Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(SOUTH AFRICA) My dear, I can understand from your words that you must be feeling hurt, unloved and disrespected by your man. So did I. But this was one of MY biggest problems, and I’ll quote YOU: “…if my husband does something wrong, I tell him!” It’s possible that YOU are the one instigating this kind of behaviour from your hub. DON’T EXPECT TO RECEIVE LOVE WHEN YOU’RE NOT WILLING TO GIVE IT TO THE FULL! Even if he hurts you, FORGIVE him and deliberately do something nice for him. He won’t know what hit him! REMEMBER, FORGIVENESS IS NOT ONLY FOR THE OTHER PERSON, IT’S FOR YOU!
When you truly decide to let the offense slide (not holding any resentment toward him), you’ll be happier and feel good about yourself for being so strong spiritually. And you’ll see the change gradually happening in him. Even if he doesn’t show any regret for his actions immediately, believe me, it will bother him, ’cause if you pray to God to help you both, the Holy Spirit will work on his conscience. And gradually he will become ashamed of his behaviour. The Bible says we can only overcome evil (offenses to us and others) with good. I challenge you to be strong my dear, and to praise your man, rather than letting him know his mistakes all the time.
He probably thinks you don’t care enough, because you are hurting HIS feelings. And it becomes a vicious cycle. If nothing you do works to bring change, try the list above and persevere!
You’ll have the power in your relationship, if you keep an open mind and take this advice. Don’t forget to pray for your man and your situation. I will too ;-) DON’T GIVE UP!
P.S: Check out this website http://www.joycemeyer.org. This is one powerful lady in Christ! She gives amazing practical advice on marriage and other issues. God bless.
(CANADA) If you think that your man will respect you when you accept this kind of abuse, you are in sane and, GOD help you, you will not get what GOD plans for you! My prayers are with you!
(MALAWI) Thanx for the list. I think most of the things you have said are true. I hope I can manage to do all those things. God bless you.
(USA) Jaime, I did appreciate your comments. I am a wife who has been living in disobedience. I have not treated my husband with respect, patience or love. Frankly, I’m not sure why he has stayed with me. I came to this site seeking ideas for turning things around, knowing I needed to change. Reading your post was like looking into my husband’s soul, and made me even more committed to petitioning the Lord to change my heart completely.
I know for a FACT my husband has spent the past 7 years feeling like you feel, and it breaks my heart. He is a wonderful man, and he deserves my best. If you see this comment (or to anyone who sees this comment), please pray for me and ask the Lord to help me change so my husband can have the loving wife he has always deserved. He truly loves me as Christ loves the church (longsuffering and gracious)!
(SCOTLAND) Does this list work both ways? My experience is wives give their all; husbands give nothing back.
(USA) I don’t know your experience with your husband and the men you see around you. Just by the name you used to sign your comment, “disillusioned” makes me think you have been hurt in many ways. Sorry… truly, my heart goes out to you. But please don’t allow what was, to stop you from finding ways to show love. Sometimes it’s received well and other times, not. But most often, it is and can be, if we make the effort. Love has a way of breaking through walls and toughness, when it’s given with a pure heart. I’ve seen it happen in my own marriage and with many family members.
There are no guarantees that as you give love, you will receive anything in return other than knowing that it’s the right thing to do. But it’s what Christ asks of us — not doing every one of the suggestions here in these “100 ways,” but the extending of giving some type of love and respect to the person you vowed to love, throughout your marriage. And often, as we show love, love finds a way to come back to us one way or another. As it says in 1 Corinthians 13, “If I have not love, I gain nothing.”
(NIGERIA) Hi Cindy, Thanks to you and your husband for this great article. I’m single but in love and pray our union leads to marriage. He is everything I want in a man. I’m definitely taking this article to heart. I believe in every one of your points. I’m certain God gave you the points himself.
I’m from a broken home so as a result, I learned to be tough on my own, and its made me come across as unfeeling. I’ve also been afraid of the word marriage because I always thought “they always leave” even in my boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Once I sense some seriousness I’m always the 1st to flee. But thanks to your articles its made me understand the true meaning of love and respect and has made me think towards embracing the word marriage.
