Wishing For Another Chance

How many times have you wished you could have a “do-over” chance in your marriage? You did something you wish you could take back or erase, and yet you can’t. We’ve sure wished for our share (perhaps thousands of times and counting). And sometimes we’ve been able to have one, but many times not. That’s when we’ve wished with everything in us that we could have another chance — just one more chance!

This same regret happens repeatedly in marriages all over the world. Actually, who doesn’t go through those times? We’re all sinners and it definitely can cause hurtful times in our marriage relationships!

We received an email from a man a while ago that was praying for one. And how we hope and pray he received it. Over and over again we receive these types of messages from spouses wishing that they had acted differently than they had, and now their spouse won’t let them have another chance. How tremendously sad to be in that place — to be in either place!

Here’s what this man wrote (with permission to share it):

Wishing for Another Chance:

“I’m sure you hear from men like myself all the time. My wife and I are currently separated (married since 2007) and I believe I’m totally at fault. I was never a caring, loving husband throughout our relationship and marriage. I just didn’t know how to express my feelings or show love like that.

It was also me who left as well, after my wife wrote me a letter stating that she didn’t feel like I was into our marriage. My pride and ego told me that I would be okay by myself. So FOOLISH!! I truly was blinded by my own selfishness and ego.

“3 months after I left it hit me in the face that what I was doing was totally incorrect. I went to a random church and they were preaching on Ephesians 5:22-33. It was just for me. I truly wish I had opened my Bible and listened to GOD on how I should have been treating my wife all this time.

It’s Painful

“Now she wants nothing more to do with me. It’s so sad because she used to love me soooo much. It pains me dearly to think of the hurt and anguish I caused her. Please, I ask for your prayers. Please pray for my wife, myself, and our marriage. I want nothing more than one last chance to be the head of our household, to be the man and husband GOD created me to be. I know nothing is impossible for GOD and that marriage is His creation. But there are times when I just don’t know… this truly has been the hardest time in my life. I miss my wife dearly and her indifference to me, and lack of communication is like a dagger in my heart, which I feel I put there myself.

“Thank you for reading my message and for any prayer and advice you may have for me. GOD Bless you, your family and ministry.”

Praying for Another Chance

How we pray that God ministered to both of their hearts and hope this dead marriage was resurrected! (It has been several years since this man reached out to us.) Please join us in praying for couples like this who want another chance to prove to his/her spouse that he/she can change, and be the spouse they should be. And pray that God helps the offending spouse to follow through and make the necessary life changes.

As I was reading this man’s email, I thought back to a time when I received a “do-over” from Steve. And I thank God that I did (even though I wasn’t a Christian at the time). Life sure would have been different!

I remember before Steve and I were married that I almost lost any chance of ever being with him again. Steve and I had dated each other for a long time in college (over 2 years). Sadly, I took him for granted. And like a jerk, I knew I loved him but I still wanted to date others. I was honest and told him so (instead of sneaking behind his back). But he couldn’t stand it and got up the courage to break it off with me.

An Ah Ha Moment

I was sad, but I thought I’d be okay. Well, later on I realized that I made a huge mistake. I wasn’t doing okay… not at all. It was Steve that I wanted, and no one else mattered any longer. It was a real “Ah Ha moment” for me where I knew I needed to change my actions because my heart was now totally changed.

At that point however, Steve had completely closed the door to me. I was devastated. I realized that I may have lost the love of my life. And I almost did. It took a long time for Steve to open his heart back up to me and accept me back into his life to give me another chance.

I didn’t let him down. From that moment on, I never even thought of dating another. We got engaged, and married a few months afterward. In looking back, I can’t thank God and Steve enough for giving me another chance in giving me a do-over. I can’t imagine not being Steve’s wife. I cherish him with all my heart as the love of my life (a bubble behind the Lord).

And yes, we know that this would have been much more complicated if we had already been married. A marriage mistake “do over” is much more serious! But we’re talking about people who have that “ah-hah moment” in their lives where they wake up and make the necessary changes to turn their life in the right direction. It DOES happen — married or not! And especially, when God is involved, all things are possible. We serve a God of second chances (third and fourth and more than that sometimes).

Wants a Do-Over

We hope that this man had the opportunity to show his wife that he would cherish her for the rest of their lives. And we hope that he actually did follow through and do that, with all his strength, and still does.

If you are taking your marriage partner for granted, please know that “each day can be a new beginning.” Don’t keep thinking you can be a jerk, and act in ways you shouldn’t and you will always be given another opportunity to make it right. It may be that you won’t be given that grace. This man found this out, all too well!

TODAY is the day appointed to act in the loving ways you should —to reveal and reflect the heart of Christ in how you live with your spouse. Don’t let this man’s testimony be yours. There may not be a good ending.

Give Another Chance?

And if you are the person that is being pleaded with to give your spouse another chance… well, we can’t tell you what to do. We aren’t all-knowing or all-seeing, as God is. But please don’t close your mind or heart to the fact that some people can and do change. I did. And we have heard from multitudes of people who have, as well.

We worship a God who is our Redeemer. He does and has helped multitudes to completely change the direction of their lives in positive, loving ways. Look to Him to give you the advice you need. Don’t push your wants at Him; listen to what HE wants you to do.

Here’s something written by marriage expert Kevin Bullard that we feel impressed to share it with you. Ask God how He wants you to respond to what is said here:

“’Strengthen what remains.’ (Revelation 3:2) Perhaps this is the encouragement you need to keep moving forward in your marriage with a spouse who has shown contrition and is begging you for another chance. Are things perfect? No. Can you undo the past? No. However, you can build on broken pieces and trust God to give you beauty for your marital ashes. If you’re willing, God can help you build on broken pieces.”

If this advice is for you, then run with it, as God leads. If it isn’t, then ask God to show you what you truly should do. But we encourage you to earnestly lean into God, seeking His guidance.

And as we often say, and mean it with all our hearts:

“May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5)

Cindy & Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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