Marriage Missions International

Reconciling with a Wife Who Has Hardened Her Heart

“I’m trying everything I can, but my wife just doesn’t want to reconcile our marriage.”

“I’m doing all I know how to do, but my wife still wants a divorce.”

“My family is split apart, but my wife says ‘no’ to working on reconciling.”

Iron heartThose are just three of many statements we’ve heard here at Marriage Missions, where the husband is seeking to restore and rebuild their broken marital relationship, and yet the wife will have no part of it.

They ask us for help and to be perfectly honest, we often aren’t sure how to help them. First off, Steve and I are not Marriage Counselors —we’re Marriage Educators. And many of these types of couples need more help than we can give them. When you’re talking about deep-seeded problems, which are complex and have been going on a long time before they approach us, it’s seldom something that can be resolved with an obvious solution.

But I’ve done some digging into trying to come up with at least SOME type of “answers” for husbands, hoping they will be a good starting point. When a person feels they are drowning ANYTHING of any substance is better than nothing, at least for the immediate moment. And that is what I’m offering here —something of substance to help you in your immediate desperation.

It’s a starting point, where you and God will work through this journey together and as see how God helps you to unravel this complicated situation. It may or may not end up with the result you desire. However, who knows? It may end up better. I don’t know. But when God is invited in, you can be sure that you will find a place of peace somehow, at some point in time. And it will be the best solution that you can grasp, given the fact that we live in a fallen world. However, with the Holy Spirit as your “Wonderful Counselor,” you have more going for you than any other way you could ever go.

That doesn’t mean that God won’t use other human counselors and advisors to help you at some point, but as the familiar term goes, “He’s got your back.”

The Bible says in Proverbs 30:21-23 that “Under three things the earth trembles…” One of those three things is “an unloved woman who is married.” Now you may be screaming out that you are WANTING to show her love and are willing to do what it takes to give her abundant love, but for some reason —one you and I may not understand, her availability to receive your love is slammed shut.

I don’t know if it is your fault, her fault, the fault of “the perfect storm” of emotions all tangled up, sin run amuck, and/or someone else’s fault. But whatever it is, it is. It’s best to work with what is, rather than look back, trying to wish things away —wish they never happened. They did. And now you work with what you CAN do, rather than what you wish you could do.

I’m going to present an article for you to read, to pray over and consider. It may or may not be for you (it may be for the next husband reading this, or even wife, because many of the same principles pointed out can apply to husband’s whose hearts have hardened) or there may be parts, which the Holy Spirit may use to speak to you. It’s the gleaning process, in action.

When given the opportunity, please read through it and ask the Lord to help you to keep your mind open to what He wants you to come to know. A good prayer for you to sincerely express to God may be:

Search me O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting.
(Psalm 139:23-24)

But the first thing I want to point out is that there is a reason your wife’s spirit is closed off to you. It may be one or many or all of the reasons I pointed out earlier, but you need to know that it didn’t happen overnight. It may seem to you that it did because of how it all came down. But in reality, it has been closing off to you for a while and it just now came to a final closure —one that opened your eyes to the final door slamming shut.

A number of years ago, I heard Dr Gary Smalley talk about the process of how a spouse’s spirit closes. He showed an open hand with all of the fingers splayed wide apart. He likened the heart being in the place of the palm of the hand. It’s the soft part of who they are and very vulnerable when nothing is protecting it.

And then he gave examples of different “events,” which can cause a spouse to close a protective finger here and there, over their heart because they felt too vulnerable to being hurt again by the “offending” spouse. Sometimes confession and repentance opens the fingers again. But sometimes, the offended spouse never opens up in the same way ever again.

He then showed that sometimes a spouse has been hurt so much over time, that he or she will completely close off in spirit, from the other spouse. The hand looks like a closed fist. There is no part of that “heart,” which is open and vulnerable to the way you can approach it. And sometimes it never opens again.

In his book, Winning Your Wife Back Before It’s Too Late, Gary Smalley writes the following:

Although there are probably hundreds of ways to offend your wife and close her spirit, we consistently see several that top the list. You can close your wife’s spirit by:

- speaking harsh words

- telling her that her opinions don’t matter

- being unwilling to admit when you are wrong

- taking her for granted

- making jokes or sarcastic comments at her expense

- not trusting her

- forcing her to do something that she’s uncomfortable with

- being rude to her in front of others

- dismissing her needs as unimportant

Your wife could probably make up her own list of the things you’ve done to close her spirit.

At our office in Branson, Missouri, we consistently get calls from men all around the world who are desperate because their wives just walked out the door. The most devastating part is that many of these men fail to realize that little by little, their actions closed their wives’s spirits. Because this happens internally, many men don’t realize they’ve offended their wives.

And one day the husband comes home to find his wife’s spirit rolled up in a tight ball, like a sow bug. You may not always be aware of what you do to deposit anger into the life of your loved one. However, when it comes to relationships, a preventative rule of thumb is this: whatever dishonors another person usually closes her spirit!

If you have been wondering why your wife left or perhaps why she resists your efforts at reconciliation, the answer is usually found in a closed spirit. The sad reality is, the more a man steps on the spirit of his wife, the more resistant she becomes to him.”

Gary goes on to then state the following:

“Our purpose in writing about a closed spirit is not to make you —who may find yourself with a closed sow bug, instead of an an open wife, feel guilty. It is to provide hope. I have done many things to close the spirit of my wife and the key to reconciliation is to learn how to reopen her spirit.”

I realize THAT’S what you are trying to do. Dr Smalley’s book gives you some ideas, which you may find helpful. They have worked for some husbands. They haven’t worked for others, but you never know until you pray, read, and see if God is leading you that way, so you may want to obtain the book to consider his advice.

I want to give one more illustration, before I move on from this point. I’m hoping it will help you to see what could have happened with your wife. It was written by someone named Camain, who asked for prayer on the Internet for his wife’s hardened heart. Referring to his wife, he wrote the following,

“Someone said that she is really hurt, and you’re right, she is. I may not have hit her, or degraded her, or anything like that, but it’s the little things that have added up over the years. Each of those little things was a brick in a wall, and little by little with time being the mortar, that was has gotten big and hardened.

“At first I tried to bang myself against it, repetitively hitting it. I can’t break this wall down though. The only thing that can is time, Gods help, patience and perseverance. I have to be patient, loving, and humble. I’m trying hard to find and identify all the issues that have caused harm to my marriage, no matter how big or small, and try to ask for forgiveness of them, and stop doing them.”

I can’t help but think of “the earth trembling” because of a wife who feels “unloved” so she closes her spirit, walled off from being open to her husband again —at least, not at this point.

True, we don’t know the circumstances. And true, sin is involved somewhere —you can count on it. But nonetheless, her spirit is closed.

I came across an article, which I referred to earlier, believing you will benefit from reading it. None of what has been said, nor will be said in this article, excuses sin. If it is the husband, the wife, and/or others, which sinned in some way, so the spirit of ANY spouse is closed off, it is wrong.

But hopefully, at least SOME of what the author, Reb Bradley has written will help in some way. At the end of this article, he offers additional resources. I need you to know that I don’t know much about Reb or his resources, so I can’t really recommend them. That is up to you.

All I can say is that I saw a lot of credibility in what I was able to glean and recommend you prayerfully consider all God shows you, which is important for your situation. Please click onto the following link to read:


Above all, I hope that your ultimate goal is not ONLY to reconcile with your wife. If that is the case, your “solutions” will be most likely be temporary, when and if you do. Ultimately, I hope your ultimate goal is to go to GOD and make sure your life is clean —that you do not give your wife added “excuses” as to why she could remain closed in her spirit in reconciling with you.

Also, realize that giving forgiveness and reconciling the marriage are two separate steps. Your wife may have much, which she needs to forgive you for, and much she needs to surrender to the Lord. But that does not mean that she will have to reconcile with you in the way you desire, living as husband and wife again. If she doesn’t feel safe for some reason (whether it is physically, emotionally, spiritually, and/or emotionally), she may decide to forgive you, but she still will not live with you.

I can’t account for her actions, and neither can you. This is between her and God. And you will need to come to the place where you will live for God, EVEN IF your wife doesn’t join you in marriage again. Are you a man of God who can live like this? Are you a man after God’s own heart?

If you are, and you are sincere, then it seems to me that there is more hope for you that you can be reconciled to God AND to your wife. But I don’t know what your wife will do.

I do know though, that God wants to work in and through your life, whether your wife comes back or not. It is my sincerest hope you will participate with Him in this mission.

This article is written by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International.


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184 Responses to “Reconciling with a Wife Who Has Hardened Her Heart”
  1. Selwin from India says:

    Hello. I am Selwin from India. My wife has forsaken every limit of rebuking and disrespecting me to the heights. Just for the reason that I went out more for God’s work, which later I was ready to change, but now she is telling me the thing, which I am unable to do.

    I have left my job and career for the sake of the call of missions work, which God gave me last year before I could actually step into the mission field. My wife left me saying she is no more a missionary with me. She wants to work in the secular field. I can’t leave my call.

    I have to stay alone and do ministry wherever the Lord leads me. But I have decided not to stay with her while she is doing a job that I cannot do as missionary in a distant mission field, as my mission board of Indian Evangelical Mission sends me… But now they also cannot send me unless I am with my wife…

    I am stuck like I never have been in my life. Please I need your team to pray for me. The Fireproof film gave me many learnings. I am ready to reconcile but not at the cost of my calling… She is telling me to minister in the city area, which is not my call.

