“I’m trying everything I can, but my wife just won’t consider reconciling our marriage.”
“I’m doing all I know how to do, but my wife still wants a divorce.”
“My family is split apart, but my wife says ‘no’ to working on reconciling.”
Those are just three of many statements we’ve heard here at Marriage Missions, where the husband is seeking to restore and rebuild their broken marital relationship. Despite their outreach to her, the wife will have no part of it.
They ask us for help and to be perfectly honest, we often aren’t sure how to help them. First off, Steve and I are not Marriage Counselors —we’re Marriage Educators. And many of these types of couples need more help than we can give them. When you’re talking about deep-seeded problems, have been going on a long time before they approach us, it’s seldom something that can be resolved with an obvious solution.
Good Starting Point for Reconciling
But I’ve done some digging into coming up with at least SOME type of “answers” for husbands, hoping they will be a good starting point. When a person feels they are drowning ANYTHING of any substance is better than nothing. This is true, at least, for the immediate moment. And that is what I’m offering here —something of substance to help you in your immediate desperation.
You will need to work through this journey together with God to see how He helps you to unravel this complicated situation. It may or may not end up with the result you desire. However, who knows? It may end up better. I don’t know. But when God is invited in, you can be sure that you will find a place of peace, at some point in time. And it will be the best solution that you can grasp, given the fact that we live in a fallen world. With the Holy Spirit as your “Wonderful Counselor,” you have more going for you than any other way you could ever go.
That doesn’t mean that God won’t use other human counselors and advisors to help you at some point, but as the familiar term goes, “He’s got your back.”
The Bible says in Proverbs 30:21-23:
“Under three things the earth trembles…” One of those three things is “an unloved woman who is married.” You may be screaming inside that you WANT to show her love and are willing to do what it takes to give it to her. But for some reason her availability to receive your love is slammed shut.
I don’t know if it is your fault, her fault, the fault of “the perfect storm” of emotions all tangled up, sin run amuck, and/or someone else’s fault. But whatever it is, it is. It’s best to work with what is, rather than work in denial of the truth. It’s important to work with what you CAN do, rather than what you wish you could do. Denial will take you to a dead end, as far as getting any positive results in reconciling with her again.
I’m going to present an article for you to read, to pray over and consider. It may or may not be for you. Or there may be parts, which the Holy Spirit may use to speak to and help you. It’s the gleaning process, in action.
Start With Prayer
Please read through it. Then ask the Lord to help you to keep your mind open to what He wants you to know. A good prayer for you to sincerely express to God is:
“Search me O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting.”
(Psalm 139:23-24)
Next:
There IS a reason your wife’s spirit is closed off to you. It may be one or many or all of the reasons I pointed out earlier. However, you need to know that it didn’t happen overnight. It may seem to you that it did because of how it all came down. But in reality, it has been closing off to you for a while and it just now came to a final closure —one that opened your eyes to the final door slamming shut.
Closed Spirit
A number of years ago, I heard Dr Gary Smalley talk about the process of how a spouse’s spirit closes. He showed an open hand with all of the fingers splayed wide apart. He likened the heart being in the place of the palm of the hand. It’s the soft part of who they are and very vulnerable when nothing is protecting it.
And then he gave examples of different “events,” which can cause a spouse to close a protective finger over their heart. Because of these events, they felt too vulnerable to being hurt again by the “offending” spouse. Sometimes confession and repentance opens the fingers again. But sometimes, the offended spouse never opens up in the same way ever again.
He then showed that sometimes a spouse has been hurt so much over time. The result was that he or she will completely close off in spirit, from the other spouse. The hand looks like a closed fist. There is no part of that “heart,” which is open and vulnerable to the way you can approach it. And sometimes it never opens again.
In his book, Winning Your Wife Back Before It’s Too Late
He wrote:
Although there are probably hundreds of ways to offend your wife and close her spirit, we consistently see several that top the list. You can close your wife’s spirit when you:
• Speak harsh words.
• Tell her that her opinions don’t matter.
• Act unwilling to admit when you are wrong.
• Take her for granted.
• Make jokes or sarcastic comments at her expense.
• Show that you do not trust her.
• Force her to do something that she’s uncomfortable with.
• Act rude to her in front of others.
• Dismiss her needs as unimportant.
