Is Flirting On The Internet, Considered Cheating?

The question was posed to us if flirting on the internet, by someone who is married, considered cheating. Here’s a portion of the answer I gave:

If someone is married, why would they think it’s permissible to flirt with anyone other than with their spouse? Not only are they putting themselves into a vulnerable situation where they can fall into temptation (even if they “fool” themselves into thinking they can’t be tempted— “fool” is the operative word here) but they’re playing with the emotions of someone else who shouldn’t be flirting back with someone who is married. It’s called being a “stumbling block” in tempting them to sin.

That other person may not know the person who is flirting with them is married. So, what if they build up romantic feelings for the flirting married person and they eventually find out that this person is married, is that fair? It puts them into a place of pain as they then have to make the decision to tear their heart away from someone they care for or they end up participating in cheating —either way, they lose.

I sure wouldn’t want that done to me if I were single! And I think the person who is flirting should consider that other persons’ feelings also. That’s really being cruel and inhumane to have so little compassion on the feelings of others —to be so insensitive that they would consider doing that to them!

I’m reminded of the Pharaoh of Egypt in Genesis 12 when Abram allowed his wife to be passed off as an unmarried woman and Pharaoh took her into his palace. It says in verse 17, “But the LORD inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram’s wife Sarai. So Pharaoh summoned Abram. ‘What have you done to me?’ he said. ‘Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife? Why did you say, ‘She is my sister, so I took her to be my wife’?”

One can argue that the circumstances went a step further than flirting. But it still comes down to one person contributing to another person sinning, and innocent people are hurt in the process.

Also the Bible talks about the fact that if we do something in our thoughts it’s the same as actually doing the deed itself. Flirting is being sexual in your attitude and/or words, so it doesn’t leave out the fact that this is defiling the Marriage Bed —which the Bible warns us against doing!

And even if the flirting spouse was up front with the fact that they were married, they’re contributing to another person sinning. If someone flirts with someone who is married, they’re guilty of trespassing into that marriage. They have no business flirting with someone else’s spouse.

So… tempting someone to flirt with you when you’re married is causing them to sin. Is that something we should do —contribute to tempting someone else to sin? Would that spouse want that to be done to their daughter or son? God doesn’t want it done to His either.

And even if you put all of this aside, what about the other spouse who has their marital partner flirting with someone else? How is this cherishing and honoring them (as the flirting partner promised in their wedding vows to do)? How is this “forsaking all others” as promised in the wedding vows? How does this make the faithful spouse feel? I can tell you that it hurts into the core of their being! How is that humane?

It takes an insensitive and/or immoral person to do that to someone else! We’re to be different than the animals. Being creatures of compassion is a large part of what separates us from the animals. I don’t see much compassion in this situation. It sounds more cruel to me!

It all comes down to making the choice of being a promise-keeper or being someone who only cares about themselves —that they don’t care who they hurt in the process. THAT’S what the person is deciding when they flirt with someone else who isn’t their spouse —whether it’s on the internet or elsewhere.

Just because it’s on the internet, it doesn’t mean that integrity is supposed to be removed from our actions. Integrity is who you are, and what you do, when no one else is looking but God. And flirting outside of marriage screams against being a person of integrity —it says, “I’m self-centered and I don’t care who I hurt in the process! What I want is what’s important here!”

This article was written by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International.

— ALSO —

Here’s another article that could bring further insight into this issue:

EMOTIONAL ADULTERY: How Husbands and Wives Disrespect Each Other


Filed under: Emotional & Physical Affair Pornography and Cybersex Social Media

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80 responses to “Is Flirting On The Internet, Considered Cheating?

  1. (USA)  I am 20 years old and have been married for two years now and have a 15 month boy. It started about 7 months ago. My husband started looking at a site, similar to MySpace. He set up his profile and soon enough he was talking to other women, telling them he is single. He would flirt with them, talk to them in sexual ways.

