people are not satisfied simply touching with lips but they press well and give wet with their tongues. In European countries the kiss is not a simple thing but it is long process. They spend more time on the kiss and have great role of tongues, upper and lower lips.

    In Indian culture, the parents kiss their children on their cheeks and lips, but after they are matured, the father and mother give them kisses only on his or her fore head. If you observe the kiss you can see different kinds, according to persons and positions. For example, lovers who are living far from each other, can give only flying kisses. It is highly precious and touching. The husband and wife sharing kisses during night time, can give warm kisses. It is otherwise called a hot kiss.

    I have one suggestion to all, if you are going to give a kiss to your wife you should take preparation prior to kissing. It will help your partner as she is thinking of you and she will never forget its sweetness and softness.

  6. (COIMBATORE, India)  I think it is better to approach your wife in a friendly way. It is so beautiful and is a good past time. If you have a joke you can share in front of your wife, it can be enjoyable and gives more happiness to both of you. A good sense of humor is essential for both of you to enjoy. On holidays, you can spend time on the beach or in a park with your husband. It gives mental happiness and it reduces tension.

    Nowadays, almost all couples in the universe spend time in restaurants. It’s better to take a rest once in a week, close the kitchen for one day, am I right? Weekends give more time to do something that brings the pleasure of your choice, either indoors or outdoors. Sometimes husbands want to go and watch a good film in city, but she does not like to spend her time in a theater for such a long time because it means a maximum of two hours. That is the time when two opinions will start to struggle. In such a condition, it would be good for the husband to give another choice to her and make sure she is satisfied or not. When you have free time, take your own time and see that film without wife.

    Never travel in a way of ego, it will destroy your peace of mind and your energy. Ego is a kind of mental disease, when it bites you, you bite back, okay. Life is very beautiful when you know it’s facts.

  7. (KADIRUR, INDIA))  Today we have to conform to the leisure time of the husband. Let us see how he spends his time with his wife, children and with his friends. Really, it is very interesting and it will depend upon the mood of the husband and financial ability. Basically, every one should spend time with his wife and children in park, beach, shopping, restaurants, and cinema theater, according to his ability to pay and interest.

    Children are waiting to spend time with their parents and the husband should ask his wife and children what their preferences are and serve them, as well. Say for example, your kids are very interested in sports like football, cricket, whatever; fathers – you can join with them in a good sports spirit and it will be one of the very happiest moments for them and and more enjoyable,right?

    You should take care of your kids’ mental happiness as well as their demands. So, a father should be a good observer and adviser. Youngsters are pearls of the future. Educated and qualified parents will keep the quality of their kids and they will encourage them. Remember, your children are always observing/watching you (fathers) and they find their ideas and future when you light the path.

  8. (KADIRUR, INDIA) Marriage is not child’s play. It is a time to act responsibly and it will break easily by the carelessness of both men and women. Financial set up is not only the green card of marriage, but mental courage and health is also highly important. One who is going to be ready for the marriage should do self testing and at least study who you are and what you have. You have to take mental preparation and you must have the capability to adjust, admit
    and to manage your partner. In such a condition marriage and domestic life never leads to failure.

    When we are studying in college, we have only a little knowledge about girls as well as in the case of boys. But this is not a vivid picture. During this learning time, everybody is attracted to the opposite sex by their nature, beauty and smartness. It is only the colorful atmosphere of the college campus life, not a real life. Real life means it has its own responsibilities. After marriage, you are a new person in the society. You have an address and values in our society. So if you want to take a step you should think about your surroundings and keep dignity for the society.

    In the case of girls, they mature earlier and are more practical than boys. In such a condition, they are thinking about life very seriously. Basically all women have the same frame of characters, attitudes as well as views. They are worried about the children’s education, insurance policy, money savings, health of husbands, etc. Because of her worries, the husband is forced to make decisions, solutions and remedy for those things. It is a good idea. It is only her right, you know? Anyway, a wife is just like a fragrant flower. It spreads scent and lights our surroundings.

    Every husband wants his wife with a smiling face to receive him, to know the news in the kitchen, and to be able to provoke her, not seriously but by joking. If you admire her, she never gives up her expectations. If you show her love sincerely, she loves you beyond limit. If you trust her, she will sacrifice everything for you. If you support her, your life will fulfilled. So love is only the soft passion in the human mind. It can create a type of heaven, definitely.