    • Steve Wright from United States says:

      Selwin, It’s great that you want to be engaged in God’s work, but when you married, your first ministry became to your wife, as mine did to my wife. That’s what you can read about in 1 Corinthians 7. Please read it carefully… as an evangelist of the Gospel, you need to pay attention to what God tells us there.

      If you wanted to have the freedom to minister without considering the needs of taking care of a wife, you shouldn’t have married. That’s why the Apostle Paul warned those who marry that they need to realize that they “will face many troubles in this life.” And one of those “troubles” is that you take on a different calling when you marry. You don’t have the same freedom you can have otherwise. But because you DID marry, your calling changed the moment you said the vow “I do” to your wife and to God.

      From that day forward, you must then step up and be the man of God and the marriage partner you vowed to be. It’s not that you can’t minister, but your marriage relationship should not fall victim to ministering to others because of it. You have to consider your wife and her perceived needs first.

      Also, what do you do with the word of God that says, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8)? And what about Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3, which talks about your taking care of your wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her? 

      There is so much more than this in the Bible that I could point out because the Bible talks compares marriage as a covenant relationship where the husband is compared to the Bridegroom (Christ) and His bride, the church, is compared to the wife. It’s a living picture for the world to witness, as to how the husband is to take care of his wife. The question is, as others see how you take care of your wife, do they see her being well cared for, or neglected? And if she’s neglected, what picture does this paint in their minds as to how Christ will care for them?

      Selwin, I encourage you to go into the Topic, “Pastors and Spouses” on this web site and read the articles you feel led to read. One that I especially encourage you to read is titled, “The Ministry of Marriage for the Pastor.” It will point out a lot of things you need to consider –that every husband (including me) needs to realize so we adjust our lives accordingly so God is glorified. Neglecting your wife does not glorify God. Please know that.

      • Chad Ayers from United States says:

        Thank you Steve Wright. I’m currently trying to save my marriage as my wife feels that she should never have gotten married. She feels that the Lord didn’t want her to and that a divorce is the only way to fix things. Your words are encouraging to me. I am being as still as I can as I pray for the Lord to restore our marriage. God bless you!

      • Randi from United States says:

        Thank you for sharing this. I am a wife who has gottened hardened by my own sin of disobedience and rebellion. I had it in my heart since before we were to be married, that we were supposed to be in full time ministry. The Lord did open that door for us a couple of times, but I had held onto it – wanting it so much more than to serve my husband. My husband had always been supportive of my desires. He had an emotional affair which yanked me in all different directions. In my heart, I blamed him for everything. I didn’t really love him. (I thought I heard God tell me I was going to marry him, but entered marriage doubting. It created havoc in my heart…and for him, b/c I could never fully gave him my heart, and I was angry with him all the time.)

        It has been many years since his emotional affair, but things have not gotten to anything really good because of my anger. Your comment is good because you hit the nail in the head perfectly. We are no longer a “me” but a “we” once we say I do. I fought that. God was still gracious to me through out all our years of marriage. I came to expect my husband to continue to support me in what I wanted to do. Getting a paradigm shift is not easy. It takes time and a lot if hard work. Perhaps that is why the only way to a change is through brokenness.

        I have learned a lot out of necessity. I am finding that God us patient and faithful. I desire a soft and fully broken heart. I have a great deal of accumulated hurt from not feeling loved by my husband for all these years, but I must rest in the truth of God’s word…that He loves and forgives me, and He is for me. My sins are not too great to be forgiven (although I cried countless tears feeling like I couldn’t be forgiven.)

        Thank you again, for writing boldly. I would appreciate prayers. God bless you.

  2. Angelo from Guam says:

    I pray for reconciliation with my spouse who walked out on me. I have hurt her so bad and have realized that I never really met her need when she needed me. She has hardened her heart towards me. I now am praying that the lord will touch her heart and bring her back to him, and to also soften her heart towards me. I really love her and would like her to return home. She wants to return home because she misses the kids ages 29, 28, 18, 13 & 10, but she wants me to move out of the house because she does not think I can tolerate her wanting to be single and going out with whom she would like.

    I have prayed for her to return home to the kids, and that I would move out. The Lord has answered this prayer and I’ve made the decision after praying and counseling with my pastor that I’ll move out so that I can show her that I’m willing to make her first –that I am not that person I was before. I ask for prayers from all, that the Lord our God would continue to change me –to put God first before anyone. I also ask for prayers for reconciliation of my marriage.

    • Ed from United States says:

      Angelo, I have seen your post, and brother it hurts me to know that you are going through what you are. Your situation and mine sound similar in some ways, and I just wanted you to know that I am of the opinion that whatsoever you need in your own life if you pray for it for someone else when their need is similar or the same, you will get what you pray for, for yourself. I hope I am not wrong about that.

      I believe that God answers when two or more on earth agree as touching any one thing. I am praying for you now as I write this and will some more.You have said some of the same things that I have said, I must change, and be the change I want to see in her. When she sees it in me first, there is a strong chance she will soften her heart toward me and get on board where working to save the marriage is concerned. I pray for reconciliation to come by way of God’s explicit intervention. May you find the strength and stability you need at a time like this. A brother in the Lord, Ed

  3. Ed from United States says:

    Ed from United States says:

    July 11, 2014 at 4:36 am

    January 25th of this year, My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. They performed a lumpectomy, removed twenty five or more lymph nodes, but say they have gotten it all. For that I’m ecstatic, as I know she is. Immediately thereafter however, she began to talk of divorce. It was bad enough that I was still reeling from the whole cancer thing, much less to hear these other tragic words! I can’t honestly tell you that I’ve stopped spinning yet. I’m at a total loss. I knew that we were anything but the perfect match, she’s country, I’m city.

    We dated roughly 10 years off and on before getting serious. It’s now been 14 years of marriage. Eleven years ago we became the caregivers of her elderly cousin whom she barely knew, and of course I didn’t know at all. This had a dramatic influence over our personal finances as she offered us the old farm homestead directly across from her place, rent free and ours to live in for the rest of our lives, etc..

    I told my wife it was a bird nest on the ground, though it needed remodeling badly. As an integral part of her original offer, her cousin said she would pay me to remodel it and pay for everything. And that, by the way, was my profession for 39 plus years. What was not discussed was that I too was going to be saddled with the duties of mowing the seven acres, tree trimming weed eating, turning over the rather sizable garden, seeing to it that it was weeded, watered, and harvested, etc. It took so much time away from my remodel work that that is now not done, even after 11 Years.

    I’m pulling my hair out, and my wife is citing this fact along with various other disappointments, as resentments, which have built up over the years and are now factoring in where her desire for divorce is concerned. Plus the fact that cancer, chemo, etc. have all put her in touch with her own mortality, and what’s really important in life. I concur wholeheartedly with the things she says are suddenly now important to her; I always have. I’ve been aware of those things for years, and I just can’t see her argument that these are reasons for making me the scapegoat for all of her life’s unhappiness, and or disappointments.

    We all have them. I could go on and on about the disappointments I too have had for the past 14 years. But I never saw that as a reason to throw in the towel. Marital problems should be worked through, and talked about. Communication is tantamount to success. And one of the very first things I did when we first considered marriage, was to go to her and stress that she could always come to me about anything, talk to me, and I would never make her feel ridiculed, foolish, or unsafe to do so. I feel she shot herself in the foot when she didn’t, and is now laying all of this on me. I’m not sure I have the constitutional, or spiritual strength to continue the fight to save my marriage. I feel as though I have indeed been thrown under the bus. I don’t understand her thinking. I need your prayers because I realize that I can’t do this alone! And I’m not sure anymore that I even have it in me to want to, even though I know it’s the right thing to do! Help!, is all I can say, I don’t know what else there is to say, just HELP! I will be thanking you in advance. Please Reply.

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Ed, I can see why you feel like you have been “thrown under the bus” so to speak. I can also see why you’re confused… who wouldn’t be, given all you’ve been through together and now with these recent actions on her part? After having been through so much together, you’d think it would draw you closer together, rather than farther apart. But sadly, that’s not what often happens. Life-changing events often turn marriage “partners” against each other, if they both aren’t very intentional in finding ways to draw closer together. That’s what appears to have happened here… there seems to be some kind of disconnect emotionally, on your wife’s part and why, I’m not sure.

      In today’s world it’s a continual need to fight FOR your marriage, because there are so many pressures, temptations, and the feeding of so much faulty thinking that fight against couples to split them up. The search for the feeling of “happiness” in all the wrong places is such a draw for people today. Way too often perseverance in marriage –fighting through the tough times to get to the better times falls behind the pursuit of the “I’ve just got to be happy” syndrome that people give into.

      Ed, I wish I could say that your marriage will come out of this and grow stronger. I just don’t know. I hope so and pray so. But I don’t know you or your wife, or the thoughts your wife fed herself with to get to the point of having a “desire to divorce.” I DO know that sometimes couples can be on the verge of divorce, and sometimes even be going through a divorce… other times they do get a divorce and somehow, they are able to get it back together and rebuild. If you go into the “Save My Marriage” topic, and go into the “Testimonies” part of it, you will find many, many testimonies of couples who are able to make their marriage work when it looked hopeless. Perhaps viewing some of them might give you hope. I don’t know if it would be hope that you should grab onto or not, because again, I don’t know all the variables. But God does, and at this point in time, it seems that it might be wise, because maybe it might help you to persevere and hang in there, despite what it looks like right now.

