Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(INDIA) My name is Jenipha. We have been married since 2003. We have a daughter. For the past 4 months there are lots of misunderstandings between me and my husband. He said I don’t feel like touching you as I felt when we got married. I feel very bad when I come near him. He is avoiding me, not even talking to me, touching me; everything is gone.
I feel very bad always fighting but I don’t know what to do. I had told him that if we speak out by spending time together, we’ll get over all our problems, but he is not opening his mouth and doesn’t want to have sex with me. If we try, he is not able to get prepared for having sex so I get upset. Please help me as to what we should do to have a happy and understanding family life.
(USA) I started my new marriage off doing a lot of things on this list. I had my mind made up I was going to show my husband love, respect, appreciation and that I was so grateful to have met him. Well, to my surprise and dismay, I married Mr. Jeykle-Mr. Hyde. I found out he had cheated on me most of our engagement and was still doing so WITH HIS EX-WIFE.
I hope those of you who have read this article will realize while they are suggestions, and can help a marriage be quite harmonious, if you marry someone whom has no respect for their marriage vows, their spouse, and apparently has no self confidence, no matter how kind you are, it makes no difference. The nicer I was, the more I learned, because he felt I had no idea he was cheating in our home with his ex-wife who was living w/a man.
Unfortunately for me my kindness and acts of love had to cease because I couldn’t stand learning anymore. I moved out and it was the best decision I have ever made. If you’re in a marriage where there is TRUE LOVE, acts of kindness and thoughtfulness can go a long way to a happy marriage. My grandparents were married 76 years and were so in love until they passed away. Good luck to all of you.
(US) A good list of 100 different ways to show love to your husband. Just trying one or two at a time and seeing how it makes YOU feel to show love to your husband – maybe IN SPITE OF your fleeting emotions – is worth a try. Maybe pick one that you are comfortable with. If making your husband breakfast upsets you, then don’t make it. There is no sense in whining on this website about it. Try to remember why you came to this article in the first place.
(USA) You people are making a relationship seem like a scientific formula. LOVE ISN’T ABOUT GENDER ROLES, or determining who is supposed to do what. There’s no such thing as a “Woman’s Job”, or a “Woman’s Responsibility”. A relationship is about two people who find happiness in making one another happy. It’s not about rubbing each others’ feet, It’s not about attempting to strategically manipulate conversations to follow a specific pattern, and it certainly isn’t about surrendering your honest feelings and opinions in order to maintain another’s dignity because of WHATEVER reason because you are trying to mold your relationship into this flawless, monumental THING.
(USA) This website is a bunch of crap your right. Why dont we put into our marriage vows that we will do what he says what he wants whenever he wants and do it all with a grateful smile because we are so lucky that he wanted to mary us in the first place. We are woman not stepford wives. I’m sure the creator of this website is a man.
Hi Mimi, OUCH!!! I’m sorry we upset you, truly… that is not our intent. First off, no… it isn’t a “man” that created this web site. My husband and I are the ones that are participating with God in this. I work at this full time (40 plus hours) and my husband has another ministry job to help support us, others, and this ministry, plus he works at this part time (neither of us is paid financially for this, just paychecks of the heart). Our family is grown and this is something we enjoy doing together to help others. We have a great marriage and want to help others have one as well. Plus, if it can help one marriage to get onto a better footing, and cause one child NOT to cry himself or herself to bed at night because “mommy and daddy” are fighting all the time and/or divorcing, it will be worth every effort.
Secondly, this is titled “100 Ways You CAN Love Your Husband HIS Way.” It’s NOT “100 Commandments to do Things His Way.” It’s all optional. If you’ll notice, there is a corresponding article that suggests… doesn’t demand either, “100 Ways” to show love to your “Wife HER Way.” This is not about making a wife subservient and letting the husband walk all over her. Quite the contrary. Trust me… I’m no wimp that bows down and licks my husband’s shoes or walks around like a zombie, as my husband’s doormat. And this article isn’t about that either. These are suggestions to use at the appropriate time, IF they will work for the betterment of the relationship. Please don’t take this article out of context.
This is one article out of over a thousand, that contain suggestions you can use IF you feel led, gleaning that which may be helpful, and not using those which isn’t. This is a tool — not the whole tool chest. And you don’t always use the same tool all the time in every circumstance. Use it or not, and use what is helpful and leave the rest behind, going onto something else that does help. That’s all.
Every individual is different and every marriage is different. But if a spouse WANTS to consider ways to communicate love, these are some suggestions that MAY be helpful. They aren’t commands and they aren’t designed that everyone of them is to be used. I hope this helps clear up some things. We are here to help — not hurt or demean, and if it hurts instead of helps, then don’t use any of this; it’s as plain and simple as that.