Your wife could probably make up her own list of the things you’ve done to close her spirit.
We consistently get calls from men all around the world who are desperate because their wives just walked out the door. The most devastating part is that many of these men fail to realize that little by little, their actions closed their wives’s spirits. Because this happens internally, many men don’t realize they’ve offended their wives.
And one day the husband comes home to find his wife’s spirit rolled up in a tight ball, like a sow bug. You may not always be aware of what you do to deposit anger into the life of your loved one. However, when it comes to relationships, a preventative rule of thumb is this: whatever dishonors another person usually closes her spirit!
If you have been wondering why your wife left or perhaps why she resists your efforts at reconciliation, the answer is usually found in a closed spirit. The sad reality is, the more a man steps on the spirit of his wife, the more resistant she becomes to him.”
Gary goes on to then state the following:
“Our purpose in writing about a closed spirit is not to make you —who may find yourself with a closed sow bug, instead of an an open wife, feel guilty. It is to provide hope. I have done many things to close the spirit of my wife and the key to reconciliation is to learn how to reopen her spirit.”
I realize THAT’S what you are trying to do. Dr Smalley’s book gives you some ideas, which you may find helpful. They have worked for many husbands. They haven’t worked for others, but you never know until you pray, read, and see if God is leading you that way. For this reason, you may want to obtain the book to consider his advice.
I want to give one more illustration, before I move on from this point. I’m hoping it will help you to see what could have happened with your wife. It was written by someone named Camain, who asked for prayer on the Internet for his wife’s hardened heart.
Referring to his wife, he wrote the following:
“Someone said that she is really hurt, and you’re right, she is. I may not have hit her, or degraded her, or anything like that. But it’s the little things that have added up over the years. Each of those little things was a brick in a wall. Little by little with time being the mortar, that wall has gotten big and hardened.
“At first I tried to bang myself against it, repetitively hitting it. I can’t break this wall down though. The only thing that can is time, Gods help, patience and perseverance. I have to be patient, loving, and humble. I’m trying hard to find and identify all the issues that have caused harm to my marriage. No matter how big or small, I’m trying to ask for forgiveness of them, and stop doing them.”
I can’t help but think of “the earth trembling” because of a wife who feels “unloved” so she closes her spirit, walled off from being open to her husband again —at least, not at this point.
True, we don’t know the circumstances. And true, sin is involved somewhere —you can count on it. But nonetheless, her spirit is closed.
A Helpful Article on Reconciling
I came across an article, which I referred to earlier, believing you will benefit from reading it. I’m hoping that at least SOME of what the author, Reb Bradley has written will help. At the end of this article, he offers additional resources. I need you to know that I don’t know much about Reb or his resources. As a result, I can’t really recommend them. That is up to you.
All I can say is that I saw a lot of credibility in what I was able to read and glean. I encourage you to prayerfully consider all God shows you, for your situation. Below is the Familyministries.com link to this article.
Please read:
• RECONCILIATION WITH A HARDENED WIFE
Above all, I hope that your ultimate goal goes beyond reconciling with your wife. If that is the case, your “solutions” will be most likely be temporary, when and if you do. Ultimately, I hope your ultimate goal is to go to GOD and make sure your life is clean. Do not give your wife added “excuses” as to why she could remain closed in her spirit in reconciling with you.
Also, realize that giving forgiveness and reconciling the marriage are two separate steps. Your wife may have much, which she needs to forgive you for, and much that she needs to surrender to the Lord. But that does not mean that she will seek reconciling with you as husband and wife again. If she doesn’t feel safe with you (physically, spiritually, and/or emotionally), she may decide to forgive you, but she still will not live with you.
Live For God
I can’t account for her actions, and neither can you. This is between her and God. You will need to come to the place where you will live for God, EVEN IF your wife doesn’t join you in marriage again. Are you a man of God who can live like this? Are you a man after God’s own heart?
If you are, and you are sincere, then there is hope for you that you can be reconciled to God AND to your wife. But I don’t know what your wife will do.