    Well, I caught him and he told me he wouldn’t ever do it again. He told me it wasn’t cheating because it was over the internet and he was stupid to ever think of doing it in the first place. I just recently have caught him doing it again. I feel like its gotten worse with the way he talks to these women. And it’s not just one women it’s a lot, saying the same things. When I confront him about it he gets angry and mean like I shouldn’t be getting mad at him, and he turns it around on me making me look like the bad person.

    I don’t want to turn this into a big deal if it’s really not. He’s not sneaking out with other women, just talking to them on the internet, but I feel the internet is just as worse but that’s not how he puts it. I just don’t know what to think or do. I love him and I know he loves me a lot (which is why I don’t understand why he is doing this) but I know if I left him he would be ruined and who knows what he would do if it were to happen? So it scares me to think about divorcing him.

    I don’t want him to be miserable. I don’t want a divorce, but sometimes I feel I would be happier if I did. I don’t want to keep feeling hurt every time I catch him talking to other women. I just need to know if I’m turning this into more than it needs to be.

    1. My wife wants to divorce me for the same thing. We must be not getting enough love are so many females do it 2 use so when we get that right 1 dnt even know it. But we hurt them from thank she going hurt me too, so let me hurt her before she hurts me in the long run we hurt I self because I am staying with 1 of my friends because my wife kicked me out. So I am going stay here until I get on my feet. I still love her. We have got two beautiful kids together and I miss them everyday. I don’t want her to divorce.

  2. (USA)  My husband and I have always had a good marriage and I know he loves me for 21 years now. But the other day he left his Facebook page open and I was looking through it for no reason except just bored. He messaged a pretty younger woman he had friended just telling her that he liked her inspirational post. Then he messaged another day saying I quite like “her name, each profile picture change gets prettier than the last. Very pretty and sexy. Have a good day doll.” She responded with a thank you and then he responded thank you back and how he loved her outlook on life. When I told him how angry and hurt I was he said I was making a big deal out of light flattery. This is really bothering me.

    1. I hope it all works out for you. I’m now finding myself in the same EXACT position! I don’t know what to do. I love him so very much and we have 3 young boys. I just don’t know what to believe from him anymore. I feel I can’t trust him. Please let me know what you did and how things worked out for you. Thanks!

  3. (USA)  “Anything” you do or say behind your spouse’s back that you would not do/say in front of them, is cheating. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

  4. (GHANA)  I happened to meet this guy on facebook a couple of months ago. We became friends and we just chat most of the times. I know he is married and I respect that. I enjoy his conversation and I want to hear him always. I never knew that we are flirting and now I know it’s wrong. I don’t want to trespass in his marriage, but I have developed feelings for him. Please help me.

  5. (SINGAPORE)  After seeing this article and comments, I found out most of us have a challenging life when Facebook was created. I had a my bad experience! How I wish Facebook was not created or just shut down.

    I am in my late 20s and just got married. Life was great at first. When both me and my husband stayed together, I found out that his favorite past time is FLIRTING with the opposite sex in Facebook. The worse part is he is flirting in front of me, calling her “Baby” and telling her “Miss You”. It hurts and burns me badly. I keep on convincing myself that he will change. How dumb and naive I am?

    All this while, he’s been flirting with the opposite sex when we are together! He likes the attention. He never cares about my feelings. I am suffering it all alone. Is it fair? But this is not the worst yet… The incident that woke me up was I found out Facebook friends is more important than me (as a wife). One day, I was very sick and feeling dizzy (almost fainted). I told my husband I needed to go for a medical consultation. He replied “Ok” and continued his flirting and chatting with others. After a while, I asked him to bathe a few times but I received the same reply “Ok”. He continued his chatting… I felt angry and hurt and told him I would go alone, I do not need him. I rushed off.

    After that incident, we had a big argument! He said I am giving him a hard time, always showing my temper. Did he know why I show my temper? I confronted him on his flirting habit. He told me, “I am just having some fun, this is nothing!” The second reason is he can’t immediately log off in the middle of conversations. Do you need 30 minutes to stop a conversation? I told him he is selfish because he is only thinking about his need to have fun. Did he ever care about my feeling. I felt I am worthless… I can’t even get my husband’s attention, though I am very sick.

