For a long time, I didn’t know that sex was God’s idea and that it is a gift to us in marriage. I was surprised to see how much God said about it in His Word. And I was flabbergasted to discover that a woman could be sensual and godly at the same time. I’d always thought these two words couldn’t be used in the same sentence! But God rejoices greatly in this intimate physical union between husband and wife, which is part of His plan for making us one. Sex between a husband and wife is one of God’s holiest gifts.
Married Sex is One of God’s Holiest Gifts
In my immaturity, I never realized how important the sexual relationship is to a man. I learned that sex is a huge need for a husband. This is a need he has emotionally and physically.
After I started meeting my husband’s needs in this regard, every other area of our marriage improved over time. The walls started coming down and the lines of communication opened. My husband became more tender toward me. And he was more responsive to my needs as well.
Things didn’t change overnight. I spent many hours talking to God about it. I learned that “the wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband.“ And the same is true for the husband.
We are told:
It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong. But marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality. The husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.
Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting. But it is only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence —only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. (1 Corinthians 7:2-6, The Message)
Old Misconceptions
Another verse that changed my thinking completely was: “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.“(Genesis 2:25) I had to rid my mind of old mindsets and misconceptions. And I had to align my thoughts with God’s perspective.
As I have given my body as a “gift” to my husband, we have both enjoyed a very fulfilling intimate relationship. It’s one that keeps getting better all the time. I also feel a deeper love for my husband than I did when we were newlyweds!
Best of all, I feel that God is at the center of our marriage. I thank Him for giving us this precious gift of intimacy.
This article (plus more) can be found in the book, The Best Thing I Ever Did for My Marriage: 50 Real Life Stories.
— ALSO —
“Believe it or not, making love with your spouse is a spiritual, as well as a physical, exercise.”
To learn more from author Gary Thomas, please read:
— ALSO —
Lastly, in this next article, written by Ginger Kolbaba, four sex therapists explain things you should know (and up to this point you may NOT know). But after reading this article, you will!
To learn more, please click onto the web site for Building Intimate Marriages to read:
Filed under: Sexual Issues
My husband refuses to have intercourse with me. We can have 4 months without it. I am the one always asking for it. He told me that he does not want to have intercourse because I have had a bad attitude towards him, doing so, will teach me a lesson so next time I will think twice!!!
He retaliates and I am devastated. Is this how things are supposed to be? God said the husband’s body belongs to the wife and vice versa? What should I do?
He goes out at night by himself. I told him that we have the go out sometimes, both of us. He refuses. I am the one staying home with the kids. Sometimes when I ask him he says that I need to take care of the kids! here I am ashamed and mad etc… I am asking God to help me by the name of Jesus. I need advice. I do not want to fall into temptation. I have my needs. What do I do?
We’ve been married 45 years and we only had sex once in our whole married life. He told me the day after we were married he hated sex, it wasn’t worth the so called excitement. Since that time he wants nothing to do with me. He treats me like a sister or room mates! He made his home in the basement and worked the midnight shift for over 40 years. We haven’t had dinner, conversation, slept together or done any thing that married people do.
It was senseless for me to stay with a non-caring person, but I did and ruined my life like he ruined his. I regret we ever met, and worse regret getting married. In our mid 60s and I don’t care any more about him or myself. My married life will end the same way it started, alone and not wanted.
I read your post now in two separate places on the site and sad can’t even begin to describe your situation. I’m afraid the only help I can provide is to pray for your situation, and I do. I also pray you will be able to let go of the any anger you must harbor. That will only serve to destroy yourself again. “The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble” -Psalms 9:9.
Amy, please go to a good Christian counselor. It seems to me that you have been abandoned on many levels and that your husband has not honored your marriage vows. I don’t want to give you advice other than to say that a good, wise Christian counselor should be able to help you sort things out and determine what to do.
I would like to thank Jenny and Mark for their thoughts and prayers. We live two separate lives and we’ll always be that way. I’ve given up with men and am no longer angry. A lady pastor at church has sort of taken me under her wing. We talk a lot and I feel a little better about my situation. Really, the only thing that’s good about my marriage is my husband has a great pension (not great to go out and live on my own) but I have some spending money, plus he has great health benefits. I don’t want to lose that.