I do know though, that God wants to work in and through your life. He wants to do this whether your wife comes back to you or not. It is my sincerest hope you will participate with Him in this mission.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
Filed under: Bitterness and Forgiveness Save My Marriage
(UNITED STATES) I have just found this site today and been reading a lot of the articles… This one in partcular really hit me because I have so much anger towards my husband. I believe in my heart it is past reconciliation. When another woman picked up his cell phone I heard him laughing in the background. He says he was only out for a few drinks and that everyone was just having fun.
When confronted about the incident, he says that I was over-reacting to the situation like I always do. Then he said for me not to make a big deal over it because she gets jealous over every woman that shows him interest. I was like hello? I am the one you should be worried about here… This happened after my surgery, when I confronted him.
And personally I am disgusted by him now. I feel cold and distant inside and hope I NEVER have to lay eyes on him again for what he did. He can leave me alone …I want nothing more to do with the man …hope many couples who find this sight have restoration for their marriages… For mine, it’s way too late… Keep me in prayer. God bless.
(USA) If you do not want anything with him, well, I think it is ok. But, any way you have to forgive him. Obey the Lord. Do yourself a favor and forgive him…
With God it’s never too late. Forgiveness and compassion come from the injured party, he must own his failure and show a change of heart. Equip your heart with forgiveness and compassion otherwise even if he repents it will be of no use.
(USA) Hi, I came in desperate need for help. I’m a woman with a hard heart. I’m lost, I, myself. I’m confused why I’m like this. I have been praying and praying but still I’m emotionally drained and can’t get my spirits up anymore. I don’t believe that I am angry or bitter. I believe that I have accepted that my husband will never love me, nor will he ever respect me.
Yes, it all didn’t happen over night. Its been going on for a couple of months. I’ve tried counseling, reading books, but still. I’ve tried to speak to him. I have cried, sworn, done everything, but still I just feel so drained. I feel like I can no longer love cause I have no love left.
Someone please help and pray for me. I’m just so hardened. I’m so drained. I can’t even hear God’s voice anymore.
(INDIA) Hi Zoey, I understand your situation. But please, don’t just go about and break a covenant you made under God. Staying in marriage is not about staying in love always… it’s far above that. Don’t you know, it’s said in Bible that marriage is a mystery that none of us know. We never know why God joins two specific people in marriage, but it’s a mystery, which is never revealed.
Please see this 3 minutes video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMyNWVdDjPE I strongly believe if you pray for your husband, he will be back. No matter what, you need to stay in this marriage. Otherwise, you and your next generations will face dire consequences (God Wrath). History has proved it. -Bless you in Christ
(USA) Your comment sounds so familiar to the life I’ve been living for 5 and a half years. I have been in love (with my now ex-husband) for 13 years. We were married for 4 and half years, one of it we were separated. I got to the point where I was so closed up and my heart so hardened that I couldn’t stand the sight of him or to even hear about him. It has taken the past 2 years and a couple weeks of him and I being apart before God chose help me understand the things in the Bible that he kept setting before me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from being in a relationship with a great guy, to realizing that not only could solving our small issues make things work for us, but that my ex-husband is still my husband at heart and always will be. There is no other man that will fit right in my life and God has been working miracles over the past 2 weeks since this whole change started, and has shown me how to truly forgive (He did this from listening to the song Forgiven by Matthew West). It put me at peace and I no longer fear what is in this world and what He is going to set in my path.
I know the Lord wants me to reconcile with my ex-husband (whom a month ago I wanted to give up all parental rights and have nothing to do with our kids) and now I need to be patient for Him to put my ex’s heart back on the same path that He now has mine on. The only explanation I can give is that I had been praying for 2 months prior that the Lord would take away fleshly desires and guide me to be what He wanted me to be …and this is where He is taking me. Give your struggles to the Lord and don’t try taking them back. Let Him handle them!
(USA) Zoey, You are a woman that God cherishes and you deserve to be loved. If your husband doesn’t love you, separate from him. The Bible says that if a separated woman wants to reconcile with her husband she should, but it doesn’t say that she has to, it actually implies that there is nothing at all wrong with being separated.
If he doesn’t love you, go and take some time for yourself away, be by yourself, cherish God and recieve his love. If you are tempted sexually, then it might be best to reconcile, but if not, enjoy the time apart. Be who God created you to be, experience the freedom of the Spirit, take time to be restored and give your husband the wake up call that he needs to change, if he really has any desire to change his marriage.
