Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) So much disparity over this article! I enjoyed some of the pointers, because I was browsing the internet to look for some ideas to use on my own dear lover and friend tonight. He always does the sweetest little things for me, and sometimes I feel like I neglect to do the same for him. These are all ideas, not rules! I could never expect to do all of these things as I’m only human, but still, it reminded me of many things that I should do to make my husband happy.
Think of when you are first in love.. remember the happiness that you got pleasing him and making him smile? Remind your husband of the little things you used to do, it helps spark that ‘new love’ energy. I think of a relationship as a garden, there are many things to tend to, but with love and attention you will have something beautiful!
(AUSTRALIA) This isn’t realistic for women who work, go to university and have to take care of the house… but a few decent tips. But it seems directed to women who stay home with kids.
(SA) Wow ladies! So sad! Firstly I will, as a man, admit that while this list will be awesome to have my wife follow (and one for me too), that in today’s age it is very difficult to do all 100 items on the list. But then again, no one suggested that you must! In fact, this list is simply a suggestion of what you can possibly do, and it clearly states that, and it also clearly states that you can only select a few!
The problem here is clearly with yourselves. If you are so unhappy in your marriage, and you GAG (as one person commented) at this list, then you need to take a long hard look inside you first and then look at your husband and then your marriage.
If you are unhappy and hate your marriage and hate your husband, well then it shows very little self respect that you are willing to stick it out and even less that you are not willing to consider suggestions to make a difference! I would even go as far as saying you are fooling yourselves by being on a Christian website!
I personally don’t want my wife to love me like she loves Jesus or treat me like her god on earth, because in my opinion, her relationship with Jesus is on a personal intimate level and each person’s relationship with God is different. What I do want, and I am sure my wife wants the same from me, is someone who is willing to take the time and find out what I want from her and how I want it and then put in the effort to make it happen as best as possible and whenever possible. If we are not constantly trying to improve on our relationship, it will die!
Life adds new and different stresses to us daily and we can’t possibly want to accept loving our partner like we did 10 years ago! Who has not changed one iota over the past 10 years? In fact we change almost yearly! We have kids in different stages of their lives, our jobs are different, the economy is different, heck even the weather is different!
I will try my best to spend the rest of my life trying to love my wife better, and the only way I can ensure that she loves me better, is by being someone who can be loved more and more each passing day! Don’t be a doormat, but for the love of God, don’t be a stubborn old bag either! Ask “Would I love me unconditionally if I were the way I am!” Good luck!
(USA) Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
I am in extreme disbelief to all the hateful comments I am reading. Like it or not this list goes along with what we are commanded to do in the bible. As a believer we are not told by God in the bible to take the parts of the bible we want and toss the parts that don’t want to follow. A marriage takes a team effort and acting like you should get and not give is extremely self destructive. We are not called to put order of importance as Ourselves, God, and others. We are told by God that the order we live by should be God before anything or anyone else, than others, and then LASTLY ourselves. Culturally we our taught other wise, but at the top of this web page it says “Heart of Christ” not Heart of Self
(USA) Can you imagine if Jesus was as selfish as some of these comments? If he asked but what are THEY going to do for me? We are called to love and respect our husbands. Stop worrying about his role. Love isn’t a emotion is an action, sometimes it’s hard. It’s no wonder divorce is so high, with spouses looking to get what benefits them most out their spouses.
This is a great list, yeah not easy, as it takes some sacrifice and shift in selfish mindset to a one of service. If you were to do these things, without expecting anything in return, it would greatly bless your husband. I can’t imagine a husband not be drawn to his wife in return.
(AUSTRALIA) Really? I have done most, if not all of them, without expecting anything in return. And happily too. Did it make him happy? Yes. Did it draw him to me? No. I will still be happy to do it for others in my life because I don’t live for myself. But I would be mistaken to think that it makes an iota of difference in certain types of disordered people. Worse, it made him more entitled and in the end there was a lot of damage done in the children living under a despot. Don’t submit to a tyrant – it’s not scriptural.
Jesus laid down His life sacrificially for all, but not all are drawn to Him. Only those with hearts that after Him. The others pushed a crown of thorns into His head.
(NC USA) You so can tell who the women are who don’t listen or want to listen by the comments they make saying that it’s all one sided and some how we lose ourselves if we do this or it’s sexist….thing is until you submit how can you expect him to?
He can’t have sex if you don’t submit, then you miss out on love… God’s simple plan.
