Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) I read a lot of the posts, and I do agree that many of the tips are really great, and a lot of women have a lot of pride, myself included, sometimes expecting to treat husbands like doormats while he swoons at our feet…yeah maybe in the begining! :)
I do have to say that it was sort of offensive to see the pointer for men keeping in shape was “to your ability or reasonably,” but for women, “in every way…” Women like fit men too! I do believe what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Mutual respect is the key, and realizing that we are different, not just as men and woman, but as people. Some men might not mind a hefty wife, in fact, they might love it. Some women don’t like bald men… or husbands who have a double standard when it comes to appearence.
Also, being individuals together is important. My husband isn’t the only one who works all day, so it’s not just my job to cook/clean etc. And it goes both ways; he’s not the only one responsible for providing an income or for planning dates or intiating sex. Also, he respects that I am an individual, and doesn’t let his insecurities keep me from being who I am, and I expect the same out of myself towards him! ;)
(USA) I kind of agree with you. Well, both spouses need to tend to one another. The problem comes when one spouse feels “unlove or unappreciated” because they are being selfish or unrealistic about the reality of life and marriage. This is especially true when children arrive. Loving someone should be enough. If someone expects you to love them more then you are not in a true soul mate relationship. Take life in strides. If you are told to act in a certain way, then yes, that can be harmful. It should come naturally. If it doesn’t then there is something wrong with the relationship. The list appears to me to be a guide. No one can live up to this “list” so in a way it is a little far fetched, especially when children come on board. Be realistic with one another when it comes to lifes demands. It is when one spouse becomes unrealistic that problems set in.
(USA) Hi, my wife and I have been together for over 20 years. First, I was looking at the 100 things, then I read over some of the comments. After that, all I have to say is I love my wife with no strings attached. We do have our problems some are not her fault, like when she was young. Other things are her fault, and I forgave her because she is the one.
Also to say I have not been as a good Christian, husband, father, etc. I say these things because we all can give more, and all I need is to know in my heart that she is willing to give 100 % when I need her the most, and I will give her 100 % when she needs me.
Now to let you know why I am on this site, we are going through some very hard times now and even though I am not the problem, I feel if she would open up and let me in we can be strong with Christ and even though she is the problem I feel she is not to blame. See, at any time in life we all look like we are the problem. So even though I slept alone last night in bed, I need her more now than ever. I am strong even when I choose be weak, it is called LOVE. Thanks Stacy and Rachel.
(USA) Reading your post is inspiring. That’s some good love you have for your wife. I hope things work out for you and that your wife can reciprocate and magnify this. It’s what it’s all about.
(USA) Thanks for the reply. I don’t know how I can hang on.
(USA) Get some professional help for you and your spouse. Holding on is going to be through “detachment” while you don’t have her. It means you are going to do your thing, and not focus on everything she’s doing. It’s painful while you don’t have her if you don’t do this. Wish you the best.
(US) Hello everyone, I was looking for something in my favs. and this came up. So here we are, to let you know things have gotten harder for the both of us. The thing about that is, I have not given up. And now this weekend we are going to an event called Love Worth Fighting for. This is for the married or getting married.
Also I think that with a lot of not giving up, my wife is coming around. After saying that, I need to add that for the past 10 years I have not been as I should –a strong Christian.
Now for the advice: #1 Please stay calm. #2 When times are good say the things you should say. #3 Deal with your past; I mean before you meet your spouse. #4 When you think you are trying without doing #1, #2, #3, you’re not trying. Now the rest is up to you. Please God first.
To give an example, the other day when I tried to talk and she was getting mad, it came again. The, I am leaving thing. Now, with God’s strength, I carefully asked her into the bathroom and set her down. Then I got the shower ready, got some towels and everything else. Then I slowly took off her shirt, and the rest (I need to keep this clean), and then I helped her into the shower. Then I also got in. Now the rest is, with God’s help, I gave her the best, softest, washing I could. Then after 30 min. of bathing her, in the most respectful way a man can do this, I stepped out and got the towels out to put on her so she could be as clean as possible. And for those that think I did this for sex, that’s not what took place.
I dried her hair and then I helped her with everything else. It was at least 2 days before we made love. I was washing the tears from her face so she could feel her best. Now to let you know, I am disabled with 5 bad disks, and nerve damage, so this was a little hard for me. That is doing my best.
Some of you just want to be right. Well, we all need God and some help. So ask yourself 1 thing, What would Jesus do? And then go with it. Thanks, Stacy
(GUYANA) I agree with the “treating your husband like the king” advice but I can also see where the ‘sugar coat ..” is also coming from. You see, women these days have lost their nature because of modernization. Women often feel as long as they are earning there is no need to submit to your husband. But that is wrong, you have to in order to keep your man.
As long as a man asks for your hand in marriage and you are not the one that forced it, it means he sees something in you that he loves and is wanting to have you as his back up, not competitor.
