Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) In case you haven’t noticed… the women on this board complaining about how sexist and selfish this list is are the very ones who are unhappy in fact miserable, in their marriages. Why? Because they are selfish still, and do not understand the purpose of marriage. But the women who have decided to love unconditionally, to love especially when someone doesn’t deserve it are the most fulfilled… (sarcastically) maybe Jesus was onto something when he said the true reward comes from loving those who DO NOT love us.
(USA) Then what does he have to do for comments, are one of the top reasons why most people divorce. They want to play house and assign chores. If you want someone to change the way they treat you, then change yourself! It is usually that simple. You want your husband to do those things that this list has, then put yourself out there. It is not over night and might take take longer than a year, if you change your behavior.
The problem with most, is that they do something for someone, then they are owed. A lot of women today like to martyr themselves with what all they do for the family and hold it over their hubby’s head. Truth is they probably did try and you corrected, demeaned them about it, or just called them wrong instead of letting it go and being happy they tried. Telling them thank you for it and just walk away, if possible. A lot of people on here are screaming me, me, me!
I don’t need a list because I did do these things, not all just like they said, and it turned around. It’s amazing how it works when you give the other respect and continuously give it, and when he does something you would consider mean and not throw it in his face, how all you have done, he will not notice it either. Eventually he will notice and change. You can NOT take score. A lot of these women who sounded so selfish need to decide if they would prefer to be right or happy? Truly think about that. You can’t always be both!
(PHILIPPINES) Marriage is holy for me. I am married to my husband for three years now, but he was my boyfriend for almost 7 years before we got married. I agree on this. We should honor our husband and love him through his worst and you will see what magic brings to your relationships. Nobody’s perfect but if you let Jesus be centered in your lives everything will be smooth sailing because like him, he loves us unconditionally and we do the same also. Love your husband in your most amazing ways.
(PHILIPPINES) I’m having a hard time living with my husband. I’ll try to follow these tips… Hope it can help….
(USA) My 1 year anniversary is coming up soon, and these 100 Ways were helpful. Infact, these are some great ways to honor my husband.
(CANADA) I really, really hope that this is not suggesting a one way street as many women have mentioned. However I disagree with the “tit for tat” argument others are making. Some of these are lovely ways to show your partner you love him OR her (including same sex ppl), but every relationship should be founded on mutual respect, caring, and value of one another. A man is equally responsible for providing the same considerations and acts of love that a woman provides and “good wife” shouldn’t have to sum up her problems and trials of the dayto five minutes so that her husband can express his unrestricted, she shouldn’t have to make sure the house is clean, she looks beautiful and dinner is made so that she is a “good wife” as the Kenyan woman mentioned.
I do not know we life or relationship, but on first impressions of this story, of course submissiveness leads to peace when you do not demand equal value. A man is not my embodiment of God and therefore my superior. But if we are talking about Jesus, he would want us to care for one another for no other reason than to share love, kindness, respect and forgiveness regardless of our role in providing or through gender.
(UNITED STATES) AMEN, I was beginning to think that everyone on this website was brainwashed to believe they were born to serve their husbands and to protect his pride at all times. Relationships are mutual.
(AUSTRALIA) This is all wonderful but I don’t think it works in all cases. I gave my love to someone 100%. I respected them even when they pushed me down. I gave them the world. I found out they cheated on me and when they found out I knew they burst into tears. Instead of being angry and leaving them on the floor crying their eyes out, I felt so sad and worried for them so I stayed and tried to cheer them up. I stayed with them for 2 more years. Yet I am sad. I am depressed. They still show no effort. They still show no empathy. So I feel useless, and unworthy. Should I keep giving it my all, and hide behind a smile, when deep down I am miserable?
He doesn’t want me going to church. Which is the only place I am happy. I don’t know what to do.
(USA) Your case is very common. You cannot sustain a marriage through unconditional love. You need your husband to show care for you. Otherwise you end up like Job, becoming a martyr for your marriage.
I encourage you to read the book His Needs, Her Needs
by Dr. Bill Harley. Marriagebuilders.com has worksheets you can download and use to explain to your husband that you need him to meet some of your emotional needs.
(AUSTRALIA) I’m a woman who married a caring and considerate man 7 years ago, and spent the last 5 years controlling, berating, being in charge, directing our marriage and criticizing my husband. Two years ago, he said Mel, you’re killing us. I loved him and didn’t know how to fix things, I was defensive but said I would try.
One month ago, he began to spend time with an unhappily married and separated lady at work and two weeks later. He told me he wasn’t sure he wants to continue in our marriage. A week later, he decides he no longer wants to be with me but wants to be with her and has temporarily moved into her place with her and her flatmates until we split our assets and he can find his own place. At first I was angry thinking how could he do this to me. I stood by him after all! I told him to leave, I removed my rings and cried to my friends.
Then I hit rock bottom. I realised I had just lost the man who really had loved and put up with me for 8 years until he couldn’t take it any more. He only just told me that the way he sees me, I don’t need him so why would he stay? For the first time in years I prayed. I asked God for his help because I realised I really could not do it on my own because I had just lost my true husband. I did not know how to be a wife. I came from a broken family, a violent, abusive father and my grandparents were no better. So I had no proper role model for my marriage. I hate to admit this, but I did the same things in my last relationship, which ended in a similar way.
I found this list the day after I prayed and it opened my eyes to who I had really been. I felt so sorry. How could I have done this to my husband? I should have been loving him at least how I wanted to be loved.
