Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(NIGERIAN) I really appreciate what you have on this list; it’s a guide and not a commandment. My marriage is 1 year this month ,June 2011. The first few week of my marriage wasn’t worth it cos then I didn’t know what it means or takes to be a wife. But thanks to God that I am yet to move in with my husband in the USA, which has given me chance to read books and visit websites on marriage. Though some suggestions on this list have been part of me, now I am indeed happy that I came across this list, cos I know many suggestion in there will help me a lot in working out my marriage with my husband. Thanks
(USA) The last few weeks I’ve been in the same mind set. Strong, independant, but bitter and cold towards my husband because I felt my needs weren’t being met. I would always pray for God to change him. Then it changed.
I started asking God to change my heart, to help me be a better wife. Then I found this list. I was excited. It kind of helped me see where I was going wrong in some areas. I’m not a man so I don’t always know what he needs. I have applied some of these things this week. It has softened my heart and I can see a difference in his attitude as well. I’m not coming at him with a “you owe me attitude” but I am giving to him cheerfully and freely. It is changing me.
Stop pointing fingers ladies, and pray for your own hearts. It is a heart issue and it only keeps you and your marriage in a prison.
(CANADA) Thank you. This is the one I really needed.
(UNITED KINGDOM) Thanx for the wonderful contributions, my marriage is getting better & sweeter everyday.
(INDIA) I have been married for the last 2 and half years. I have an arranged marriage. After 7 months I got pregnant and in my 5th month of pregnancy, I got to know that my child had a vsd in his heart. After delivery I gave birth to a son. Even after so much of a struggle, my child passed away. I was helpless. I & my husband were very upset because of this incident.
After 3 months of my child’s death, my husband was in a severe bike accident. At that moment it was very difficult for me to handle the situation but still, I got my husband back. But after his return he started hating me, abusing me & my family. We had lots of fights & he started blaming me for everything. I got tired of the situation & we both have been separated for the last 6 months. Now he is with his parents and I am with my parents.
I tried to make him return back. Now he is avoiding me. I don’t understand what to do because I love him a lot. Even my in laws are not talking to me. Can someone help me out of this situation?
(USA) First and foremost, I’m sorry to hear about the death of your child. My heart goes out to you. You must understand that you cannot make somebody do what you want them to do. In the end they will just do the opposite. Ask yourself, why do you want him back? What positive things has he done for the home?
Sometimes people need time apart to realize what they have in their life. If you are too pushy about the situation it can make it worse; he can distance him self even more. Focus on yourself right now and get yourself together. He may turn around and notice that your are not contacting him and he may start to wonder what you are doing.
(USA) My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2 years. We dated for six years before we got married. I noticed that thoughtout the relationship my attitude and his began to change some for the better and some not so good. I became controlling and didn’t respect what he had to say. We just had a baby girl not to long ago. Once the baby came things begun to go down hill.
He said that I became more agressive towards him and that I didn’t want him to help out with the baby. I must agree with the statement that he had said. As of right now, our marriage is on the rocks, I love my husband and he loves me. I turned to this site became I want to improve my behavior towards him and make him feel special. I never appericated the little things that he has done and since our rocky marriage, I’ve sat back and analyzed my behavior. I noticed that I need to change for the better.
So I came on this site and reviewed the 100 ways to love your husband and I must say that after reviewing this list I have at least done the opposite of what the list had said. I’m trying to improve myself and my behavior, I have gone to chruch and put God in my life and we are attending counseling. I wish I read this list before things had gotten rocky. But I guess somethings we can be stubborn with ourself and refuse to change because we feel it will make us weak. I have realized that not to be true; that in order to have a successful marriage you have to be willing to compremise. Since our counseling, my husband had noticed a positive change in my attitude but he is still afraid that I may go back to my old ways. How do I convince him that I’ve changed for the better?
(USA) Mimi, I am in the same boat as you. Our situations are so similar with the exception of counseling. We have not approached that yet. Hang in there!
(USA) To Jaime Feb 3, 2011:
I soooooo feel for you. Please trust that I wholly understand your angst as your challenges at home with your spouse completely envelope how I treat my husband at home. I’ve finally realized how awful a wife I’ve been. You definitely deserve to be treated with the utmost respect as it seems you are more than happy to reciprocate.
My husband is a very prideful man which I interpret as stubborn and unrellenting. I am now learning to appreciate the fact that he’s PROUD of his family which includes myself. He’s never wronged me in public nor would he. He’s never spoken a negative word of me nor would he. I need to learn to appreciate him more and see him in another light. My husband is an amazing man that can do anything he puts his mind to. If your spouse can’t see that in you then it’s her loss.
