Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(UNITED STATES) Wow – that last response is pretty strong, and defensive. Granted – there are some old school ideas about how women “should” act towards their husbands but these are just suggestions and I for one was happy to find them. I’ve been feeling so grateful for my husband. And of the two of us, I’M the one who has trouble showing affection and being ‘soft’ so this list is a great way to help me work at getting in touch with that and letting him know just what he means to me. And, in case you didn’t notice – there’s a list written for MEN as well… This is a great list, thanks for sharing it!
(USA) This is right on!!!
(AUSTRALIA) Erin from the United States, that is a very poor attitude towards these points. I came to this website because I was looking for ways to love and cherish my wife, or to at least show her, and then I saw this page.
As a man, this is EXACTLY what I’m looking for from my wife, and just as I am sure that the comments on the other page are pretty much what my wife is looking for. Granted, I do ALL of the cooking at home, so the comments about cooking and cleaning up afterwards for her don’t mean a thing in our relationship, but if I’d found this site before we fought recently, perhaps she’d still be living with me.
Erin, please don’t be so negative to these suggestions. If you are married, these are probably things that your husband would like to see. Especially the love notes in the pockets stuff from my perspective. Don’t do these things to receive them in return, but I can pretty much guarantee that if your husband DOES love you, it will pay off for you eventually. A loved husband is a loving husband.
This is just a suggestion list, sometimes, especially in the early years, we don’t know EXACTLY what our partners want. I’ve not been married 18 months and my marriage has fallen apart because I didn’t know how to treat my wife. A wife is a special part of your life, she’s not your mate, yet she is. She’s not your girlfriend, yet she is. She’s so much more than ANY other person in your life, and it can be hard, particularly having married so young, to know what to do. I love my wife, and pray daily that she will forgive me for not respecting her and her feelings. I wish she was here with me…
(USA) I love your comment. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I hope the best for your relationship. Always know, God has all control and he knows what’s best for us. Even when we don’t know ourselves. My God bless you and your wife.
(UNITED STATES) I’m sorry about you marriage. Maybe you could tell her how you feel, how sorry you are, and ask her to come back.
(SPAIN) It is rather sad that is is happening to you. I believe with time your wife will realise that you really care for her and she will come back to you.
(KENYA) Hi Marc, marriage can be confusing at first, then you figure out each other and how to go about it. I hope you gained from this website and hope that your wife did come back!!
(USA) Don’t disagree with him in front of your children. A lot of this I agree with, this I don’t. My children will know I have MY OWN opinion. Now however, if my husband had punished or told the kids no…I do not go against him.
Reading much of this, I see where I am lacking in the trying to be at my best.
The husband more than likely won’t read 100 ways on how to make your wife happy with how she is. But, the family needs a leader and the others will follow. Right?
My husband is not the best leader. He is very racial and very set in his ways. He has begun following me to church and has very much slacked up on his drinking (matter of fact he isn’t drinking anymore) ever since I took the reigns. I am leading when my husband really thinks he is.
We are far from perfect, but I think with my doing a few of these extras…we can certainly head that way.
(UNITED STATES) I agree with you that it is ok to disagree with our husbands in front of our children, but I also believe that any arguments should not be in front of our children.
(UK) I think the point of that comment is to be conscious of how you disagree with your husband in front of the kids. Children are very sensitive and as soon as they feel tension in the home they become very uneasy and tense themselves. Also be careful about what you disagree on. If it’s to do with the kids, they can use use it as ammunition to play you off against each other.
(US) I think these sugesstions are great. Being a newlywed, I find myself doing a lot of them anyway, but it’s nice to see them in print. I think because I am a little older and I have been married before, this (marriage) means so much more to me. It doesn’t hurt that my husband is a true southern gentleman and I really do want him to know that I love and respect him. Marriage in and of itself is a lot of work, but in my experience it seems that the little things really do make a difference. And effort has to be put forth consciously and consistantly, one day at a time. Thank you for these suggestions, I really do appreciate the time and effort to share.
(USA) The Website and resources look wonderful.
(AUSTRALIA) I think that these ideas are great… I’m not married yet but I will definitely be saving this list for when I am. I will also be giving my future husband the 100 ways you can love your wife!!!
You gotta please the men… if you do nice things for them and make them feel important they will treat you nice and show you respect. It doesn’t take much to make a man feel appreciated and this list is a great start.
(IRELAND) We are immigrants originally from Nigeria. I refer to your articles from time to time. It has helped me tremendously. I thank God for a site like this at a time when marriage is under the greatest attack. God bless you guys and enrich you graciously.
(USA) I am a young adult woman who is about to get married for the second time. I find these comments the concrete that holds couples together. Let me be clear though, I am the type of person who need lots of attention from my fiancee and I need him to cherish me in all of the same ways as I should cherish him. However, I always wondered why I seemed to doubt our love for each other in the past as I did with my first marriage. As reading through these suggestions I realized that I MYSELF have A LOT to work on.
I, as I’m sure other people, get caught up in pointing the finger at the other person. (Why didn’t you do this, or why didn’t you say this.) These suggestions make you look at yourself and what YOU can do.
(USA) This is exactly how all men need to feel in their home in order to be a good husband. If you disrespect your husband, or belittle him, he will not be the husband you are wanting. If you give him respect, and not embarass him, or challenge him in front of other people, he will respond by loving you and treating you that way. I think most men shut down toward a woman who can’t even respect him. This is important to men. That is why they are men. women want and need love, men want and need respect. When these two things are in order, the rest falls in place.
I hope I can continue to learn how to respect my husband, and with that, he will continue to love me. When your husband loves you, there is nothing you are missing out on, love is complete. If he loves you, he then shows you respect. This in no way puts you at a disadvantage.
(USA) Mandi, thanks so much for saying this. This is exactly what I am going through at the moment. Thanks.
(USA) Erin, It is quite sad to see you feel that way. I think this list is wonderful. They are just suggestions/reminders of how each of us wants to be treated. I have taken some of this advice and it helps to keep the bond I have with my husband strong. I hope you will reconsider. It sounds like your comments are a result of your being hurt by your husband in some way. You will be in my prayers. Thank you Marriage Missions. Keep the suggestions and weekly messages coming.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I think this will be very helpful for me as in fact I am the one who is not very affectionate at times. Please pray for me…
(KENYA) Its true, as you add more years to your marriage, the romance somehow takes a back seat. The suggestions sound realistic. I plan to try them out and see how it goes. One a day! That’s like 3.5 months already….
(ZAMBIA, AFRICA) thank you, i found this very helpful. been married for nearly 2 years, wish i had seen this lsit earlier, its gor very valid points.pray for me as i try to be a better wife.thanx again
(INDIA) Hey Guys, You have done a wonderful job!! You are saving human lives as you know what did I mean!! I can only salute you because when I read these points I was having tears on my cheeks, being a working women I was not having time to converse with my husband and things were going bad with the time. But now I can feel women have the power to do anything. We can make impossible to possible.
My dear friends, I will cheer you if you can always collect this information for all the ladies in this World in Future and will really appreciate you. Many Thanks, Jasmine
(USA) I have read all the items above and still, I feel I have not expressed how much I love my husband… of 46 years! I wish I could just start all over again! There are some items that do endure and perhaps I could still accomplish even though my physical condition imposes some limits. Just wanted you to know there are some happily married people out here!