(UK) Hi Cindy, I agree with you when you say This is one article out of over a thousand, that contain suggestions you can use IF you feel led, gleaning that which may be helpful, and not using those which isn’t. This is a tool — not the whole tool chest. And you don’t always use the same tool all the time in every circumstance. Use it or not, use what is helpful, and leave the rest behind, going onto something else that does help… That’s all. Nice article.
(UK) First Of All!! I rarely comment on websites but felt URGED to do so after reading some of the most IGNORANT comments I ever imagined possible… I really dont know where to start:
1: “Back in the 1950s??” any person stumbling across a Christian site would know that being a Christian site it is based upon the word of God and this list is also based upon the word of God (Ephesians 5:22). The word of God does not change, and will never change. So we really are talking much earlier than the 50’s. And isn’t it GREAT the way that the word of God is NEVER outdated?
2: “What will my husband do in return” – If you study the direct translations for “husbands love your wives” the word love can be translated to the Greek word Agape which is interesting because this greek meaning for love is UNCONDITIONAL. Likewise, the Greek term for respect used in Ephesians 5:22 is talking about UNCONDITONAL respect, meaning REGARDLESS OF THE WIFE’S BEHAVIOUR THE HUSBAND IS TO LOVE HIS WIFE EVEN WHEN SHE DOESNT DESERVE IT… REGARDLESS OF THE HUSBAND’S BEHAVIOUR THE WIFE IS TO RESPECT HIM EVEN THOUGH HE MAY NOT DESERVE IT. If both spouses live following this scripture then marriage becomes a beautiful thing.
I have learned in my time as a Christian and as a married man, REAL LOVE is a choice and must involve SACRIFICE, just as we see in the ULTIMATE display of LOVE (JOHN 3:16). We were created in the image of God and as Disciples of Christ we are supposed to “Die to self” daily and STRIVE to conduct ourselves more and more like CHRIST every day.
Jesus SACRAFICED himself for people who would REJECT the gesture of LOVE that he made… I hope you see where I’m going with this lol… I love my wife and make it my business to let her know through words and gestures even if I feel in my heart she doesn’t deserve it. I thank God he’s even blessed me with a wife…
I hope you can take something from this (even if I am only 21 and married less than one month ;-)… ) and that you bring your heart to God and ask him to alter your views on marriage and give you a desire to seek out what he has to say…
Anyway… I have printed both lists AND they are great!!! I haven’t implimented them as I’ve only just found this site but THANK YOU for the list and the effort put into this site. Your ministry is a blessing to many couples I’m sure!
(UK) I had to comment one more time after reading someone’s comment posted just before. Marriage IS a MONUMENTAL THING created by God.
There are SEPARATE roles to be played by the man AND woman although some similarities… This is why we were wired differently and respond to DIFFERENT things. (God IS NOT a God of confusion, for this reason we have a specific role to play within the marriage.)
A successful marriage does not “just happen.” I’m sure every married woman was courted before agreeing to spend her life with the man shes married to… That took effort… This list is a simple reminder for BOTH spouses to continue to make the effort.
JUST FOR THE RECORD, I WOULDNT MIND A FOOT RUB NOW AND AGAIN (printed my wife off a copy of the list 2 :-) ) Thanks again for the website and the effort put in; we are all learning how to be good partners!! ME most of all!! LOL pray for my wife to have patience with me and for me to get a foot rub. LOL!
(USA) I have the best, most awesome husband in the whole world; God has blessed me so. One thing I’d like to say is that my husband is slightly umm, expressionless, I mean, in his face. He has a beautiful smile but sometimes he is just kind of unaware of his face, I think? Anyways, sometimes it feels like he doesn’t like it when I kiss him when he comes home, or tell him I love him, or compliment him. Sometimes I feel like I’m annoying him by complimenting him all the time; but he insists he likes it. Hope so. :)
(USA) I want to say thank you to the authors of this site for taking the time to help all of us be a little kinder and appreciative of our spouses. I’ve been married 25 years to a wonderful woman and am looking forward to being together for many more. I respect those who have shared their opinions on the site, so any comment I make is not intended to offend. I think we’re all here because we’re trying to make things better in our relationships.
My mother and father were married 53 years. On the day of his death three years ago, she was standing at his bedside holding his hand. I’m guessing what was going through their minds was how they would miss each other and with the hope of seeing each other soon in heaven. It’s in these purest times when we’re able to put aside our personal concerns and truly act in the unconditional loving perspective that God intended for us. No sense of what’s in it for ourselves, how much love we got in return for our loving actions over the years; our only focus at that exact moment being unconditional love for our dying spouse.