      God won’t MAKE your wife come back to you to work on your marriage again, because He gives us each a free will (which you have, as well). But I do know that He can give you wisdom as far as how to proceed, as you walk with Him through this journey. And even if your wife never listens to the Lord, as you pray for her and God speaks to her, He will help you to do what you need to do each day to get your life together –work on your own issues, and rebuild your life in a good way, no matter what the circumstances. I know that isn’t what you’d want to hear. I sure wouldn’t. But it’s true, none-the-less. You can’t MAKE your wife jump back into your marriage. But you can pursue God to help you be and become a person that she might want to unite with again. And even if she doesn’t, you are still much farther ahead than if you didn’t go with God on this and work on your own issues (praying she will eventually join you).

      I cry for you Ed, and I pray for you, and so is my husband praying for you. We wish we could help you more than this and what we offer you on our web site. But that’s all we have for you. As human beings, our hands are shortened. But please move towards God in this. He is your one true hope to be able to put one foot in front of the other –one who knows what it’s like to be rejected by someone He loves –one who can eventually infuse hope into your heart that you will eventually experience better days –ones that will bring a smile to your heart. I hope you get there and pray you will feel His presence and will grab His wisdom, as you ask for it.

    • JM from United States says:

      Going through the same…

  4. Robin from United States says:

    Hi! I’m a Christian, my husband is not. I’ve been married 33 yrs. Ten years ago he wanted out of the marriage because we’re more like sister and brother. I did my best to show him and tell him it’s not true. (I work days he works nights and it has been this way for most of our marriage.) I would not cooperate with his ideas, like sleeping in my daughters room and my daughter sleeping in our room, until the house is sold, then he would help find me a house or place to live. I told him, he would need to find an apartment, he could not stay here and I do not believe in divorce. I will not sign. He spent the night in a hotel, thought it through and said, “it’s a crisis he’s going through he’s sorry for putting me through that.” I took him for his word.

    Ten years later my daughter had an addiction and I’ve been staying by her side for 5 of the ten years. We had different ideas on how to help her. I’m considered the enabler. I agree now, she has manipulated and used me. I still love her and I’ll always be there for her, just am wiser to the addict’s ways. She is now in a program, which has woken her up and turned her back to God.

    I came home and thought I was robbed. It was my husband who left a note saying he had planned on leaving when our daughter turned 18 but because of the addiction problem stayed for our daughter’s addiction. He thought he could help, but saw he couldn’t, the rest he says is our marriage. I didn’t see this coming. I took him for his word ten years ago. He said, “he stayed because he didn’t want another man telling his daughter what to do.”

    He is in an apartment and came to the decision he doesn’t want to be in a marriage. He isn’t looking to divorce as of right now and he isn’t looking for another relationship. I ran back to God asked for forgiveness. I love my husband. I will always love him. I see all the things on the list above and I believe some pertains to me as a wife.

    The line of communication is open between us. I forgive him for abandoning our marriage. I ask God to forgive me. I also have asked my husband to forgive me. He doesn’t want to work on the marriage; he doesn’t want to even talk about the marriage. I believe he is angry with me and hurt. I’m staying in communication with God asking God to open his eyes, ears and soften his heart. I’m being patient, but I have to be honest I have bad days. The Bible says, if your husband leaves, and he is not saved it is O.K. for you to divorce, same for the wife. I don’t want a divorce. I want my husband back. I know God has a plan. How long will this last? He has now purchased a trailer in a 55+ community. Is it over? He does text me and asks questions when he hears from our son my car is acting up. The last text was did I drop the car off at Par Automotive. He also text me Happy Fourth. Is this a sign he has not completely closed the door?

  5. Pastor Jeremy from United States says:

    Hi my name is Pastor Jeremy. I am 30 years old. As of this July 4th me and my wife have been married for 8 years. As of February of this year she told me she wanted a divorce, I talked to her about it ‘frustrated as I was at the time’ and she decided that we could, as she put it, ‘work this marriage out’. I also found out around this time that she was having a second emotional affair online. She made an intentional decision to cut off all contact with him.

    However a few months later my sister-in-law who lives with us started going out really late at night with my wife and she was not telling me where she was going. Most of the time it turns out they where going to a bar downtown even though they kept claiming they where going for a walk. Thankfully she also stopped doing this as well. However, she has now got into an online game called 3D Sex and she is on it all day long, she talks to all these guys on it and never lets me know what they are talking about.

    Just like she does with her about 3 or so facebook pages I can’t have any contact with her at all on any of them even though she’s always talking to guys about who knows what on there. I love her dearly and have started trying to simply treat her lovingly and respectfully despite the fact that the only time she seems to want to talk to me is when she wants something to eat or wants me to find something. Through all of this I have grown in my faith tremendously. I am a more gentle, more gracious, more merciful, more loving person, more committed, and more trust worthy person than I have ever been since I became a born again child of God at the age of 19.

    She seems so emotionally distant from me now, not that that’s anything ‘new’ but when we where first married and before that going out we used to do all these things together and hold hands and hug and kiss and such now she acts like that’s something dirty. She says she is a Christian as she always has claimed but the things she believes and the things that are in scripture are completely incompatible. She even purposely misplaced her ring about 4 times and now is wearing a strange ring that doesn’t even look like a wedding ring.

    I love her dearly and I want our marriage to grown strong and healthy like so many other peoples marriages I have seen, but it’s so hard when she see’s no need to change or to even act like I’m her husband ‘well except when she’s with me at church then she puts on a mask like she’s someone completely different’. I have been meaning to get in contact with the Pastor of the church we are going to but it’s just so hard to figure out how to tell him I need to talk to him when he’s busy so often. God willing I will try to get a hold of him soon, his wife is also a very godly woman and I’m sure would be more than willing to gently mentor and disciple my wife since they have grown to be good friends as of recent, which is no coincident since I prayed for her to be surrounded by godly friends. :) Please get back to me with any suggestions thanks and God bless.

    P.S. I’m praying for ya, and have added you and your ministry to one of my prayer lists; Your brother in Christ Pastor Jeremy Hicks. :)

    • Tim from United States says:

      Pastor, it appears you are in a stage of your marriage where there is still hope to gain her attention and turn the tables. This sounds really harsh what I am about to post here in the link, but I know for a fact that if I had done this in the earlier stages of my problems with my wife (and we were SEPARATED and living apart), we would be together now. It felt impossible for me to do what the “180” suggested, and I did some of it but not consistently.

      I firmly believe that even if you do SOME of the stuff in the list CONSISTENTLY, then your wife will realize the error of her ways and will want to work on your marriage more than ever before.

      Please do this “180” that is suggested, and you will definitely get her attention and make her wonder why she ever has had thoughts of leaving you or betraying you.

  6. Ebrahim from South Africa says:

    Hi, my wife left for police training last year. During her time there I accused her when she chatted with guys of her platoon in the police force. Or when I hear by her she did do something or so with a guy I tripped. There was this one guy I accused her of and up till the end of December –that’s for about 3 to 4 months, although I found out she chatted with another guy who wanted to go on a date with her but she said no, and that broke my heart. The more I tried to fixe my marriage the more obsessed I became, up until now we are apart for 3 months now and before that we went from problems to problems.

    I’m seeking God now and even pray until 3 in the morning. My wife like on dat hates me and I’m more in love with her than ever. I want to fix my marriage. I’ve been difrrent for a while now and don’t know how to comunicate with her if she doesn’t want to talk about us. We have two lovely daughters and I pray to God to show me the way. We’re still married; there is no talk of divorce but we don’t live together. She is with her mom and most of her clothes and shoes are here and she just sits in her own world when she doesn’t work.

    • Meloday from United States says:

      She may be in an emotional affair. You may just need to say “ok”…if this is what you want, and move on. It may move her out of the fog; it may not, but you can’t change her, you can only change YOU. God will have to do the rest.

  7. Lee from United States says:

    I dont want my husband anymore. 3 days into our marriage he was texting his ex wife asking her to creep and she turned him down. I confronted him and he said he just wanted to see what she would say and that he wasn’t gna it… I’ve lost all respect and trust. A week after that he was on a dating website. Then a week after that some girl texted him asking him how was his day!!!?? I confronted him and her and they mutually said they were like family…

    I hung in there but now that he has been on his best behavior I don’t want him anymore. My heart is over it!!! I don’t care if he is changed now. I’ve been so stressed out from him, and his mother doesn’t like me now because I don’t want to come around them because of the things that he did. She had the nerve to say I’m mistreating him because he stayed at his mom’s one night after we were arguing. I’m tired of all of them. I want out!!! Am I a fool for feeling this way?

    • Meloday from United States says:

      Lee, I understand how you feel. When the trust is gone, it’s almost impossible to rebuild. I’m trying, TRYING to do that now, but I feel like you, I’m over it. He didn’t honor his vows, he was cheating. A dating website?

      Therapy is probably the only answer and that has no guarantees. Sounds like he ruined everything. You can forgive, but it doesn’t mean you have to set yourself up for more disappointments.

    • LaDon from United States says:

      Hi Lee, With love I say that you are never a fool for feeling like you do. Marriage is a long life-long covenant between yourself, your husband, and God. With that being the case, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. We all fall short of God’s glory, yet he still forgives us for our trespasses. In your case, you have clearly been hurt. Because you have opened up your heart to your husband, he has the power to hurt you like no one else on earth can. Each time he tresspasses against you, it makes it easier for the devil to creep into your marriage and make you believe that the covenant of marriage is no longer valid. Before continuing, I’d like to tell you a little about myself.