I am struggling right now to save my marriage and my home. We have a beautiful daughter who my husband will not trade for anything but the problem is me. You see I am a really independent woman pursuing studies and for some reason even though I know my husband’s love because of the feminine submissive side of me I just can’t be that always. I feel because I can take care of my daughter and myself meansIi can dictate the show and my husband hates this attitude so much. Every time I try to change it doesn’t last long and we fight almost twice per week.
My husband is a wondeful person and so am I. We have a lot in common but the only problem is I want to be half man and half woman and this just can’t work. So ladies, be what God ordained you to be and keep your man falling at your feet.
(AUSTRALIA) You know it really saddens me to see people attacking and not understanding the woman who made the comment at the beginning about men and sugar coating etc. I think the ladies who have respectful husbands are very lucky and obviously it’s not just luck, it’s what you put into your relationships. But just attacking her back and fighting fire with fire isn’t going to help anything. She is obviously speaking out of her own bitterness which isn’t ideal and it’s obviously quite silly that she handled it that way. But I it obviously triggered a reaction in her.
I think a lot of women have issues dating right back to their childhood with men. Me included. This isn’t an easy thing to overcome. It’s a question of trust you see, these women including me need to be prayed for and helped through this because it can be a very deep wound. Sure you/we can say oh just forgive men, true, but it’s not that easy when it’s childhood scars that have caused these feelings. Please pray for me and the woman that had that attitude and for the countless other women who find it tough to like men now that they have been nothing but horrible and rude to us and abused us in so many ways.
I have only tried to love my partner and shower him with love in so many ways. His harshness and unloving ways have been like a knife in my gut on a daily basis and believe me when you have had abuse going back to your childhood, the emotional pain can be unbearable. I don’t want to be bitter but I fight to not be and I give it to the Lord as much as I can. He is strengthening me through it all. I refuse to harden and close my heart because someone cannot face what’s inside him or I would be doing myself more harm than anyone.
I think a lot of people aren’t as aware of the pain they have endured and they choose the path of hardness and bitterness instead because it’s the only way they know how to cope. They have to put up some type of defense. All I know is Jesus remained vulnerable to pain and hurt right up until his death on the cross so he is my example. I have to learn 1… to take my hurts to the Lord for him to heal so they aren’t triggered anymore and 2… to learn to protect myself in a Godly way and if that is leaving one day then he will lead me out. It’s one day at a time; I can only do what I can do today and for today. I wish I was further down the track but I’m not.
Thank God he accepts us exactly where we are at, and ladies, please let us try not to judge anyone who is coming across bitter but pray and just because you have these blessed lives (and I know you do the hard work too) don’t judge someone that hasn’t been given that wisdom to live that way. There are really some serious issues out there. Jesus came for the sick not the well.
If you are blessed don’t become proud in being so. My daughter judges me for not having good relationships because of my past and not getting over stuff quick enough. She has a great life and great husband and son. She is blessed. I thank God she is, but maybe that is because I prayed for her night and day as she was growing up and I trusted the Lord with my kids. The one things I asked so vehemently was ‘please Lord, don’t let them have my life.”
So to sum all this up I say this: the Lord knew you before you were made. some have had opportunity, some have not. But he has a plan for us all. No one can look at another and say they should have it more together because that would be pride. we all do it though don’t we?
AMAZING GRACE how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me; I once was lost but now I’m found was blind but now I see. TWAS GRACE… If we really knew how much God does for us which we give ourselves glory for. We would possibly be ashamed to lift our heads. Michelle
(UK) Michelle, your writing touched me. We don’t walk in your shoes, so we don’t know what it is like. You are a courageous lady and deserve only to be treated as a child of the King. I don’t know if you have come across the term “inevitable harm” but a psychologist who looked into relationships with difficult men (eg sociopaths) came up with the theory that if you are married to such a person, then no matter what you do, you will suffer inevitable harm even if you try to do the right things like pray, deal with your own issues, set boundaries. The only way you can escape harm is to end the relationship. So if you are still in it, don’t feel bad or think that you are doing something wrong to contribute to your state. Just like friends of bullies in the schoolyard will suffer just for being there, even if they stand up to the bully, a partner of a self-absorbed, immature, abusive person will suffer inevitable harm just by being there with him and for him.
(USA) 57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
I am not trying to be rude here, but how is that okay? Counterproductive?
(SPAIN) What happens when you do all the above and he spends less and less time with you? My husband is a good man, he has a kind heart and he is a wonderful person. I love him dearly and he loves me. All I want from him is some of his time. I get to have him to myself once a week. During the week he works constantly, he gyms, he makes time to go out with his work friends but he won’t take an hour or two to spend with me.
I look after him, I tell him how wonderful he is and how much I love him every day. I try to do nice things for him but they go unnoticed. Not because he expects them, I just think he doesn’t notice me anymore. We are a young couple and it seems like he would rather focus on ANYTHING other than me.
I picked up my whole life to move to another continent with him so he could be with his son (my stepson) and I feel more and more lonely every day.
Maybe it is me. Maybe I am not longer doing things the right way. What’s the point? Even if I do, they go unnoticed. It’s time to start demanding. I am unhappy having someone to talk to only once a week, I am unhappy because I am not noticed. If I demand, at least I can say I tried.
