Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) I love what I read above and I know too how true the list is. I was raised with this example from my parents and they were in love until my fathers last breath. My mother’s heart still beats for him and him alone. Theirs is an AMAZING love story, something I always wanted and found.
But being unable to realize how tender and special his love and respect for me was, I took advantage of my husbands feelings because of my distrust for men and lack of respect for men. I allowed my selfishness and disrespect to hurt my marriage. I now realize what I had and what I’ve lost and it hurts deeply. It has strained my marriage and caused so many problems.
Our words and actions have not always been kind and both of us have let resentment and anger build so much that I wonder daily if we’ll make it. I so desperatly want “my guy” back, the man I fell in love with, but he changed because he came to distrust me and believe that he had made a huge mistake in marrying me. It’s a fact that I have to live with daily…. We were so much in love, we were the couple everyone wanted to be and it was real but I continued to mess things up.
I know it was me. I will do anything I can if there’s a chance I can regain what I’ve lost. He’s a good man and I’ve forced him to become hard and cold towards me. We still have times of bliss but something always happens and it brings up all of the old feelings and we’re right back to being strangers.
I need support and prayers and I need to give things time to get better. I want things NOW! I become very angry when things don’t go as I want, my selfishness is still there and I know it but when I feel rejected or if his actions aren’t the same as they were before our problems, I become defensive and angry because I’m so hurt. I just want my husband back… That wonderful man I knew.
If this list will help I have to give it a try. I am a Christian and so is my husband but instead of going back to GOD’S word, we’ve listened to others and allowed more anger and hurt feelings to build up. That has only put a wedge further between us. Please pray for my marriage and my family. I’ve never felt so lost…
(USA) How backwards… caveman mentality driven and one-sided religion based! The key to a happy, content, prosperous marriage is RESPECT for the husband from the wife AND RESPECT for the wife from the husband! As a professional homemaker, I am utterly insulted by the descriptions of how to love/keep your husband! I keep our home clean, respectful, and cozy. I take care of our children with love and attention. I take care of my husband with love, respect, and friendship of the greatest devotion. My husband returns the same to me. There are no elements of fear or obedience on my behalf or my husband’s. The “author” of this so called “article” is living in a century that has long been forgotten for apparent reasons… barbarians are no longer needed in our civilized society!
(UNITED STATES) So, I love my husband with everything that’s in me. BUT he always takes stuff the wrong way! Like I don’t say it to be smart or rude or anything like that, but he takes it the wrong way. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells with him because I don’t know what’s going to make him mad.
We’ve only been married two years, but I didn’t sign up for this verbal abuse, really.
(USA/AUSTRALIA) Hi Ashley, The first three years are the hardest. Your husband sounds young. Maybe he is just scared of being married. Always remember why you two got married in the first place. You sound like you really love him. Could it be that he is not happy with himself and maybe thinks that everyone is out there to get him? Give him space and maybe give him a copy of 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife. You two can learn to better your marriage together.
No one teaches us how to be married so learn one day a a time. Good luck.
(288) It has been three months since I wrote my first post and the change in my marriage is UNBELIEVABLE!!! My husband says that he feels as though he has just gotten married. There is so much to say. I am a completely different woman. My children are so happy now that things have changed. God is so good. My husband was on the brink of an affair just at the time I decided to pull out all the stops, in my fight for my marriage. Thank you to anyone that prayed for me.
(USA) We rejoice with you and your husband and your children — ALL winners!!! We couldn’t be happier for you. Keep up the good work in doing all you can, for the rest of your lives together, to make your marriage the best it can be. It’s a lifetime work… but SO worth every effort! Thanks for sharing this victory with us so we can rejoice, as well! We’re so, so happy for you!!!
(USA) This sounds like a very insecure person wrote this list. A healthy relationship is about two secure people loving and respecting one another. This list wants someone to forget who she is as a person. The most unattractive concept of a woman is being insecure.
(US) Being considerate, thoughtful and kind to the man that you chose to be your best friend for life is forgetting who you are? Wow…
(USA) It’s not about being kind or treating your husband right. My question is why isn’t this article giving any importance to women? Why isn’t there anything in that list that talks about treating a wife with utmost respect and courtesy? Why isn’t there equality? This article is pure bull.
Sealove, This posting is not about women and their value… you’re missing the point. It’s just to give some tips for showing love to the HUSBAND in a way that he might best understand it. If you look again at the beginning of the article, you will see that there is a link to the posting “100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way.” That article is to help a husband show love to his WIFE. It’s not about men and their value (just as this one is not about women and their value). Each of these postings are to help the other spouse in their expressions of showing love. They aren’t to devalue one spouse over the other. They’re just simple tips that you can use or not. It’s as simple as that.
(CANADA) Sealove, there is the same article for men. https://marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/
(USA) Sealove, I wonder if you think the article for men suggesting a list of 100 ways you can love your wife her way is bull as well? Just curious if you noticed that there was a complimentary article for husbands and if you made a similar comment there that men/husbands should be valued and the article was bull?
(USA/AUSTRALIA) My husband and I have been married for 4 years. I married my husband because he is my best friend and we love each other. I come here to see how I could show more love to him. It seems like we are doing well. Marriage is about giving and not taking. This list is the same as 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife. My husband and I always want to find ways to make life better for each other.
If am happy he is happy, if he is happy I am happy. Men are not gods; they can’t make us happy and they are also not our slaves as most women treat their men. Do not treat your husband like a bank account. Men are human too and they have fear and hopes just like others. Just because men are not good at showing emotions does not mean they don’t have one.
If you want a happy marriage my tip is never forget your husband is a human and always think of how you can make his/our life better. Tell your husband nicely how he can make things better for you. Always remember HE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE WITH YOU. He wants to be with you.