      I’m a 28 year old man, as close to divorce as I could possibly be. My wife and I have not lived together for about 8 months and she is currently seeing another man. At this time, he’s unaware that we’re still married. She has explicitly told me that she does not love me anymore and that she wishes we could have worked, but she doesn’t believe we ever could. I have literally tried EVERYTHING to avoid this situation. We never had a problem with abuse, or infidelity during our marriage. I myself have stepped outside of my marriage, but she sincerely had no idea of it ever happening. I wasn’t an attentive husband, yet I blamed her for so much, as she herself was fighting demons stemming from her abuse as a child. She would tell me I wasn’t there for her, and I would say she pushed me away. She would say I didn’t listen, and I would say she didn’t talk to me. We were both absolutely right, and completely wrong at the same time.

      What I’ve learned throughout this entire process is that I tried EVERTHING to make it work, except for what God would have me do. You see, His Word explain the covenant of marriage in a way that no counselor or friend could ever. He explains the nature of both man and woman, and their roles as equals within marriage. In marriage and in life, we only have 2 true choices: 1) Walk in the power of man or 2) walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. By choosing option 2 and following his word, we will have the trust, love, and intimacy that marriage is supposed to be. Personally, I don’t know if I waited too long to see the light and dedicate my life to living within his word, but I’m praying it is not too late for you.

      Marriage is the most important task given to man. The only thing that stands before your commitment to your husband is God himself. As you can tell, we are all sinners, and undeserving of forgiveness, but He knows our hearts, and only through Him will you find clarity. I speak to you from experience and currently with a heavy heart, if you attempt to walk in your own path, you will NEVER fully reap the blessings that God has in store for you. No matter who you’re married to, they will never love you perfectly, nor will you love them perfectly. However, God will and he will show you the way if you seek him.

  8. David from Canada says:

    As my wife (as the wife mentioned above) is a Christian, would she not be interested in reconciling her marriage and honouring her vows made before God?

  9. Jatin from India says:

    Hi. I am Jatin. I am also suffering from separation from 3 months. I abused my wife and sometimes I hit her. Now she has left home for 3 months. She move out with children. I have 2 kids, one girl, and one boy. I am feeling so lonely and I realize that I was not a good person. She is not talking to me, also she doesn’t want to come back. Please help me. What should I do?

    • Meloday from United States says:

      You need serious counseling for anger management and maybe even some medication. Of course, she had to leave and with her children. They were not safe. Go to get therapy and help. Let her know you’re doing this. Let her see the new man once you’re transformed. Would you go back to a place where you felt danger?

  10. Maribeth from United States says:

    My husband left 2 1/2 months ago. We’ve been married five years. We fought a lot, went to counseling but he never said he was unhappy. Now he wants a divorce and won’t reconcile. He is a Christian but already online looking for someone else. He says he never loved me. His heart is hard and closed because we fought a lot. He thinks anybody without that history will seem better.

    • Meloday from United States says:

      That’s kind of contradictive: he’s a Christian and married you but never loved you? Were the issues you fought about not things that could ever be resolved?

  11. Kevin from United States says:

    Wow, I must say that it is true that you dont miss your water until your well runs dry. My beautiful wife decided to leave our home after seven years together. I will be the first to admit that she put up with a lot of crap from me over the years. With the fact of her being gone it has had a drastic effect on me. It has caused me to really search myself and see where I have gone wrong or hurt her in our marriage. I really do LOVE my wife and want so bad to be the husband that God wants me to be. I know that God is, I’m sure, tired of me begging Him to give my wife back. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it right with her. God fix ME please.

    • Meloday from United States says:

      God will transform you. She just needs to know that you have asked to be transformed by God. That’s what we all need, but we need to see it in actions, not in words, and as a woman, let me tell you, we need to see it over, and over, and over, and hear it even more. Ask her for another chance and show her you are serious. Check in with her every couple of days and ask how she’s feeling. Make sure she feels safe in telling you the truth.

  12. Chad from United States says:

    My wife left one day while I was at work. I’m a paramedic and I would work 24 hrs straight. She kissed me and told me she loved me and said to call her when I got to work. I told my partner that day how lucky I was to have my wife. Little did I know she was packing and moving her things out. I called her later that evening and she told me she had left me. I rushed home to find all her things gone and or 2 year old son’s things as well.

    I’m a veteran and had always been the strong one. Well as I’m walking through my empty home and sobbing in my little boys room, I hit my knees. As I’m kneeling over his bed I’m thinking I can’t do this and I decided right then and there I’m going to kill myself. I try to get up to get my gun and I can’t move. I feel hands on my shoulders holding me in place. I cry out to God to help me and my life has changed since then.

    I’m far from perfect and I have hurt my wife and I didn’t even know it. I’ve told her how I feel and I’ve been there for her. I do all I can and I have not been angry with her once in the past 9 months. I want my marriage; I want to be a family again. I have told her she may not love me but I will always love her and be there for her. I told her I will not remarry or date.

    It’s not right, I can’t give my heart to another when it’s hers. I understand my vows more then ever now. She kissed me in March and that my be our last kiss and mine for the rest of my life. A lot of people tell me to give up, let go or move on. I may end up divorced, but when I stand before God all my past sins are gone and I’ll have kept my vows to that one woman I gave myself to. I’ll be the best man, father and Christain that I can be. Maybe someday I can save someone else from this pain and help them come to Jesus. My God bless you all. I wish you all the best.

    • Meloday from United States says:

      Have you asked her why she left? Have you asked her what you would need to do to get her to return? Are you willing to do those things and have you told her that?

  13. Marcia from United States says:

    I discovered that my husband had recently ended a 4 year affair with a woman 20 years younger, married and with a child that he continues to work with. My 17 year old daughter is the one that told me who the affair was with; she had seen texts but had kept them to herself (an entirely different story). He told me he wanted a divorce, he didn’t feel the same about me and would not go to counseling. My daughters were devastated. He stated “his” happiness was important too.

    I filed for divorce (he would not). My hurt and anger have been horrible. I’ve cried my eyes out when my children aren’t home, read everything I could get my hands on, went to therapy, and read all the books I could find. I had to make him leave the house, however, we’ve always remained cordial. He wouldn’t tell anyone about our situation. We were moving forward with divorce and I was healing after much study, prayer and therapy on dealing with infidelity and divorce. As well as my daughters, who were doing very well.

    6 months after he moved out and 3 months before our court date for divorce, he came back crying stating “he just wanted his family back. That he would do anything.” The affair has been over since before he moved out. My daughters believed if he were serious he should have a second chance. I agreed to “go to counseling”. We’ve been going to counseling, he has apologized many times, shows remorse, enthusiastically attends church and signed all legal papers signing the house and savings and checking over to me if we SHOULD get a divorce. I told him I would not consider reconciling if he did not do so.

    All this and I’m still questioning that he’s only doing this to keep from losing his job. I’m trying to “choose” be believe him, but I don’t. I’m trying to forgive, but I cannot forget. 4 years at lunch time. Why does he want to reconcile now? Why after healing and learning to move on through fidelity and divorce and I make a 180 turn to getting through fidelity and reconciling with someone I’ve just learned to let go of? How do I know he isn’t just doing this to keep his job?

    If we get divorced or go to court, he’ll certainly be exposed to his company. The affair partner still works there and her husband doesn’t know. I’m trying to “choose” to believe him, I just don’t. He has apologized over and over, admitted to his sin, shows remorse, I’m still so confused if I should try to reconcile (I cannot forget after knowing this was going on for 4 years…) and am certainly working on forgiving. I don’t know if I should keep on with the forgiveness and move on in my life.

    I know the affair is over, however, it could reignite. He tells me he will never do anything like this again and he does not want her. At this point, if they were to reconnect, it wouldn’t surprise me and my feelings are only that they deserve each other. He says this is absolutely out of the question. But he also told me many things for 4 years. HELP!!!

  14. Jeremy from United States says:

    My wife has filed for divorce after 19 years of marriage. She has been convinced by local counselors that I have not been a “good Christian husband.” I have never cheated, do not swear, am not a physical, sexual or verbal abuser; do not drink, do not smoke, and basically have no vices. I find it ironic, if not quite odd, that the man is always held responsible for any transgressions, even if he has been wronged. I think that is a humanistic Spirit and wrong, and so many Christians and so-called ‘Christian Counselors’ have swallowed the kool-aid. Marriage is hard work. There is never a reason to give up.

    My wife told me that I “simply do not make enough money and am no longer any fun.” After having (and admitting to) an torrid emotional affair (thousands of emails, trips to his home, trips together all over the world), she has defined my behavior as ‘un-supportive’ and ‘unloving’. A lot of this has to do with the people she surrounds herself with, who claim to be Christians, who are telling to he leave, based on what she is telling them, without them even knowing me or my side of the story. The damage to my family, kids, business and friendships has been insurmountable and she continues to wound me daily.

    I am not giving up, however! I have spent the last 10 years or so, fighting divorce, and the last three doing daily damage control. The problem is, she is a career woman and has a taste for this world and ‘the finer things in life’. And though I question her real commitment to Christ, I am at the point where I can no longer support my family because of the legal costs. I cannot sell my house and due to the myriad of legal actions, I can barely earn enough money just to pay the bills. I have chosen, rather, to fire my high-powered attorney (remember, my wife is the main bread winner, though I make a very decent living that most Americans would cherish, as well as taking care of the kids full-time. My wife is always on the road and out of town for her business), and to agree to whatever settlement my wife wants. Unfortunately, I am approaching retirement age, in the next couple of years, and her agreement leaves me penniless.

