Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) I have enjoyed all the comments and feel it is awesome to honor your husband, but I also agree with the comment if the man doesn’t love you, you are casting your pearls before swine. When you talk about respect does that mean if your husband asks you to co-sign a loan you should do it? Even if he already has bad credit and owes different creditors? Or what if he tells you to your face when he finishes school is that his first duty is to take care of his Mom, baby Momma’s and children and I guess he will get to you later. What if the man has called you names or hit you? Do you keep calling him a King when he isn’t really being one?
How would you relate your list to Song of Solomon? How would you relate your list to Genesis 2:24? I think instead of getting angry with the women who can’t conceive of doing the list why not show them love as you suggest we should, to a husband even when he isn’t right? Pray their hearts will be healed. Pray their husbands will love them. I pray every man that comes into a woman’s life would restore and not tear down. What about the cherish part in vows?
(INDIA) You give very good advice for a wife, really. These things make understanding and easier to live with love. But in the way mentioned, many times a wife does compromise and this brings unhappiness in life. Although these are very good things to do, it can change a man.
(USA) This is so eye opening. My husband and I have been married for almost a year and we have had some very big bumps along the way. We are expecting our first child this coming July and everything you say in this is so true. My mother raised me with a lot of their same values but as teenagers we forget these things. I’m 21 now and trying to make my marriage more godly and stronger. Thank you so much for this article. I am starting to use it this evening.
(USA) I agree with some of your comment. I don’t think that husbands should be treated like our gods. I don’t feel wives should be treated that way either. We both work and we both share our home. There should be equal respect in the household and equal responsibilities. I’m also not saying you shouldn’t pamper your hubby, but he should also pamper you right back.
(USA) I spent the 30+ years of our marriage endeavoring to carry out what I could learn from the Bible and numerous articles such as this …my husband did not appreciate this.
I laid down my life to love and serve him …and he WALKED right over me …using my life as a ‘homebase’ to live as HE wanted to. He rejected the LORD AFTER four years with me …left off reading the WORD …left off any kind of association with Christians as his work companions wore away his respect for the LORD and anyone of HIM.
Just as the WORD tells us …evil companions …corrupt good morals…and to not daily renew the mind with meekness to receive the WORD …one loses all interest in godliness. No transforming to the image of Christ and the CONFORMING HAPPENS naturally from worldly pleasures and friendships placed before the laws of marriage written in Genesis.
Leave ….priority based….all others…CLEAVE to the wife and become TRANSPARENT …aka naked, in all matters.
My husband refused once married, to learn or continue in any of the wise counsel of the WORD offered from the word and study of it or those who tried to engage him to see what his neglect of GOD and me were causing. He feared to be changed or controlled by anyone ..and ended up being controlled by a crafty sinful woman who approached him, knowing he was married with a young family and proceeded to CONTROL him for the next 14 years in adultery AND demanded he give her two children.
We are now supporting them at the loss of all material wealth …which has NOW been depleted to the point of losing our home. Our homeschooled children, were raised to honor their father and remain and maintain a virtuous holy life, even though now they know their father is not the man they lived with all those years.
This is tough. The word tells us those who love the World do not have the love of GOD in them Carnal man will take what a godly wife offers and abuse all that he enjoys at home without giving of himself.
God told the MAN who represents Christ in the marriage …to SACRIFICIALLY die to self and lay down his life for his BRIDE. God went FIRST ….the Bride ..and woman is designed to RESPOND.
Today women are told to love their husbands as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her …and then we wonder why WOMEN feel as though their husband’s behavior is something THEY did …
It is BACKWARDS and upside down …men are thus treated or taught that THEY are DUE love when they are the ones that have the residue of agape …Malachi …for the purpose of bringing about a GODLY SEED>
The woman is to be a responder. .and yet what can she respond to when the man is passive and selfish and ignores his family …and enjoys all the benefits without any conscience about it
The other woman took all of his desire for sacrifice and leads him to think of the ‘work ‘ of true relationships that marriage is to over come and grow in maturity and godliness for his OWN benefit is ‘abnormal.’ The other woman has none of the various pressures upon her ..so she is able to be ‘spontainious”
I grieved to read a note he wrote to her congratulating her on being through “thick and thin” with him! They created their own misery but blamed their inability to enjoy each other in a more ongoing way by their OWN CHOICE!
As those who had their lives DECIDED For us by these two I must say their ‘thick and thin’ is a figment of their imaginations darkened by their evil intentions to serve their fleshly lusts. Boo hoo!
(NEW QUINEA) If you did all 100 things on that list, you would lose yourself completely your life would be entirely about another person, and if that person left you, started drinking, gambling, had a affair, or died you would be completely and utterly lost with no sense of self to build on.
Yup, I am all for being kind to your husband and making your relationship work, but never ever should a man or a woman, feel they have to please by serving. If you actually did all the things on the list, you would be a servile person with no sense of who you really were, love should be way more natural than a list of how to please another person.
How about some tips on how to make them please you. Like I really am tired, can you take me out for dinner tonight honey? Cooking and cleaning does not make you a good wife, it makes you a great maid, it doesn’t really add to your personality or who you are, why are people who tidy their houses all the time so pleased with themselves? I don’t get it. Think of your gravestone epitath, here lies so in so, she always did her hoovering, yawn…
(UK) This list is wonderful & would improve every good relationship.
However, if someone is in a relationship that is very unhealthy, it does not always work to keep on being kinder. Examples would be relationships with people with serious control issues or anger issues. If someone is seriously narcissistic it would only serve to keep them supported in their egotistical bubble.
An example of this was a woman I worked with, totally devoted to her husband. She ran his bath, ready for him coming in at night. She went out to open the garage door for him every night and prepared a lovely meal ready when he got out of the bath –a fabulous Cordon Bleu cook. She let him relax with his favourite music afterwards. She had a management job so she worked hard too.