(PHILIPPINES) Hello! I’m interested in sharing my life. I’m 54 and I’ve contributed in this website “functional fixedness too”. And now, I’m here for couple of months… my heart is hardened. Let God be in control of everything. Though how much husband proves that he changed… NO don’t believe it so easily. Not unless you are at their side 24 hours a day and seven days a week, or else you are going in circle.
Good that there are hearts now that are hardened. That’s what I’ve prayed for in the devastating life I’ve had that caused my life misery. “Infidelity” is similar to grieving the death of a husband. Only that in this, we are alone. Nobody helps us with our feelings, even our children and family.
So now that our heart is hardened… THANK GOD… for that is his gift to you so that you will live in peace and love HIM as that is HIS purpose in bringing us to this earth. Treat husband or wife as one of your friends… and let God dispose if both of you could still continue the marriage in the future as husband and wife.
What is important is to take care of your life as a greatest gift from GOD. My experience was I VOMITED BLOOD because of that very traumatic life I had with my husband. we are still in a cooling off period, but if I am to follow… I HAVE NO PLAN OF RECONCILING AS HUSBAND AND WIFE but only as friends and that’s I also observed with him.
I hope this helps others. Never force a thing that doesn’t work anymore… it will not give you good results. LET GOD BE IN CONTROL. Always pray…
(USA) As long as “Let God Be In Control” is not an excuse for doing what God has already commanded us to do.
It doesn’t sound like that as you say reconciling is not part of your plan. The whole story of Christ is a story of reconciliation. To say reconciliation is not part of your plan is like saying accepting Christ is not part of your plan. Pray and think about it.
(UNITED STATES) My wife has a hardened heart. She does not love me anymore. I am deeply hurt and my heart is sore. I love her with every inch of my soul. I would do anything in this world to have her love back. I miss her so much I can’t believe I let this happen. Somehow, I know its my fault.
To all the men in this world: if you love your wife, never miss a chance to be her best friend. Never take her love for granted, not for a second. Always help her with her dreams. Tell her thank you whenever you can. I don’t know how to save my marriage. I want to so badly. My kids know something is wrong. I don’t know what to tell them. My world is crumbling around me. God, please help me, please.
(USA) I will pray for you. I know where you are. I love my husband so much and I have been relying on God for strength. God is merciful and good. I did not know I could it make it this far …but I have with God on my side. Give Him your burdens …let Him sort it out for you. His is ALWAYS the right way. Have faith and trust in Him.
I pray for my husband every day …all day. I have faith God will restore our marriage. Everyone on this website is in my prayers! God bless you all! ;-)
(USA) My wife and I just separated from each other after 12 years of marriage, and I must say that it too is one of the saddest times in my life. I too know for a fact that I had my hand in this hurtful time and I would do anything to get my wife back, but it seems now that it might be too late. We both had children; she had 5, and I had 2, which together formed souls that had been damage, and hurt for many years before we came together. And if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve surely handled things a lot different.
Before I became her third husband, my wife was married twice and in both very abusive marriages. So I, not really paying attention, should have known how very hard it would be for her to let me into her heart and into her life, as well as her children’s lives. She did though anyways, trusting me, and believing in me. I could go onto in this story but it really is painful to share because I am not home with my wife and my family.
I miss my wife so much that it hurts. And the most hurtful part is that she is now with another man, while I lay here praying for her to come home. And even if she does, which I pray that she does, I would accept her with open arms no matter what. Right now she is living with our daughters, but soon will be living with our son, and possibly her new friend. Can I accept that? No, not right now I cannot. I am currently living with my brother, his wife, and kids while sleeping on the couch. I see a marriage in its young stage at the moment. And in all out honestly they really don’t need me here to cause any burdens in their marriage while they both are working on it. I plan to leave, and move to Las Vegas, and find my own way. I don’t know if that is the right thing to do. But as for now the way things are for me, it is the only thing to do.
I am being told to have faith, and trust in God’s decisions, for he knows what is best for the both of us. I too pray for myself and my wife everyday. I will just continue to believe that my prayers will be answered. Until then may God continue to bless and shine in each one of our lives. God Bless.
(UNITED STATES) I understand how you feel. My husband and I have been separated for 1 year after 8 years of marriage and he is willing to give it all up because things didn’t go as planned in our marriage. I am praying like you for refoncilation with my husband. I’ve been told to let go and let God, but it is so hard because I love my husband very much and want to be back with him.