    I ask him two questions “Why did you choose to married me when Facebook is your life?” and “Why waste our time getting married?”

    He never thinks that he is cheating or that he hurts me. One word in his mind “FUN”! He will never stop his flirting habit. He will only log on and have his way while I am not around. I learned from my mistake but he never acts wisely. I have proof that he is still on it and it hurts that your husband is not truthful to you. The trust has been broken. To re-build it is tough! I do not know where I am heading. GOD will definitely show me a way!

  6. (ZIMBABWE)  I am 33. As for me I was browsing internet dating sites looking for someone to cheat with and ended up on this site. I want to cheat on my husband to get back at him coz he has been cheating on me endlessly during the 13 years of our marriage. We have 3 kids together and I loved him with all my heart and devoted myself to him. He is the only man I have ever been intimate with.

    Each time I find out about his extra-marital affairs he doesnt apologize, instead he shouts at me, belittling me. Our families played a big role in keeping us together this far. 3 years ago he started an affair with a co-worker and he said it happens in marriages, we will get over it. I chose to forgive him because I thought he was sorry and maybe he would eventually understand his wrongdoing. I decided not to report the matter at his workplace which could have jeopardized his career. I got depressed and decided against taking a lawsuit against the woman in the interest of giving my marriage another chance.

    A year later, I came across a romantic sms he was sending this woman and he promised that he was ending it for good. Only this week I discovered that there were some funds he had been channeling to this woman since April last year till February this year.

    I am fed up with him now. I am still deciding about divorcing him. Meanwhile, he has given me another perspective that marriage is boring and extra marital affairs are enjoyable. So I want to have a go for them. Maybe I will get the guts to leave him if I find someone. I am a Christian and divorce wasn’t in my vocabulary but now I no longer blame people who give up.

    1. Thando, Please don’t lower yourself to “cheat.” You made a vow. Even though your husband is not keeping his, that does not mean that it gives you permission to compromise your integrity, as well. One cheating spouse is enough, and one cheating parent of 3 precious children is enough. Not only would you be cheating on your husband and your vow, but you would be cheating on your children –showing them that it’s ok to break promises. They need at least one parent who will not compromise morally, to be their example of how to conduct their lives.

      Please, don’t allow yourself to believe the lie that because you hurt so badly, solutions to cheat and do that which you should not, are acceptable. They are not. If you are a Christian, then what do you think Christ would say to this? When his “bride” did not act in good ways to Him, did He turn His back on them (us) and act in sinful ways? No. He is faithful, even if all are unfaithful.

      Your husband is wrong, plain and simple. He should be investing his time in putting romance into your marriage and into being a good example for his children, being a courageous role-model, instead of acting like an alley cat –doing that which pleasures him, without caring what it does to others. We have been married over 40 years. Yes, we’ve had some dry spells, but when that happens we put the effort in to spice things up between us. And it works. I think my husband is the most marvelous man! I love him with all my heart and still can get tingles down my spine when he kisses me. He shows me he cherishes me and that makes me want to lavish love on him all the more. He’s quite the man! A person who justifies cheating shows he or she isn’t man enough or woman enough to be a great person.

      I can’t help but think of something one pastor said in a sermon one time. He was telling something that a famous actor, who has been known for being romantic, testified. He said, “‘To me the greatest lover in the world was my Dad, who married my mother and was faithful to her until the day he died 55 years later. Now, that’s a great lover —a man who’s intelligent and romantic enough to keep one woman interested all the time.’ Do you know who said that? He was a well-known romantic actor whose name is Ricardo Montalban and he has followed in his father’s footsteps. He has been married to the same woman for over 45 years.”