To all: I in no way condone or refute the positive outcomes this list of “man praise” may have. I do however believe those of you that feel the need to use it will know it’s needed and why. Each relationship differs in so many ways and only you will know what works best for it! Please be kind to one another. You chose this person as a life partner for a reason. Uphold your vows. Be loyal. Don’t test each other.
(USA) I was amazed at your list…it is a very good one and what amazed me is that I DO everything on it. I have always been that way…making sure others have what they need before myself. I put my husband first above everything, especially myself. I understand him and understand his needs. But what if it is to no avail? What then? What does it mean? I bend over backwards for him and it is my pleasure to do so. I will go without to make sure he has what he needs.
Then the next month comes, the next year, etc and I am still letting giving him what he needs as well as what he wants. My way of thinking is this. I am disabled and a college student. He is working. If he needs something he’s earned it. If he want’s something he’s earned it too. We have no children, they are grown so it is just the two i=of us at home. I cook, clean, do laundry and cater to him…and at the same time my clothes will dwindle down, I’ll go a year or two without a haircut, etc. He doesn’t notice and when I mention it he has no trouble telling me to get what I need or want with his next pay. But when it comes he will want something for himself – as always. If I mention the thing I need, he suggests I get it the following week…and this continues for a long, long time.
For instance. I have one pair of pants, one pair of shorts and one pair of capri’s to my name and it has been this way for at least 5 years! I never complained and was grateful that I had 3 changes of lower body clothes. My husband accidently put my pants on one morning (dressing for work in the dark) and they ripped. Now I have one pair of shorts and one pair of capri’s. He apologized and told me to get some clothes with his next check. Three months have since gone by and not only have I had a chance to buy a couple of pair of shorts at a second hand store but the button shattered on the shorts and our cat ripped small holes in the capri’s.
So now I look like a homeless person. Meanwhile, he’s getting new clothes as he ruins his good clothes wearing them to work, gets new shoes, goes fishing on his days off, buys junk food and eats out instead of eating leftovers or a packed lunch at work, etc. He is wasteful. He doesn’t mean to be this way. He has made many sacrifices to better his life. He thinks of me but when it comes down to it, if he has to go without so that I can get something I need, he is miserable to be around for DAYS! I have talked to him about this and expressed to him gently how it makes me feel but when I do he gets angry and denies that it is that way. Any suggestions? I must be gentle about it. He is not violent but he has an irrational temper.
(USA) FOR THOSE WHO DISAGREE WITH THIS.. Before you even began to read the title informed you on what this was about. If you wanted 100 ways to treat a female then that is what you should have typed in the google search box. Like many above have said. This is totally bibical. This is the way you should treat your husband and the way your husband should treat you.
Again this artical wasnt meant to reflect on both ends. I thought this was really helpful with really good ideas. If you and your husband dont practice things like this then so be it. Continue to tell him off when you feel the need and stand your ground.. When another women wipes him of his feet treating him the way he should be treated dont cry , kick, scream, chase him, fight him, ect.. save the drama feelings and emotions. You didnt consider his emotions so he want have a reason to consider yours.
Yes men are crazy at times but by the look of some of these comments women are to. You can have TWO DUMMIES in a relationship . Think about it. You both are reacting to the way you are being treated. He is being negative to you so you continue to be negative towards him. Why not be the smart one and just change the atmoshphere. I could bet you if you started doing the things on the list above your husband will have no choice but to surrender. You have to teach him.
Some men didnt come from a background where they wher taught how to treat a women. The only thing they saw coming up is what you two are doing now. Show him something different. Dont you want to live a happy peaceful life?? All the drama causes stress, which causes weight gain and fights, which causes disease and someone generally being hurt whether its physically or emotionally.. Do yourself and him a favor and loose the attitude and be a bigger person. All the drama is just plain CHILDISH. LOVE ONE ANOTHER !! LIVE LONGER!!
(USA) I’ve been married 14 years and it has been good and bad. We’ve had good times, we’ve had really bad times. But I find that when I am sweet, when I am loving, when I try to please him and stop trying to be in charge of everything, things go smoothly, he is more loving, more attentive, less argumentative, and I am happier.
He truly does want to love me and treat me as a queen, but that is hard to do when I am disrespecting everything he says, negating everything he says, complaining about everything, and going off on my own way and ignoring him, and going to bed without him and going to sleep before he gets in there.
I’ve done all of that. Now, I’m making time for him, sitting down with him, making myself available for him, and dropping all the stuff I was doing that was driving us apart. He is telling me he loves me, he is hugging and kissing me everyday, we are closer, laughing together more, holding hands again, and he opens doors for me! It works, Ladies. Just be nicer to him and treat him with respect and love.
(INDIA) IT’S TOO LATE.