    My kids are the most important. I will survive the embarrassment, the loss of work and friends, and I WILL eventually forgive. Unfortunately I am having a hard time forgiving her, right now, and avoid conflict at any cost-everything I say can and will be held against me. And the Courts are no better. No matter how ‘right’ a man may be in such matters, he still comes out a loser-with his kids, with his finances and business, and with his family and friends. It’s awful!

    So, I appreciate your prayers and will continue to wage war against the Jezebel Spirit. Thanks.

  15. Brit from United States says:

    Hi, I’m hoping for advice on how to stop my heart from hardening. I’ve been married for 4 years. 4 months ago found out my husband has been cheating on me the entire time. My worst nightmare come true. He has been clean, open, honest and trying to reconcile since I caught him and genuinely wants our marriage to grow. Very repentant and he is trying.

    Like you’ve mentioned in the article I was able to forgive him but I now am having a hard time accepting him. Trust has never been easy for me and I trust very, very few to begin with. He was the ONLY person I really trusted and now I feel like a fool for leaning and relying on him so much. I know, I know. I’m only supposed to lean and rely on the Lord but I was a fool and made that mistake and my world came crashing down.

    Thing is, I FEEL my heart beginning to harden. I hate it! At the same time, my hurt is so deep that is easier to pull away from my husband than to face all of my pain. I DON’T want to pull away but I’m so petrified of being hurt again that I can’t even take my own walls down. I love my husband dearly but some days I can’t even look at him without breaking down. Please help. How do I take my own walls down? How do I learn to trust again when trust was so hard earn even once?

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Brit, First off, please allow me to tell you how very sorry I am that you find yourself in this place in your marriage. This is such a horrible thing to have happen –to have your spouse, who vowed to be true to you being his one and only, betray you like this. My heart grieves for you. In all of this though, please be patience with yourself, as far as the healing process. You have been stabbed in the heart… it takes time and a LOT to get to a place where you are able to find some type of “normal” in your emotions again. I even wrote an article on this aspect of healing that you can find at: There are other articles in the “Surviving Infidelity” topic that I encourage you to pray about and read. I believe you’ll find many of them helpful.

      I also encourage you to read through the “Bitterness and Forgiveness” topic –especially the Quotes. You will see through what others have written and experienced that trust is not something you are to give right away (or ever give again, if that is warranted). Those are two different steps –forgiving and trusting, that come as a result of walking a long, difficult journey to get there. Give yourself grace and space to get to a better place… God is. He knows what it’s like to have those He loves betray Him. He understands all too well your pain and can help you with this.

      As I said before, go through the topic on “Surviving Infidelity,” perhaps even contacting a few of the ministries and organizations we have posted there, that help with these types of issues. Lean into the healing, even though everything within you wants to just curl up in a ball and do the opposite. Fight your heart on the hardening process. It will ruin your future and continually discolor every day. Yes, the days must appear gray… and sometimes black since this happened, but don’t let the clouds take up permanent residence. Allow the Lord to help to heal your heart (in the amount of time it takes… rather than expecting more than you should before you should). It may take longer than you would ever want, of course, but it’s worth the effort. I hope you will participate with the Lord in this healing journey. Pray, read, glean through what you read, and apply what you know God would want you to grab onto, until you get to a better place emotionally. I’m praying for you.

  16. Andrew from says:

    I have been married for 8 years. My wife and I had been arguing over little trivial things for a couple of months or so. She came to me and said that we’d grown apart and that we needed to spend more time together. I agreed and set out to put right our marital woes. We decided on a baby sitter, so we could spend more time together, and I stopped working late hours at home on my course work. We got into an argument over going to my cousin’s wedding abroad. Flat out she didn’t want to go and I said that they might make our 2 year old daughter a bridesmaid but again she dug her heels in. We decided she would go to her mothers for a few days, so we could both cool off etc.

    I got a call, which was inadvertent from my 2 year old on my wife’s phone. In short she told her mother why should I stay with someone I don’t love anymore? We agreed to meet at her parents home to try and sort out this mess. I went with my father and in 30 minutes I was told she didn’t love me anymore; it’s over. I was totally blown away. Fast forward 2 weeks and repeated attempts to reconcile I was slowly coming to terms with the marriage ending or trying to at least. She then turned round and said we needed to talk, which I was more than happy with even if I was a little apprehensive. She wanted to give us another chance even though the day before she said she didn’t love me.

    That week I changed everything to spend much more time with my wife and daughter. I agreed to move for her also. I started to notice that she wasn’t really trying to reconcile, which made me a little frustrated/angry. One Saturday I discovered some emails and texts etc via facebook to a man who fitted our bathroom. Some were sent over the course of all of this, and the penny dropped. I was crushed. How could she be cheating on me all be it over facebook. I quickly moved out and said it was over. Again a few weeks past by and I tried to get our marriage back together and said that I forgave her for what she did. Again she said she didn’t love me that way any more. It’s been 2+ months since all of this. During this time my wife said she need time to figure out how she feels about me (are you kidding after 8 years?) by time I mean for me to stop asking if she would give us a chance. This decision time has killed me every day and is torture. Where do I stand?

    I said I would give her til Christmas but I asked her last night if she had made some sort of a decision (okay I was early but 2 months with no sign of trying was killing me). She said that she didn’t feel that way about me anymore sorry. I was angry and relieved all at the same time. How could she string me along like this? We now plan to sell the house next year and for her to move out. I did mention divorce but truth is I don’t want to divorce her I still hold out hope of her changing (am I a fool ?). She has felt this way for about 4+ months and doesn’t look like she’s going to change. I have pleaded, begged, given her space given her time, talked to a priest, but I am now so low I don’t know what I can do.

    • Jarrod from United States says:

      My wife decided to leave me after an arguement we had three weeks ago. We have had our issues that were primarily driven by my unwillingness to entirely stop drinking. I have made strides and sacrifices in that regard but I now realize it wasn’t enough. I pushed her to a point where she won’t let me back into her heart. I wasn’t the man she deserved and she has given up all faith in me. We have had seven great years together despite our times & our turmoil. She has filed for divorce and won’t entertain the thought of reconciliation. Just two days prior to our last arguement I had provided information about marriage counselors and had a planned session for the following week. Monday came and she told me she was filing for divorce and wasn’t interested in counseling. I attended the session and have gone weekly since. I like the others have no interest in anyone else as she is the most beautiful person I have ever met both inside and out. I took her for granted and am clinging to what she has referred to as false hope. We have 60 days until the divorce will be final and I have never been so lost or helpless in my life. Any thoughts or wisdom would be much appreciated. Thank you.

      • Bobby from United States says:

        Hey buddy, just keep praying and I will definitely join you in prayer. Fight with scripture, send her relevant verses about the institution of marriage. My wife left me last week. I know what you are going through. Lets stay prayed up.

  17. Eli from China says:

    I’ve been married for over three years. My wife has always been extremely patient and supportive to me, bearing my outbursts of temper and irrational panic attacks. However, the last one was just too much for her. We had an argument, I lost control and insulted her in front of her parents and also declared I wanted to divorce, even though I realized I didn’t mean it in the least after I cooled off. From that moment on, my wife told me to sleep in a different room and refuses any physical contact. She tries to see me as little as possible and it seems to me that she can’t forgive me. She says divorce is a possibility because she doesn’t know whether she can ever love me again. On the other hand, she says she will try to keep the marriage.

    I feel terrible. I love her beyond anything else and deeply regret my behavior, but I can’t get a chance to show her that I’ve changed and can be a better husband. I know she’s suffering and there’s nothing I can do to help her. Begging forgiveness, telling her sweet things, volunteering to buy her stuff she likes – nothing works. She refuses to talk to me; I suggested counseling, therapy, going to church together – she doesn’t want any of that. I’m trapped and can do nothing but count seconds, minutes, hours, and days in agony. Its been two weeks like that and it doesn’t get better. Please help. I’d do anything in the world to make her forgive me and give me another chance.

  18. Rick from United States says:

    I am also in prayer for my marriage. My wife and I were working on reconciliation and then I got laid off again. There have been financial struggles, just going through the motions or daily life. She had decided to move out; that didn’t work out so she had to move back home and is staying in a different room, says she’s miserable here and says that the marriage is dead and no more. She has filed for divorce. There have been road blocks that God has put up, but it seems she is still trying to go past them. We have been divorced before from each other and God put us back together 8 yrs ago. There are outsiders that are not encouraging her to seek and hear God’s will. We have 3 kids that would be effected by this.

    I take accountability for the things I have done and the things I took for granted, I wasn’t leading my house as God would have directed me to. We’re both saved. I pray and keep keep faith that God will direct us and bring his Divine intervention to our marriage and softens her heart. I am working on my relationship with God and making him first in my life. I would encourage all standers to continue to seek God first and lean on God’s promises and his word biblically. With faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains. Surrend it all to his control. Your faith in God has to be your foundation. I pray for all you and that God would work his devine intervention on his time and in accordance to his will. Don’t give the enemy the satifaction to letting his doubts, and fears overcome you. I pray for all you!

    “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6

  19. Thomas from United States says:

    Please say a prayer for and my wife for our marriage to come together and stay strong and for my wife to find the love that she has for me in her heart so that she can love me again and give me respect,love, affection, AND kindness to me. Please pray for my marriage!!!!

  20. Tom from United States says:

    Hi, my name is Tom and my wife has left me. I feel like a poster child for what I have read so far on this site. We had been together 35 years. I know some of the things that I have done to offend her but I keep thinking they were not enough for her to want to end our life together. I now know I was wrong. She has been much closer to God then me .