      What this says to me is that your husband has decided to be shallow enough to NOT put the effort into being romantic to you and faithful to you and your children. He would rather cheat and act like an alley cat, than be a fine, upstanding, courageous man. How pitiable! Thando, please don’t lower yourself to act in the same manner. Act as God would have you, whether your husband deserves it or not. That doesn’t mean that you allow him to keep cheating on you. That’s only enabling bad behavior. He needs to make a choice. Either he honors your marriage and stays faithful –even in who he emails and texts, or he lives elsewhere –where he can cheat to his immoral heart’s content. Beyond that, all I can do is plead with you NOT to lower your morals as he has. His reasoning is sick, as our society is getting sicker. Please don’t be a contributed to that sickness. I hope you will prayerfully consider what I’m saying here. I pray for you Thando.

      1. (ZIMBABWE)  Thank you Cindy for your counsel. I have always been a person of integrity and I fear God. My husband’s behaviour wants to drive me to the gates of hell but I feel better after reading your comment. God bless

        1. (ZIMBABWE) Its been 2 weeks since I posted my problem. My husband as usual, didn’t apologize for the incident despite verbally and physically abusing me when I asked about the money he gave that woman. We are only on talking terms here and there. Then yesterday he comes home with a letter informing him of a disciplinary hearing. He is in trouble at work for work-related issues.

          I need help on this one. The “grieved” part of me is wishing him to be punished so that he feels pain because he doesn’t care how he treats others… especially me. Another part, which I can’t explain, is urging me to pray and fast for him. So far I haven’t done anything because I don’t know what to do. The hearing is on the 15th.

  7. (USA) I found a text message conversation on my husband phone that he had left on the screen and my purpose for even picking up his phone was to download a app that would allow us to see each other when we talk to each other during the day while he’s at work. I ran my eyes over the words in the text and realized that my husband was having a sexual conversation with this woman. Yes I texted her and told her these conversations between her and my husband was over and I also confronted him and called him a cheat. He denied it. I still can’t believe that he tried to make me think what I was reading wasn’t what I was reading. Anyway, he lost apart of me that night and my feelings has never been the same. Everything is different. I don’t trust him the way I did and I don’t show him love the way I did before that night. I miss being able to trust my husband that wonderful feeling of knowing that someone loves you and will NOT hurt you. All those wonderful feelings just went away that night and what hurts even worst is he didn’t rush to say he was sorry or say that he made a mistake. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would not just let it go he would have never said he was sorry it’s almost like I force it out of him and that is the reason why I will never trust him the same again and believe me I tried so hard to get over it but you can’t just get over matters of the heart like that I know from my last marriage that you need God to heal your heart and take away all the hurt and bitterness and give you the grace to go on. Maybe I made the wrong choice in a man again. God help me, AGAIN!!

    1. (USA) I do not want to add to your grief but I remember telling myself that some things weren’t what they were, the pain was so great.

      Have you considered that if the texts were that intense, other things have happened?

      I sincerely just want you to go into this with your eyes wide open and truth. You deserve that. Love and prayers

  8. (USA) Flirting on the Internet is an open portal that leads to worse behavior IMHO. How about this for a story… in April I found out that my husband of 42 years had been cheating on me. I was oblivious. It sounds incredible but true. could be forgiven missing the signs I think as I had spent the prior year fighting a second bout of cancer that I originally battled four years before. Guess how I found out? His paramour of the past 15 months texted me, pretending to be a coworker of mine who had seen them together. Talk about Fatal attraction. This woman proceeded over the course of the next two weeks to completely rat him out.

    I found out from her the following info: he met her on an Internet dating site. She lived four states away. He first hooked up with her while I went to visit my son. They met monthly thereafter. She stayed in my house when I visited my children while on chemo breaks, yes slept in our bed, made love on our sofa; he cooked for her. They got an apartment together when I got too sick from chemo to go see my kids. She told me she was one of a long line of women, mostly one or two night stands, told me he kept a file on them all. I searched, found the file. There was was a list of over 20 Internet dating websites. There were at least 20 women. I found fake email accounts, fake Facebook pages, hotel receipts and photos of other women, money he had spent and tax records he had lied about. This over the course of at least the last six years.

