Who or What is Most Important?

Most important Dollarphotoclub_74263087.jpgWe SAY our spouse and our marriage is most important to us, but do our actions show that this is really true? To help you with this issue, below are some important questions to ask yourself.

Mark Driscoll wrote these questions for husbands, but they’re also good for wives to ask themselves (so we changed the pronoun “wife” to “spouse” in this quote).

So, here are the questions (and then a bit of advice afterward):

“Are you constantly checking your phone? Do you spend hours surfing the Internet? Are you always checking game scores? Do you bring your phone to the dinner table? Do you have a TV at the foot of your bed? And do you take your laptop, phone, and other technology with you on vacations and date nights? DO you spend your date nights not speaking to your spouse but watching a movie?

“Turn it off; unplug it; move it; leave it. Be present with your spouse. Speak with and connect with your spouse, and cultivate your life with your spouse rather than ignoring her [or him].”

We believe that’s great advice! We can’t even begin to tell you all the marital problems (including separations and divorces) we’re hearing about. This is because the social media is being allowed to push one spouse away from the other. There seems to be more “cleaving” going on with other people via their phones, tablets, computers, TV’s, etc… than with many husbands and wives.

Important Changes

Steve and I LOVE the positive connections the social media can bring. (One of them is having access to the ministry of Marriage Missions.) Lots of great things can happen. But just as with anything good, we can take them to extreme by making unhealthy choices. When something, or someone pushes spouses away from each other, that is NOT good.

It’s then, that important changes need to be made by one or both spouses. After all, why did we marry our spouse in the first place, if we choose to continually push other people and things ahead of spending time connecting with our spouse?

How about you? Are you “connected to each other?” Or are you more connected to your devices, and the other people those devices bring your way? Ask yourselves –What’s more important and who is supposed to be more important to you?

Please pray about this issue. Make sure your actions line up with what you vowed to do on your wedding day —a sacred vow you made to your spouse and to God. Sometimes, we need to do some re-aligning of priorities.

“With the common Facebooking [and social media] issues, the sooner couples learn how to talk about setting up boundaries and using common sense in this social media age, the better off they will be. This is true, especially since being a part of an online social network is not going away anytime soon… or ever.” (K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky)

Tune Up Times

Ask God if this is one of your tune-up times where you need to make some serious changes. This is so you better connect with your spouse over any other human being or anything else. Showing your spouse love by being intentional in connecting with him or her should be your first priority after loving Jesus Christ. After all, your marriage relationship is a living picture of Christ’s relationship with His church. Why wouldn’t you make it as healthy and vibrant as it’s possible.

If it’s a tune-up time or a readjustment time, then DO SOMETHING about it. Don’t procrastinate. You may or may not be able to encourage your spouse strongly enough to do what she or she should, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing what YOU should do, as God would have you.

To help you in this mission, here are some links to a few articles that gives practical tips you can use.

Please Read:


BE PRESENT – Marriage Message #278


And then don’t forget to apply these principles when you’re on vacation. As hard as it can be, do what you can to regulate your (and the whole family’s) technology devices whenever you’re on vacation. It’s good to get “unconnected” from the distractions. Instead, “love the one you’re with.”

You’ll find additional help posted in the “Social Media” topic of our web site. Please take advantage of what we make available. …We hope you will.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ —to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)

Cindy and Steve Wright

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Filed under: Marriage Insights

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3 responses to “Who or What is Most Important?

  1. We do have a tv in our bedroom, but it is only watched when my husband needs to relax – I will watch a video while I am massaging his head to help him relax.

    I work while my husband is disabled and stays at home, his choice. He watches a lot of tv, and he wants me when I’m home to watch tv with him. He feels bored if we sit outside in our backyard, even if we are talking and sharing our day.

    1. Hi Teresa, For some people, the TV isn’t a problem. The problem is when the TV causes a “creeping separateness” that separates you emotionally (we will be saying a bit more about this in next week’s Marriage Insight). If you both still feel connected to each other –making your TV and any other devices work for you, rather than you being so involved with what they bring you, rather than your marital relationship, then it’s all good.

      The purpose of this “Insight” is to make spouses aware that they can become possessed by their stuff so much that they overlook their relationship with their spouse –paying attention more to the “unreal” rather than their “real” partner. As long as nothing and no one “separates” you emotionally from each other, you’re doing fine. Everyone is different, and the dynamics of all marriages are different (although often there are threads of familiarity that can run true). If it’s working for you… go for it… if it stops working for your marriage, then reassess what changes need to be made and do so accordingly.

  2. My husband and I connect. We plan to go for a walk together when the weather is O.K. and we wash up and dry up. Sometimes I read to him from Kindle if we do not have news. We also go grocery shopping together. We do other things too. Every morning we do devotions together. I think that is the most important. We share all our meals together when we are home. (and he is not at work.) Just some ideas for you to share. – Lorraine and Stephen