I believe that with all this in place it can work. I intend on showing my boyfriend the article for men too because I know he loves me so much and would be willing to put them to use because he loves making me happy. Pray for me and him so we can grow to forever love and respect each other, even as Christ has loved us. Please keep up the good work.
(USA) I have been having problems lately with my husband, and well… this is going to help. I seemingly enough forgot I need to serve him as the head of the household, and make him feel important. Thank you to whoever wrote this!
(USA) Thank you for this list. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and 3 months ago he told me he had not been happy with me for quite some time and was not sure what to do about it. For now he is here, but he has not ruled out leaving. He harbors a lot of irritation and anger towards me that I never knew existed until then. At first I honestly thought I was “blameless” because I had done nothing wrong in my mind. All I could think of was I cook, clean, work, take care of the children, meet his physical needs, have never cheated, or abused him…I’m practically perfect.
But after reading many websites (including this one) and many books I’ve realized that even though I love him I have not been showing him in ways that he relates to, nor have I been showing him the respect he deserves. What I have done is nagged him a lot, complained a lot, depended on him for my happiness, and have tried to manipulate him with guilt trips, and I always found a way to justify it to myself. It breaks my heart to know that I have been hurting him for years.
I’m doing whatever I can now to save my marriage and pray with all of my heart that it’s not too late. I have printed out this list and put it on his pillow with a note in hopes that he’ll take the time to read it and use it to let me know what is actually important to him so I can start meeting his needs that I’ve neglected for so long. Men deserve to be valued, loved, and cared for just as much as women do. I wish someone had told me that years ago.
(USA) I have to say I’m not really a religious person, but this is sound advise and I will be sharing with other newlyweds in my life.
great post. Wishing you all wonderful marriages.
(U.S.A) Hello, I am 22 years old and have been married to my 26 year old husband for 3 years yesterday. We’ve been together for 6 and up until this month I always expected oh so much from him. I would scream if he was smart with me; I would scream if he left me alone. I always expected him to wait on me hand and foot and I really didnt have much respect even though I claimed I did.
I am black and he is hispanic and the main thing he has said is that he doesn’t understand why American women are the way we are (which caused me to flip even more lol). I come from a church home and was taught right but it didn’t seem like we were connecting until one day I just shut up and listened and OMG IT WORKED! Instead of immediately taking the offensive to things he said (which were actually common sense), I instead did my best to understand him and what he was saying to me.
I was bent on defending myself. I looked past the fact that I love this man soooo much and I know he loves me the same, that he never says anything against me but purely for both our benefit. I stopped trying to be heard and right and actually let him lead as he should and does as a man should. I thought about how our changing times has influenced relationships and have seen the issue.
So many of us are trying to be independent (while married), trying to be the head of house when God should be and can be through our husbands. We say this is not the old days when wives were seen and not heard like our grandmothers but wonder why relationships don’t last nearly as long as theirs?
As a formerly twisted wife (lol) I have to say it’s much easier to just simply take it easy. HAVE UNLIMITED PATIENCE as we do (should) with our children. No one is perfect and we are entitled to our own inconsistencies BUT we MUST learn to turn down our pride a few notches and learn to apologize and things WILL get better.
One more thought to this end, it isn’t going to be instant but just like anything else we have to train our MINDS, BODIES and more difficultly, our HEARTS. Try it for 30 days with pure determination and watch how much stress we can reduce and how much happier we can make everyone around us.
(USA) Kiy, I applaud you and am excited for the future you and your husband have ahead of you. I also swallowed society’s talking and living points, and it probably would have killed off our marriage if I hadn’t woken up soon enough. Thank God I did.
What they say makes sense in theory, but it doesn’t prove out in real life (except in very few marriages). Eventually as I saw this, I changed my ways and my husband changed a lot of his — kind of the domino theory of one making the change and it sets off a chain reaction to inspire others to change as well. That doesn’t always happen, but it often does.
It’s difficult to eat humble pie, as you and I have done, but in the end it’s SO worth it! You’re 22 years old, and yet you are exhibiting wisdom beyond your years. Go girl! May God richly bless your marriage!