    I found this all out the week after I gave up a job I loved because of the cancer and chemo side effects. I had been there for over 20 years. I am an Orthodox Christian. He is Agnostic.

    Pain is a word that I thought I understood, especially after having cancer twice, two years of my life with multiple surgeries, radiation, chemo and all that goes along with that. However, the pain of the first weeks of finding this all out will remain with me forever. It is now five months later, and here I am in the middle of the night awake and grieving, he is sleeping. I have seen a lawyer. My daughter has begged me to leave him. He says he is sorry and will never do it again, so I have stayed.

    But really, for what? He is still on the computer a lot. I have installed spyware to monitor the activity. He swears he is not visiting sites. I do believe he has a sexual addiction and will just not face it. He says it all started out with just fantasy, innocently and then progressed until he went searching and seeking to meet someone.

    I am in counseling, I found him a counselor -he went twice and did not like the woman. I suspect she pulled no punches, I mean for God’s sake -other than John Edwards I have never heard of someone doing something so mean and cruel to a wife of that many years, especially one with cancer. I am finding it very very difficult to get through each day, and night. So my friends, be very suspect of Internet flirting.

    Our retirement years, how we would spend them, and the way I look at what is left of my life are now so changed. I feel like I am in a place where I have just been abandoned, all alone. My friend of my life is someone who I do not know, someone who lies, who can’t be trusted. It’s so shocking to me to find myself in the middle of a drama like this.

    If not for my faith I would certainly have taken an overdose of pills. As it is I can barely get through without anti-depressant pills. I go from trying to cope to having horrible meltdowns, from days where we talk and make plans to days like today when I can barely speak to him I hate him so much for what he has done. And yes, I have been to confession. I know he is still justifying and rationalizing his actions, and that is the cruelest part of this all.

    If your man won’t come clean and face what he is doing, then sure as I am typing this, his Internet flirting will end up like this, you will end up like me, and your life will be a shambles. Put a stop to it now, or leave. My husband was so careful, I never suspected. It’s rather poetic justice to me that God, who surely loves Truth, allowed this to be found out. I do thank Him for that. I know my husband has feelings of betrayal from this woman. He was so careful and then she spilled the beans, even sending me proof. I pray still that this experience will lead him to God but I am disheartened as I really think he is just being good now because he was caught. As I you can imagine I ask myself every day if I should leave. Sorry for the long rant. Would appreciate anyone’s thoughts.

  9. (GERMANY) Hello, I have a similar situation but in our case, we both hurt each other. I cheated on my wife about three years ago before we were married. Just recently I went to my wife’s yahoo conversation and found that she was chatting with one of her guy friends she had an intimate relationship with before we ever knew each other. The conversation was about her not being satisfied being with me and how to meet each other to have an affair. We have been having marital problems throughout the entire marriage and she kept asking me to go to a marriage counselor but I refused and said we don’t need it. I knew she would keep in contact with her male friends through Facebook and yahoo. I didn’t like it but she assured me it was all innocent until I found this particular conversation that wasn’t about just the weather. She said it was a mistake and she did it because she didn’t feel happy with me anymore and that she did warn me to get help and stop hurting her feelings.

    I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I wish it was just a movie I was watching and now I wish the end would come right about now. I know I hurt her before we were married but I confessed to her and it wasn’t a secret but she never told me she was chatting with another man for a month. I asked her for her email password and if she wants Facebook then we should share one page. I don’t know if that was the right thing to do because I want to trust her again but I don’t want to control her. The words she used in the conversation with this other guy still burns me inside and makes me have to stop what ever I am doing just to concentrate on my job.

    I don’t know if she made a new account and still keeps in contact with him because the chatting back and forth lasted over two months. How do I save this marriage or put back the fire. I know about the Bible but even Christians make mistakes some even worse. I try to let what happened go and say that it may have not happened if I didn’t cheat but I don’t know if I would just be fooling myself.