Needless to say, I realize he did something very wrong by betraying me with another woman and I forgive him already. I’m not sure but I think it’s too late for me. I just want every wife of a good man out there to know that you need to really cherish your man as the lord of your home, your heart and family and you will receive tenfold in return. Don’t ever take him for granted. Right now, I’m just surviving, resting in God’s hands and trying to hold myself together. It’s all I can do.
(USA) I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost a year now and our relationship is amazing! When I read this list, and the one for men, I could come very close to checking off everything on both of them. We respect each other and honor each other exactly the same. I leave him love notes, and then I wake up and he has hidden notes all over our house! We constantly show affection in so many ways. He is my soul mate and he lets me know that he feels the same. It does not ever bother me to do these things for my husband, because he does not treat it like he deserves it, and it is something I should do. I am a working mother and I still make time to do what a stay at home mother does also. He always appreciates me and does the same type of sweet things in return. Not only is he my husband, he is also my best friend. I know we have an everlasting love, and I thank God for him every single day!
(USA) To Mrs H. You are a wise lady. I’ve been married going on 27 years. My husband treated me like a second class person for most of our life together. It wan’t til he finally started turning his life over to God that he really started to treat me right. I prayed for all these years to get to this level with him.
I believe once you get married you stay together and make it work. No matter how long it takes. I think I had the most difficult husband on the planet. Now he is listening to me. And learning from me. I wish he wouldn’t have taken so long to know what he had though. I am almost all gray from the waiting. Waiting for respect. Waiting for attention. Waiting to feel loved and appreciated and valued. Our kids have been damaged. We have a lot of work to do spiritually with them. I’m still glad I stayed in the relationship. We were two damaged people from broken homes and mean moms. We are blessed even with everything from our past. I just had to keep giving my problems to God. God came through for me. I love my God and I am so greatfull.
(KENYA) I had a God fearing man in my life. He knew the recipe for a successful marriage and relationship but I was so stuck on what the world says is right that what the word of God teaches that I lost him, I now know that if only I had been humble and not kept arguing with him all the time we’d probably still be together. I have learnt my lesson that submission is not defeat neither is it stupidity… It is saying I love you and I care enough to trust you. You are the head and I’m the neck. I have learnt a lesson for my future.
(USA) My GOD, how transparent are you to share this!!! It takes a lot for someone to admit they messed up what GOD may have ordained. A lot of women grow up not knowing how to be submissive to their husbands. They want to be, but they do not understand how to be and have not been taught. That is why I love this website, because when you read it with your heart and spirit open, it convicts you quickly. Me at least.
I had to be taught by my pastor how to be a great husband coupled with this website, although my father is in my life. He was never really taught either. When we learn from and share our mistakes, they become testimonies for those who need us. I heard this quote, “mentorship cuts the cost of time.” When we listened to those who counsel us, we spend less time messing up. Great post, Sera.
(UNITED STATES) I have found this article to be completely disrespectful of women. We were not born on this earth simply to serve and please our men. A marriage should be an equal relationship and this article spells out a recipe for disaster if your spouse is anything less than a perfectly angelic and thus, inhuman husband. A husband is not God -a husband is a human being that you should possess human-like relationships with and he should not be waited on hand and foot to the point that the wife becomes belittled to the “loyal servant” figure in order to appease her husband at all times.
Ladies, we are not here to SERVE our husbands, we should seek marriage such that we can exist as independent women and simultaneously expect to both receive and provide support to and from our husbands. While there are a few good points and tips in this article, I shouldn’t be asked to ignore the “negatives” of my husband’s behavior simply to protect his poor pride. If this article asks humility of women I hope it also asks humility of men. A man should be humble to HIS mistakes and a women should not be embarrassed to call him out if something is wrong or if she feels disrespected. As I said before and I will reiterate again… a husband is not God and he should not be treated as such. He is not always right.
Tim, you miss the point of this. A wife isn’t expected to do ALL of this –she doesn’t even have to do SOME of it –ESPECIALLY if she has an abusive husband. These are light-hearted SUGGESTIONS IF and only IF a wife wants some suggestions. It’s the same for husbands (with the “100 Ways to Love Your Wife” article). These are tips, not laws. These are possibilities, not “you have to’s” …They aren’t mandatory. Please lighten up!
(USA) Obviously, this has to be the only article you have ever read on this website. You do know that there is one of these lists to love thier wives 100 ways? You know who speaks like this, people who are not led by the spirit. Be careful in what you speak around this place, because like everyone else on this board, you will be held accountable. When we are led according to the flesh, we can only fathom what human reasoning tells us. We do not hear GOD like we say we do. Remember this, as long as I am fleshly led, I will only yield fleshly results. Great article by the way, Cindy!!
(UK) I like this list. I feel happier now doing things for husband without EXPECTING anything in return. It’s so much better than doing something and expecting. We have been married 4 months and have problems already, but I’ve missed on the things he has done for me, despite a hurdle in our marriage just a month ago. Practicing forgiveness and just doing things out of love like unto the lord is opening my heart and soul to see things clearer and be stronger. Slowly and surely I hope to show my love better just as he has done by “coping” with the amount of times I’ve pushed him to the corner over a hurtful thing. He still says he wants to be with me so that’s enough to know that love is with us. I’m very thankful for prayer, the Lord’s love & wisdom, and a complete strangers help.
(FL) Hi, I need to learn more about marriage.
(UNITED STATES) I have been married for 4 years this year. I’m ashamed because I have let things in my marriage hurt me. In the beginning I would be able to let things go and be humble. When we became ministers it seems like we have been bumping our heads a lot about little things. I have been praying and asking God to help me to become the woman of God he has called me to be as a wife and a minister.