    I have been guilty of asking God to help me with things I wanted to happen. I now know I have to start living my life for my Lord if I am to be happy and ever posssibly having my wife want anything to do with me again. I don’t much know how to go about that so I am going to start with wonderful web sites like this, alot of prayer and try to get to where I know my heart is pure. If for some reason I cannot get to that point I will not ask her to consider reconclliation.

    I know many reading this that are missing a spouse have this same knot in their chest and mind spinning at times. I know I deserve what has happened to me and have made a decision only to ask her if she would consider working toward a solution that would put Jesus first in our lives. With no expectations except to go to God and see if that is possible. I’m supposed to talk with her today on the phone for the first time since she left 2 months ago. I will post on how that goes. Please pray for us.

  21. Bobby from United States says:

    My addiction to porn which escalated into adulterous behavior has cost me my marriage. She was the perfect wife, always supported me in everything I did and was a great soldier for God. I have tried everything to win her back but she is at the point of no return. My energy is now focused on God and healing and sending this Demon off.

    Hopefully one day she will return back to me and see the real Bobby. Right now I am so crushed and in disbelief that she is gone. I can only imagine what she is going through as a result. Porn is deadly, I repeat DEADLY! Please, if anyone reads this and is battling with this giant, turn to God immediately and rebuke that demon; cast it out into the abyss. It’s too late for me, but God is graceful and merciful. Be blessed!

  22. K Mclallen from United States says:

    After 9 years of a he-loves-me, he-loves-me-not relationship, I discovered my boyfriend had been having an affair. He claimed he wasn’t able to talk to me openly but that his new “mate” was his solace. After careful thought I determined that the Lord had worked this to give my boyfriend the ability to grow as a partner, something, which hadn’t happened during our time together and I gave him up to be happy. I was crushed but willing to do what was right. Nonetheless, he decided he wanted to reconcile and I agreed.

    After months of counseling and no progress I feel I’ve made a mistake. He says he wants he loves, he needs me, but he does nothing different than before. The counseling has painted a picture of our relationship that I had never seen before and I’m sickened by the treatment I’ve willingly accepted. Everything was and is always about him and counseling has made me see that he doesn’t intend to change. He refuses to come with me to church and does not follow the counselors advice rules suggestions. He seems happy but I now feel resentment for the lies and the years he claimed were painful to him. There is never any consideration for my happiness and now I don’t know what to do. Please pray that God can lead me somewhere that I’m not so angry and selfish.

  23. Tracy from Bermuda says:

    I hurt my wife and she moved. I’m so sorry I hurt her, Please pray that we will be back as a family again in Christ’s name.

  24. RR from Philippines says:

    Good day, I have hurt my wife and that’s the reason she is angry and dismayed at me. It was my children who discovered that I was into texting with a girl. It lasted for almost 2 months until it was found out but my family. It created great chaos among the family, confrontation was made and it came to the point that I tried to commit suicide because I cannot take it that my wife will leave me, hearing from my wife that she no longer loves, that she hated me so much.

    Chaos continued to exist for almost 8 months now that my wife is hurting me. She wants me to leave but I’m not leaving; I don’t want to leave my family. I keep on praying to the Lord for help. Pray for the Holy Spirit to be with my wife to soften her heart and open up her mind. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve done so much to make up for what had happened, but to no avail. I can feel that my wife doesn’t care for me but sometimes she shows some care.

    But to sum up everything, our life now a days isn’t good. We quarrel and argue. I try to explain but she won’t listen. All that gives me strength is God and my children although not all of them. My youngest seemed to be angry at me, he’s the only boy in the family of 4. My life has been trouble for almost 8 months now. But I’m not surrendering my life because I know God is there to make ways that we can again be reconciled.

  25. RR from Philippines says:

    Please help me in my struggle to win back my wife. I caused the trouble in the family. I was into texting with a girl, a thing I would never do again in my whole life. Now, my life is in great trouble. I have tried to make up for what I did, but it seems that it has no effect on my wife. We still live in the same roof but not really in good terms. Arguments between me and my wife continue from time to time and sometimes she hurt me.

    Thanks to God and the Holy Spirit that this time, God answered my prayers to calm down my wife. I thank God for sending the Holy Spirit to be with my wife to ease her anger and hatred against me. I’m helpless; it’s only God that give me strength. I know He won’t leave me. Please pray that we’ll soon reconcile, especially now that the Christmas season is upon us.

  26. Ben from United States says:

    My Name is Ben. I’ve been married for 6 years now. And I feel that my wife pushed me to ask her for divorce! She emotionally shut me down for over a month before I told her that we need to do something about this. That is when she said she wanted separation. We have a 5 year old son that I love more than anything, and I really didn’t want to ruin my son’s life just because I didn’t try hard enough!

    I asked for marriage counseling. She declined it. She said she is done and she still love me, but she needs her space.

    I agreed to the separation, and hoped I would work hard on our marriage, maybe she would miss me and want to comeback! (I know now it’s not going to happen.)

    2 weeks later, 2 days before my birthday, I found out she is having an emotional affair with her boss. I confronted her, and she said she doesn’t know why she did it! She said it made her feel good. The biggest problem is: She was having the same conversations with him that we used to have when we were in love! And I was so embarrassed because she was extremely craving attention from him. He almost didn’t want it because he’s a married man. But she kept on saying inappropriate things. And that drove me crazy.

    We had a conversation in the car about why and how. And she said that we should get divorced because I’ll never trust her again! Even tho she said that she wanted to get separated and hopefully she would miss me and try to fix things back again. But I told her that that doesn’t make sense since she was perusing another man!

    Today I moved out of the house, and asked her if we are still in the same page, and want to work on our marriage while separating! She said her heart is empty. “I need space. I need not to be asked how I feel.” It ended by me telling her “Space you will get.”

    I have no idea where my marriage is at, at this point. I have no idea if she is seeing or still talking to her boss that way! I just know that I love my wife and son, and I know it’s too late, but I don’t want to give up. What to do?

    • John from United States says:

      Ben, I am not sure if you will get this in time, but don’t give up. You can forgive and trust your wife again. With the right help and assistance love can be rekindled. After going through the divorce process with my wife I wish I was in your shoes. Go to your wife and tell her that you’re standing for the marriage and want the opportunity to show love and kindness. Please Winning Your Wife Back Before It’s Too Late

      These are some good books on how to speak and work with a separated spouse. These haven’t worked for me as of yet but I was further along than you seem. My heart goes out to you, your wife and son. You are in my prayers.

    • Earl from United States says:

      Ben, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through right now as I too am trying to reconcile my marriage with my wife and family.

      My only advice I can give you is to follow through on your end. Find and make an appointment with a reputable Christian marriage counselor for yourself. Start the process and work with the counselor to eventually invite your wife to attend a session with you.

      Invite your wife to attend. Keep it short. Give her the appointment date and time. Don’t demand that she go and don’t ask if she is going to be there. She will probably tell you no she won’t. Just love her and allow her to make her own decision. Go separately and you need to be there regardless.

      Be in prayer for yourself and her. Take it slow and let God work in both your lives.

  27. John from United States says:

    After reading many of the comments and statements on this website I pray for each and everyone one of you as you go through these hard times in life. I am thankful to have found such encouraging words of wisdom. I feel pain and sorrow that we are all in this section of the website beause of our marriage issues. I pray that no one would ever have to go through the saddness that we have all had to endure.

    I am John and I have been separated from my spouse Shauna for the past couple months. We have been married for 13 years and have twin 9 year old girls. Over the years we have had out share of problems. I never realized I was such a bad husband that I was closing her heart off to me. I made all the wrong mistakes but felt I never cheated, abused or lust after others. How do we get it so wrong with the one we love so much? My wife is at a place where she prays, but for the divorce process.

    She is at peace with God and divorce and in a happy place. I am at a lost in how to show and demonstrate and convince her that our life could be great together. I have always considered myself a christian but in reality I was a Sunday morning Christian. Since she stated she wanted a divorce I have become closer to God but many times I wonder why so much suffering. I’m trying and doing everything possible to regain trust but she is so determined she cannot see the possibilities. I don’t know how to stop loving and caring for her, even during my anger or hurt I so long to gain my wife’s heart back. Please pray for me as this is the most difficult time of my life and I don’t know if I can take the pain and suffering anymore.

    Everyday I pray for the strength, courage and wisdom to do all the things necessary to move forward and gain my wife back. I don’t want to lose faith but some days are harder than others.

    • Gunthar from United States says:

      Praying for your family, brother. Our wives are protecting; and rightfully so. We have failed to do that, and we are repenting of the things that got us where we are. It’s just unfortunate that there are so many opinions justifying an already epidemic problem (divorce), enabling more of it. Regardless, we as men MUST bow to Christ and submit every area of our lives to Him, and then completely leave the work to God to unravel the convoluted hearts of those citing a feeling of “peace” about divorce is somehow ‘God’ speaking to them, refusing to acknowledge a redefinition of forgiveness as demonstrated by our Lord.

      I am seeing that the more I get out of the way, the more God is able to speak to my wife about what His forgiveness really is.

  28. Gunthar from United States says:

    This opinion was perfect, until: “If she doesn’t feel safe for some reason (whether it is physically, emotionally, spiritually, and/or emotionally), she may decide to forgive you, but she still will not live with you.”

    Deciding to embrace a belief/thought that she is (and therefor feels) unsafe, is completely incongruent with forgiveness. Or does the writer mean ‘to forgive you’, as in, some ungodly definition that the hurting wife is clinging to along with some hurt?