He committed adultery (slept with another woman in our house in the bed we slept in) but he denied he slept with her. She said otherwise. I have done everything I know to do to get my husband and marriage back except get on my knees and beg, which I will not do. I pray everyday all through the day for restoration and reconcilation. I have to trust God now because I have no other choice. Hang in there and she will come back to you. I believe and trust God. Be encouraged
(IND) You need to stop blaming yourself. Your wife is obviously used to moving on pretty quickly and not looking back. Just because she had an abusive past, does not give her an excuse to not make an effort in a marriage! If you love someone, you’d truly make an effort and stay no matter what! I know that, I have been there; I have been abused, and yet I stayed.
So be happy and enjoy your life in Christ and stop blaming yourself.
(UNITED STATES) Mark, I too am in a similiar situation that you are. I am trying to deal with the hurt I have caused my wife and want her back very much. The only thing that keeps me going is my children and the hope that I will be back with her again one day. I feel your pain Mark and I will pray for you and wish only the best for you and your family.
(TEXAS) I do feel your pain. I have been with my wife for 6 1/2 years. As of October 18 4 of them married. My wife told me when I was out of town working. I work in the oilfield. She told me she was done.
I came back into town where I came to find out she had found and moved in with another man into our home that I made for my family. I found my self with no home to come to and no car to drive. She took it all from me. I still to this day love and try to make my family work. Even though she moved another man into my home I’m still for her and my kids.
I give it my all and she wont budge at all. I have opened up to Christ before she told me. I didn’t have a chance to tell her how I feel; I waited too long. I was going to pour my heart out to her on her birthday which is October 1st. Now I’m still here on her side trying to open her eyes and see me for who I am even with the other man still sleeping in my bed with her. J****a I love you with all my heart and with you until the end. Love, your husband T***thy.
(US) Mark, I feel your pain. I am going through the same exact thing you are right now and I feel the same way about my wife. I am going to do everything I can to change myself into a better person then the man she married. If you see this, let me know how you are doing.
(USA) I am a wife with a harden heart… My heart was full of love for my husband. I wanted nothing more than to be his best friend, the mother and care giver of his children, his partner in everything he did. However, he chose his profession over me, he chose his friends over me, and he chose his family over me. Everything revolved around his wants and needs, not our little family’s. I felt like a single mother, taking the children to school, Dr. appointments etc. He was never there. I stood strong, I continued to be there everytime he didn’t have anyone else. I adapted to be alone with the our children and I got used to him being home in body but not in spirit.
Then after 19 years of marriage and his career ended with retirement, he decided he wanted me around but it was too late. I was already used to being alone. We drifted further and further apart. I found some happiness with someone else in, an emotional affair. Nothing sexual happened but it was very wrong. He found out and I apologized over and over but the damage had been done. Even though he had numerous object affairs that I forgave and tried forgetting, he couldn’t let go of the past and began drinking more and more.
The arguments became more and more. I tried to ignore him when he was liquored up to deter some of the fighting. Our children didn’t need to hear all the crap. Finally one day, he tells me he wants a divorce, he doesn’t love me and he isn’t and hasn’t been happy for along time. My fight was over that very instant and I agreed divorce was only option.
So on our 22nd year anniversary we spent it at a lawyer’s office working out the details of our divorce. He moved out shortly thereafter. He has come up with every excuse in the world as to why he left causing my wall to get even thicker. Now after 3 months being separated he wants to reconcile. My heart is just not in it. All the hurtful things he has said. I can’t let go of.
During our separation he has trash talked me to everyone who will listen and in front and to our children. I have honestly been very nice about the whole thing accepting it for what it is and trying to find peace and happiness. But I just can’t figure out how to soften my heart to reconcile. So, what you said is true… Love each other, don’t ever go to be or leave each other mad, don’t take each other for granted, always be each other’s best friend and never let another person, job, hobby or drink become more important than your spouse. You can’t go back and change anything in the past but you can change your future.
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I recently separated after 15 yrs of marriage. We had a very hard year. We lost our jobs, our home, bankruptcy, a tragic family death and 2000 mile move back to our home state. We were living separate for 6 mos because I had to close out our lives in one state while he worked to start building our life in another.