    Please your comments are welcomed and appreciated.

  10. (BELGIUM) Hello, Kindly help me. I am at the end of the road. I recently married early this year. I dated my husband for 6 yrs long distance. We met when I lived in his country but I moved overseas and we continued the relationship. However, earlier on, about 3 yrs, I received a link from my hubby inviting me to join a certain website. I clicked it and found a picture of my hubby and his many female friends very unappropriately dressed and it showed how many emails he had sent and what he received. He had sent out over 1000 messages. I was broken but he kept assuring me he had never met any of these women but just communicated over internet. I forgave him and then again.

    I gave up my whole life -left my job, family and friends to move to another country to be with my husband. So while in his country I was using his laptop and found a few women’s pictures that were very provocative. I managed to get into his email and found many messages he had been commnicating with women before I came. I confronted him and it was the same answer. I, however, forgave him.

    We moved past that and again yesterday I was on FB using his because I don’t have my own account. I found some very hurting conversations he’s been having with women before I arrived and even now he tries to speak to them -most of the conversations are from before and leading to the months I arrived. Please help me I don’t know what to do. We got married legally but are having a wedding celebration next month and I’ve been tears since yesterday. I spoke with him and he assured me again that he didn’t meet these women -said he is sorry cried and so forth but I don’t know. Please help me, please. I don’t know what to do. I just want to walk away and go back home. Please help me.

  11. (KENYA) I’ve felt sorry for what married women goes through. Surely flirting is a dangerous disease. Social networks contribute to divorce by almost 90%. Some issues are beyond us no matter how hard we try to avoid them. Please, if you have a flirting spouse the best thing is to pray for him/her. Just believe in God and ask God to change him. Seek prayers from God’s people and trust that nothing is impossible for Him. I am not married, but engaged. I despise divorce very much because of what I went thru when my parents separated. So I have been praying to God to give me a man of his own and I guess whoever this man I am dating is, he’s from above. Lets pray for one another.

  12. (USA) I have been married for 15 years. Two years ago I found that my husband was talking to a friend (woman) a few times a week on Classmates. She was going through a divorce and even though they hadn’t seen each other in over 20 years it was like he was her dear Abby. I was angry that he was spending all of this time with her instead of with us (we have 2 daughters).

    He got off the Internet after an ugly argument and said he wouldn’t do it again. Well, he ended up back on Facebook. He doesn’t live in the town he grew up in. He has over 50 women friends and maybe 20 guys most are friends from his high school years 25+ years ago. So, an old family friend that they went to church with, begged his mom on Facebook to have my husband friend her and he did. From Nov. 2011 up until May 2012 he had secret messages with her about a sex dream she had and they were teenagers in the dream. She actually had 2 dreams. He asks for details! Details! Although she doesn’t give them, she says they had sex in a pool and he got her pregnant. It’s all a conversation about a dream –a conversation every month. He tells her he has a jealous wife. She says do you think I would do something to anger her? He says oh yeah, she tells him he was the love of her life first but he never liked her.

    I messaged her and told her I doubt her husband would approve and this isn’t how a Christian should act. She unfriended him. A few other messages to other women. One said Honey, you stand out and always have. Another one said oh you look Fine!! Now I can’t stand to be near him, I feel like for the last year he has been thinking about them while he has been with me. He said he won’t do it again, but he can’t explain why he did it. He won’t go to counseling. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore and he told me since I can’t trust him I might as well file for divorce, but he does Love me and doesn’t want to get divorced.

    I’ve moved to the other side of the house and I’m just praying that God guides me. My husband said I’m obsessive and jealous and I don’t want him to have women friends. I said obviously you can’t handle them. Without having clandestine relationships. Marriage is supposed to be special and although I Love him I can’t live like this. I told him if he can’t tell me why he did it, then I’m sure it will happen again either in real life or on the Internet. Please advise!! I don’t want to destroy our teenager’s home.