It’s easy to submit for loving tenderness.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I think trying to do everything that’s on the list is going to be extremely difficult but if you read the other topics they help you to put things into perspective. The rules are the woman must submit to her man and the man must love the woman. If you don’t believe this then you are heading for trouble.
(UNITED STATES) How embarrassing. I hate being a girl sometimes. I ran across these lists (yes there ARE two of them for those of you who didn’t read the intro before commenting) and said, “Hey fun! I will print these out and we can each highlight the stuff we personally feel is important/ would like to see from each other…” then started reading the comments. How embarrassing. Nearly 450 comments in this section and well OVER half are females whining and nagging and scoffing at the very concept. “Oh, I’M not going to do all of this -it’s SEXIST!” “Well I work, what’s HE gonna do for ME?”
Newsflash -nobody wants to hear it and I bet there’s a reason you ran across this list to begin with but you’re too good to for this. If you go to the men’s list there are a little over 100 comments. Most are men making simple, one-lined, somewhat positive comments (what a shock, eh?) and a handful of women -no girls -who ran over there to chime in some crappy catty remark. How embarrassing.
I agree Trisha –embarrassing and sad! They just don’t get it!
(USA) I was going to make a comment similar to Trisha’s today. I noticed a comment, by a wife on the other list about how the list of things men should do for women was so much easier than the list of things women are to do for men. She doesn’t get it.
Yeah, if men look at this list, they would probably say the same thing. Why? Because the things that meet our emotional needs typically come easy to us, but perhaps not so easy to our spouse and vice versa. If the things came easy, we wouldn’t each need such lists; we would just know.
(USA) It is amazing to me how many negative comments are posted here! There are suggestions for wives to follow as well as husbands. The truth is some people only care about themselves and only The Most High can change their hearts. These are GREAT suggestions and I appreciate you sharing them…. some of which my husband has expressed to me before :O) THANKS!!
(GAMBIA) Wow I really love this because I’m happily married and I’m following this 100 ways just to please my husband because as a muslim women we should respect and be humble to our husband, so thank you.
(UNITED STATES) I appreciated this list very much. I have been married almost 2 months and my husband and I are doing great, but this helped me remember a few things to improve upon. As a newlywed, I have much to learn! I love that such simple things make a great difference in how others feel. One piece of advice we were given when married was to follow “I love you” with “because…..” Telling one another why we particularly love each other has kept us strong. We have also used it for laughter, sexual initiation, and gentle reminders. It is a great way to accomplish many of the tasks on this list.
(AUSTRALIA) I am laughing at 39. “Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.” I agree with the suggested gender specific ways to encourage and love your husband. It’s just that this one just makes me giggle. You see my husband is not ‘gifted in natural capabilities’. I’m not talking about complex carpentery or basic electric skills, you see he can’t even put on a load of washing in, or unpack the dishwasher. Yard work is a complete stretch. No there is nothing wrong with him, no problem with swinging a golf club or going for a run, it’s just that these domestic tasks leave him cold. It has required a high level of patience, and sometimes I am just going to expect “that which is beyond his natural capabilities” and he is just going to have to suck it up.
But I realize that although he can’t support me in these ways, there are plenty of things he is good at. He plans great holidays, can shop for hours and can cook fabulous meals when entertaining guests. He holds down a great professional career, which has meant no financial stress for our family. We compliment each other and perhaps I need to get out of my comfort zone also.
(NIGERIA) I think you have to start by loving yourself, and then you can be able to love and cherish your husband. Every man will like a beautiful woman, look good and have good quality . A beautiful lady is one that has the fear of God, and prays for the husband, cares for him, respects him always, and is submissive as the Bible said. The woman should continue in this things irrespective of the husband’s behavior because that is the antitode of marriage problems, in a matter of time the result will show.
(INDIA) This is nice to study… just study.
(USA) I am not sure why the list isn’t realistic? It isn’t like you have to do the entire list? Some of the items fit a persons needs, and some of them don’t. There are some of the things on the list that my husband and I do on a daily basis anyhow, and there are others that I am going to start doing. I want to have the best marriage that I can have. We have a blended family where we raise all of the children together and it can get stressful. I want to keep it as relaxed as possible for us as I can, and if I step up he tends to step up to, so why wouldn’t I do more to make it good situation better? I would never turn my nose up at something that could possibly help. I like this list and I will take some pointers from it. Thanks