After 35 years of marriage he left her for a woman 20 yrs younger. No discussion. Took his clothes one day & left her a note. Spent 5 yrs trying to destabilize her, fighting her to the high courts trying to avoid her getting a fair split of the assets they had built up between them. He was an arrogant, narcissistic man who did not deserve a good woman.
Great advice though, for those in relationships with those who are warm, caring & respect you back. For generally good/ok relationships that could be made more loving & rewarding.
(USA) Just to throw another thought into this mix: I’m reading a lot of positive & negative comments towards this and the line seems to be drawn between those who feel women should be liberated from this type of thinking and those who feel this is just part of loving someone for who they are.
To have a truly balanced approach, this article needs to be read:
https://marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/
What’s interesting is that there are so many negative comments on the “how to love your husband” article, but virtually none on the “how to love your wife”. This is a problem that has been eroding our society for quite some time.
One woman said it best: “If we only knew our power, how we could change things in respectful ways, our husbands would die for us, trust me.”
I’ve been married to my wife for 8 years and we have our ups and downs. But one thing I simply can not change are the makings of who I am as an individual. #1 element is that I am a man. Men have specific emotional needs just like women, and if you agree with the pseudo-feminist nonsense that only the needs of women should be respected, then don’t marry a man; you’ll both be miserable.
Original women’s liberation, in it’s purest state, is a beautiful thing. Women should always be respected as equal participants in the relationship and in society. But as soon as the feminist movement started working to emasculate the man, it became destructive to both the relationship and to society. 50/50 does not mean ridicule and disrespect your man because men used to lord over their women. Talk about immaturity and caveman-esque thinking!!
Initially, when I read this article I thought “Wow! Finally something that expresses why I feel so alienated and frustrated around my home! This is why I feel so emotionally trapped and unable to relax and just be myself around my wife!” But as soon as I thought the answer would be to print out the list and give it to her, I was convicted of my selfish motives. Yes, these are truths that apply to every relationship, but MY response should ALWAYS be to find the list that shows me how to love my wife, and print THAT one out, and apply that to my relationship first.
Let God be God over my wife. If she’s not happy in our marriage then it’s my job to find out why and make the changes necessary so she feels loved and respected. If I’m not happy in the marriage, then I can only hope and pray she sees it and has the heart to do something about it. I will be open and honest with my emotional needs and boundaries, but she won’t receive the above type of advice from me; it will only become hurtful and offensive.
There’s my $.02
(GERMANY) Hello people…my english is not brilliant but I must comment on this. We do not live in the 18th century anymore. My husband loves me even more because I am not a slavish little idiot that cheers at his every move. And all you women, calling your husband your jesus or your god is just sick and it will make him despise you in the end. Nobody except really deranged people want their wives to be happy little slaves without a mind of their own. Here is some sound advice that has always served me well in 25 years of marriage….if you act like a dog, be prepared to be kicked like a dog.
(UNITED STATES) Well, I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. He feels like my soul mate, like we was mentioned to be. I sometimes have my doubts about him. I assumed maybe because I was a Gemini that I was having so much mixed doubtful emotions. He is the first guy that I ever felt so alive and mutual. It’s like our bond is mutual, in I feel as if that’s a good thing to start off with.
We’ll anyhow, lately I have been starting arguments over petty stuff as he would say. I realize that I do get mad over small stuff. I try not but I feel like I have to. I really don’t want to. I really love him. And I want to spend my life with him.
He makes me so happy and he tries his best to handle my out of control attitude. It’s like I get mad for no reason. But I like the attention. And I feel as if he’s not giving it to me in my way. I really want to know how to stop arguing. I want to stay happy what should I do? Please help me. One day I want to be his wife.
(USA) Neice, I will suggest that you utilize the list above. It will work wonders. If your attitude towards him continues, one day he would be demoralized and leave. Make hays while the sun shines.
(USA) These lists are not the-same-yet-different. Husbands are not Jesus. This one sounds like a woman’s job is to be a chore-doing sex-bot. The man’s is full of variations on “don’t be a condescending schmuck.” Men should not need reminding. And women are more complex than just worshipping their husbands. Again – to everyone out there, your husband is “not” God on earth.
(USA) To all those that think this list is crap: Seriously people, this list isn’t titled How to Become a Slave to Your Husband alright. This list is just a bunch of ideas on how to make a husband feel more loved and appreciated by the person who should love and appreciate them the most. Believe it or not, wives play the biggest role in a husband’s life. We are what make or break it. Not that men don’t have a responsibility to love and appreciate their wives because they do. Marriage is a team of two after all… well three counting God.
I am just saying that before throwing this list out, think about the reality of your marriage situation… does it really hurt you to do nice things for your husband? NO! It can only help. If he doesn’t appreciate them maybe this isn’t in his language of love. Try a new tactic. The bottom line is being nice won’t hurt you and serving others will make you happy. I love doing nice things for my husband because I love to see him happy. I want him to know I appreciate him and if that takes doing a little bit of service then so be it. If that makes me a slave, well I am a happy one :D God Bless.
(ENGLAND) “If that makes me a slave, well I am a happy one” … I think I may well vomit.
(CANADA) This is a great reminder for how to honor God by loving your husband! However, the list may need to be updated to a MORE RECENT TIME, where the husband is not the only parent working, as most women juggle working and taking care of their family (i.e. number 46).
(ENGLAND) DEAR GOD THIS LIST IS APALLING, ITS LIKE FEMINISM NEVER HAPPENED!!!!
(CANADA) This list has to be written by a woman, it’s complete emotional gibberish and most men won’t even relate to it. Making a man feel like a man is easy. Show him you want him through lovemaking, that is all.