  13. (SOUTH AFRICA) I’ve read all the comments above. Where do I start? A year after marriage I saw my husband extremely attached to his phone and I did some investigation. Needless to say he not only sex chats with other women but alse exchanged pictures of their private parts. I printed the messages and confronted him. He just said sorry after trying to deny it. After that he started chatting with the landlord’s wife. I wouldn’t have had a problem with it if he didnt delete the messages.

    After I aksed him to delete the woman, he put a status on his bbm and she completed it with to make you feel my love. It drove me insane. So icing on the cake, last year he was driving around a woman, which I did not approve of because he had all the time to drive her around and when it was my turn he was upset telling me why I didn’t ask him before hand. My problem was that there was rumours that she a married woman, was sleeping with a school boy.

    When I told my husband he said it’s just stories. I phoned her husband and her father, which by the way is a pastor, and they didn’t even say I will pray for you or I will talk to her. Instead the husband sent a message with mine saying I’m crazy. The end of last year she was dismissed from school, head scandal all over the internet and local newspaper. (Teacher expelled for sexual relationship with school boy.) Do I have to add that he was not the only one she slept with? My husband told me he knew nothing about her affairs. The whole school gossiped that my husband is divorced and dating her while we are still married. They were seen all over town by everyone.

    My heart is broken into a million pieces. All he has to say for himself is that I am a jealous phsycho wife and that I don’t trust him. How do you learn to trust someone when all they do is break it? May I add I filed for divorce not because I want it but because I don’t know if this man loves me (he said he doesn’t love me 3 times already, hit me twice, literally broke his hand because he lied to me and I found out). He said he can’t show affection because my mother is interfering in our marriage so much and that is causing him to act the way he does. Everyone has also noticed how he and the landlord’s wife have been flirting with each other, even his own mother. So any comments. What would you have done??

  14. (U.S.A) Thank you so much for this. It was very helpful. For the past 2-3 yrs of my 4 yr marriage I’ve found evidence that my husband has been signing up & looking at online dating sites, as well as porn while in the process neglecting me & when asked he makes up excuses & lies. So thank you.

  15. My husband’s appearance changed; his manner of dress, grew a beard and obsessed on how it looked, lost weight from strict diet and exercise. He also was distant to me emotionally, and had mentioned a coworker many times in an animated way. I found some pictures of her alone that he had on his phone from a fundraiser she helped him with. No other people were pictured alone. I just recovered from cancer. I asked why he had all those pictures, and he refused to delete the ones of her by herself. He has remarked many times how one guy fawns all over her, and how others are attracted to her, but not him.

    I feel so hurt and upset that he would put me through this especially after I had cancer. He finally deleted the pictures when I saw they were still there weeks later. I don’t understand why my husband would do that. He outright denies any emotional or physical involvement nor any crush on this person. I am still very hurt, as he hardly ever paid attention to me in that way, romantic or sexual. I feel like garbage. Seeking marriage counselor.

  16. I’ve been married for 2 years to my husband. He is older than me. Before we married he showered me with attention. Then we married and he never wants to be sexual with me. He says he’s sick all the time but recently I looked on his Facebook and noticed he was chatting with another man’s wife. He was telling her how pretty she was and she was his best friend and he needed her. When I confronted him he said she was just a friend and I didn’t trust him. It hurt me to the core.

    We both go to church and the married woman he was talking to is a preacher’s wife. I’m on the verge of divorcing my husband over this and I don’t think he cares. My husband lied to the married woman about me. Was he trying to make me look bad in her eyes?

  17. Wow- I was convinced after 9 years that my wife wanted someone else. She put me down and I was insecure. She was distant and so I thought I would show her. I got on dating sites, and openly. I thought if she is hurting me I will hurt her. The problem – she wasn’t dating and I hurt her badly by saying very inappropriate things to other women. Now she doesn’t trust me and the whole time I just wanted to make her jealous. It backfired. Trying to get the trust in Fl.