    True, she may claim to have ‘forgiven’, and may decide she is excused to not live with you, but is there any woman who has endured more offense and greater pain than our Jesus himself has endured and endures daily? Is Jesus not living in us somehow, because HE doesn’t ‘feel safe’ with us?? (No)

    Our sisters in Christ, with their beautiful and delicate emotional natures, are ever more dependent to be in prayer about their troubled marriages and responses, and should default to God’s demonstrated definition of forgiveness, and not justifying distance and tactics that smack of ongoing judgment for the repentant husband.

    Both men AND women are called and empowered to forgive as Christ forgives; if I’ve forgotten past grievances, how is there any thought of ‘safety’? It doesn’t square with the implicit and explicit commands in Matt 18:21-…

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Gunthar, I absolutely understand where you are coming from, and for the most part, I agree. But giving forgiveness and reconciling are two different steps. I can forgive someone –not holding onto bitterness, and releasing the whole issue to God. I can be set free from resenting them and wishing bad upon them. I can pray for them, and wish them well. But that doesn’t mean that I have to trust them. If their behavior is such that I believe I could still be in danger of having the same thing happen again in the future, I would be a fool to just put myself in that place again. The other person (spouse, in this case) needs to win the trust back so that reconciliation has a chance to take place. Forgiveness, rebuilding trust, and fully reconciling are different steps.

      I’ve seen spouses subjected to their spouses cheating on them. They are devastated. But eventually the victimized spouse is able to forgive and release the cheater to NOT seek revenge or harbor bitter feelings. But that doesn’t mean that they feel safe with that spouse that it won’t happen again, particularly when they see the other spouse flirting. And then there is verbal and/or physical abuse. We’ve seen spouses forgive the other, but that doesn’t mean that they still feel safe afterward. Their trust is broken. They may not harbor bitterness, but they don’t trust that the same pattern of abuse won’t happen again.

      I’m ALL for spouse’s reconciling. That’s what I believe the Lord would want. But the spouse who broke trust needs to realize that even if they receive forgiveness, they will have an uphill battle –maybe for years, before the other spouse would be open to consider reconciling. The offending spouse will need to prove themselves. And that’s a mighty tough thing to do, indeed. It takes time and great effort. They need to change their lifestyle, not only so that they don’t offend their spouse again, but importantly, they need to change their lifestyle because of their love for the Lord. Their lifestyle change is not to be as much situational, as it is a permanent, life-changing, redeeming change in direction as far as how they live –where their heart and actions are changed whether or not their spouse ever trusts them again.

      Matthew 18:21 and beyond, plus other scriptures talk about forgiving. But I don’t see where it says that trusting or reconciling again, especially if the abused spouse feels unsafe, is required. I wish they could go hand-in-hand, but there are many additional circumstances that may need to be in place before that could happen. How I wish this could be different, and we work hard in Marriage Missions to help make that happen, but we aren’t in control of all that would need to be put into place to make that a reality.

      • Gunthar from United States says:

        I think it fairly presumptuous that you understand just where I’m coming from. What we’re focusing on is the most serious institution, and justifying the ‘Godly’ dismantling of it, the very thing that hold societies together. Indeed, the recent studies on European banking stability have many in fear of a collapse we’ve never seen because marriage is all but non-existent and virtually no one is having children there.

        Unfortunately, the incomplete functional definition of forgiveness enables continued hard-heartedness at whim of the weaker and emotionally-complex of the sexes, and even as men clearly repent and seek to serve their wives lovingly. It may be two-steps, but when one “dances” the two-step, the second step comes right after the first. No pause.

        Women have the burden of keeping their emotional nature in check, so that it doesn’t recklessly destroy what it meant to be built up and preserved; just as men have their aggressive/conquering and sexual natures that they must keep in check. Sin does not excuse anyone from their marriage vow to God and duty to Him and the spouse in that relationship. The ease with which we cry ‘abuse’ is the slippery slope enabling Satan to continue to wreak havoc. The call of God is to love (love believes all things).

        Terribly inconsistent, but the lines you draw are convenient to justify the wife’s emotional nature becoming ‘the Holy Spirit’, determining whether ‘trust is rebuilt’ by their understanding or not (trust in the Lord with all your heart…). Did God earn my trust? No. I was scared to trust Him. Is He safe? I don’t know. At the time, He had let all this pain in my life. BUT, I was inspired to trust Him, in spite of my fear. To ignore the ‘reasons’ and my understanding and rationalizations and I made a decision to trust.

        I have only been with my wife. My wife slept with 9 men in the last 4 years (4 different reckless stints), all of whom were utterly sick, when she decided I wasn’t ‘safe’, and thus her justification that our marriage was over. I had been occasionally angry at her for disrespect she regularly pays me as I try and raise our son. One man she brought to our bed, when I was out of town, with our kids asleep. BUT, I have forgiven her of all of this, precisely because it was sin, and not who she is. I know who she is, as God’s creation.

        But when is she going to choose to be that? If forgiveness is a delayed two-step process, as you argue, then what if I don’t choose to trust her, if I bring up her ‘abuse’ and how indirectly day after day because I don’t feel safe (that I might have to go get tested again), does she feel forgiven? Utter nonsense. Of course she doesn’t feel forgiven. How can she be forgiven when the message is clear that she isn’t?? I trust her, because God calls us to, to show the world what reconciliation is. I put my life, my health on the line for her, every time we are intimate, because she was/is such a good liar (and a publicly baptized follower of Christ somehow), FOR THE LORD.

        You can keep rationalizing it, but you excuse the inexcusable. Forgiveness absolutely equals trust.

        I think the reality is that the combination of being emotionally compromised and seeking ‘acceptable’ justifications is the engine of Satan to keep God’s creation from seeing more of what He wants to demonstrate to the world around us; REAL reconciliation, despite the grossest kinds of offenses in our lifetimes toward brothers and sisters.

        This, and numerous other well-meaning websites, are simply tickling the ears of hurt and confused women across the world looking for justification for continuing in suppressed anger toward their spouse.

        We don’t marry to give each other what we estimate they deserve. We marry precisely to show the world how to demonstrate God’s love by continually giving them the grace respect, and mercy… what they don’t deserve, like our Father does to each and every one of us.

        • Cindy Wright from United States says:

          I don’t want to argue with you Gunthar. I disagree with several things you said –other things I agree with. But I don’t see any reason to argue. When I said I “absolutely understand where you are coming from”, I didn’t mean that I understand WHAT you are GOING THROUGH (that WOULD be presumptuous), but rather, I truly see the perspective you’re coming from biblically (although I disagree with your perception of it). I’m sorry I didn’t word it in a clearer way.

          I apologize if I upset you, but I respectfully disagree with you concerning the steps of forgiveness and rebuilding trust, and reconciliation. I believe they are separate steps. The arguments you gave didn’t change that in the least. Sorry. I’m also sorry for what you are going through with your wife. That is truly grievous and so hurtful. I pray the Lord ministers to your pain and gives you wisdom to know how to best deal with this situation. My heart goes out to you.

          • Gunthar from United States says:

            This might sound harsh, but seriously… In life, a person is usually coming from where they’ve recently been. That’s just the truth. But the cliches run wild in these situations.

            Fair enough. I umderstand its hard to be teachable in public and when it’s your livelihood. But I respectfully submit that you dishonor your ministry and yourself, ignoring the double standard I point out (my wife had no sense of forgiveness until I chose to trust her in ways she felt trusted again).

            The entire set of onlookers may have walked the path and completely disagree, but I find no better observation, than a woman’s own definition of forgiveness whe THEY need the healing of forgiveness for their spouse. If I continually show distrust in my wife, until I esteem her worthy of trust, she categorically would not claim She’s forgiven. How can there be any feeling of the healing and relief forgiveness provides, that we are called to offer freely, 70×7, without restoration of the trust relationship that is marriage??

            I would solicit women who had affairs and the “steps” they went through until they were really forgiven.

            You presume I have hurt. I don’t because Jesus has brought Me through. I see who my wife is in the lord and you seem to maybe have not walked that path. I have walked the road that academics claim to be able to guide, in the areas I’ve asserted. The only pain I suffer is being in a very serious “dog house” unable to show christs love to my wife while she reads well meaning and misguided rationalizations of concepts that are not clear in scripture.

            Good luck in your ministry of reconciliation.

          • Cindy Wright from United States says:

            Livelihood? We are not making a dime in this ministry. We pray, and pay, and sacrifice continually to help those who are married. We ONLY do this because the Lord has led us to participate with Him in this way. So don’t even start to tell me about this being my/our livelihood.

            And as for my not understanding what it is like to be rejected, cheated on, or what it is like to be hurt by those you love more than life itself… I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong you are. That is one of the reasons we do what we do, beneath the fact that God is leading us… we hope to lessen the pain and hopefully prevent others from going through, or prolonging this type of pain, unless God has a different journey for them to travel. So, please stop judging.

            As for future comments that you may address to me, I respectfully refuse to volley back and forth with your argumentations. I don’t believe God is asking me to do so, or else I would. You are too ready to jump into judgment. Judge away, but I refuse to participate.

  29. Dan from United States says:

    My name is Dan. I got married about 4 months ago we both attend the same Church; we are both believers and we both wanted and felt our relationship was centered around Christ. I am no Angel as I have lied to her in the past causing her to leave me two years ago. I turned to the Lord and miraculasly she came back. Back to the marriage, two days after the wedding and an abbreviated honeymoon she told me that marrying me was a mistake and that she never loved me. She felt Christ was trying to tell her no and she believes Christ is telling her to file for divorce now.