(USA) I think that you are an angry and bitter woman for saying that, and it shows that you are incapable of “giving your all.” With that mode of thinking you will likely live a lonely life. As for the women out there, it would do you well to fully ignore her comment. When you really love someone you will do whatever it takes to make that person happy!
(USA) Keep GOD first and the family out. Start a life of your own. Your family doesn’t have to hold your hand anymore. If they do, don’t get married. You are not ready yet and may not ever be.
(USA) I am newlywed, only a few days actually, and we have only known each other for 2 yrs. It feels like forever though. I was taught from a very younge age how to treat your husband and the list is all and more. I try to show him everyday that I love him and see him as my king. He is not used to it and sometimes tells me to calm down. Lol. I was taught a man should do only one thing and that is to work and support his family and love his wife more than he loves himself.
I make sure I dress nice when we go out. I take him out on dates. I iron all his clothes and make sure he’s dressed. I cook and clean and everything else he needs. I refused to let him undress himself and at first he thought it was weird but now he enjoys it. It’s important to make him feel relaxed at home (his castle). I see it as an honor to be his wife. Now what man doesn’t want to come home to that? You must do your best to make his life better or more enjoyable.
I am very younge only 19 but I know how to treat my husband. I am very proud of him and I show it. And in return I am well loved and well taken care of. I get foot massages and back rubs. Sometimes I don’t even have to bath myself and I love him for all that he is. We as good wives do not see it as a chore to love our husbands; it should be a hobby of ours. What we do is not forced. And if you try it you will be able to keep or find a husband.
Many girls have asked how did I get him to propose? All I said was you must give 100% in order to get 100%. If it’s worth it you will know it’s right. When I say all the things I do for him they look at me like I’m crazy. But it’s all out of love. If I did not have him to take care of and love where would I be? It’s crazy that some don’t want to be the best for their men and then it baffles them that their men keep leaving or cheating on them. Ladies, do what you were created to do. Be his help mate, not his prison guard.
(USA) I think this is exactly the sort of mindset that destroys marriages.
Sometimes you do just ACT a certain way to keep the peace; sort of like you would with a stranger, your boss, or someone in another position of power. You aren’t going to love, respect, or cherish someone you live with 100% of the time. But you DON’T scream obscenities, put someone down, and nit-pick every single mistake if you truly love your husband, either.
(USA) Great list. I grew up in a household where my mother completely and totally disrespected my father. They are now divorced after nearly 30 years of turmoil. Husbands and wives need to simply respect each other. It IS that simple. Egos tend to get in the way though. I know this from my own experiencing growing up and from within my own marriage.
I am learning and hope to improve my marriage after a lot of self-reflection. I have a completely wonderful husband and I tend to fall into the bad habits I learned growing up. I am fixing this and I can tell you that with just a few “tweaks”, such as not becoming defensive instantly, being willing to open up and accept love, prioritizing my family, looking at my own faults rather than focusing on what he is doing “wrong”, and just having a better attitude overall has made our life together so much better by a thousand fold. Your life is what you make of it. Peace.
(USA) While I agree to some of the items on this list, I will point out a small detail to this article. Most of the “tips” are suggestions from when the man comes home from a long day at work. I take a bit of offense to this being that most women currently work.
I think the issue I have with this article is that it sounds and comes off way too, one way street. When HE comes home he kicks off the shoes and ignore HIS habits that frustrate you but work to eliminate the habits that annoy him. I am sorry but some of those habits are part of my personality, a personality he was aware of and I am not willing to get rid of. This list is too old fashioned for me. I feel that these kind of lists are silly and come off biased. Why not just make the list a 100 ways to love your partner better?
(SOUTH AFRICA) Well said. I don’t like the fact that it makes men sound like gods women should worship. A marriage should be a partnership, both partners equally loving and working to please each other.
(CANADA) Marriage needs fertilizer… I am happily married. My husband does most of the make-up in our marriage. It is would be better, if couples can stay pure before marriage. I dated my husband for 10yrs before making it to the altar; though we’re in a long-distance relationship. I kept the relationship going by calling, and writing. Now, I write him everyday because he’s part of him. I always thanked God for finding him before anyone does. A loved husband is a loving husband. I love to praise my baby. What I wrote him today is:
“I’m so glad I’m your wife. Not only are you a wonderful husband, you’re a problem solver, caregiver and slow to anger. I love you so much. You are a star in my life. I wonder what would my life might have been without you… especially through tough times. Nothing else matters to me anymore since the moment you said ‘I Love You Be Happy.’ I love praising you, and acknowledging your accomplishments in my life. I know you’ll be greater than what I thought or prayed for. I am thankful for a husband who asks me before he makes big decisions. I know most women miss the protection of a man who follows the Lord. I am just very, very thankful for the husband I have been blessed with.”
(NIGERIA) Hello everyone! I’m a young lady in her early twenties. My fiance is one year younger than me and also of a different religion. He always complains that I’m nicer to others and that I don’t trust him. But it’s hard to, considering the differences between us. Help me please.