(UNITED STATES) Geez! Seems like having a dog would be easier! But I do agree this list helped me make up to my boyfriend in high school. He and I have been going steady for a while now! So thanks for the tips! Men and women are interesting creatures. Is there one of these to make your wife happy? I’d be curious to see what women want from their man, probably 20x more than this! But hey! That’s life baby!!! :)
(UGANDA) That was very nice, thanx, but how about them towards women?
(USA) If you go into the same topic on this web site, “Romantic Ideas,” you’ll find a list for women, as well.
(US) My husband and I have been married for a year now and this article has been a real eye opener. It helped our relationship in many ways. Thanks!
(UNITED STATES) This is certainly a stab at the heart, wow!
I am 18 years old, have been married to my best friend for 7 months (yes I’m still a noob). We were “besties” from age 12 on when God pretty much used him as a tool to save me from jumping out of a window and having even more scars on my wrist because I felt alone. We were practically inseparable, went to a school with a total of 12 people together, graduated together in 09 (a bit ahead of schedule), started dating when I was 15. He proposed Valentine’s Day when I was 17, and we got married December 18th of 2011. We waited to kiss until the day we said I do, tried our hardest to be as pure as we could, took many pre-marriage classes, and knew each other more than we ever thought we could.
I was expecting a frolic through the forest (if you know what I mean), “we did everything right!” Right? Well, after an actually miserable honeymoon (worst flood in 24 years, and then the worst blizzard in 7, didn’t help the unusual depressing setting we were in), God really gave me a knock on the head after that, especially when 7 months went by and we are still sitting in a room of tension thinking “what did I just do?”
I had never even had a “crush” on anyone except for my husband, nor did I ever even think the word “divorce” could possibly enter the back of my head. Well guess what? Satan sure got a foothold on me as I sat in my own self-pity thinking “I could have done better”, Wow am I stupid! WAKE UP CALL! I am a sinner, no matter what he does, me thinking of how bad it is; makes me twice the sinner.
He works full time (a manager at a pro-dry cleaners, a fireman, and a gymnastics teacher), he cooks all the time, he cleans, and will probably be the best father ever when we are one day blessed with a child. He does that, and guess what I do??? Nothing but complain about how he doesn’t show his love right, how I don’t feel beautiful around him, how I don’t feel good enough but at the same time I’m too good, how he is grumpy all the time, how “people have a hard time being around him because of his pride”, that he’s gained a little weight, and how he can sometimes be identical to his father.
HELLO Jordyn! He’ll never change that if I don’t change my attitude and start showing him the respect he needs no matter what he does and doesn’t do. Maybe he doesn’t compliment me because I’m constantly tearing him down in private and in public, and how I don’t feel loved because I don’t give him respect. STAB.
All that’s to say I went in expecting perfection, from us, and from him alone (I never thought I was though). It’s not going to happen. God is the only measure of perfection, if I lean on him; we will soon be as close to perfection as we can be. Sure Josh isn’t perfect (he’s human) but neither am I, God is. And if we work as a team to get through this, we will certainly be blessed! Time to go back to when he called me his “Co-pilot.”
We just bought a house, after the one we are renting was foreclosed, we are hoping for a fresh start. God shines through that house, it is bright and open. Coming out of the dark house we’re in, will seem like a new beginning. And we will certainly be in need of some prayer as we finish out a lifetime of marriage! (oh, it is a covenant marriage by the way, just in case my evil twin comes back ;) ).
I hope that maybe this helps some very bitter people, as well as those who are not married yet or just starting out, things won’t always be how you expect, but God will work them out for good!
Thank you to who posted this!!! I’ll be printing it and keeping it as a daily reminder of how I need to treat the love of my life, even if I don’t receive ANYTHING in return. -Jordyn
(USA) I have an anniversary in a week. She has been my everything since even before our marriage. This anniversary is our 9th and I am having trouble figuring what to do for her. Anyone have any ideas?
(USA) Jim, A few suggestions: Go into the “Romantic Ideas” topic on this web site and see if you can find any ideas that spur you into your own idea of how to celebrate your anniversary. Customize the day the way you think your wife would want to celebrate your anniversary with you (combining a few ideas, possibly). Think outside the box… one idea can spur on an entirely different one or more that will work for you. Also, you can go to Theromanticvineyard.com and post your question there, after one of their blogs, about how to celebrate an anniversary. Tom and Debi are tremendously romantic and I have a feeling they’ll answer your question, to give you a few good suggestions.
And one more idea, you can put “celebrate wedding anniversary” into the search engine you use (such as Google) and see what you can find there. I hope this helps and hope your anniversary celebration is one you’ll both cherish for the rest of your lives together!