    I had hid a few things from her that I was not proud of, like smoking cigarettes and drinking occasionally at night. We have now been seperated for our entire marriage minus the 2 days together. I do not believe in divorce. The wedding was very real for me, but for her she says she unfortunately had to say “I do” to say “I don’t.” We still talk divorce is something on the table for her. I’ve been attending counseling for 3 montghs and I wish I had started months before the marriage because I do love her.

    I want her happiness; I want her spiritual growth and I believe Christ is still working on us. She is going to try personal counseling so she can heal. She says that the damage is too deep and that she doesn’t think she will be able to trust me again. I still continue to support her with bills, health insurance. I try to be as calm as possible and build her up when I feel she needs it. I’ve started diving back into the bible and Men’s church groups because I want to make sure I am keeping head and my heart following and trusting where ever Christ leads me. I don’t know if I should just let her go because I don’t want her to be miserable or continue hoping that Christ can heal her hardened heart.

  30. Juan from United States says:

    My wife (28) of 3 years and I (29) had a disagreement on Oct 2 ’14. It started because of a sexless marriage. She would spend more time w/mother in-law than with me and every time I wanted to do something with our 2 year old son, I would have to make an appointment w/the in-law. So that happened and I wanted things to cool like every couple has disagreements. On Oct 7 ’14 we had our routine from work, eat supper, then she put our son to bed around 8-8:30. Around 9 pm, she came towards me and said she was going to bed and gave me a hug. I kissed her and said “goodnight I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.” I felt good, I felt happy because I believed she was ready to make amends over our disagreement we had days before.

    On Oct 8 ’14, I came home after a hard day’s work… I find our HOME completely empty. All the furniture, pictures, and all of our son’s items removed from our home. I tried talking to my wife, but she wouldn’t answer. I went looking for her at the in-laws. I saw her vehicle. The in-laws came out as I was pulling in their driveway but they turned out to be ugly towards me and pushed me off their property. I went back home and cried. 3 hours later, I was handed a restraining order and have no contact with wife. We went to court about the order on Oct 14 ’14 the judge ruled the order to be extended until 01/26/15. In the meantime, custody was with mother, no contact with wife except US MAIL and exchange child every other weekend Sat 10 am-Sun 6 pm. I wrote my wife a few heartfelt letters but no reply. I filed for custody then she did too and had the court date on Jan 26′ 15.

    We went to court on Jan 26 ’15 and judge gave my wife custody, exchange child every other weekend Fri 6P-Sun 6P and have to pay child support including back support beginning 10/14/14. Protective Order is dismissed.

    My wife will still not speak to me and in-laws are no help in our relationship. I Love my Wife and Love our Son and miss so much being Family. In-Laws said to me back in Oct the day she left that she had already sign divorce papers and soon I will get them. But as of 1/26/15 she hasn’t. I know all of this was just a huge misunderstanding, and I’ve not hit my wife or even cursed her with foul language. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been praying so much and I am so devastated…. I just want my FAMILY back and I know we can work to fix this obstacle.

    There have been times where I would just lay in bed tired and try to sleep at night, but not even blink and see the sunlight slowly come thru the window, then look at the clock and it’s 2PM.
    I miss their joy, their laughter, and just every small things of my Wife and Son. Please HELP me pray so that God can enlightened and soften her heart that I’ve caused it to harden.

  31. Francis from United States says:

    Hello. A few weeks ago, my wife began an emotional affair via facebook messages with another man from our gym. This went on for 2 weeks until I found out. We had a series of huge fights until she finially broke it off with him. During their chatting they admitted that they had feelings for each other. Then I found out about it. She told him that she was going to honor her wedding vows and go back to me.

    The problem is that she continues to see and talk to him several days a week at the gym, but she swears that she doesn’t have feelings for him. It really bothers me that she does this.

    Several weeks went by, and I thought that her and I were getting back on track. I prayed and prayed and prayed to God to help us. Last night we went out with friends and I had several drinks and so did she and everyone else. She started talking to one of our male friends, and I being very insecure in our relationship, and I being short on trust, assumed that she was flirting with him. I got up from the table, and went to the mens room. On the way there, I punched a hole in the wall. I didn’t intend to do that, I just hit the wall out of anger, but I did end up putting a hole in it.

    When I got back to the table, one of the waitstaff pulled me out of the room, and told me that they saw what happened, and that O had to leave. This was a dinner/show , so I went back to grab my things, and I told my wife that we had to leave. She was very upset, to say the least. We had to go sit outside in the cold until the show was over, because we shared a ride with the other couple.

    The 2 hour ride home was silent. When we got home, we verbally fought. I’ve never done anything like this in the past. I’m terrible embarrassed. I feel terrible, horrible, mortified, and scared. I will be calling that place when it opens up to tell them that I’m sorry and that I’ll be paying for all damages. But now I’m left with a wife who is scared of me. She thinks that I’m a monster. She hates my guts, and is thinking about leaving me. She says the only reason that she and I are still living in the same house, is because of our children.

    I prayed a lot last night. I slept 2 hours; it was a fitful sleep. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to start. I want to make things right, or at least try. But she wants space right now to figure things out. I can do that, but it makes me sick. I feel like I’m standing by, watching her walk away. We’ve had a rocky past but I know that with God’s help, if we both make an honest effort in this, that we can make it work. But besides praying and giving he some space, I’m at a total loss. Please advise.

  32. Chris from United States says:

    I’ve been married to my best friend of 14 years for over a decade. She’s been chasing after me, fell in love with me because I was different from all the rest of the men that she knew in her life. We dated since October 2, 2010. She has two kids by two other men. Her son had a problem with playing the bed and I had a problem with blended families cuz I never dated anybody who had kids before.

    My girlfriend at the time was not my wife, never set me down and discussed with me how to become a step parent. Instead, she would rather go out with her friends and leave me to babysit. I felt that she was taking advantage of me in my home throughout the years she was always flirty with guys. I told her previously before we ever got together that I didn’t like that.

    Years went by. It got worse. Eventually I had resentment towards her son and resentment towards the other two fathers. They were making her life a living hell and there is nothing I can do to change it or to help her. I had a wall up over my heart because I knew that she would always cheat on people so I took the extra precautionary steps to protect my heart. That’s where I failed. I never gave her the benefit of the doubt.

    On June 8, 2014 we got married. She walked out on September 14th for a week, stayed with her new best friend who was an older woman who has been married three times, and divorced as well. When she came back I discovered that she had an emotional affair with my next door neighbor who is also cheating on his wife with another woman. I told my wife that I will not compete against another man I shouldn’t have to. I’m your husband; I didn’t understand at the time the patience, humbleness, loving, and supportive, was needed to be had in order to help restore our marriage at the time.

    It has been 5 months and all we did was fight because my selfish ways were trying to rush the reconciliation of our marriage. Mind you, this is my first marriage, my first wife my first wholehearted love and I’m afraid that I push her away because I kept on accusing her of cheating on me because of that neighbor kept on calling her she would ask to see my phone, Facebook, email and I would oblige but when I asked to see her social media, email, and text messages. She would not let me see it she told me there is nothing for me to see. So I asked her if there’s nothing for me to see, then why don’t you show me nothing. So she did not do it eventually it escalated to where I was getting frustrated hurt I felt this honored and disrespected to where I would say names in or not putting her down like like some men would do but words that stung my wife used to believe in God but she gave up on him now all the sudden she’s pagan and she gets this from the best friend of hers who thinks she knows everything. This best friend is a cancer in this marriage and she will not go away I know she has persuaded my wifes way of thinking of how a marriage should go and what her decisions should be as far as us reconciling and I feel bad for her two kids plus our daughter that we had. She plans to move out by dinner this week she doesn’t tell me I love you anymore she doesn’t touch me anymore doesn’t even say goodbye when she leaves it’s like she’s like this totally different person and she has a real bad wall up over her heart I know she has a hardened heart towards me and I regret everything that I’ve ever said and done because of my lack of understanding I pray everyday with our daughter the guy can help restore our marriage to help preserve our family from falling apart just to give me that second chance to be the husband that I know my wife would like me to be I asked God to change me in my way of thinking in to help me correct the wrong that I have done I asked everybody to please help pray for my family please help pray for the sanctity of our marriage we are a newlywed most of all please pray for everybody that’s in the same boat as I I do not wish this feeling upon anybody not even my worst enemy I asked God everyday to please help soften my wifes hardened heart and that he may reach into the darkness weir her true being is residing shackled and chained against your will to pull her out of the darkness embrace the Lord for the salvation of her soul salvation of our marriage. I know I cannot turn back time I would not want to. All I want to do is move forward and learn from the mistakes improved my loving wife that I am NOT that selfish over who has a jealous tendency and a nasty tongue in Jesus name I ask and pray everybody to help save us amen.

  33. Allen from United States says:

    Thank you so much. This is a great read and I needed to read it. My wife is at the point of no reconciliation because of my actions over time. I didn’t beat or cheat but I have been very narcissistic during our almost 25 years of marriage. I do not know what to do. I feel helpless and lonely, just as I’m sure she does. If you can help in any way, I would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully the Lord’s will is the same as mine. Thank you.

  34. Allen from United States says:

    Thank you so much. This is a great read and I needed to read it. My wife is at the point of no reconciliation because of my actions over time. I didn’t beat or cheat but I’ve been very narcissistic during our almost 25 years of marriage. I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and lonely, just as I’m sure she does. If you can help in any way, I would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully the Lord’s will is the same as mine. Thank you.

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