If I had to live my life over I would like a strong husband to hold and love me. Also I would want kids and a happy family. All I can say to the world is don’t let yourself get mixed up with someone who doesn’t care about you. Find a true lover and helper.
Oh what a shame. I am not in your shoes but can relate, the torture in my head and how I feel is endless. I thought I was the only one and I’m sorry to learn I’m not. Ya just don’t think highly of yourself to break the pattern of abuse, because it is. I see myself stuck also. How we cope is sheer intervention from somewhere. Pray that when you had enough and that’s saying for me too, we can walk out.
My wife has been like a stranger for the last 25 yrs in my house. She cuts me down and makes me feel about a half inch high. She told me I didn’t know how to have sex and never have. I asked her what she meant by her remark and she denied it and said she did not say that. I gave her a card and I wrote in that card that God created sex and invented it for an man and wife. I read in an article why women cheat. It could be sadism because she had something happen to her at a young age. It also said until she understands she has a problem it is going to take a lot of forgiveness on my part.
My wife and I have two different sex drives. Mine is high, hers is low. We do not agree on frequency and it has caused contrition and despondency. I have compromised in every way to keep the peace. But she rejects intimacy in even small ways like touching. She is a God fearing Christian woman but I fear this problem will lead to further discontentment between us. Please help me find a way to be a better husband. One that she will desire and love.
I have always said when my husband and I make love we touch each others soul and now knowing that it is a gift from GOD make it even better!
My wife and I have been married 53 years, but when our wonderful relationship changed due a terrible decision I made we have not been intimate since. We live together are still “friends” share everything else. We’re both active Christians and to most outsiders appear to have a wonderful life together. I’ve asked her many times to forgive me for this terrible/selfish decision I made. I have asked forgiveness, have sought outside counseling from our church rectors prefessionals psychologist, psychiatrist and just counselors including from the VA.
I’m 100% disabled due to actions during Viet Nam (1967-68) due PTSD and starting this year for postate cancer due to Agent Orange exposure. I was a military pilot involved in spraying every Viet Cong based area. This changed Va status hasn’t changed us. We’re both in our mid 70’s and time is running out for us; our marriage relationship with adult daughters living out of town with there lives. They and marcia are close? Me? Seldom. Birthday cards, etc.
All this I caused at age 50 when I drove to another town and robbed a US POST OFFICE in Pensacola, FL. I was immediatly arrested and spent a year in county jail; plead guilty and was sentenced to 3 years in Federal prison + probation. I was denied pardon during 1st year of President Obama’s term. Previously received Alabama pardon within 6 months. Prior to the crime I had spent several years medical/psychiatric treatment outpatient and over 2 years combined psychiatric hospitilization. After prison release I sought private treatment including state mental heath, but nothing helped.
Depression, anxiety psychotic? Lots of medication. They suggested I see the VA and they quickly they realized PTSD so I have been under their care contiously since lots of meds, several hospital stays including 6 months Biloxi, MS after the
9-11 attack. I’m a college grad with BS in Engineering. I worked 20 years for Alabama Power Company as personnel manager in Mobile Division. During this past time they kept me on paid sick leave until I was eligible for early retirement. I remain close with apco retiree’s org and many former coworkers. I currently work p.t. for Lowe’s.
When I was released from Federal Prison I was given a bus ticket home when and I got there my wife said don’t put your bag down you’re living upstairs where I’ve been ever since. We share income, etc. Just not a married relationship. She says she can’t take the chance I might do something crazy like I did 30+ years ago that destroyed our family relationship with daughters and others which we were close to. Both parents and others were alive and experienced our family’s distruction and with many former friends, neighbors, town’s people. This is her hometown of 75 years, mine for 40+. We’ve lived, raised our daughters here. Her brother, daughter and family live here in our neighborhood and go long periods with no contact. My relatives are out of town/state. We exchange birthday cards but haven’t seen them/ their grandchildren. Year’s ago I/we tried counselors both at VA and civil, including church. She avoids trying again but maybe it might help. Any suggestions. I still love her and believe she loves me. I know that through this we’ve been faithful to our marriage vows as we always have. Any suggestions to help us?
You have to forgive each other. We all make mistakes but we must forgive. It’s the only way to move on. The past will always be in the past but we determine our future. Take it day by day to show each other love. Love is forgiveness. God bless you for your sacrifice. And remember to turn to the Bible for answers.