During this time our beloved nephew died. My husband was devastated to say the least. During this time I noticed a huge change in him. He wasn’t calling as much, when he did he was angry not necessarily at me but just angry at life, his family etc. Finally, in November I moved to be with him. I just felt a disconnect with him. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I figured after all we’ve been through in the recent years, it was taking a huge toll on him. Again it just seemed he was angry and bitter all the time.
In December I told him that we needed to start living our life again as a couple and we needed to start going on dates again. We also talked about starting a family. I thought we were on the same page. Well, in January he had a mental breakdown and left. I later learned that he cheated on me and had joined a notorious biker club. Now the disconnect made sense!
During this time I prayed for him, sent him encouraging texts, emails etc. Despite my severe pain I was comforting him! He says he still loves me and that it hurts him that he hurt me. But on the other hand he is so cold towards me! It’s like he has two personalities! I’ve been praying for God to soften his heart and work this marriage out despite his lies and bad decisions.
I have taken responsibility for my part in the marriage that caused him to feel like that was his only choice. He was such a Godly man before and I believe he can be again. I am praying for God’s miracle to save this marriage so we can start again. That he will make this marriage what it should of been in the first place with him in the middle! I will keep you and your wife in my prayers! May God soften her heart too!
(USA) My wife is a Christian woman who wakes up to messages from a pastor and goes to bed with praise music. She volunteers at service. She also felt a calling to counsel women based on the Bible. We have 2 young girls. She does not want to fix this marriage. I have never called her vulgar names or even tell her to shut up. She does not support in anyway if it conflicts with her leaving Florida. I am a broken man. I need everyone to pray for our family.
(USA) I am a man that has been cheating on my wife for about 2 years. I knew all along that it was wrong and that I do love my wife but it was like it wasn’t me that was doing this horrible thing! We have had our fights, just like every couple I think! She found out through my phone that I was having an affair! I know that down deep I still love my wife but she is hurt so bad by what has happened! The lady happened to be her best friend so this has hit her from both sides. She has lost not only her best friend but her husband also!
I have always loved God but at a distance! Since this has happened I have read more and have seeked more of his word! I love this women with all my heart and know that what I have done is a very horrible thing! We have been married for 15 years and I am hoping that I get the chance for 15 or more years with her! Please keep your thoughts and prayers with my family! I have messed up big time and hope I get the chance to change my past with her and make her feel like the lady that she is!!!!
(NIGERIA) Hello Dennis, I thank God you have realized your mistake and repented. I do not blame your wife if she is hurt but you need to pray to God to soften her heart. Something you should do is to seek the help of someone she respects in pleading for her forgiveness. I will remember you in my prayers and may God help you and your wife to come back together amen.
(KENYA) Hi, My wife aborted our only baby after a four year relationship. She then deserted me and left me in a hospital bed. I am yet to fully recover and am using assistive devices. I want to forgive her, but she is not for it. Please help me. I want to save our marriage. Please help.
(USA) My wife and me are trying out a separation. I have had a lot of anger issues in my life due to a broken childhood. I tend to belittle her friends and treat her badly. I have never been physically abusive, and never verbally abusive with my direct words to her. I have just become an angry and hateful person in general and she told me recently that I have made her numb and she can’t see herself with me. She told me that she still loves me.
I have an 11 year old step son (her son), that I love to death and adore. I wish I would have paid attention to her requests earlier on to defeat this before it got to the point it is now, but I always did the quick fix and it never really worked for a period of time. I love my wife and stepson more than anything in this world and will do whatever it takes to get her trust and love back. I recently began therapy and attending church services. I have a great source of friends and family that I can network and turn to for advice. I am opening up my heart to God and asking him to forgive me hurting my wife, my best friend. I just hope over time he can forgive me!
(UNITED STATES) My wife finished med school and took a job in another state after I had a relapse in August with my drug addiction. But after going into treatment and making all the necessary arrangements at work (very public job) and counseling with couples groups and with our pastor we agreed I would join her in a few months. But in November after a month when she left, she asked for a divorce. I’ve been devastated but sober ever since then. I have suspected her of being with someone else (she stopped wearing ring, blocked me on facebook, not giving me permanent address).