Life isn’t easy. I’m sure we all recognize that. I will use the suggestions as a way for my wife and I to show our love for each other. I pray that we will love each other with an intent of trying the best we can for each other and that in doing so appreciate the efforts made. At the time we leave this earth, I want to look into her eyes, tell her I love her, and let her know that she and I did all we could to grow and share our love.
I need to improve, that’s why I’m at this site today. I want to strive to live each day with the same appreciation for my wife as what I’d like our last minutes together to be. I’m looking forward to sharing these lists with my wife and getting to know what will make us feel more loved each day. Wishing you all the best in your endeavors. Sincerely, Ed
(USA) OK, here’s the thing. What if you have a husband who isn’t really into having intercourse with you as often as you would like? How can you get him to change his mind and want to be with you (besides the obvious)?
(USA) I treated my husband as he was king of my life. I did all the things for him that I thought a man would like in his married life. I was a good wife. He treated me like dirt toward the end. He used to verbally abuse me in front of his friends. He cheated on me with other woman, had them calling our house to speak to him, purchased items for other women and the list went on.
The more I confronted him, the worst he acted. Just to let you gals know, that a woman can do everything for a man that she can, to prove her love for him and try to make him King and sometimes it does not do any good at all. I got to the point that I just stopped trying. To make a long story short, it does not pay off to do all those nice things for some men. In the end you will find out he was just playing your game. 9 out of 10 men are cheating. Read the statistics. Well, God finally took this evil man out of my life. What a blessing and a good stress reliever to have him gone.
(USA) The key to your comment is, “some men.” The list is not defective; they are good tips. Just like the list of 100 things you can do for your wife. As I did many of those things for my unfaithful ex-wife, and I do them for my wife today.
Doing these things are no guarantee you will have a good spouse. It helps, but there are no guarantees. People are sinful, every one of us, and sometimes we choose poorly from the list of sinners who can become our spouses.
(US) I just need someone who’s been married a while to tell me how I’m supposed to stay married; (God’s way) considering my husband has said He’s fallen out of love with me, and He doesn’t wanna be married anymore or try.
I’ve done all the trying I know how; to explain I’m not perfect and apparently that’s not enough. I even put myself out there to tell him we can try to get back to how things suppose to be but he says He’s just here for our son and by him physically living here that shows he’s trying?
I’m at my wits end because we’ve only been married a little over a year and a half…. I’ve been praying and trying to trust God that He didn’t put us together to fail but it’s EXTREMELY hard to even try to show respect for Him since he’s shared all these things with me….??????????
(USA) My husband falls asleep on the couch every night after dinner. He comes to bed when he wakes up about 3 in the morning. We have literaly stopped making love. He continues to smoke more than ever. I used to smoke, now quit. He promised me years ago he would quit.
He and I rarely talk about anything and when we do he usually ends up yelling, cursing and stomping out. I do not know what to do. We have a six year old son who is seeing all of this. I am not perfect, but what can I do to improve things?
(MALAYSIA) I totally agree with you, it was awesome to have this kind of article. I am still young and married to a husband who is older 10 years than myself. I have so much thing to be learned. I didn’t know how to treat him well and always sad on how he’s treating me. We always end up with big argument, and he always blamed me for being too childish. I never bring out this to friends or family, I rather keep it to myself. But sometime I got too frustrated with our marriage. I wonder where we were wrong and why we end up with argument… I love him unconditionally, but still I don’t understand what he wants.
After I read these great ideas, I know how little things can save a marriage. My husband deserves to be treated well. I thank you for this article. It has make me think more mature than before.
(USA) I have been married for 26 years, and to be honest my husband and I have been very disrespectful for about the last 5 years. A lot of this I feel is been happening because we have a 21 year old son that has been in trouble since he graduated hgh school. This has caused a lot of bad feeling towards us because I am the one that would let him come back home after my husband would kick him out. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t handle the fact that he was out on the streets. I guess a Mother always wants to protect their children.
So here is what’s happening, now my son has been kicked out again for about 3 days because he won’t abide by our rules, and he won’t keep a job. So of course, I agree the only way he is going to change is to hit rock bottom even tho I am worried sick about him. I know my husband is doing right by making him leave and I have told him this.
My marriage is under alot of stress, even though I have told my husband that I feel this was the right thing to do. After all this, I have become pretty reserve. My husband still continues to say disrespecful things to me. I bite my tongue because it seems like like all my husband wants to do is argue or cut me down daily. I don’t think all of this is just because of my son. I pray for my son, and for my husband to change. And I ask GOD daily to help me handle the situation in a Christian like manner. Any suggestions? Please respond.