(UKRAINE) Thanks a lot!!! :)
(USA) Alyona, your appreciation touches our hearts. May God receive all the glory!
(CANADA) OK KIY- THAT”s just a GOOD WORD! <3
(UNITED STATES) This was some good information that blessed me. I have a wonderful husband that loves and cherishes me. There is no reason why he should not be treated like the King he is. He is leading our family through the word of God and he leads by example. I am blessed to have him in my life and I will incorporate these tools to better appreciate and respect my husband.
(CANADA) I am going to try some of your suggestions.
My first husband left me for another woman. I thought I was doing all the things I should.
I have a new man now. One who is more traditional. Our disagreements in some ways stem from me being alone for several years and needing to fend for myself. It is hard to see another way and let someone help you and not take it defensively. It is hard to honor him and not let somehow make you feel like you have lowered yourself.
(TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO) Jaime, Thanks for your from-the-heart comment. Well, truth is, when you described your wife, you described me. After 12 years of marriage, I have created a monster, a man that never wants to be home, is always resentful and acts like he doesn’t care about me and our five beautiful children. All this I have done by belittling, ungratefulness, indifference and down-right meaness.
But I have thought on my ways and am now turning my feet to the Lord. I was asking the Lord to help me to make my husband fall in love with me again and yes, it’s a lot of humble pie to eat but I am willing. Pray for us.
(UNITED STATES) I just know this-I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!! More than life itself! This man has made my life complete in ways I could never had imagined. Yes, he has his rough exterior, but to me and for me-he treats me like a queen, he goes the distance to fight for me and for us and he always knows the right thing to say when I am having those “extra sensitive” moments so many of us females have. He always knows what I am feeling and he reaches out to me to pull me through-and I do that for him. We defy all logic of the world in defense and preservation of our union and we would tear down mountains to get to each other.
I know without a doubt that my husband was promised to me by God and no one else. And I thank God for him because he is my heartbeat, he makes to live, he lives for me and with me and he sustains me and I him. I know I could never want any blessing better than the one I already have-which is my husband! I LOVE YOU WILLIAM!!!!!!
(USA) A lot of tips which can be helpful but at the same time marriage is like a team – it takes two to make it work. BOTH must feel valued, cherished, and loved to be truly happy together. It’s a long list – it should include advice for both spouses.
(USA) There is another list for husbands: https://marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/
(CANADA) There is one very important thing missing from this list: Do not degrade or belittle YOURSELF. Men like women with confidence, and who love themselves! A man will more easily show you love and affection when you show that you love and respect yourself. If you degrade yourself, you may be insulting him, since he thinks the world of you! It’s no different than someone else commenting negatively about his wife.
Also, LEARN TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT! If you just shut down his compliments, you may hurt his feelings, especially if he really means it!
(USA) GREAT points Lidia! This is so true. As long as the confidence that a woman has doesn’t teeter into arrogance and belittling her spouse, it’s an important quality to have that can make your husband proud to be married to you. And learning to take a compliment in a way that is gracious and doesn’t cause his opinions to feel belittled is a great gift to give back to him. You’re right about these points being important. Thanks for sharing.
(NAMIBIA) I have been married for 7 years and unfortunately my husband cheated on me in the first 3 months of our marriage. In other words, it was a wrong foot to start a marriage. I have not enjoyed my 7 year marriage at all because it was sorrounded by emotional, psychological abuse, cheatings, sexual starvation, lack of respect, ignorance, lack of communicatiom, lack of affection from my husband. And I stayed because I had hope that one day my husband will change. But today I caught him still cheating on me and I decided that it’s over.
In the nite when I couldn’t sleep I came across for the first time in my life the list for women. I was crying a lot when I was reading thru it because nothing matches the way I was treated by my husband but matched quite a lot when we were not married.
When I came across this list for men it matches a few and I was shocked as I know myself that I am not a mean person and I realize that throughout our marriage I have been reacting to how my husband was treating me. I never got a chance to be myself. As a Christian I know marriages are blessed by God, including ours. So, I am willing to show both lists to my husband and we both think and add how we want to be treated. If he is not willing to go the list – wil be OVER! So sad!