(INDIA) My husband and I have been married for one and half years. But we were in relationship for 5 years before getting married. I was in completely love with him before marriage but after marriage I am more. I would like to say that husband-wife are made for each other by God. And if you have learned to respect and love others, then you should be respecting and loving your husband first to make this precious life beautiful. Humans are not perfect so lets not find perfection in each other, rather showing trust will make him better…
(USA) This is ridiculous… yea, some of these steps are a given when in a relationship, but changing yourself for him? And will I recieve the same treatment, in return? I doubt it… and treat him as you are treatin him as ur lord? that was definitely someones oops or typo…. or idk maybe a man wrote this. understandable, but wow this man (author) is really trying to brainwash women. keep myself up for my husband? wats wrong with how i look? i think i look dang good, and im happy with myself. so y do i need to look like some trophy wife? …. and some of these steps are repetitive. i think the author needs to re-evaluate this whole article. its completely stupid, and im being nice when i say that……. my husband loves me and i love him. we both put into our relationship what we get out of it. we work together as two christian individuals and parents. this is a new era, new generation…. women are not slaves to their men, and are allowed to speak, teach, and preach in the church. my husband wouldn’t have it any other way:) <3. God made him for me of this im sure. God bless…. even the self-righteous men that write ridiculous articles ;)
(USA) Here is a test. Give your husband the list and ask if anything on there that he would want you to do to make him a happier husband assuming he is happy now. I bet he would want plenty. But no, why show him what he wants but can’t have… You married him so he could serve you.
(USA) I’m an atheist and have an excellent marriage with a wonderful man. This list is a little too 1950’s for my taste, but there are a few helpful tips. My own advice is to learn to communicate and be completely open and transparent about everything. :)
(USA) I’m going thru a lot right now with my marriage. I found this web site and just by reading, I see a lot of things that I was doing wrong. I will follow some of the 100 ways to help turn my marriage around to a better future.
(USA) Too bad for those women who didn’t bother to read further to see the list for wives. Too bad for those women who are bitter feminists because they are so self-centered, always me, me, me, me… and no decent guy will want them, or stay with them. So sad for the little boys being raised by them as they will not have strong male models from whom they will learn to become a good man. They will only learn that women are bitter and angry and will divorce their husbands, take the kids and half the assets.
It’s amazing any guy still wants to marry these days. To be frank, there are plenty of liberal, independent and strong women who will be too happy to have sex on the first dates. From men’s point of view, why buy a cow when you can get free milk from multiple cows?
Fortunately, there are still many intelligent, decent men out there. Find one, treat him right and he will give his life for you. I did and I am so thankful for my almost perfect husband.
(AUSTRALIA) To everyone who thinks this is demeaning to women: This list is full of wonderful things you can do to show your husband you love him, because you LOVE him and WANT to show him. If you’re looking at this list and seeing it as a forced guide to the ‘perfect wife’ I seriously doubt how compatible you are with your spouse. You should do these things because you want to, because when you love someone, you want them to know it and you want them to be happy. If they love you they will do the same in return. It’s not that hard to comprehend, it’s a suggestive list; you’re not expected to do everything on here… And if you’d rather whine about why you shouldn’t do any of this, then why are you married to this guy that you loathe, even making dinner for?
(USA) My wife and I have been through some serious issues over the past 8 years. One being that I have had to leave the country for work and be away for months at a time. I have always been faithful to my wife and I have always done my best to treat her like a princess. However, after she had an affair while I was away trying to make a living for her and our daughter, my heart has been hardened. I still see the things she does everyday to keep our household going but it’s so hard to do nice things for her because I just feel like a fool that is being played. In my mind I feel like she is just doing whatever serves her best interest. I pray that my heart will soften in time and I will be able to be the husband I want to be again.
People can argue these suggestions all they want to but they are spot on. Men are violent, powerful and passionate and the last thing that any man wants is to be threatened by the very person that’s supposed to have their back at all times. I have served my country and my nation and I would have gladly give my life to save another but in that same breath I would gladly take a life to save others. If I would give my life or take a life for people I hardly know, what do you think I would or could do for my family? Now imagine the position my wife would has placed me in if I had walked in on her while she was having an affair.
Sometimes when something is let out of a cage there is no going back. So all of you need to take note of these articles and take them to heart because it was no accident that you found it and read it and it’s no accident that it strikes you in the heart. If you are treating you spouse incorrectly because you feel as if you are owed something, your marriage will never last and if you are treating your spouse harshly due to a previous relationship then you need to stop immediately
In my experience women can be easily led astray by a smooth talking man and I would be a fool to believe that my experience in an isolated event (eve). If you live every minute of every day for your family there will be less time for you to be led astray by anyone, and always remember, it may be you that’s getting away with something this time, but life has a way a switching the game around on you and you will be next.
As for my wife and I, I will keep holding out thinking that things will get better. And for all of you women out there that are genuinely trying to be a good wives and appreciate your husbands only to get hate in return, you have my deepest sympathy. Keep doing the right thing and they will come around to your way of thinking. I wish I could help you all but I am just one man and I can barely hold what little I have together.
Remember some broken hearts never mend, something’s can be forgiven but not forgotten, so be careful what you do to one another because somethings can’t be taken back once they have been said or done.
Serving one another is not demeaning and it’s not a 50’s concept. If I come home and my wife has prepared a number of things special just for me, I will reciprocate the gesture without fail. Because my home in not brick and mortar, my home is where my family is; the rest is just poop we tell ourselves matters when it really doesn’t matter at all.
(NIGERIA) Show your spouse that you are 100% invested in the marriage, in good and bad times.
(USA) In life, many people have suffered emotional abuse so they have to be taught how to feel and love someone in a natural, healthy, Godly way. These lists were excellent.