But I read this article and all the comments and NOW I understand what I’ve done. I’m crying my eyes out and sent her this link cause just an hour before I wrote to tell her I was done wanting her back and agreed to divorce. Now I just want her forgiveness for causing her to harden her heart to me.
(USA) Sometimes, we forget that God gave us common sense. Some relationships won’t be reconciled. There is such a thing as being too late. The people trying to get into Noah’s Ark after the rain started. Moses and Aaron and all the Israelites over a certain age except Joshua and Caleb getting into the promised land. Thank God His ways are higher than ours. But a second, third or 30th chance you won’t always get with a spouse.
May the God of Peace do what He sees fit and best for each individual situation.
I totally agree.
(USA) My wife left me 5 months ago. She will not talk to me or even acknowledge my existence. I was a bad man over the last 2 years and I treated my wife poorly. I think that I had gotten away from God and that is why the most important thing in my life suffered. Now that I have been to counseling and been getting closer to God in so many ways I want my wife back. I know that I can never go back to the man I was but I want a chance for her to love me again. I will be praying for all of your marriages. Pray for me too, I am so alone. All my friends and family have abandoned me during this.
(USA) I hope it’s never too late for marriage to reconcile. I’m apart from my wife now and I know my actions and comments to her got me here. We have lost everything but all is possible with God. I have to believe that,that is what the scriptures say. I will not give up hope that Christ can do what I can’t and soften my wife’s heart. As they say it ain’t over till it’s over and if you haven’t divorced it ain’t over yet.
So for me, I will keep praying and try to better myself so God will have something to work with and my wife will have somthing she will want to come back to. So my advice to all in this mess is to hang in there and keep praying as it’s said, God will answer prayer.
(USA) I have been married for 15 years and my wife dropped a bomb on me. She told me in an angry way, that she wanted to separate. She told me this when my father was dying. We both went to the same high school together and moved 10 hours away from home to find work. We have a five year old who loves us both but I feel my wife was taking her away from me.
Now she has been gone for 4 months and now wants a divorce. My wife has a hardened heart and she says she does not love me anymore. She does not want to fix this marriage. I’ve been praying for God to soften his heart and work this marriage out. Please help me. I need everyone who reads this to pray, pray, pray for my wife and me and my kid. And when you are done, please pray again. Thank you.
(USA) Derrick, You are in much pain right now and I wish someone was there to encourage you to make you feel loved and wanted. Rejection takes its toll on us and eventually erodes our confidence and hope. It can bring isolation. You have so much to offer! But your wife may not be seeing it. You have a daughter, pour your love and attention into her. I will be praying for you.
(CANADA) Derrick,
I’m going thru the same thing. After 13 years my wife left to have an affair. She came back to town but does’t want to reconcile. She says she hasn’t loved me for years. She sees our kids but she wants a divorce. My pastor told me she has ahardened her heart. Everyone is supporting me but she says she’s never been happier. I pray and cry almost every day. But more and more being a single dad to our 3 kids gets me through., Just remember Isaiah 26.2 I’m praying for you.
(USA) Thank you Bob. I have been talking to God just like he is right by my side day and night. I see the Lord working but I’m trying to let go and let God work. My wife also is acting like she is happy but she is not happy at all. Psalm 37:1 “Do not fret because of evildoers, Be not envious toward wrongdoers.” I will also be praying for you, Bob. Stay with the Lord and he will take care of us.
(USA) My wife told me, “I’m not in love with you anymore, because I’m still in love with my ex.” I’m so hurt. She said, “but we can still be friends.” This hurt me so badly. She told me this after I had major back surgery and also said I want a divorce. With no money and no place to go and no family, what can I do? Please pray for me, that God would open a door for me.
(USA) My wife and I married almost 6 years ago and now we have 3 small children. It’s my fault the marriage and love have eroded. I have been dishonest, irresponsible, and have ultimately pushed her away. Two nights ago I left after I discovered that she had been with another man. We met yesterday to talk. She doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t know if she even wants to try to rebuild our life together.
I’ve made mistakes, but I love her with every fiber of my being and I’m desperate for the chance to turn our family around. I forgave her for what she did, but am still hurt that she would step outside our marriage, no matter what. I’m praying that God touches her heart and allows just enough in to try to keep our family together.